Tough Girls Finish Last- What Rape Survivors Want You to Know

[Queenbeast22]

From Taming of the Shrew to 10 Things I hate About You, tough girls finish last.

I have many man friends and one question I am asked all the time is- the girl I want to date has been sexually assaulted. But usually if he doesn't know her past the guy says she s a tough girl. Yes. Girls (and guys) who have been abused before WILL struggle to trust you. It can take years for them to be able to be intimate with you..

Mood.

Anyhow the basics of it are

1. If she has a past it's none of your business until she decides it is

2. Do not pressure or manipulate someone into sex.

"If you have sex with me we can go out to a nice dinner" (Don't troll me because I know guys and girls who pull that ish)

3. It's not that she/he doesn't want to be intimate with you.

It's just very very hard to do because it's like if you had a cockroach in your ice cream. Would you ever eat ice cream again? Probably not!

4. The survivor isn't afraid of you.

The survivor is afraid of sex and intimacy.

5. Communication is essentialI!

6. NEVER EVER EVER blame someone for being raped or abused or say "If it was me I would have..."

7. Survivors need a safe environment for sex

8. Don't be upset if the partner underperforms.

Focusing on sexual performance actually is a leading cause of dysfunction. That's right men, the more you worry about getting it up, the less likely you are to get it up.

9. Survivors want you to know that they need time, patience and love.

10. The best sex is between partners who actively work at it and practice.

Just because your partner had an injury doesn't mean you can't get a touchdown it just means R&R, team communication, and teamwork. Yes I said teamwork. "Tough girls" are usually the ones with a broken heart and unless you are ready to run it home, leave the tough girls alone.

[FunkyMonkee]

3. Yeah, I'd eat ice cream again. Just because there was a roach in that particular ice cream cone, doesn't mean there's one in ALL of them!
4. I'm a survivor I was molested twice by the guy next door when I was a kid, but I still had loving relationships. You can't spend your entire life like your past is still your present and you have to know how/when to separate what one person did or said from what others do or say. Save your rage for the person (s) that gave it to you, not just anyone that happens by when you're pissed off.
Now, here's something that might come in handy if someone tries to hurt you. Let's say that, for the moment, you are standing beside your attacker. Let's say you're on their left. With the bottom of your foot, at least in the arch, if not the heel, swiftly drive it into the left side of their left knee. This will take their leg out from under them dropping them to the floor like a sack of concrete! At this point, you can flee! They won't be able to come after you for

[FunkyMonkee]

... quite a while!!

[Anonymous]

So, essentially, find a woman who has either already recovered from being raped; or, ideally, look for undamaged goods, if you want to spare yourself some issues. Really, if she can't have sex or is afraid of intimacy, she shouldn't be in a relationship until she has dealt with that.

[TheUsername27]

True that. A lot of women bail on the first sign of slight insecurity with guys. I don't think they can expect us to injure the amount of bs that comes with it.

[Opinion Owner]

@TheUsername27 Agreed. Women have little tolerance for mental illness or mental instability in men. Apparently they don't like it when men feel the same way. But that's a big investment, and a woman with such issues couldn't add nearly as much value to your life as a healthy woman could.

[Anonymous]

I was sexually abused from the age of 6 till 15 by my own brother. It’s really embarrassing telling people so I’m sorry that I had to go anon but it was a horrible experience. My brother had done the most to me than all my other sisters; it was only because I was the ‘quietest’ and he knew I wouldn’t tell my mum.
He made me do a lot. He even went down on me and spread my legs. I was only 7 and had no understanding of sexual activities.

So yeah I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t want a man to be overly sensitve over what had happened. like I’m over it now

[RadagastTheBrown]

Thank you for trusting us enough to share this traumatic experience. I wish I could give you a (non-romantic) hug.

[Vixysparx]

Some of those points are hit and miss but as a rape survivor myself I appreciate the fact that posts like this are cropping up and trying to educate people in understanding how they might have to approach intimacy differently.

[Joves]

That is good to know.
Also, who is the girl at the end?

[giovannimontolivo]

That is what we like to call a cartoon/animated character m8

[Joves]

@giovannimontolivo no shit where is she from though?

[nonratracereality]

Great advice. Just find mature and real people who know what's right and technically what's wrong.

[lightbulb27]

Good to know that perspective. Patience is not a problem, will be fine with right fella.

[AnastasiaLane]

God, some men really love proving me wrong right when I think they're decent. Notice how I said SOME men? Because unlike them, I'm not breaking my thumbs just so I could start overgeneralizing and assuming absurd shit for every guy that exists.

[MarketData]

Got ta love the MGTOW Incel retards.

[Riggers]

“Survivors need a safe environment”, gettin jiggy in a padded room or some shit then? Lmao

[rjroy3]

The jokes on this one are too easy lol.

[Johnjohnny]

Some one that's hurt takes year and lots of work and sometimes you feel like walking away!

[PossiblyInsane]

Thank you, this is all so true

[Elaurious]

I am a rape survivor and what it has taught me is society really doesn't care. I don't want to be called a tough girl, I am just maybe not interested in you and know that most men are bad people.

[Kaneki05]

Tbh most of the time when i see stuff like this i am just and? And i've been raped myself.

I mean kinda feels pointless ranting about it. I do get it tho but i wish there was less talk about it.

[Miristheiss]

Or you can just date someone without all of this baggage.

[Miristheiss]

LOL. Up votes from the guys, down votes from the girls. Always sticking together.

[octopusrebellion]

Also, once trust is established (and sometimes before depending on the lady) understand that some women who have been abused use sex as a positive way to explore that trauma (e. g. BDSM - and no, not everyone in this community is like that so hold the outrage horses... it IS often an outlet though). Be very careful with your partner. Your intimacy is a form of therapy. Learn what aftercare means. Be patient and gentle. As for help if you need it - lots of good online communities discussing all of this.

[aa180]

Rape is the top female fantasy, so I couldn't care less when it actually happens to them.

[SketchForger]

What are you talking about?

[aa180]

@SketchForger I'm talking about what girls think about when they masturbate. Rape is one of the most common things, and I'm pretty sure you know this already.

[ChurchOfIron]

That's true, but it's safe inside their own head. They wouldn't get PTSD if they actually wanted to be raped IRL. Fantasies and reality are two different things. I might fantasize about murdering someone who hurt me badly, but that doesn't mean I would want to hurt them IRL. It's just safely satisfying a base urge, under parameters you have agreed with, preemptively. By your own choice. It may be a forced sex fantasy, but it is ultimately having given consent, given that nothing she *doesn't* want can be allowed into her imagination. Why don't you have any compassion for them? Harm is still harm.

[aa180]

@ChurchOfIron It's different when you momentarily imagine killing someone out of anger, where you're just reacting to and trying to reciprocate their ill treatment of you and probably don't mean it, to fantasizing about a stranger, or someone you know who has never wronged you, brutally raping you for the purposes of deriving pleasure and arousal from it because it turns you on. To me, the two are incomparable. Girls think rape and violence is sexy in their heads, and many even wanna live out these desires through role-playing rape with their partner. Then the second they get raped for real, they cry and act all traumatized and emotionally damaged? That just sounds ridiculous to me. I don't care how bad it makes me sound but I don't have sympathy for them at all.

[Wammu]

Dude. . . I'm red pilled and I get rejected and mistreated by women a lot and I know that's bullshit.

[SketchForger]

It's not the most desired fantasy, it's just that society still attempts to condition women into believing being a woman is all about being submissive. It's like those people who are into weird shit like vore. Am I going to feel sorry for them if they are swallowed by a giant (which will never happen) or something like that? Well yes because it's ironic, but women did not all create this culture, men are responsible for it as well. Many daughters are raised to believe they are a prize, or a tool. They become conditioned, and believe that the only pride they'll have is being useful, or in this case, used. The ability romanticize rape and sexual assault is a product that stems from an environment full of neglect and abuse. And while you should never ever praise someone for these types of fantasies, you should never ever say that they deserve it. Empathy goes a long way, but I don't think it needs to go THAT long of a way in order to empathize with a rape victim.

[AnastasiaLane]

Lol go take a nose dive off of a building you sick bastard

[aa180]

@SketchForger I've heard it the other way around - girls complaining that feminism teaches them NOT to be submissive when deep down that's what they want to be. Society doesn't condition women into being submissive, quite the contrary. It teaches them to be strong and independent and empowered. THEY are the ones who revert or resort to being submissive, it's not society's doings unless you live in a strict religious country. I've heard of neglect and abuse being a contributing factor, but I've also heard of women having a perfectly good upbringing still fantasizing about getting raped. But yeah I don't think anyone deserves to have these fantasies, but girls definitely seem to be joyous and proud of it. I've seen girls confess their rape fantasies on here whilst adding a smiley face or a love heart emoji to go with it. And the ones who aren't into it seem to strongly support it regardless. So in conclusion, I definitely will NOT empathize with a rape victim. They can eat a dick.

[aa180]

@AnastasiaLane I love you too

[SketchForger]

Everything you are saying are absolutes generates from presumptions about the psyche behind certain types of women, without any consideration to social psychology and how our environment affects how we think. Your claims are false and are generated from uninformed banter. Me claiming that most men want to fuck children just because most child rapists are men is just as valid as your claim. It's a fallacy, and I don't know who hurt you to make you believe that most women want to be sexually brutalized.

[aa180]

@SketchForger I don't know why you think I'm uninformed. 50 Shades - a book about abuse and sexual torture - is the best-selling book OF ALL TIME, and 70-80% of its readers are women. Not enough for you? Two-thirds of the viewers of "rape porn" are women. Still not convinced? The biggest complaint that girls have about their sex lives is that their boyfriend is too gentle. Check out this poll on choking, and tell me which option the votes are heavily skewed towards, and also tell me for which gender this is the case.

Poll: Girls, how much of you like to be choked during sex? ↗

I have no idea why you're comparing this to child rape, the numbers between the two differ significantly. The top fantasies amongst guys are stuff like MILF and anal, whereas "Rough" and "Rape" appear in the top 3 for women.

[SketchForger]

Rough and rape are not the same thing. Those statistics are also pretty skewed considering the disparity in how many women actually purchase smut or watch porn.

[aa180]

@SketchForger I don't think those statistics are all that misleading. I think they contain a certain element of truth to them and reflect the true hidden desires of women in the general sense. Rape and rough may not be the same thing - real life rape can be gentle and rough sex can be consensual - but the point is that women *always* tend to combine the two, because that's what gets them off the most.

[SketchForger]

Also why do you reference fifty shades of gray? That's not a rape novel, it's a BDSM novel.

[aa180]

@SketchForger Well I specifically said it's about abuse and sexual torture, I didn't say rape. But the point is that girls like to experience rough sex that's borderline rape, and BDSM is a perfect example of that. I mean, if it wasn't, they wouldn't need to establish a safeword when they engage in it.

[SketchForger]

Then please don't make claims like "Rape is the top female fantasy", it's ignorant and misleading.

[AnastasiaLane]

OH MY GOD. So by your logic, EVERYBODY is into BDSM? No! Everybody has preferences! SOME women like pain during sex, SOME women hate it! Stop overgeneralizing. And you can't speak for a gender you know nothing about. Nobody asked for your fucking sympathy anyway.

[aa180]

@SketchForger No but "rape" IS what it's called according to whatever source you read. It's not like I'M calling it that, it's what the GIRLS who are having those fantasies refer to them by. @AnastasiaLane I know enough about the female gender to say the things that I say. They're not coming from me, nor do I want them to be true. They're just fact regardless.

[SketchForger]

Even if this were true "which it isn't" why do you suddenly feel enabled to spread around that "rape is the top female fantasy"

[AnastasiaLane]

What a dumbass. So you know so so so much about women that you can make these pathetic accusations? So I've been lying to myself my entire life? I hate pain in the bedroom and the last guy that was rough with me ended up getting dumped because of how much I hated it. Are you saying I SECRETLY want to be raped?

[ChurchOfIron]

I think the ladies are a little angry at the idea and don't want to accept it, but I know you are correct, in the statistics. An inordinate amount of women fantasize about being raped--that is, being forced into having sex. Romantic novels involving rape are quite prevalent, and many women buy them. Thinking about it, rape is essentially the ultimate form of submission; and, 75% of women are submissive. Evolutionary biology also supports the idea of women being naturally submissive; so, this isn't some social indoctrination. That said. Again. What I think you're missing is the degree of actual safety and actual control the woman has when she is fantasizing, reading a book, or even roleplaying being raped with a lover. She. Still. Has. Control. In an actual rape, she does not have any control. Further, in these instances, the woman has control over *who* is doing the raping. In an actual rape, she does not. You can't deny that glaring difference, can you? Need a woman accept both?

[aa180]

@SketchForger I feel enabled because, well, freedom of speech or whatever, but really I just like people to hear the truth, even when it's shocking. You still aren't convinced this is true, that's fine, but I believe it is. @AnastasiaLane when I say "it's the top female fantasy", I don't actually mean EVERY - as in 100% - of girls like it. I just mean it's highly common. I think it's great that you're against it, and personally if I was a girl I'd be the same. @ChurchOfIron yeah I see the distinction, but that doesn't completely smooth it over for me. I get your point though.

[aa180]

I like the downvote count. It's like: "Girls fantasize about getting raped." "10-4 Copy that" Lol

[SketchForger]

You are hilarious...

[aa180]

@SketchForger Eh, the important thing is that I found it amusing. You don't have to laugh with me.

[ChocolateCheesecake]

Nice

[FakeName123]

11. You are not responsible for fixing her.

[Shahid757]

Nice motivation for girls

[markpeck69]

you need to give her time but it would be good to know what type of sex she was in to before becose she will retern to it at some point if she was never in to bdsm she never will be after that

[Iron_Man]

Keep your head up remain strong

[Kiran04]

That's all well and good, but I am under no obligations to put up with someone else's baggage in a relationship. If a woman needs all of that for a successful relationship then I wish her the best of luck, but it won't be from me. If she won't trust me because of things that happened in her past, then I don't want anything to do with her.

[Senacık]

Good take

[TheAceholeSupreme666]

I'm an rape survivor myself, so I can relate.