Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Hopefully this won’t be too long.
Know Yourself Before Walking Into The Unknown
For those of you who are very interested in pursuing a friends with benefits, this is probably the most important thing you could ever do before taking action. It’s obvious. It’s cliche.
I know. But many people end up breaking their own hearts because they skip this important step.
Know yourself! Be comfortable in you enough to truly understand what you can and cannot handle whether that be mentally, emotionally, or physically. Figure out what are you truly capable of when it comes to physical and emotional interactions. When you do this, it allows you to set yourself up for responsibility. You owe it to yourself (and the other person aka your sexual partner or friend) to be honest and straightforward with the person in the mirror. You should be asking yourself questions and answering them honestly.
It doesn’t make you crazy. If fact, in the context of this situation, it makes you very logical.
Why am I interested in this relationship?
- Am I thinking about this just because it’s trendy?
- Why can’t I maintain my own sexual satisfaction through masturbation while I am single?
- Is this truly necessary in order for me to move on from a “horny phase”
Do I even believe in “sexual morality”?
- Would my younger self be disappointed in me for doing this?
- Would my older self be disappointed in me for doing this?
- Do I genuinely care about what others might think?
- Will I hide this from my other friends?
- Do I personally feel like this will be something to be ashamed of?
- Would I shame others for doing the same?
What is it that I want?
- Is this just about sex?
- Do i at least want to have some kind of connection with my sexual partner(s)
- Do I associate sex with emotional stability?
- Why Do I want this now rather than before?
Those are just some examples. Moving on.
Understand your inner circle
If you’re planning on having sex with a friend/associate, of course you should find out how your inner circle feels about this. Some people have a close knit group and a friends with benefits relationship can definitely ruin that if not handled properly. And one of the biggest ways to handle this is to put your friends before yourself.
If you know or at least have a strong idea that what you’re wanting will be too weird for the rest of your friends to function, then you probably shouldn’t do it—unless you are okay with the possibility of things never being the same or losing them.
This goes back to the example question to ask yourself “Will I hide this from my other friends?”.
If you are the kind of person who would rather be secretive about this sort of thing, then...it’s probably not for you 😏 because that means you either want to protect yourself from judgement of the sexual behavior OR you know they wouldn’t be comfortable with you doing it. Either way, it’s just bad news.
And secrets always come out.
But if you are an individual who doesn’t necessarily have a circle of friends, othe opinions of others probably wouldn’t matter. However, a friends with benefits is not meant to last forever. So you should understand the other person/partner enough to determine whether or not they’d still see you the same in case the relationship ends badly.
If things cannot be the same afterwards, then you should not pursue this relationship at all—again, unless you are okay with losing them.
BE SAFE and BE SMART!!!
Self explanatory. But I’ll elaborate just a little.
ALWAYS...ALWAYS...ALWAYS!!! I will repeat one more time.
ALWAYS!!!! Get tested.
That is seriously the first thing that should be on your mind in the event that a friend actually agrees to do this with you.
Both in you. Clinic. NOW.
Secondly, you should establish boundaries if necessary. Some pairs of friends are naturally cuddly in their platonic state. So if sex is somehow going to complicate things...you might want to reconsider it all. But sometimes, just certain things need to be avoided in order for you both to function normally like...no oral, no sex at certain locations, no “friendly” dates, no excessive text/calls...stuff like that.
But then there are other sorts of boundaries that need to be considered and established based on what both of you want an need—and honestly your priority should be safety (emotional and physical)👀
Examples; no sex outside the friends with benefits relationship, only certain types of sex with other people is allowed, any outside people need to tested or else it’s over between us, total honesty...etc
“How do I even begin??”
Some might be wondering how to approach a friend with the interest and that’s understandable.
You simply tall to each other! Whoever you are attracted to, go after them in your regular friendly manner. Just have a nice discussion and see where it leads. Understand that nothing is guaranteed and if you are a person who keeps getting rejected by your friend(s), then trust me—the friends with benefits is just not meant for you. At least, not now. (What you want and what you need are two different things)
But anyways, the discussion should include things like the possibility of mutual attraction, ideas on sexual morality, where you both are in your lives as far as direction (individually), thoughts on dating and marriage, detailed sexual interest (individually)...etc
On a side note...
Lets say, hypothetically, you and your friend are having a great time together in bed and it’s been going on for a while...what happens when the sparks are no longer their?
If one person wants to end it, that is it. End it. Be respectful. Otherwise, y’all would have ended it on a very bad note.
In closing,
A lot of this is just plain ol common sense.
But I still see a lot of questions about it, so I’m just sharing my advice.
If you have read correctly with a rational mind, you will understand that I am not trying to convince anyone to engage in this sexual behavior. Because it’s clearly not for everyone.
I have had a “FRIENDS WIT BENNIES” before, and we ended thing very positively. We were safe and we were honest. We are still friends today.
I chose to pursue this relationship because my vibrator was not enough, my doctor gave me the okay to have sex again (health issues), and I didn’t want to bang a complete stranger every time I was in the mood. I was already aware that one of my friends was attracted to me so we had a nice chat and we got tested. We proceeded to have sex regularly and the only issue that ever arrived was when we weren’t clear about where we could have sex (I didn’t want to do it at my place). We had clear boundaries and for the most part, everything was a smooth ride. I decided to end it because I was no longer interested in sex. My thirst had been quenched. My itch was scratched. So I was done. And he was respectful about it. Our friendship wasn’t changed and it never will. Be aware that the energy doesn’t have to be weird unless you make it that way😏
Let me know what you think. If you have more tips/advice or even questions...go at it in the comments. I’ll be replying to most of you. Don’t be hateful please.
I love you and thanks for reading 😚😚😚
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