I'm a virgin: Here's why I'm not waiting for the "right" person

I'm a nineteen year old virgin and I never been on a date. I don't see the point in waiting anymore. I'm not waiting till marriage or a relationship happens because I can see why it's pointless. I just want to get my fear of sex over with.

I'm a virgin: Here's why I'm not waiting for the

Why not wait till marriage?

Most women these days end up getting married in their late twenties or later in life. Most men have no interest in continuing to date a woman who's waiting till marriage, and I'm not interested in lowering my dating pool and excluding awesome guys by waiting till marriage. As a woman, I know I will get more and more horny as I get older so I'd be very unhappy and bitter until I wait till marriage. If I wait till marriage, there's also the possibility that I find out that my future husband and I aren't sexually compatible. I feel that it's very important for me to have some experience with sex and know what I want sexually before I get married to the person.

The expectation of a woman waiting till marriage or a relationship is rooted in misogyny

Why is it a very big deal to lose your virginity but your first time driving or your first kiss is not that big of deal? How come barely anyone expects guys to wait till marriage or a relationship? There's way more women voluntarily waiting till marriage than there are guys voluntarily waiting till marriage, so something is obviously wrong here. There's a double standard of prejudice that women should be pure and men should try to sleep with many women as they can. How does that not fit the definition of sexism? As a woman, I don't support or promote any form of misogyny so fuck that.

I'm a virgin: Here's why I'm not waiting for the

Why not wait till a relationship or the "right" guy?

I'm not psychic or smart enough to know who will be the "right" guy. How can anyone be that psychic or smart enough to know who the right person is for them and if that person will be with them forever. You never know what the future can hold. It takes a very long time to know another person well enough. Either I or he might realize later on were not meant to be, and as I said earlier, most guys aren't willing to wait that long to know you like that. People change as they get older. And shit can happen in relationships. Divorce and breakups happen a lot these days. It would be very unrealistic of me to expect that the first guy I do it with will be the last guy I do it with.

I heard it's very common for emotions to be tied into sex when you're in love with the person. If the first guy I have sex with is also the first guy I fall in love with, I know I would be very emotionally devastated if he eventually breaks my heart down the road and I would regret losing my virginity to him.

Rape is more common than you think

As much as I try to "prevent" it from happening to me, there are many stories of girls getting raped in the most unexpected times and places. I'm really not interested in potentially losing my virginity to a rapist. I'm a college student and it's more common for girls around my age to get raped. I feel like the longer I wait, I put myself in more risk of having my first time with a rapist.

Who do I want to do it with?

Some guy who I find physically attractive, who doesn't have an STD, who is single, who I'm not in love with or have a crush on, who is okay with kissing and cuddling me, who listens to me and won't do something I'm not comfortable with, who I can trust enough to have sex with, who I don't consider relationship material but as friend and fuck buddy material, who doesn't have a horrible personality or an attitude, who's readily available and lives near me, who wants to be my fuck buddy until May, and who's not having sex with multiple people and is willing to only have sex with me until May. When I go back to school after finals, I want to find a fuck buddy and I do have some guys in mind.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nicely done!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • A rational, thoughtful, fully-informed opinion? Who'd have thought it possible?

    Why Waiting For Sex Until Marriage No Longer Makes Sense ↗

    • Ahhh nooo... I just read your thingy! Aaahh noo... Im disappointed now...

  • Great take, but the details are ironically conflicting with real life statistics.

    For one, the higher the body count, the more likely the divorce or unsatisfying marriage.

    Waiting have benefits like character building in endurance and self control. These are important qualities for a successful marriage.

    As a person who married as a virgin to a virgin bride, I declare "sexual incompatibility" a myth.

    This is because it was great (for my wife and i) to learn the art of lovemaking together. Our first times were below average and she was much lower libido than me.

    But we talked it out and agreed to "celebrate sex" in our marriage and we did it.

    We still fuck like rabbits after having kids.

    Plus the feeling of exclusiveness still exists and we treasure it. This feeling helped us through a few storms already.

    Finally, saving implies no room for comparison. I believe the saying that we never forget our First Time.

    As a couple we still celebrate our First Time every Anniversary.

    It was not the sex but the innocence we celebrated. And that innocence become an anchor to our marriage.

    I'm not trying to say that virgin marriages don't fail. They did and will continue in many cases.

    But there are sure benefits that is beyond your take.

    I hope you could balance your thinking with my opinion.

  • Good luck with finding such a guy who fits all the criteria you have described. Like how are you going to know if a guy has some STD that he may not even know he has? And anyone who does is not about to tell you and miss a piece of ass. I think you are being unrealistic. But any girl who just wants to get fucked should have no problem having a line formed for the task. And the fact is, you can never know who is a rapist or killer as they can be real charming and seemingly trustworthy. That is why they are so successful at what they do. You will just be another face on a telephone pole with a "Missing" above your pic. You have no idea how many girls go missing every year. 64,000 women in the US went missing in the last couple of years. What happened to them? One has to wonder because few ever come back to tell the tale..

  • You shouldn't wait for marriage if that's not what you want, but doing it just to 'get it over with' isn't going to make you feel better. you will remember your first time for the rest of your life. make sure that memory is worth it. you don't even want to have a crush on the guy? sex is always better if you're really into the person. at least find someone who respects you and wants to please you sexually. cuz some random guy who is attracted to you might fck you just to please himself, but it will not be a good experience for you. my first time was when I was almost 21, and Im glad I waited since I was def not ready before and all the candidates were just boys from school. I needed a man.

    • To be very honest with you, I hardly remember any details about my first time, and it wasn't even that long ago. I remember thinking it took too long, and where it was and who it was with. I never saw it as a big thing, so I don't remember a lot and certainly will not remember it for the rest of my life. I don't have a single regret, because I still don't think it was a big deal that I could possibly regret “doing the wrong way“. I wanted to have sex, so I had sex, exactly as I do now, in a commited relationship. Virginity is only as important as you believe it to be. I had more or less the same views about virginity as the mytaker, and I still have no reason to change that view.

    • @strawberrysouffle well this girl is already making a big deal about it, she will remember for sure. and you still do. you might actually forget 4th ot 5th time, but you will remember your first time even if it wasn't that eventful. I did not tell her to make it a big deal, but its always better to try to make it good and fun. not just something ''to get over with''. who wants to live their life with that mentality? thats boring

  • I waited till I was 20, did it with my current boyfriend. I don’t regret it at all. There’s nothing wrong with waiting. And I get how you can feel down or over it. But trust me it’s much better when you love them.

  • And that is how a girl starts her trip aboard the dick carousel.
    And what's with until May?

    • End of school

  • Women chose to wait for marriage, it has nothing to do with misogyny. Women did that because once a man gets sex, he has no reason to stick around. This was her way of weeding out men who where just looking for easy sex and those who where seriously interested in her.

    Look around you, do you think men give a damn in this day and age that your going to give up sex easily and readily to them? Of course not, not the ones who only want sex anyways. The only men who are against women putting out immediately and to any guy they find semi attractive are the men who want an actual relationship, the guys who want to be with you rather then the guys who just want to be inside of you.

    As for why they care about how many guys you have been with, its because they biologically have no way of discerning paternity of a child, so the only thing they have to go by is a woman's willingness to hold out for sex until they are in a relationship/marriage with said man.

    They also are instinctively against women who sleep around because they make poor for poor long term partners. Statistically women who sleep around tend to have more emotional issues (women with poor or no relationship with their fathers for instance are more likely to have sex at a younger age and be promiscuous (as well as be depressed etc.)), they more partners they have the more likely they are to divorce (1% chance with one partner, 16% with two etc.), the more likely they are to cheat, the more likely they are to be unhappy in a long term relationship (because relationships are hard, casual relationships are really easy so they have trained themselves to function in short term relationships while avoiding learning how to function in long term ones), more likely to be dissatisfied with sex, more likely to be depressed (those who partake in casual sex are more likely to be unhappy and more likely to find sex to be unsatisfying), etc.

    So men who want a long term meaningful relationship avoid those kinds of women. So its not misogyny, its different priorities, some women wait because they want a real relationship, some men avoid women who don't wait because they also want a real relationship and some people don't wait because they don't care about relationships or how their actions may affect others or themselves.

    So again, its about filtering out the men who only care about getting laid from the men who only care about YOU. Seems like a stupid thing to do, if your looking for a meaningful relationship anyway.

    As for the claims about rape, according to FBI/DOJ data, the likelihood of a woman being raped within her life time is less then 3%. So no, its not that common, not at all. However, its your life, its your decision to make and its also your consequences to live with. Regardless of your decision good luck, I hope you find what makes you happy (but I don't think this is going to be it).

  • When you get married, even if you marry as virgins, you WILL be sexually compatible because you love eachother as deeply as you can, through marriage.

  • I waited for marraige. It was the right decesion for me and one I am glad of.
    My experience of sexual compatibility comes down to you and your partner exploring each other's bodies so each time you have sex it gets better.
    I think the waiting for marraige is not rooted in mysoginy at all but more to do with the biological fact that before modern contraception was invented sex led to pregnancy and a pregnant woman who had a lot of different sexual partners in the days before paternity tests would not know who the father was. Waiting for marraige was the only assurance and protection a woman would have that if she got pregnant them the child's father would be committed to her and the child.
    I think when someone says wait for the right guy they mean a guy that doesn't have an STD or a guy that cares enough to give you sexual pleasure.
    I dont think rape is that common.
    You say
    "Some guy who I find physically attractive, who doesn't have an STD, who is single, who I'm not in love with or have a crush on, who is okay with kissing and cuddling me, who listens to me and won't do something I'm not comfortable with, who I can trust enough to have sex with, who I don't consider relationship material but as friend and fuck buddy material, who doesn't have a horrible personality or an attitude, who's readily available and lives near me, who wants to be my fuck buddy until May, and who's not having sex with multiple people and is willing to only have sex with me until May. When I go back to school after finals, I want to find a fuck buddy and I do have some guys in mind."
    That sounds like the right guy but be careful with friends with benefits relationships they can be very messy and often someone gets hurt.

    • So you are married now? 18... and married... Ok

    • @Tdieseler so?

    • I'm jealous you aren't my little wife. :D

  • You and I think alike, girlfriend. I recently lost my virginity and to a guy I simply felt comfortable losing it to. It was annoying when some people were bashing me on my take because I didn't do it with someone I loved (LOL). Just make sure you're comfortable and as you wrote, safe. Good luck!

  • Honestly with hindsight I wish I waited. I gave it up just because I wanted to know what everyone was talking about. Up until that point I was a good girl, never even looked in the direction of a boy. They boom I just went wild, acting risky using condoms but meeting guys and then feeling obligated to do stuff because I hadn't quite made sure I was in a safe situation. Anyways I'm older now, and I would tell my younger self to wait. Hormones or not. Your strength in character is getting passed your bodies physical pleasure and actually finding something worthwhile and tangible in another. I was a messed up child. I dealt with feelings of neglect from my father and that eventually trickled into all the friendships I had, (all my best friends moved away, all the people that chose to be my best friend I didn't feel connected to) I was the optional whatever. :-/ that's where things went wrong. You may read this and think, whatever, I'm not you. But honestly. Your body is a temple. Look after it.

  • Gross.

    • Agree. I'd like to add, Unfortunate.

  • First off, you're an idiot. Just in the way you rationalize certain things, and draw non sequitur, you have a very one dimensional, short-term thought process, which is typical for teenagers. But don't try to justify your wanting to have sex based on sociological arguments (or modern relationship dynamics you're drawing from the hook up culture in college), or what you think guys are looking for. If you want to have sex, go ahead, it has nothing to do with me.
    But you thinking that a guy will want to be affectionate, exclusive, understanding in his sexual relationship with you without any feelings is a complete fantasy. Sure, you can find a guy to bang you a few times, but he'll be with other girls, and probably find a girlfriend before May. He also won't want to "cuddle" you or any of those other niceties, and in fact will probably be pretty damn selfish in how he has sex with you. If he doesn't get attached, you will (probably more likely), and you'll just end up hating guys even more bc his feelings didn't turn on like yours. All in all, you hoping to engage in this loving friends with benefits is a fantasy, a contradiction, and is GOING to get you hurt, but good luck. Obviously at 19 you know everything, which is common for your college kids with 12 credits of liberal arts studies under your belt. (extreme eye roll).

  • Good for you

  • Pop that pu$$y girl

    • I will eat u out till you squirt all over me

    • @bubbalove36 ... what😂

    • Seems like u got an admirer

  • You do you. I made the decision to lose mine when I was 25. Feel much better afterwards. Waiting for the right person could take forever and that point it may not even be worth it depending how long it takes.

    Your life, your choice. Make it count.

  • Good for you! It really is not needed in today's world, so it really is a personal choice.

  • Okay... but saying you don't want to do it with a pontential partner but the characteristics of what you want almost literally gets to one of a relationship.
    So you want him not to fuck nobody else be a nice person cuddle and listen to you? Tell me anything that you listed that a couple does not do apart from where you expect not to catch feelings?

    • I change my mind about the cuddling. I don’t want to cuddle because that crosses one of the boundaries of a fuck buddy relationship. I just want hugs. I only want him to listen to me when I’m talking about what I want out of sex. When my fuck buddy doesn’t have sex with more than one person, i lower my risk of getting an STD. It’s only fair if I also don’t have sex with more than one person. That’s my only reason. Why is that so hard to understand? Even health professionals keep trying to tell us it’s much safer to not have more than one fuck buddy.

  • Nooo... Come to the light! OMG, NOOOOoooo!

    Dude, relationships are how you find mr right. Refraining from sex is how you stay away from bad men. You want to give out your cookie to the first taker? NOOOOoooooo... Dear almighty, somebody save you! Da Fak is the parents here? Omg, there's so much wrong here!

    For the sole reason to be happy, don't do it. It's not going to work out being a single mom on some dead beat asshat. you're likely a very lovable person and deserve better. If you're mate can't stop his weiner from becoming a roaming pussy hunter, if he can't hold it in long enough to treat the girl is supposed to love with a bit of dignity, you shouldn't bang him! He's just going to take the cookie and go elsewhere! NOOOOoooooo!

    • *with a dead beat asshat father

  • Wowwww I feel so enlightened. Suck wisdom

    • Such*

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