Sexual Relationships
+1 y

A guy that for once says "no" to sex IS a man

A guy that for once says

I promise this will not be long.

This is something that has been bugging me for quite a while now.

It begun when I ran into an anonymous question by a guy who asked how he could refuse his girlfriend proposal of sex one time out of ten because he was too tired from work.

Just yesterday I ran into another question, this one from a girl, who asked how she could stop egging on her boyfriend that one evening out of three was, you guess it, too tired for sex.

Then I asked my own question, because something similar happened to me a couple pf nights ago: I was too tired, said "no" and my partner threw an hissy fit.

The morning after she apologized for her behavior, most likely because she realized how unlikable such behavior is and how it would have felt if I would have been the one pressing for sex.

A guy that for once says

Now, on most of these questions, comprised mine, I had the pleasure to read a lot of mature and thoughtful answers.

But then I ran into a bunch of guys and girls who just sheeped out "A guy is always ready, what's wrong with him, he ain't a man, beeeeh".

This kind of people just showed how sexist they actually are. What the heck does it mean that if a guy says "no" for once, something is wrong? That he's cheating on her, or he's secretly gay? Really, it's that inconceivable that for once, the guy is too tired?

I can only speak for myself, but I can identify with most of these guys.

I work two jobs, plus extra activities. Sometimes I barely sleep four hours per night.

I think I have a mildly high sex drive, but after hours of work and little sleep the moment I get into the bed I think about sleeping.

And like me, a lot of girls and guys do the same. We are women and men with a career, and the career it's not only about us - it's about building a better life for us and our partners.

So, please: stop pressuring guys, girls, your partner into sex - they aren't rejecting you and your body, they just aren't in the mood.

They'll make up with you in due time, because of course they love you and lust after your body, just not in that moment.

Thanks for reading,

Jean-Marie

PS: the following evening, I put down the dossiers I was working on and made love with my partner for two hours and we both enjoyed it, if you wonder how it got resolved.

2 6

Most Helpful Guys

  • People are different when they are horny and all guys know this. Right after an orgasm 9 times out of 10 you are a completely different person and I would expect that person very much to say no to sex.

    I disagree saying no to sex make you a man. Maybe that's just the title. but naw. I was actually talking to my therapist about things and he was saying how penis size mattering and how girls need to act a certain way and how guys need to always say yes to sex and be rock hard and maintain the erection for ever and cum huge loads are all cultural scripts put on us. and it's just simply not always true and not gonna happen and it doesn't make you not a man or woman.

    Back to the being a different person when a girl has this mentality that's guys should say yes she wonders why you're turning her down and it can get depressing and depression turn to anger which is expressed in fits. But it's understandable as well when she is horny and gets turned down by her partner and doesn't get that release. I dont agree with the comments saying if she threw a fit you should reconsider but if she stays mad constantly you might need to talk about things.

    People need that physical connection with their partner and need to feel loved and wanted if you are always tired and never giving it or not giving enough both parties need to work on it. I've worked 2 50 hour jobs at once and I could still go for it but yes sometimes the mood is off and things shouldn't just be forced and we are all. alowed to relax and rest when needed

    • I agree with your points. I understand that rejection isn't pretty, but that's why I offered her to cuddle a bit before going to bed. I was saying no to the sex, not to have a moment with her. That, and we do it almost everyday, it's very rare for one of us to turn the other down. Insofar I refused only four times with this, either because I was too tired or because we just had a pretty big argument and that killed my mood, while she seemed even more turned on. I agree completely that people need physical connection, I need and I noticed that her too needs it, but she could have understood that at least that evening I was really drained. The day after I felt much better and made no problems in catching up to her - I know she has a high sex drive, and the rare times I turn her down it's because I'm really too drained, and I know she needs more than a quickie to be satisfied.

    • I think you handled it well. I think I was replying more in a general sense. As far as the fight, yea some people get turned on by fights. Angry sex can be pretty good. I'm not sure the psychology behind it all.

    • Thank you. I never understood angry sex: if we have an argument she almost wants to jump on me, while I'd rather stay on my own for some minutes.

    • Show All

  • Yes, it is a horrible stereotype that a REAL guy will never say "no" to an offer of sex!

    • That's what I meant! I don't put into discussions that exist guys who are always ready for it, but we aren't all like that.

    • Thanks for MHO!

Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s not just about being tired. It’s also the fact that guys are simply not always in the mood, even if the girl is super attractive.

    I feel like guys need to stop being afraid to be true to their feelings. Sometimes girls aren’t aware that her man is having sex with her only to make her happy and not bc he actually wanted to. I find that incredibly sad.

    • Very true. Society depicts us as always being "lock and loaded" for sex, when there are moments it's really the last thing in our mind. And I understand that for a girl (but also a guy) can be disheartening to be turned down for sex, but they should understand that their partner is just saying no to the sex, not to them as persons.

    • Also the last thing you said: it never happened to me, but I did read of guys having sex with their girlfriend/wife just to make her feel better, and not because they were in the mood.

    • There is nothing sad about wanting to make someone you care about happy. It's called making sacrifices and when it comes to sex, taking 30 min and doing something that is never exactly unpleasant is not much of a sacrifice. If someone is so selfish to refuse that, then they will probably be even more unwilling to stay by your side when things do indeed become tough.

    • Show All

  • Yes of course, I don’t know why man thots are trying to come after you.

    • Not only guys, but also girls. I read such comments...

    • Yeah the guys are probably still man thots tho, there are many men acting as women on here too

    • That's true

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 10

  • Yes, this is an issue and I think women dont take it as well. they are emotional, they have a drive like we do, maybe stronger. And saying no causes problems like it did when we were 17.
    I ran into that and it was... I had to up my energy and take care of business, or ask to wait a while til I could recharge. I learned to kind of monitor her needs and conserve energy in anticipation. But I was with someone who wouldn't take a no without a fuss. toxic. I don't know if cooperatie partners exist... I assume most are like that, mabye I'm wrong.

    • That's why I got so worried when my girlfriend threw such a fit, I don't want it to be a first time.

  • Great Take. Happy for u that it worked out.

    • Thank you.

  • In an on-going relationship, you need to take one for the team. But for the first time... it's a great strategy for the guy to decline.

  • well, these things happen i started gym a year back and since then since i wanted some more friends who go to clubs and pubs i started to visit them but i guess i attracted some wrong vibes , most of the time i met some girls who's boyfriend left him or are lone from a long time , the thing i saw there was all they want from me is physical contacts rather than love so i have said no to most of them then you know they call you cheap stuffs but who cares , and think for a bit these women can also file fake case in police and you might end up in jail

  • i once said no to one girl, am i a man?

    • Of course you are. This is meant for those people that think that if a guy turns down sex then "there's something wrong".

  • This take is amazing

    • Thank you!

  • *tips fedora*

  • I agree

  • Good take

    • Thanks!

  • Excellent mytake

  • I've had experiences where I've refused offers from girls that wanted sex, and they either tried to shame me, or beg. Due to the large numbers of simps, or desperate men, a lot of women aren't use to hearing those words. A man should always have self control, boundaries and unwavering discernment. No means no... regardless of gender.

  • If your girlfriend threw a fit because you said no to sex, you should reconsider some things...

    • She did it just once, it never happened before.

    • I fear it will happen again though. Have a clear talk about this with her.

    • We already did. I told her there are moments I'm not in the mood for it, but it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to her or don't love her.

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