Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Ah, masturbation. Perhaps the single greatest driver of Internet demand. I'm kidding. Anyway, it's 2019 and the world, it seems, is at last getting a little more comfortable with talking about the fact that, well, people masturbate sometimes. The norm, admittedly, at least that I find, is for masturbation to be portrayed generally as sex's tamer, more boring and introverted little cousin- much like listening to Nickelback when Queen are on at the same time, the assumption seems to be that if you have sex available to you, the point in masturbating is simply lost altogether. As someone who loves and values both their boyfriend and their alone time, I'd like to challenge this idea. Whether you're taken or single, looking for a relationship or happy to be by yourself, masturbating can be a wonderful way to take a little time to yourself in the day just set aside for some good times. :) And if anyone's in any doubt, here today are my ten reasons why it's good to masturbate.
(It probably comes across that I'm writing this mainly from a female perspective, but hopefully these tips will be useful (and a decent read too) for guys as well. Also a disclaimer: if you genuinely don't like masturbating or don't get anything out of it, that's okay too, and this Take isn't trying to say that that's bad or that you're doing something wrong. I'd encourage everyone to try some healthy experimentation and not knock something until you've tried it, but at the end of the day you do what you want with your own body.)
Okay, now without further ado let's get stuck right in.
Become more comfortable with your body
Airbrushing, tummy tucks, Brazilian butt lifts, Instagram models with skin like caramel- it's all too easy to feel dissatisfied with your body in 2019, sadly. And yes, men too- you can't watch an ad break on a sports channel without Cristiano Ronaldo's sinful pecs glaring back superiorly at you. So as a basic starting point, taking a little time out of your day just to appreciate your own body a little is a positive from the off. If you're assured of privacy, you can take the chance to undress fully and just get comfortable with being naked- appreciate all the areas of your body, from the seemingly mundane to the most intimate. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more that confidence will seep into your everyday life- and confidence is sexy as hell. That's right, no more missionary with the lights off.
Grow more confident in your sexuality
Most of us start masturbating in our teens, most likely before we've had sex with another person, and this, in my view, is a positive- you should feel comfortable with sexual pleasure before initiating anything with a partner; it'll allow you to be more confident in yourself and feel less like you're stepping into completely uncharted territory. Moreover, masturbation and feeling of your own pleasure should, I think, give you greater awareness of your own 'sexiness' as a person- carry yourself with greater aplomb, knowing you have another layer of naughty to you. When it comes to sex, too, any partner you're with should- I'd sincerely hope- be turned on by your pleasure, so carry that in to any sexual encounter fully aware that the more turned on you know how to be, the more they'll like it.
Relax
Life is stressful. That's an understatement. When in the midst of the frenetic rush from work to education to social commitments to whatever the hell else, when you get five minutes to yourself at the end of the day- or in the middle of the day, or at the start of the day, or whenever- it's okay to let off a little steam. Indulge in something enjoyable, and take the opportunity to let all of that tension out. I'd note that for that to work to its fullest, you shouldn't be putting any pressure on yourself- we have enough silly societal expectations that we worry about living up to in regards to sex the rest of the time; it would be a crime to let that spread to masturbation too, the one time where we're totally at our leisure to do, feel and react just how we want to with nobody else to hold us accountable. Relax, sit back and do what comes naturally- position, technique, whatever feels comfortable for you. Go at whatever speed feels good and respond however feels natural. There's no need to worry early about the finish, just enjoy the ride there, but when you get there, an orgasm is just about the best stress-buster on earth- if you're struggling to get to sleep, some quality you-time can be the sweetest of remedies.
Learn more about what you enjoy
Like I already said, masturbation should be a pressure-free activity for you- it's something allotted in your day purely for your own enjoyment. With that in mind, it's a great opportunity to get to know your own bodily responses a little better. Is there one technique that feels utterly irresistible to you, or one position where you feel at your most sinfully sensual? Get comfy and start seeing what it is that turns you on the most. Likewise, if there's anything that up until now you've just been doing for the sake of doing it or because it feels like the expected thing to do, whether it's alone or with a partner- why would you bother continuing? It's good to identify that. What's more, armed with this new knowledge about yourself, you can go into any sexual encounter more confident that you're going to have a fun time- because you know exactly what to tell your partner to do. Remember our earlier friend of body confidence? You can double that up with this one, by masturbating with a mirror to more closely see just how it is you touch yourself in that oh so special manner- and how it might look to a prospective partner. To summarise, practice makes perfect, and the more you do it, the better you'll get. It also leads nicely into our next point, which is of course to...
Try new things
Ah, variety, the spice of life. Sex is no exception, but it goes without saying that breaking new ground in bed can be a nervy enough activity. Will you like it? Will they like it? Is this going to be a big anticlimax (in every sense of the word) and where do you go from there? Questions that can cause anxiety especially if you're worried about letting a partner down. Alone, however, is a great time to try anything for the first time- with nobody around if you make a mistake, and all the time in the world to try again and find the right technique for what it is you want to do. And boy, the possibilities are endless. Turned on by edging? Always wanted to try some temperature play? Guys, ever heard of the P-Spot? (You can look it up- you might wince a little, but hey, don't knock anything until you've tried it, okay?) You might find the novelty of experimentation to be a greater turn-on than just same old, same old, or, better yet, you might discover a new staple of your bedroom itinerary that gives you ecstasy for years to come. :) Once you've discovered a new string to your bow- and believe me, you will- you'll have the honour of arousing your boyfriend or girlfriend by taking the lead next time you move to spice things up between you.
Keep an active imagination
You'll probably have noticed that up until this point I've steered clear of mentioning the P-word. Yeah. The Internet is absolutely bogged down with porn, from the simple to the corny to the fucking hell who knew that was even a thing? Anyway, if you're someone who's used to masturbating with porn, I would suggest you try and do less of that and see what more you can do with just yourself and your thoughts instead. I don't know everything about it, but the studies into watching porn too often, particularly into teenage boys who have been doing so for as long as they've been masturbating or in some cases longer, suggest it can have some pretty bad effects on the user. I'm not totally bashing porn- a little is fine, hell I like some from time to time myself (and if most girls tell you they've never watched it, they're lying,) and it can be a good way also for testing the water for the aforementioned trying new things and learning more about what you enjoy, if there's a fantasy you're a little excited by. But you've got your imagination, so why not put it to good use? Think about whatever takes your fancy. That can also be a nice entry into some new things for you- who knows what'll pop into your head as you're getting busy down there? Let your thoughts run wild, and let the rest of you be not far behind. ;)
Safety, just in case
A momentary turn away into slightly less pleasant territory- it's just a fact of life, sometimes things down there go amiss. If you're familiar with how things should feel down there for you, you'll be more likely to notice if anything's wrong, if you've developed any kind of issue that you may want to seek medical advice for. For men, it's said that you should perform a cursory examination on your testicles fairly regularly to check for any lumps that could suggest testicular cancer- it's always good to be aware of what feels normal there, to identify anything abnormal all the more quickly. Whatever else, you want to stay healthy and the more you know about yourself, the more likely you are to notice if anything's gone wrong.
Phew, that was a bit dense. Now, back onto the more fun stuff.
Embrace independence
In every other walk of life, independence is prized. So, why should sex be any different? Masturbation can help you grow within your own sexuality which is great to bring into any relationship, but aside from that, it's also good to not feel down on yourself if you're single and to know that you have no trouble in being self-sufficient. Why should you be any less freaky just because you're missing a partner at present? Think of it like pre-season training- you're just keeping your eye in for when the competitive season returns. :)
Well, jokes aside, it is good to be able to take care of business for yourself. You deserve pleasure and that shouldn't be wholly dependent on somebody else. It's another reason why the thought of a night in on your own can be less of a drag and more something to make you smile to yourself during the day, thinking of the fun you're going to indulge in later. Because why should some alone time be negative? But, having said that...
It doesn't have to be done alone
Okay, real talk here. There is still a stigma around masturbation, especially for women. If it ever crops up in popular media, it's mainly there for the titillation of a male audience- indeed, there's this weird juxtaposition between female masturbation being simultaenously both frowned upon and yet also pornographised (if that's indeed a word) by guys. Make no mistake, masturbation is for you, and is under no obligation to provide anything to anybody else.
But, then again, having said that, it is and can also be a stunning tool in your arsenal for turning your partner on. Any number of guys I've seen have said that a number one fantasy of theirs is seeing their partner masturbate. Understandably, this is a daunting prospect for some- most of us are shy about being in the spotlight at the best of times, never mind when doing something quite so personal. But, if you can get over your butterflies, this could prompt your partner to see you in a hot, sensual new light, and add a whole new layer of intimacy to your relationship. If you're feeling like being a tease, allow them to watch only, drive them crazy with your show for them. Or, if you want to unleash a whole new erotic dimension to your relationship, let them hold you in their arms as you get down to business. The perfect position for this is with your partner sitting up and with you seated in their lap with your back to them. Lean back against them and let the fun begin. Encourage them to kiss your neck and shoulders, or reach around and caress your breasts. For the ultimate in trust and intimacy, let them reach around from behind to between your legs and take over for you. Stun your partner with your sexual confidence, and have a good time while you're doing it.
Now, as if all of those weren't reason enough...
It's fun!
What more reason do you need? To quote John Lennon, "My mum always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life.” It's 2019, dammit, and it should hardly be a secret or a revelation at this point that pleasure and orgasms are good fun for us all. You don't need an excuse or a new reason to justify it- you deserve to be happy. Not that the fantasy of oh goodness me I'm just being so naughty aren't I? isn't kinda fun in itself, but seriously- you deserve it. And this little bit of happiness is right at your fingertips. Literally. Well, maybe more like the rest of your hand if you're a guy. But you get the idea.
So, to summarise, don't be shy take a little time out of your day, and just have a moment to enjoy yourself. Literally, enjoy... yourself. :)
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