The ritual of blaming and victims

Definition of Victim Shaming in Urban Dictionary:

When the victim of an event is blamed, or partially blamed, for their own attack. Mainly used in context with rape, domestic abuse, sexual harassment and sexual assault, but can be applied to other situations. It wrongly shifts blame from the guilty party onto the victim, and therefore doesn't (or makes it more difficult to) punish the one truly at fault. The term was popularized by the SlutWalk movement, which started after a Canadian police officer advised female students to "avoid dressing like sluts" in order to avoid being victimized.

Victim Shaming is done in many cases including:

1. Honour killings

2. Domestic abuse

3. Forced marriages

4. Acid attacks

5. Rapes/kidnappings

6. Harassment

7. Forced prostitution

8. Cyber Bullying

And I will be explaining how that is done.

Asian countries like India
Asian countries like India

1) Honour killings

In Honour killings, even dead victims are blamed for their own murder. People blame and shame a dead woman for trying to run away with her boyfriend to get married against her father's wish. This is a very popular reason given for honour killings. A lot of parents don't allow love marriages or any relationship outside marriage. Women run away when they have no hope left.

Then, her father or her brother thinks she brought shame to the family and ruined the honour of the family. The society is also responsible for honour killings because they are the ones who shame families if their women do anything wrong. They are the ones who ask endless questions, they gossip, backbite, tease and even say harsh comments on a person's face. They give dirty looks and treated the men of the family like an outcast, who are excluded from their circle of friends and from all family gatherings.

In Qandeel Baloch case, the brother who killed his sister in the name of honour blamed the society for shaming him every single day for years. Qandeel Baloch was killed for wearing short clothes and for being a social media star. The neighbours and the relatives shamed her brother for allowing his sister to wear short clothes. People used to insult him so much that he couldn't leave the house.

People told him that he wasn't a man if he can't stop his sister from wearing short clothes. Therefore, the society dehumanizes the men of the family by telling them that they are not men if they can't dominate or control their women's lives.

A lot of Pakistanis still justify this honour killing and they call it divine punishment.

Qandeel Baloch was killed by her own brother for wearing short clothes
Qandeel Baloch was killed by her own brother for wearing short clothes

2) Domestic abuse

In a domestic abuse case, women are accused of provoking and triggering the men to get angry.

A lot of people think men don't have self-control and they make women feel like they are responsible for the bad actions of the men.

People call domestic abuse victims "rebellious" and "disobedient."

Asma Aziz's domestic abuse case became very famous, where her being tortured was justified just because she did few things that Muslim women are not supposed to do like partying, drinking alcohol, having male friends, dancing and having a relationship outside marriage. Some even called her torture a divine punishment for breaking the Islamic rules.

Asma Aziz was shamed for being a party girl and a bad Muslim
Asma Aziz was shamed for being a party girl and a bad Muslim

3) Forced marriages

'Forced and child marriage persists in countries throughout the region, particularly in India, Bangladesh, Nepal, Pakistan and Indonesia,' says the Global Slavery Index

130 million girls in South Asia are victims of forced marriages.

Every year in India, 10 million girls are forced to get married below the age of 18.

This happens because of poverty and a orthodox mentality, where people don't believe in educating girls because they think they are going to be housewives anyway. Parents don't like spending money on their daughter's education. A lot of parents think if their daughters will go to colleges and universities, they will fall in love with someone or will start answering back to their parents.

Forced marriage victims are shamed just for speaking against forced marriage.

They are labelled, "disobedient children."

People say, "Parents know what is best for their children."

Those who speak against forced marriages are called, "ungrateful."

4) Acid Attacks

Whenever a girl is attacked with acid, people blame her for having a relationship outside marriage or for having male friends. A lot of conservative and religious people think it is a sin to have a relationship outside marriage, something which contradicts the idea of love marriage.

They also think a girl should not have male friends because they believe in zero interaction with the opposite gender. Those types of people are against mixed gatherings of men and women.

They are the types of people who refuse to shake hands with the opposite gender, they like to have separate queues.

The funny thing is that in a lot of cases, the victim didn't even know the guy. In one case, two boys had a fight and one guy attacked the other guy's sister with acid.

Acid attacks in India

India had around 300 recorded attacks in 2016.

The real number of attacks is likely to exceed 1000 attacks a year.

Acid attacks in Pakistan

It is estimated that up to 400 women fall victim to acid attacks perpetrated by their husbands or in-laws each year, but due to under reporting, only 1,500 cases have been documented over the past 10 years.

Attacks are often an escalation of domestic violence and rooted in gender equality, manifesting as land disputes, suspicions of infidelity, family and ‘honour’ disputes and rivalry.

Acid throwing was made a crime against the state with an amendment to the Pakistani Penal Code in 2011 and can carry punishments of lifetime imprisonment.

But the law is rarely enforced, particularly in rural areas, conviction rates are extremely low and acid attacks continue.

Bangladesh

Attacks in Bangladesh peaked at around 400 in 2002. Almost 70% of victims are women and girls. A study of 90 victims of attacks in Bangladesh found that 80% of the attacks occurred in the victims’ homes .

https://www.asti.org.uk/a-worldwide-problem.html

The ritual of blaming and victims
The ritual of blaming and victims

5) Rapes

People blame and shame rape victims for wearing short clothes and makeup.

They shame them for losing their virginity.

They shame them for going outside at night.

They shame for having relationships outside marriage.

They are shamed for having male friends, for doing a job, for going to school, for leaving the house in the first place and for socializing.

Bollywood actress Sonam Kapoor is there in purple shirt
Bollywood actress Sonam Kapoor is there in purple shirt

6) Harassment

Again, victims are shamed for looking too pretty and sometimes, they are accused of leading the men on.

The ritual of blaming and victims

7) Forced prostitution

First of all, even children are victims of this in Asian countries including Pakistan, India and Bangladesh.

Those victims are shamed for losing their virginity. They don't really understand the definition of a "victim" and "consent." People don't differentiate between a woman who became a prostitute with choice and a woman who was forced to become a prostitute. People start thinking she brought a shame to the family and she ruined family honour. She is called a bad omen. Sometimes, her own mother and sister will turn against her. Such victims of forced prostitution and rapes are treated like an outcast in the society and they are disowned by their own families.



8) Cyber bullying

People blame victims for having social media accounts in the first place and for looking too pretty in the pictures.

This girl was secretly filmed whilst she was changing clothes
This girl was secretly filmed whilst she was changing clothes

The concept of "judging" "shaming" and "controlling" gives birth to honour killings just like prejudice gives birth to genocide.

It is not just the men who judge, shame and control, it also include women.


1|0
415

Most Helpful Guys

  • 10 d ago

    Yup the domestic violence thing happened to a friend of mine, he was hit over the head with a bottle and when He fell to the ground she kicked his teeth out, so He phoned the cops and tried to explain what happened and they laughed and tried to tell him He shouldn’t have instigated her, like wtf, then after they left she threatened to stab him with a knife so He left and had to move to a different city to get away from her ( she probably would have killed him) so ya victim blaming is terrible

    2|3
    0|0
  • 15 d ago

    Most Muslim males even in the west

    3|1
    0|0
    • 12 d ago

      and you can imagine how worse their mentality is in Islamic countries.

    • Show All
    • 2 d ago

      @24brownish more rape cases are actually reported in America whereas in some countries women find shaming in speaking up about rape.

    • 2 d ago

      Does not change the fact that there still are so many rape cases in states.. would u blame that on dress code shaming too? If not then why would u blame that when it happens in a Muslim country.. just because a few of those opinions (shaming, ones) make it to the media but all the ones condemning it dont so u never know about that

Most Helpful Girls

  • 15 d ago

    Victim blaming happens everywhere including here.
    Some countries are worse than others, some punish the victims just because they are victims but you are completely aware of this.
    Great MyTake if only it was fiction instead of fact 😕.

    4|1
    0|1
  • 16 d ago

    This is a great Take. Thank you for sharing this and helping educate people about these very painful subjects.

    4|0
    0|0
    • 16 d ago

      American feminists need to read these articles and appreciate their country, they should be more grateful and not takes peace for granted.
      Worst country for men is America
      American feminists should be deported to countries where everything is horrible like Syria, Yemen or Gaza.

    • 15 d ago

      American feminist need to start kicking up about their issues that are arising in their own country.
      The new heart beat/ anti abortion law is slowly invading every state.
      women who are victims of rape even an 11 year old girl will be forced to carry their rapist baby.
      Some contraceptive pills and devices are going to be banned this will include the morning after pill.
      They will even be prosecuted and jailed for crossing states in order to seek out a termination.
      This is a law that will cause further grief for victim.
      I'm an Australian living in Australia and our laws are slowly changing for the better whilst America is taking steps backwards.

    • 12 d ago

      Thank you

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Girls & Guys Said

213
  • 12 d ago

    I am 100% with you except for the rape victim blaming.
    Asking questions is NOT victim blaming. Since almost half of accusations are false, there needs to be a method of investigation that isn't attacked as "victim blaming".
    Yes, what a female is wearing is relevant.
    Yes, alcohol is relevant.
    NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE, says "Boys will be boys" about rape!!! NO ONE!

    0|2
    1|0
    • 8 d ago

      how is asking what the woman was wearing relevant? You can't even rape a stripper or a prostitute, or a woman on the beach who is wearing a bikini

  • 9 d ago

    All of the victim shaming examples you gave are primarily instances where women are victim shamed. Just to help the discussion. Since you're female, if you only look at situations where girls are victim shamed by men, it's going to seem pretty one-sided and not make sense.

    As such, in the interest of understanding, it'd be worthwhile to point out situations where men are the ones primarely victim shamed. So, here goes...
    - Virginity Shaming
    "Well if you wouldn't be such a loser, maybe you'd get some."
    - Unfair incarceration rates
    "Well, if men weren't always so intimidating, they wouldn't be profiled by the police so much."
    - Being GoldDigged
    "Well, he was probably an asshole anyway. He deserved to get together with a girl who'd take him for all he's worth that he spent his entire life accumulating and then leave him broken hearted like he probably did with a lot of other girls."
    - Poisoning
    "He was probably too scary, she'd be afraid to break up with him. Heck, she probably didn't even do it intentionally." (It's estimated the vast majority of deaths of women killing their husbands is via poisoning. It's also very rarely prosecuted.)
    - Overworked Stress to the point of heart attack
    "Oh, he's just a workaholic." (Pretending it has almost nothing to do with the unrealistic expectations placed on them.)

    The list goes on. So... ask yourself... are you guilty of any of these? And if so, why do YOU victim shame?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 8 d ago

      What the hell?

    • 8 d ago

      You're asking why victim shaming happens. If you want to understand something, it's important to understand from both perspectives. If you're a female, and you're only focusing on situations where females are the victims getting shamed by men, and seeing it from only their perspective, you won't understand it. However, if you look at it when victim shaming happens and the group that you're part of is the perpetrator of the shaming instead of the victim, it can open eyes to the full breadth of the problem instead of just one side.

      For example, one thing that encourages victim shaming is a group view that views the victim group as 'the other'. It's easier to blame an 'other' for a problem than for you to blame your own group. The reason is because taking blame means you have to go through effort to change, but blaming the other solidifies your standing in your own group. It seems dumb said outloud, but it's the instinctive default human action, and it's hard to understand the pull until you've caught yourself doing it.

      So, to understand victim shaming, you have to look at not just the victim's side, but also your own instances of being guilty of it (or at least those you identify with being guilty of it).

  • 11 d ago

    People have said that I victim blame; my argument is the following.

    You are responsible for your own safety, no one else. Other people may be paid to protect you but there is no binding agreement between a police officer and the universe that makes them forced to come to your aid.
    Once we accept the concept that no one technically has to come to your rescue, we can move onto the next point.

    If you are responsible for your own safety: you have to be capable of protecting yourself. Of course not all people have the same capabilities. This is why when a Tsunami hits one athlete is lucky because he is healthy and is able to run to a safe place just in time, while the second athlete is in crutches and is swept away by the wave.
    But, if both of them know beforehand that a tsunami is coming, then both must prepare to save themselves.
    So, when a woman lives in a safe country like the US or Canada, but decides to meet a guy from Tinder at his house... "You're putting your fate into his hands." That guy is likely okay. But what if he's not? And now you're a little drunk, you had messaged him "let's fuck" and now you're not so in the mood - but this guy sort of no longer cares. And he ends up doing bad shit to you.
    Whose fault is it? Yes, your fucking fault as well.

    When buildings collapse we can usually blame more than one thing: a two plans and 10 crazy fuckers.

    If I ride on the back of a pickup truck standing up, it is my also my fault that I'm in the hospital, even if it was another driver who was speeding and drunk.

    I've seen how prostitutes dress and how normal women dress; there is a difference. Appearance does matter. Appearance tells or may tell a possible attacker: the attractiveness of the woman, her strength, her character, her ability to run, her mental capacity.

    If you're as drunk as s skunk, you have just made yourself the primary target of any rapist. If you dress in a "slutty" way the guy will notice you among all other women. If I see 5 teen girls walking, I sure as shit will notice the one who looks like she's trying to leave nothing to the male imagination. Yes, I am normal so my thoughts are along the line, "what the hell kind of father lets his daughter walk around like that at age fucking 12 or 14?" But see the bad guy will obviously notice her and may choose her as his target.

    I love history you see. The USSR was considered to be the strongest force on the planet, until it failed to invade Finland. So yes, it is still Germany's fault for invading the USSR. It also, however, the USSR's fault. When you're unable to invade the smallest of countries while yourself being the richest motherfucker on the block: you're just inviting bad temptations towards yourself. Only after the failed invasion of Finland did Germany start planning an invasion of the paper tiger.

    To women: be a tiger. Carry a gun; don't be as drunk as a skunk; do sports; have good friends with you when at a night out; make good decisions.

    I will never blame the victim for the actions of a bad person — no, I will blame the victim for doing everything they can to make themselves defenseless against bad people. If a person practically invites bad people to themselves: I blame them for their idiocy.

    Why would I never blame a child? Because children don't have the mental capability and life experience to properly analyze every situation. This is why parents and bystanders must protect them.

    We are adults. We have the brains to think. I can't accuse the 2002 computer of being shit for being unable to run Minecraft; I can call the 2018 one shit.

    There is a reason I wouldn't date a drug user or a person who drinks alcohol; I wouldn't trust them. If I can't trust a girl to keep herself safe; to help herself, I can't trust her to keep me safe or help me. If she can't keep me or herself safe - how in god's name would I trust her with my children?
    I wouldn't trust a drunk person to look after my child; mentally they're not there.

    0|0
    1|0
  • 10 d ago

    TLDR all the constant babble but from my experience cops have a massive habit of blaming the victim instead of the perpetator for their actions and have a tendency to whiteknighting the woman even if she is the perpetrator and the victim is the guy (own personal experience here dealing with this type of shit first hand)

    1|1
    0|0
  • 8 d ago

    Victim blaming and warning girls not to do things that make it more likely for them to get raped are two different things.

    Shaming girls for being sluts = less rape

    fight me

    0|0
    1|0
    • 8 d ago

      "fight me"
      What? LOL!
      I don't to fight with anyone in Ramadan.
      We all have different opinions.
      I personally blaming and shaming victims make the man get away with his actions, we should blame and shame the rapist, not the rape victim!

    • Show All
    • 7 d ago

      and parents should also take care of their children instead of letting them go outside alone.

    • 7 d ago

      yeah, of course they should.

  • 7 d ago

    Victim blaming is horrible, but there is also common sense. Many times people fail to avoid those situations that drastically increase the likelihood of becoming a victim. That does not defend the perp, but people should use wisdom.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 13 d ago

    So basically your main point is Religion is a huge problem

    0|1
    1|0
  • 10 d ago

    The ritual of blaming and victims

    0|1
    2|0
  • 12 d ago

    Imagine how autistic you have to be to believe there is such thing as a 'rape culture', Fucking idiots.

    0|0
    1|0
  • 10 d ago

    So what exactly is the reader supposed to take away from, or do about, that litany of abject misery?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 8 d ago

      Don't ever victim shame, when you hear about it you are informed to look at the victims side. Know when you are victim shamed, and don't do it to yourself.

    • 8 d ago

      @HOAAH thanks for answering his questions

    • 8 d ago

      You're welcome

  • 11 d ago

    Slutshaming? lol why is sluthsaming here?

    1|0
    0|0
    • 8 d ago

      Rape victims are blamed that they brought it on themselves for being a slut.

    • Show All
    • 8 d ago

      true friends can be a bad influence.

    • 8 d ago

      I agree but I rather not call anyone slut, I was just using it to make a point.

  • 10 d ago

    Very informative mytake 👍👍👍

    2|0
    0|0
  • 16 d ago

    Great take

    2|0
    0|0
  • 11 d ago

    THANK GOD that NEVER happens in Trump's America

    0|0
    1|0
  • 9 d ago

    It's also done in mass shootings and hate crimes

    0|0
    0|0
    • 8 d ago

      how?

    • Show All
    • 7 d ago

      hahahahaha thank you imagine if those 11 people did a blast or something, that would have been for the Muslim community. I am glad they were caught. People from countries like Libya, Syria or Iraq should never be allowed in England because they want to take revenge and they hate white people.

    • 7 d ago

      That's what I feel too. What other reason do they have for coming to those countries, if they don't feel welcome.

Recommended Questions

Loading...