Why Do I Not Get Sexually Excited Anymore?

[ManOnFire]

Lately this has been concerning me a lot more these days. I guess because it seems to be that I grow less and less sexually excited. Or that maybe it takes specific women or specific things to really arouse me. But it does bother me. Some of the details in this post are personal but I'm opening up about them because maybe someone can help.

For about the last year or so I've seemed to be less and less interested in sex, even though I want to be. I've worried about all the things they talk about: am I having low testosterone? Have I reached that point where they say men's sex drive starts to decline? Is my diet bad? Etc. I don't think it's a testosterone problem because I've been to the doctor in the last some months and they never noticed anything like that, nor did the nurses when I went for labs later on and they didn't report finding anything low. The only problem the doctor said I had was low vitamin D, which she did give me a prescription for. For a minute I thought maybe that was part of the problem, but I took the vitamin D and I still had little interest in sex and wasn't easily turned on.

I have no trouble getting an erection and I do masturbate, but even that requires being in a particular mood for. I keep feeling like maybe my problem is stress or other things going on in my daily life that do give me anxiety. My work life exhausts me. I feel unhappy more often. I have little time for myself and doing anything fun or enjoyable. I feel like there's no glow in life anymore and like nothing really thrills me. I remember how the morning could feel so good, how the smell of spring could light you up, how fun and youthful life could feel. But now it's like nothing really excites me anymore. It's like there's a cloudiness in my mind.

And this has also happened to my sexual excitement. I feel like women don't really thrill me anymore, or only particular ones. And when I say women don't thrill me anymore I don't mean I'm turning gay or anything, trust me. I mean that it seems like every woman is just another one. A hot one here. A hot one there. Been there, done that. Nothing new. Even though inside I still like all these women and find them to be hot, but I can't seem to get excited about them anymore but want to. Every now and then I will see one or meet one with an incredible body, great breasts, great skin, that really does get me particularly hard, but it's not as common of an occurence as it used to be.

Partly this lack in sexual interest is also due to what I like, need, and want in a woman that I'm just not finding in many of them. And I mean character-wise. I'm at this place where my sex drive does often depend on the vibe a woman is giving me, regardless of how she looks. Even if she's the sexiest thing on the planet with huge boobs and a great body, if she's acting like a bitch, is rude, stuck up, or has poor social skills and behavior, I just get turned off. I'm not interested in any sex with women like that. One of my male co-workers was even telling me he's the same way.

But still aside from that, I should still be having all-day boners like I used to. I work in an environment where I'm exposed to many sexually attractive women on a regular basis, and yet I rarely care. It even seems like my mind is suppressing it because of all the stress I deal with and all my other cares, and I hate it. I've tried different things to see if it'll get me back in the mood. Eating more vegetables. Essential oils for improving sex drive. Masturbating to thoughts of different sex acts. Hell, even watching porn from time to time. On occasion one of these will do the trick for a moment, but doesn't last.

What is wrong with me? And have any other guys out there at a young age ever been through this kind of thing?

#NoInterestInSex

[lightbulb27]

Kinda ironic your name is manonfire, but that aside:) I think you analyzed and answered your own question to some extent. To me, that is normal behavior. In other words, sex is mating... which is offspring, so you are being selective about who you choose, which is a good thing. Younger people may not see that, but get older and that is reality, it isn't there just to feel good, it's a reward to reproduce.

You are putting all your energy into work or whatever it is that is troubling you, and life is out of balance and bland. You appear emotionally turned off, mild depression maybe. So that would have roots in several things:
* life seems meaningless.. in other words... you are in a change phase of life... and that happens about every 10 years.
* you are harboring emotions that are dragging you down... e. g. shame about past, regrets, fears of the future but doesn't sound like fear. Sounds more like lack of hope. These things may have roots into childhood, losses, who am I, etc..
* Work is just too much, time for a change. Mental and emotional exhaustion is real. So is adrenal burnout fatigue... e. g. can't get out of bed in morning. If that's what feels like, lets talk more, been through that... there are various roots to it. If burned out... how gonna have sex. And the MB isn't a great solution, although it can be a non problem, depending where your mind is at.

Possible solution set:
* Get life back into some balance involving things you enjoy and thrive on.
* Step out of your comfort zone to socialize and learn something new, and give back. Stress will propel you...
* Time journaling... writing feelings, thoughts, memories and resolving those to put them in perspective. This may require some more explanation, but you get the concept. I avoided this for decades... it helps to actually work on your internal issues vs ignore them. Most people ignore as they don't even know they are there screwing them... over and over...
* Take more time to be attentive... when eating, touching something, smell the roses, use your senses, feel the sun, and engage in conversations with people and document your successes socially to build a positive track record. Dont' let fear be your master, let your love be your guide. If it isn't there, then you need to restore it.
* Embrace the change of life. I'm not saying embrace that you lack desire, that will come back, and go depending upon where you want to go in life. You can have passion again once your mind can feel and your heart is allowed to feel again.
* Counseling if you can't sort it out on your own. I'm not a fan of drugs, they help sometimes, but your body has all the drugs you need. a hot woman or better yet, one you feel chemistry/love feelings with, should trigger some chemicals. You sound burned out... putting a drug in is a quick mask, not solution.
* Sex is energy! When young, it turns on and it's an out of control beast. As get older, it can still be very strong into upper age, but it can also be turned down by choice. It's your choice what you do with your energy. Most probably don't realize that. Not saying 100% can control it, it's hormones, but it's also choice... as you get older.

[ManOnFire]

Everything you said pretty much sounds like me, yeah. The depth here is mind blowing. Funny cuz every now and then I think about getting back into journaling. I used to have diaries growing up and I wrote in them all the time. Even drew pictures and put photos and stuff. I had a family tragedy happen some years ago and I stopped. Sometimes I think about doing it again but I have this weird fear of writing about things in my mind.

[lightbulb27]

Ok good, experience births wisdom! When we experience and emotional trauma... especially at young ages, but anytime, it can be personalized such that it creates beliefs about ourselves or life. These beliefs and feelings and refer back to our childhood expiences that started them and reinforce them. That is how our minds work... once we are programmed in childhood (0-21ish), our subconscious mind seeks to find evidence to support what it already knows. Someone can say something wonderful or right and it is discarded as the sub conscious doesn't believe it. We are hardened if you will, it takes more effort and reinforcement to re-work our beliefs. One hunch I have is that you took it personally what happened and somehow, emotionally, felt responsible or gave up hope, and so stopped feeling. Or maybe you felt guilty? It is the feelings that matter here, they are powerful. Journaling... creativity like art, playing or writing music, prayer... outlets... are healthy as the get stuff out of us. Most of what we do is input... watch tv, be numb, listen, work.. is largely repetition. But you may not feel like doing this due to the feeling associated with the tragedy.. which in my view of the world... is likely not true and not from God... which is love. yikes... there I go with religion and belief, but that one concept is key and I can explain it more to say why. We are energy, life is energy, and the best energy is love/enlightenment/joy. Those feel good and right.. purity if you will. So many other energies are negative energies... shame, fear, guilt, malice, greed, envy... they are strong and they will hold us in a bad state and also lead us to dis-ease... disease. There is a thing called developmental stages that lists out the stages of development we go as a child. 2-4yrs old emotional impacts could result in "expecting misfortune to follow whenever we feel good" and "thinking world revolves around us", "fear of anger in self and others". continued

[lightbulb27]

and other attributes. Reason being at 2-4 we are developing autonomy vs shame and doubt and an error in programming at that age results in mis beliefs about oneself. Issues can occur at other stages of life as well with different mis beliefs and resulting issues in adulthood... and I'm telling ya... we all have them! That age items strike me as possible indicators given how you shut down emotionally. It would be normal to be impacted by a tragedy, who can handle that well... where are we trained to handle that and what context over life do we have to handle it? Most of us are ill equiped for death, wrongness, accidents, disappearance. But that age struck me as a possible reference point by which I'd look back at my child memories and see what feelings would reference to what I experience. It's like clearing a clog out of a system. I'm guessing, estimating, but you get the idea. There are tools to work on yourself, this is called an Erickson chart. Counselors should be able to help. Im not licensed or trained, but somewhat educated... might get licensed... tbd. I suspect you need professional guidance.. caveat... not all counselors "get it" and they aren't all trained that well. I went through 5 counselors til found one that "got it". Then I found another who showed me these tools that "really got it". A book with these tools is nearing publication this year. hope that helps... that's all logic to help trigger you to realize you are normal and just have some flaws like all ofus, I have them in my own way. The solution is emotional!! It is love, that is the salve in the soul that heals, for all of us, as far as I know.

[lightbulb27]

And thank you for the complement!! I aim to make a difference from what I know!

[lightbulb27]

Also...2-4yrs old issue "difficulty letting go"... that is detatchment. strikes me as the time in life when may have had another trauma. Anyway.. What I've learned about healing is when we experience emotionally impacting events it is the most opportunte time to change, heal and grow... when we take on the work to do so. It's hard, that's the nature of change. whether it is a new love lost, pet dies, job challenge or loss, and ensuing stress is fuel to look inside, revise and adapt to overcome!! Stress is a motivator... there's a cool video on this. Once we gain a new perspective over a problem in life, we can resolve it or put it into better perspective so it no longer constrains and limits us. That freedom allows us to live again... and then we hit new challenges, but generally get some time at the new plateau to enjoy what we learned and then we give back out of what we learned, which is highly rewarding and feels good.

[ManOnFire]

Dude, this is all so true. I believe in God too so I know where you're coming from.

[lightbulb27]

Ty. Glad i could help.

[Poppykate]

what this guy said! Great advice!

[Hawky_]

You've mentioned how stressed you are all the way through your post. Remember you aren't a machine. You are a human being. We aren't linear things are constantly changing for us. Maybe with your work stress and the fact you haven't met someone you truly like it just isn't the right time for you. Dont force it. Focus on something else. Your body is working fine and if it wasn't there are solutions for that too. The sex thing will sort itself out once the head settles. Show yourself some compassion. Take some time out and it will pass. When the time is right and the woman is right everything will be kewl. I'm older than you I've been through similar stuff and it always passes given time and some tlc. Be kind to yourself

[ManOnFire]

I appreciate that.

[Purple_Summer]

It must be a mental block for you. Perhaps you need to sort out some other issues you have in your life, when you are a happier and more relaxed person in general, your health will improve too. Not that this is unhealthy, everyone goes through this, you cannot be horny 100% of the time. Also perhaps there is not a particular woman you are interested in. All the porn and masturbating got boring to you so it is not exciting anymore. When you start lusting after a particular person, having a crush on her everything just wakes up, you will see youself getting excited more and more often just fantasising about her. Don't worry too much about this. Most likely it's just a phase.

[ManOnFire]

"When you start lusting after a particular person, having a crush on her everything just wakes up, you will see youself getting excited more and more often just fantasising about her." - Yeah! That's how it was with my ex.

[Purple_Summer]

That's what happens to me always. ;D I like lusting after someone. Enjoy the things it does to my body the way it excites it.

[EvilAngel114]

It most definitely sounds like stress and depression. Have you considered taking some time off of work for about a week and just go somewhere to relax and get out of your head a bit. Having a lot of stress or worries of things will damper your sex drive. Yes there are things more important in life as people have mention but you’re still young. Maybe talking to someone about the specific problems you’re dealing with will help pinpoint the issues. It sometimes helps to hear things from the outside or having someone work through the issues with you.

[ManOnFire]

I want to do a week of vacation time but I don't have enough built up yet.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg you're back girl 💪

[btbc92]

What? It's a good thing not to lust after a woman. There is nothing wrong with you. It's a choice you decided to do. You shouldn't be masturbating that is not healthy. I don't give a damn what those other idiots say. It could be because you become so desensitized to masturbating and porn that now that your numb to it and anything else. THAT however, is not normal and would have to see a doctor if you present other symptoms. What your experiencing is why all of that is called sin. Work and stress is part of it. But from what I've remember of you, you never been involved with any girl or woman right? You lack connection with women as a whole and had a connection to strictly self pleasure. It's psychological and mental. Not physical.

[Just_a_human]

Are you a Christian?

[btbc92]

@Just_a_human Yes. But me being Christian have 0 to do with it. Now he screwed himself up. Proof is in the pudding.

[Just_a_human]

I didn't say it had anything to do with it. Do you use profanity?

[btbc92]

@Just_a_human Rarely and only if I get really upset. Other than that, I don't. I learn to tame my words. The temptation with people is more than enough.

[btbc92]

I give the rest to God because I don't need that in my life. That's why I try to warn people to get right and get it tight because of its not a joke.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

Great advice!

[btbc92]

@GuidoThePizzaMaker Funny how 2 downvotes me when so many of them lack knowledge about what a man has to go through. They really suffer, but it's out of ignorance.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

The truth is often hard to handle. Especially when it goes against the mainstream! but we need to know better and not be gleeful in ignorance and in falsehoods. I was in a similar place a long time ago, and realized that it was the porn and masturbation. I wish someone who had given me the advice you just gave me. I had to suffer for over a year, and I was lucky!

[btbc92]

@GuidoThePizzaMaker I say thank God for giving you the wisdom to know where it came from.

[sasukeuchiha7]

Masturbation is not unhealthy, that's a myth. It's totally natural. His situation is most likely due to physical and mental stress or depression.

[btbc92]

Not healthy at all. What he's going through has been through studies that they took off the internet because they don't want to tell the truth. That is how many guys like him and up with ED and go on Viagra. If it's so natural nobody would need sex with other human beings. They have brain scans of people who masturbated and it's not good. It shrinks the penis besides the brain.

[btbc92]

That why so many people are in toss away relationship and marriages. I saw what it did to my own parents marriages and my close friends marriage. People who does that doesn't experience sex the same as those who never masturbated.

[ManOnFire]

@btbc92 "But from what I've remember of you, you never been involved with any girl or woman right?" - No, I think you might have the wrong person. In fact you actually commented on one of my other Takes some time ago that was about my then-girlfriend.

[btbc92]

Either way, you better go seek up asap.

[tiffany_g]

Declining testosterone would be my guess. Production peaks in a man's 20s and tends to drop off after that, taking his libido with it. It seems to be pretty normal, because nearly all men I've been around become less sexually driven after they hit their very late 20s to mid 30s.

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like you're depressed about the stress at work, the lack of time for yourself. AND you've come to a point in your life where you are PARTICULAR. At 19, you're a walking erection. A breeze turns you on. At 35, you have a woman PERSON in mind. Someone who gives you a smile, listens and talks to you, has values you appreciate, is pleasant to be around. A love interest. AND if you're tired and stressed, sex has no place in your life. You're looking for balance in all things.

[Paris13]

See your Doctor and get your Testosterone Tested.. Could be Low.
And maybe Too, The right Girl has Not come Along to light up a Song... xxoo

[Paris13]

Nice Mytake. xxoo

[ManOnFire]

I definitely think not finding the right girl is a very large part of it.

[Wishfire17]

I think there are a couple things at play here. I think you could be experiencing a bit of depression, I would suggest speaking to your doctor about it. The other thing I'm thinking is that maybe you have reached a point in your life where its not the hot ones that will turn you on, but ones that look good (not smoking hot) and have great personalities. Sometimes being with someone amazing will actually make them more attractive to you. You may need that instead of what you have been going for. Those girls will dull in comparison to someone who has wits and looks.

[ManOnFire]

I definitely agree with that.

[MlleCake]

Stress, health?

[Tdieseler]

i sooo totally understand this, and no its not because its you @ManOnFire but it's because its true. and i only have one thing that I've figured out as to why IM not that sexually interested anymore... bitches these days ain't shit.
it becoming more and more ridiculous to even approach a woman these days, cuz she looks at you like all you want is sex, and lets say she's fine with that, will try to get as much money out of you as possible. the game is dead... so lets let it die.

its not even about just the sex, like, women, period... dont excite me anymore. and the last one that did... i bared my feelings to her, and what did she do... just ghosted. probably for some moron who would just use her as a wet cunt/cum bucket, cuz thats what women like, going for what/who they want, rather than who/what they need.
i was actually relieved because honestly, didn't wana be dating. done with that.

[ManOnFire]

Scary how much we think alike, especially about the dudes these chicks will go for.

[Daniela1982]

There are things that can affect your sex drive such as depression, being on anti depressants, drinking alcohol and even innocent things like eating black licorice. I also think porn can mess you up because there gets to a point where you can't get off with normal sex and need to have porn. The sad part is that sooner or later you won't even get off to porn anymore and graduate to darker things like S&M. Porn never seems to regress back to normal sex, just progress.

[SexyAshh]

Black licorice causes it too,? Interesting... i have that in a ton of my supplements. Did not know!

[Daniela1982]

@SexyAshh I forgot where I read that, but it affects a guy's ability to get it up.

[SexyAshh]

@daniela1982 hmm, i need to look into what it does to a girl, i have noticed i haven't been as easily aroused as before and it is in a natural anxietg/depression supplement from my chiropractor, so that explains it. Thank you for the info!:)

[Kyle_Apricot]

Desire is nothing more than the fact we pursue that which retreats from us. To chase your desires is like trying to chase a rainbow; it only exists while it isn't in your reach.

Take Neil Strauss, he fulfilled every single taboo sexual fantasy (that was legal) he could think of, and by the end of it he had nothing left, there's no more presents to wish for or fantasize about when you've already got them.

[CherryRoseChampange]

I've gone through similar periods and it normally has to do depression, stress, and possibly going through a lot recently so I'm mentally processing nor healing.

Not being happy can largely affect sex drive from what I know anyway. And the only way I really got it back was to do the things possible to make me feel happier and mentally better. Then work from there by doing g things that make me feel sexier or sexually arouse me. Whether that be having a partner to share those feelings with or dabbling in new things.

[hahahmm]

Why would you want to have ‘all day boners’ at work?

The last time I had that i was maybe 22-23. I was glad to have finally become a Jedi who was not a slave to a mindless penis. It still works 100% when I’m with a woman.

I had ups & downs in my life as far as being into women. From over the top to feeling like a monk. For some it’s better to get your life goals ($$$$$$$) when you’re not focused on women

[BrittBratt2416]

You're either sexually bored, depressed, have low testosterone, aging, lower sex drive, have other hobbies you prefer to do.

[pras016]

Probably cause you're not happy in life. You can't really get that "sexual" excitement when you have other problems going on in life. You must be really worried about something that's stopping you from getting all the sexual desires.

[PinkMichae]

Stress is a big factor. It kills my mans drive too. But I wouldn't assume you don't have low testosterone. Because unless you told the doc of your problem it's not routine to test for hormone deficiencies. Have you started any new meds for depression or blood pressure? Cuz that can cause sexual side effects. I'm willing to bet it's your anxiety. It tends to take the passion out of sex and other things you were passionate about.

[ManOnFire]

Haven't taken any meds for depression, no. In fact I'm scared to. I don't ever want to be drugs.

[PinkMichae]

Do you think you have lost your passion in other things you use to like to do?

[ManOnFire]

No. I'm really an artist and I have a lot of fun with that, but little time for it anymore.

[Royalsarcasist]

I think you’ve grown out of the phase where sex is an animalistic urge and any woman will turn you on. Sex drive for you now is probably more about the woman’s character as well. Sex with someone you actually like is almost always 1000 times better than a gorgeous girl you don’t care about. There’s a lot of different reasons why your sex drive is hitting libido, but this is probably up there. And in my opinion it’s not a bad thing.

[ManOnFire]

Yeah, something like that. That's what I'm feeling like, everything you said.

[FatherJack]

" And in my opinion it’s not a bad thing " ... It's a GREAT thing , no longer being sexually interested in women is a huge blessing , far more so for a man... very well written response !!

[Mikayla3]

Stress or hormones!

[elissa23Trans]

Could be low testosterone or side-effects of SSRIs if you are on antidepressants.
Lots of men have low libido for various reasons.

Low testosterone can be combatted by prescribing Clomid for a little while which helps the testicles to start up again to produce more testosterone. Testosterone gel or testosterone patches is another option.

Another option is changing antidepressants if you are taking them. Serotonine reuptake inhibitors are well known for causing low libido in many people. They make your prolactin increase too.

Discuss your options with a sensitive doctor.

Good luck.
Sexual health is an important part of our mental health. You deserve care and compassion.

[smg99]

Wow you remind me of someone

[Levin]

You sound a pretty burnt out and like you need a serious evaluation in life, about what is making you so unhappy and exhausted.

Because symptoms that are ignored just get worse and worse.

I wouldn't worry too much about it if it's just connected to where you are in life atm. I do find certain things to be injurious to sexual health. Namely, hyperstimulation, for example, through porn. The whole nervous system collapses and goes dead for a bit. If that applies to you, with porn, or anything else you can identify, cut it out. As a general rule, avoid the cheap thrills that give you some kind of arousal to take you away, or to numb you from life. Let be arousal solely from interactions with real life women. I find if I do that, even some flirting can give me a boner.

Secondly, what's your relationship to your groin? How do you feel about your sexuality? A lot of traumas relating to sex are often to do with guilt and shame. Worth experimenting with. The psychological aspect is paramount for people who want to go beyond superficiality.

It's a source of mockery in 'sophisticated' Western cultures. But semen retention can be really healthy and hypercharge you sexually, if used in the right way. It should keep a man sexually vigorous into his late years. Having said that, the basic principles, of not ejaculating unless you really feel like it, or avoiding forcing ejaculation, are all very sound and easy to practice. Basically, quality over quantity, and like I said, using ejaculation as a cheap way to avoid the pain of life is a dangerous path. Just my opinion.

I'm 34, have struggled with a lot of things in life. But as I say, if I follow these principles, and a woman and I just flirt, that's enough in itself.

[Ellie-V]

I don’t understand why you care so much. I mean... get checked out if that’s what you feel you need to do but as long as you have good health... how is this actually a bad thing?
There are plenty of other avenues to explore for “glow” and excitement than just sex. Maybe this is a wake up call. Sex (and relationships) obviously shouldn’t be your priority.

There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t make something trivial into WW3.

Not everyone is meant to be brainwashed on sex.