Sexual Relationships
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I now understand how men can be too nice. Because women can too.

I now understand how men can be too nice. Because women can too.

So I’ve noticed while spending time at a beach that people are just way too innocent.

As people know I frequent nude beaches. I dude it because I like swimming nude. However, I find that occasionally they’re so populated by people who appear uncomfortable with nudity that sometimes it isn’t worth it to strip nude. Just to save drama and not offend people.

When this happens I sit and observe the beach. What I hear people talking about, and see them doing, makes them all seem sheltered and sexually repressed. I’m not even sure what to make of it. That’s when it hit me. Maybe the majority of the population is like this. At least in the United States.

People are just uncomfortable with nudity. Uncomfortable with sexuality. Get weirded out easily and don’t like being checked out or approached only for hookups, even on Tinder of all places.

It seems the only place this isn’t offensive is at bars. But then the scale tips way over and the guys are all on steroids and it’s hyper sexualized in unnatural ways. Why is there no middle ground where people are just completely cool with sex whenever with almost whoever? Why are people averse to that? What makes them so repressed?

I don’t know.

But what I do know is I consider these people ‘too nice.’ Regardless of how physically attractive they might be, they’re just too innocent. Even if they have always dated and are sexually active, they’re still too sheltered. Too uncomfortable with their natural bodies. I can’t comprehend it. I feel like Europe is much more sexually liberated as a culture compared to the United States.

Of course, my theory is that Christianity is to blame. But more broadly, puritanical beliefs that determine the culture in the United States to this day.

Ultimately, I feel out of place here. Neither hyper sexualized or ritualistic nor overly modest. I wonder what I am doing here in the US and if I would be better served by moving to Europe. Or possibly Hawaii. To be honest, I don’t really understand it. I’m not sure if that’s just how people naturally are, or if they are trying to conform to social norms. Either way, it’s possible to be too nice. Or maybe the better term is ‘too American.’

That’s all.

0 2

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree. I was born and raised in the Midwest and my family for thousands of years prior to me (yes, I can say that being A Native American). So this religious cults that have spun such sexual guilt on this country for so long called my ancestors savages. To prevent poor body images for our children, my late husband and I didn’t rush our kids out of the room when we changed clothes or didn’t lock the door when showering etc. our son and daughter never seemed embarrassed and never said they were embarrassed. And when we took them to Europe, even though they were only around 8 & 9, they didn’t seem intimidated or embarrassed by the magazine covers (we hide Cosmopolitans covers here) or works of art. Thin tall short fat... we all come in different shapes and sizes. And sexuality is a natural thing. It shouldn’t be considered dirty or perverted or shameful.

    • You sound like a great mom. If I was raised that way my life would be different. I am sure of it.

    • Thank you! Im sure you and me both would. The first penis I saw was in Playgirl the second was probably my husbands lol. I was raised conservatively but your own hangups can become clearer to you when you have children because you want them to be better than yourself. It’s how we improve the world 😉

Most Helpful Guy

  • You seem to be enmeshing nudity and sex. They are very definitely not the same. I have been to a nude beach several times. Nobody was doing anything sexual, just a little light kidding on occasion. Though I like being on a nude beach due to the freedom I feel there, and swimming, I would be very bothered if people just went at it sexually. The type of atmosphere you seem to want, fits more into a swingers club than a nude beach. So it's little wonder you feel a little out of place on the beach.

    • Not exactly. I just find the whole 'let's go to the beach, pretend we don't want to checked out but still wear skimpy clothes and sit in a circle and try not to be too obvious abiut hitting on X attractuve friend' thing just makes no sense.

    • Robert: It's not that nobody notices anybody else. Just that it's really little different from a regular beach where women are wearing thongs, and sometimes at topless beaches. There is no extra sexual activity at a nude beach, and things are pretty much the same as with any beach. And honestly, there is less hitting on girls on a nude beach than on a regular beach. That's partly because of the culture at most nude beaches, they go out of their way to try to dampen the sexual type activity, so they will not attract attention, because they are already under scrutiny.

    • Totally agree. What I find silly is that people are very sensitive to be naked. And at nude beaches I don't hit on girls or behave any different than regular life. That said, it just strikes me how uncomfortable so many people are by exposing body parts that are sexualized. There's a paradox about prudishness and over sexualization in the US that needs to be brought to together in order to be coherent. Can't be sex crazed and then also freak out abiut showing a boob or seeing a penis on a beach, JMO.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • America was founded by religious extremists whose extreme views weren't easily tolerated in Europe. I'm talking about the Puritans, Barkers, Quakers, Amish, and others. Then add both Catholic and Jewish guilt to the pile, and you can see why body and sex shame is still common in the US (though it's SLOWLY changing). That also, ironically, explains the US's OBSESSION with sex - it's still a taboo, and yet humans naturally desire it, so that conflict tends to breed both obsession and shame. That's pretty messed up, in my opinion.

    Western Europe (at least) generally has a much more balanced and healthy attitude about sex - though they have some faults in other areas, so, nothing's perfect.

    • I am always amused by men's reaction to the idea that some chicks fantisfantisize about being raped (some females will attack other females for having this type of fantasy!) even though "force" in all its various guises and degrees is the single most common theme in women's fantasies. The reason I mention this is because it is the desire VS. guilt/shame that society showers girls with is the prime motivator. Girls want to fuck. About the time they hit puberty! Guys think chicks should be fucked. The better looking ones need more fuck. This all starts around the same time as puberty. Perhaps it's only coincidental that all this thinking about sex begins at around the same time our bodies become capable of procreation. People should leave the government out of their children's minds and educate them themselves. Explain to your 12 year old daughter that its perfectly normal to enjoy humping the armchair but maybe some discretion is in order? Not tell her that Good Girls NEVER and the ones who do are Sluts and will burn in hell and make her feel weird for just being normal... I don't know I'm stoned as shit

  • I didn't think that's what girls meant when they say a guy is too nice

    • Explain?

    • I didn't think not being sexually expressive is what people meant when they said they're too nice

    • Hmm, okay. What do you think too nice means in this context then? How do you thibk gurks meant it?

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  • It's an interesting thought-spew. I do think there's some elements of truth to it, yeah.

  • Interesting perspective.

  • Hm? Care to explain? At no point did you support your thesis with anything resembling an argument.

    • True. That's because I just made an observation that didn't need an argument. It's just a truism. Just imagine an attractive person on Tinder, you luckily match with them. They exchange convos with you but it never gets sexual... too nice. Plain as day. Be kind as a person? yeah. Acknowledge the existence of penises and vulvas, the fact the both conversing have them, they work, and would love to see and touch them on the other person's body? Also yeah. Need both. One without the other is no good. Too nice is the absence of the awknowledgement of sexuality; one might begin to wonder whether or not they in fact have a penis they wish to insert in such a conversation. Likewise one might wonder whether or not they have a vaginal tunnel that wishes to be filled up at some point or another.

    • Too me, sitting on a nude beach fully clothed freaking out about anyone seeing your nipple qualifies under 'are you okay? Does your vagina work? Too nice' category.

    • "Too nice is the absence of the awknowledgement of sexuality;" Sorry but this is not how words work. "Nice" =/= "absence of the awknowledgement of sexuality" no matter how you spin it. Accepting your nonstandard definition needs an argument. "Nice" has a very different meaning than refusing to be aware that "penises and vulvas"exist. . If the title would have been "I now understand why men can be prudes when going to a nude beach and being awkward. Because women can too." I would have understood.

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  • I think I may be uncomfortable at nude beaches because as much as I enjoy swimming nude, I am afraid of getting sn erection if there are a good number of attractive girls

    • I say, fly your flag man. Nobody gets upset when yiu can smell that a girl is getting wet in public. It's the way nature intended. Girks like errections (lol).

    • But nudists don't have the same reactions to nudity that non nudes have.

    • That's true. it is considered disrespectful because it jeopardises the few remaining nudist friendly beaches in this country. But that's really because our culture among americans in general is so heavily influenced by puritanical thoughts and ideas. The fact that public nudity is *illegal* blows my mind. Last I checked humans were not born with clothes.

  • Niceness has nothing to do with how easily one can get naked.

    • It's a vague word. Maybe innocent or sheltered? But ybose aren't quite right either.

    • The lack of needing to be over sexual or undersexual is the cincept I'm going for.

  • "Why is there no middle ground where people are just completely cool with sex whenever with almost whoever?"

    Because people are not animals, they're intelligent human beings who are cognizant of the repercussions of promiscuity and having casual sex "with almost whoever". We have instincts that tel us that is bad. It has little to do with Christianity (I am atheist) and more to do with being evolved. It's a good thing, not a bad one.

  • Nice.

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