Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I recently discovered or I guess accepted that I am bisexual. I just came out of a long term relationship with my ex-gf and decided to explore what sex was like with guys. I had a series of
casual hookups and it taught me a lot about what women go through and what they experience with sex.
Finding my way with guys..
So, I quickly learned early on that I am more submissive with other guys. I guess that makes me a “bottom” and that surprised me. I suppose I like the role reversal and the experience of
going from more dominant and performance oriented to getting to just be passive and let it happen. Letting someone else perform.
I also realized that with guys it was just about the sex. No emotional connection and I don’t think I could feel that way for a guy if I wanted to. No desire for kissing or making out either. That ruled out much of the gay scene and even lots of guys who identified as bisexual.
So I pretty much was able to hook up with “straight” guys who didn’t mind getting a blow job or
fucking as long as it wasn’t reciprocal. Most of the guys I was with have also been primarily or exclusively with women all of their lives and here I was getting the same sexual treatment that the women they typically banged did. Heck! In many cases, the guys hooked up with me after failing to hook up with a woman for the night and were mad horny! So, I was stepping into a woman’s shoes in a way and experiencing the same things they do (as much as possible as a guy).
I did make absolutely sure to play safe. I insisted on protection for penetration. Got tested. Insisted they were.
Big differences!
From the very beginning, it was a 180 degree change of view! I suddenly realized WHY women were more hesitant to have sex for starters .
I now realize how much the sex act is so much simpler and straightforward for guys
I felt vulnerable..
I realized how vulnerable it is to become the person who is about to get penetrated. Sex suddenly became more than just satisfying an urge, it became a huge judgement call over basically, this stranger that I am agreeing to make myself THAT vulnerable to!
I mean, It's INCREDIBLY easy for someone to hurt you while they are penetrating you. He could be starting out nice and slow and then he just starts jackhammering without any warning! There's a significant amount of trust involved. I need to trust that he won't hurt me or
he'll stop it he does (both are gigantic ifs). For example, I’m a tall guy but kind of on the skinny side and about average strength. Depending on the other guy and his build, I could be in a position where it's very difficult, if not nearly impossible to get him off me if he chooses to ignore my boundaries. I can only imagine what it must be like for a petite, smaller woman!
I really also was not prepared for the emotion that comes with the vulnerability. The sense of danger, the sense of really being at someone else’s mercy. Once you make the choice to let them inside of you, it’s hard not to feel some strong emotions even in an casual hookup. Getting penetrated is so personal and so intimate. I also understand when women are worried about respect! I found that I was wondering if the guy would respect me during or after the act.
I wasn’t prepared when my boundaries were challenged either. When your in a vulnerable or submissive sex position, it’s hard not to internalize it in a way and if the guy gets too rough or does something you don’t enjoy, it isn’t always easy to speak up in the moment.
What is odd though is basically the same things happened in separate incidents with two different guys and in one case I felt cheap and violated and in the other, I enjoyed it.
The first guy slapped me in the face with his cock basically, like they do in porn.
The second guy was even more aggressive with facefucking me and then moving me into a position where he was sitting on my face so that I could kiss his ass and he had me do that for awhile. What is odd is, with the first guy, I felt cheap and used and was mad at myself for not telling him to stop but with the second guy, I found that I enjoyed it. I really can’t explain why other than saying that there was something about the first guy that made it not OK and something about the second where he was more extreme with me but it WAS OK. Does that make sense?
Empowerment!
The experience was also rather empowering because now I got to choose if we’d have sex or not. The guys were just horny and just wanted to do it, so it was wild to be in a position to be this sexual gatekeeper or get to pick from a selection of horny guys on an app.
It was empowering to stop wondering how I was performing and judge someone else’s performance! I now realize how many options women (and gay/bi guys) have for sex if they want it. There is a huge, endless supply of horny guys out there and it’s real eye-opener to be in a position to pick and choose like that.
Other Observations...
I now realize why good hygiene is important! Seriously, wash up down there! Most guys were fine but the ones that were not? It’s an instant mood killer!
I now realize why foreplay and starting slow is important!
I realize how obnoxious it is to want to just jump in and do it immediately. I mean, I realize these are casual hookups here and the whole point is gonna be sex but since I came to the realization of how EASY it is to find men willing to have sex, I don't feel the pressure of… "oh my god I need to fuck immediately!!”
Penises
I realize that penises come in all shapes and sizes and there is really no way to tell by the guy’s bodytype or external appearance.
There were some real surprises over who was packing and who wasn’t! Some examples? Big, jacked bodybuilder guy with tattoos was not, skinny emo looking guy, about 100lbs soaking wet absolutely WAS!! I hooked up with a black guy and he was about average down there.
I also learned that really big cocks are nice to look at, reeeally nice to look at, but can be difficult, cumbersome and painful to have sex with. They are eye candy really and it’s amazing to see them up close but sorta frustrating to do anything with.
Back to Women!
I’m kinda over this now. Back to dating women.. trying casual at first and it’s back to being a culture shock at how much harder that is. Not being among the gatekeepers anymore is hard.
I have discovered that it’s made me a much better lover. I'm ore considerate, more attuned to the female body, less in a rush.
I don't want people to think that I did all of these things I complained about though.. that I didn't bathe or didn't care about foreplay or was basically an ass to women. The point of this is to say that once I EXPERIENCED how lousy some guys can be to women, it really opened my mind up to what they go through and it made me become more conscious of their mindset and their experiences. I also never thought much about or really understood when I'd hear women complain about guys in bed, but now I GET it!
I also appreciate the amazing guys out there and how great this kind of sex can be. How empowering, how different from what I was used to, how much more intimate and intense it can be. I wouldn't want to ALWAYS have sex this way and I don't prefer it this way but it's a nice new world to visit occasionally.
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