Sexual Relationships
+1 y

The Oppression of Male Sex Drive and Male Depression

A picture says a million words. This one says only two:

Ah, I just love that men send these. They really should be on greeting cards.
Ah, I just love that men send these. They really should be on greeting cards.

Why exactly is it, that men become a bit desperate and strange after being in a sexual dry spell for a while? Even the idea of never being able to get laid, has pushed several men into depression - even suicide. Women also experience lows due to lack of intimacy and sexual contact, but we aren't rushing to DM a clit-pic to a random stranger...one that could be underage even, just to get some sexual attention.

Just A Touch

The Oppression of Male Sex Drive and Male Depression
Boobs are nature's pillows

Hearing my guy buddies mourn about needing a woman after weeks or months of being unwillingly abstinent, is just the beginning of the sudden touching, porn binges and asking if itd be okay to just lay his head on my chest for five seconds.

As a guy, we really start to crave a women's touch. It's a shitty feeling so you kinda look for ways to get that, even if it is a little weird. - Robert

Another friend of mine, had been clearly frustrated for a month or so, and I awoke in ready-to-stab-a-bitch terror, completely wrapped in his arms-

Oh shit. Sorry if I scared you...is this okay...ha ha...can we keep doing...this? - Derek

Now, none of us chick buddies have ever been sexual with the guy buddies, as that's kinda the rule of the friend zone - but upon joking about pity sex, Robert made a statement that was kinda startling -

It's easy to laugh about when you don't feel like you're about to hurt someone because you need it so bad.

Granted, he's not the most sugar-coated guy, and the collective agreement amongst ALL the men in the room - even the married ones - felt pretty intense. I didn't know men felt such a deep connection to their sexual drives, beyond obviously wanting it. I mean, as stereotypes go, sex is kinda their thing yeah? There's even the insulting and "toxic-masculinity," degrading guys do, against other men who "cant get laid."

The Oppression of Male Sex Drive and Male Depression

Getting laid, seriously is a big thing to our dudes, and I feel pretty crappy that society makes male sexuality out to be such a horrible thing. A threatening thing.

It is obviously a big part of their nature as guys, and maybe they wouldn't blow our inboxes up with dick-pics or creepy senpai furry RPGs chats, if men weren't antagonized for being...men.

Men being sexual, is not bad. It's as natural as a woman being emotional. Repression of sexual desire, was a social construct from a post conservative time.

Now, there is definitely a line - a woman who is too emotional, causes problems for herself and others. A man who is too sexually expressive, can develop an addiction, obsession, or potentially hurt someone. Sexual expression is not blowing up an unwilling girl's inbox because you want to do a sexual roleplay. There are girls who do, but men who have been sexually repressed, struggle with this boundary out of desperation.

(Note the Indian dudes that we all love to get messages from and to see post about what "our vag-genes look as," and if "cock ever in mouth yes?" These dudes come from a conservative ass country, with the internet being the holy grail of virtual sexy time.)

The difference, is that women are still okay to be emotional, fuck, even over emotional. Whereas, men are never given the safe space to express sexual desire, without being stigmatized as desperate or a creep. Due to that notion, men keep their urges repressed in an unhealthy way, feeling shame, embarrassment, and end up sneaking into your bed to cry into your breasts at 4 in the morning.

Eliminating Destructive Social Conditioning

So, are you saying women should just give sex to a lonely guy you queen of the whores?!

No. I'm saying that society should loosen up on the freak-out factor of men being sexual. A man is not going to rape you for acknowledging him. He isn't going to assume you want sex because you stopped to let him compliment your pretty face. They don't get all kidnappy because you gave them some female attention.

What's creepy about being praised for your beauty, brains, and persona?
What's creepy about being praised for your beauty, brains, and persona?

Stop being anxious about male attention.

Its reassuring to men, when their advances are either met, or passed gracefully by women.

We've experienced being rejected by a guy because he (unspoken usually,) found us ugly, annoying or gross. Guys however, are more elegant in letting women down, than our mean asses.

Although you may not want to be with him, another girl will. There's firm yet kind ways to show a guy disinterest, as opposed to being blown off, ghosted, ignored, creepofied, and rudely insulted by the few women he simply wanted to address.

Don't be that bitch who tells a guy "eew," for giving you honor in finding you attractive. Its blatantly disrespectful. Men face their own ridicule and its extremely potent when that ridicule is constantly from women.

Men understand words pretty well, I know some are like, "Waah? I thought they only thought with their dicks?" No, no. there's a fully functional, sentient, brain too. Shocking, I know - who would've thought with all the dumb- cave man ideology pushed in media - that men actually have coherency and self control. Simply telling a man that you are not interested in him, usually is enough.

That mentioned, men should understand when enough is enough, and how to appropriately find and engage WILLING women. A girl posting her opinion on liking to give head, does NOT translate to sexy time messaging. You still gotta get CONSENT to these things guys.

Peacocking

Come here guuuuuh!
Come here guuuuuh!

Okay, so it wasn't enough, and he is still begging you for a date, because let's just put it on the table - men get obsessive over us sometimes. Persistence is not something unique only to human males. It's a trait in millions of species.

Yeah, we've seen Mr. Puffy Pigeon McHorny Beak, hooeing and chasing a clearly disinterested female pigeon for hours, and we want to kick him for her - but males are the sexual protagonists. This drive is solely due to nature telling guys to keep going, so you can get one pregnant eventually and keep our damn species alive.

No pressure right?

It is the counter-balance to female selection, in which a guy keeps expressing why he is a suitable partner for her, (peacocking,) and spurns male competition to, in theory, keep the breeding pool full of good healthy genes.

What is incredibly unsettling about this, is that sometimes we give in to it, because it makes us reconsider him. The audacious lengths nature goes to for baby-making?!

Is this any excuse for you sir, to keep harassing a CLEARLY DISINTERESTED woman? No. Guys need to keep in mind, that you become a threat after we tell you no for good. If a girl you like starts becoming aggressive, rude or scared, you seriously need to fuck off.

Most guys are pretty civil, so they'll leave you alone after the first polite let down.

In truth, if male sexuality is nurtured more, men won't be spurned to persist so desperately, because they'll feel confident enough to receive a no. If it's a constant struggle to just get a smile from a girl, it starts to make men angry and bitter, eliciting those harsher "creepy" behaviors.

Men are not comfortable quite yet in expressing their awkward position in the breeding game, its quite a sensitive topic.

No guy wants to be the loser who can't get a girl, and that's terrible that such an antagonization lingers over them at all, especially when life has made it an uphill battle.

My dude-o's, don't feel bad about your sexual nature. It's okay to feel strongly those things that you do. It's not weird to fantasize about a girl you like, it's not creepy to stare while you figure out how the hell you'll possibly get her number, or try that pick up line you've been wanting to use all week.

Keep whistling at us, holding doors open, making our day brighter because you couldn't help but tell us we were beautiful, when we felt like shit all day. You're not a creep for having to be bold in what you want.

It may not be today or tomorrow, but someday she'll be snuggled right in your arms.

Just like she fantasized about the first time she pictured you and her together...

2 28

Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you are correct to an extent. However I think their is an added element which is ignored and that is that sex is the only emotional validation that men have nowadays. Basically a man needs emotional nurturing and connection, yet in our society we actively ridicule and debase men regularly. We present them as monsters in every single opportunity provided (case in point the Gillett ad that showcased men being "toxic" and women and children as victims of it (despite the fact that every man on this planet is born with a prebuilt disposition to protect women and children (hence why almost all male aggression is directed at other males and female aggression is directed at males and females (women are actually even more likely to abuse men then men are to abuse women))). They did this DESPITE the fact that their almost sole customer base is men.).

    We are also told that women are to be treated like men, but not really. That is to say, women are taking jobs that use to be ours, so now they are our competition. They are taking on roles that are masculine and we are expected to treat them as such (but again, not really, we still have to treat them like women even as we treat them like men (which are to polar opposites, we treat other men as competition and competitors and people whom if necessary we will fight with, on the other hand we treat women with reverence, we give them every advantage we can and are unable to bring ourselves to inflict violence upon them if necessary (this is a huge issue because for men when an situation escalates we know that it could lead to physical altercations, this helps keep every one in check, but with women that is never something that can happen so men don't know how to deal with that or women who are particularly aggressive because the rules that men operate by do not apply to women allowing those women to act with impunity). So what happens is that women are acting more masculine, but we are still not allowed to treat them that way and that puts men in a bizarre position where the rules are not known and are constantly shifting at a moments notice. Because of this men can never truly be comfortable with women in general (individual women sure but as a whole not really (and statistics are showing this)). We can never let our guard down because women are now competition so we cannot make as strong an emotional connection to women. So what happens is that the closest thing to a nurturing and validating relationship is through sex, its the only intimacy men have so now they are doubly craving that sexual connection because for men that does tend to have a stronger connection to each other then it does for women (women get emotional intimacy from other women, from male relations etc. Men only get it from women and now with how we treat men in society, we don't get it at all making sex the only release we have creating ever greater disfunction.). Otherwise yes I would agree, if women stopped attacking men for their sexuality or every time they hit on them (yet refuse to persue men (because apparently we are simply suppose to automatically know when a woman is interested and when she is not)) then that would allow men to feel more comfortable approaching women, be less stressed out by it and have more opportunities to find women who are interested and thus get the intimacy that they seek.

    • Wow, it's like dethroning men, yet using them to stil fight the war and run the country so it doesn't collapse. I see it as a small dog complex, in which women bark loud, walking around bragging about having male jobs / trades and traits, but when push comes to shove, we cannot carry out these jobs as proficiently, be it physical demand or mental demand. Can we do them decently? Yes, but there's a reason some jobs are dude dominant and others are female dominant. I think what screwed everything, was the destruction of gender validation through organic gender role acknowledging and radicalized social constructs like misogyny and feminism. I think gender equality is finely ground bullshit. Its gender harmony that creates the healthiest environment for our genders, and we haven't been able to gain that quite yet

    • Small dog complex , like that term !!

    • It is the case. Men where held up (and so have women (their is a reason why Freedom, liberty and justice, nature etc. are all personified as women), just for different reasons) because we where the ones dying in the fields, we where the ones dying to protect our families and communities, we worked in the fields, mines and factories doing grueling work only to take everything we earned and giving it over to our families. Now we are told that at our very best, we are worthless and at worse we are the cause of every single problem in the world BUT we are still expected to keep making all these sacrifices while telling women how much better they are then us. The feminist movement made women want what they had but also what men had (that's why you here how "women can do it all" even when any sane person can tell you you can't and we have never said anything remotely like this to men). Its precisely as you say, men are built for certain tasks and women are built for others. Women now a days frustrate me because of things like feminism where they are now acting like the worse parts of men and disregarding the best parts of their femininity, yet when you find a woman who is feminine and nurturing its the greatest thing in the world (but for some reason feminist hate femininity and women I think more then they hate men). We were built to compliment each other but we also historically understood each other way more and so we didn't have this confusion that exists now. Feminism has turned women against men and instead of seeing us as protectors (which we are, again, if you look at the data women are more likely to abuse their spouse then men are, 70% of all violent crime victims are male and the more violent the crime the more likely the victim is to be male etc.) they see us as monsters, as things to be feared. Its really messed up men and the way we interact with women.

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  • As expected from @dancing_in_nebulas , good content and above all , a willingness to look from a male POV. Part of the problem , my own daughter has told me several times , is that girls are subtly indoctrinated into viewing males as beneath them via the education system , reinforced greatly by the " media " , and becomes far worse at colleges and esp universities , which are almost totally infiltrated and dominated by Cultural Marxism , of which feminism is a sub branch , I have encountered too many brainwashed young women students / uni grads , that hate men , despite not really having any major negative experiences with men. Those behind this BS , know full well that the more emotional female brain is more prone to this indoctrination , and know the male backlash is inevitable.

    A problem for younger guys is that testosterone curses them ( I know too well !! ) with sex drives many orders of magnitude higher than their female counterparts , women do not comprehend this any more than men experience a menstrual cycle ( the Female Curse ) . So glad my Male Curse , as I call the male sex drive , has faded to an insignificant level , would be a nightmare for a single FT working dad like me to have my teen / 20 something drive back , good riddance !! Furthermore , boys and men are treated harsher and with much less affection by both genders. @Hellionthesagereborn gives a great summary , hence my upvote on his post.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm so glad you wrote this mytake. I've been saying this for years. So many men are sexually frustrated and without intimacy, add to that how focused the world is on helping women that we forget men represent the other half and if they are hurt then it will eventually hurt even us women. THANK YOU for writing this. I feel at ease knowing there are women like you out there and I don't feel alone in these topics. THIS IS WHAT WE NEED, WOMEN AND MEN HELPING EACH OTHER. YOU JUST MADE MY DAY <3 <3 <3

    I lost a brother to suicide because he felt trapped and not a day goes by where i don't think of him.

    • Oh love I'm so sorry about your brother. It's a heavy topic that has gotten put under the socially awkward rug sadly, but little by little, we'll get it out in the open so guys won't feel so burdened like this

    • Amen. THANK YOU <3 He was my world and I just wish he was with me. Actually he made me strong in this world and we need men. Appreciate all your words

    • Anonymous, si sorry for your brother. I just had a discussion with a woman here and she was treating men like shit. Calling them lonely, desperate, and whatever she could say. This is the world we live now. Men are gone from society

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 28

  • Everything was okay until you said 'keep whistling at us'. No. I appreciate a compliment and I say thank you and return one but if you whistle at me then you lose any chance you might've had. And 'it might not be today or tomorrow, but someday she'll be snuggled right in your arms" it's great that you're giving them hope but some guys are creepily obsessive and hearing something like that just justifies it for them.

    • Some of us dont mind being whistled at - what bothers you, may flatter another girl. And I dont know how "you (men,) need to fuck off when she's disinterested," translates to supporting that kind of behavior, but maybe you didn't read it all. I purposely specified 3 times how that's not okay, specifically for overly sensitive women who would read this and only perceive it from their, "women are always the victim," mindset. We're not. A guy over stepping that boundary into real creephood, is not okay, as mentioned multiple times above. The problem, is calling normal guys just looking it giving a compliment, creepy, because you feel some over sensitive personal way about it. I grew up in a big city, so whistling and cat calling is common place. It's just flirty to me, but if it isn't to you, then that's fine. Calling a guy an asshole for simply whistling at you to get your attention, is bitchy in my opinion. But two different people. My uncle whistled at my aunt, and they've been married 19yrs so...

    • Yes, which is why I said *I* in my sentence. I was starting my personal preference for not being whistled at. I didn't call anyone creepy for a regular compliment, in fact I said I appreciate them and would compliment them back. I didn't call anyone an asshole, I just said you would lose any chance with me. I view whistling at someone the same as coming up and slapping their ass. As for your other point, if you didn't know, most guys continue to pursue even after the woman has said no and delude themselves into thinking she's into him. Yes, sometimes it does work but if it takes months after months of work and they have to abide by a saying like that, don't you think she isn't interested? Ending with a statement of 'my uncle whistled at my aunt...' was pointless. There's no context. I don't know them and I probably never will. Was it a courtship lasting years and he whistled once? Was it a spur of the moment wedding and he whistled at her on their honeymoon? Is one of them abusive so they can't leave the relationship if they wanted to? I don't know anything about your family so you can't use them to justify your point.

    • 1.) You said you disagreed with whistling. - No problem, I simply gave a counter opinion on that, because that's what a discussion is. Nothing personal, I write in a 2nd person so the use of "you" can be specific and general based on context. You didn't mention anything about calling a guy an asshole, so contextually that was pertaining to the extreme cases of women that do. I re-routed it back to the difference of our opinions with the "But two different people," in regards to you not liking to be whistled at, and me liking it - not you calling anyone an asshole. 2.) My uncle's whistling - Just an example on how it's not a negative thing for men to do, outside of opinion, and can result in successful pairing of people by getting her attention that way. We aren't talking about healthy or toxic relationships, so more details of their married life is logically not needed here, as the subject matter was whistling. 3.) Missing the clear points made about men overstepping boundaries in this regard. Its clearly stated, so no need to reiterate. there's nothing here, however, that encourages a man to keep pursuing a woman, when she's clearly expressed disinterest. As stated above, men are sentient enough to back off. The guys still harassing you, are not common. People make it seem like men are just hovering outside a womans house in hoards, like zombies lol. They have their own lives to live, and most get over you quickly after a no.

  • Most men aren't as degenerate and pathetic as the individuals you are referring to in this take.
    Barely masquerading as well adjusted human beings, that's not something you deserve a trophy for.

    So I can't agree with the message of this take at all.
    Vermin should be treated as vermin.

  • I receive sexual attention from women all the time- and I'm totally grateful. How do i do it? Acting normal, cordial, supportive, and just listening to women. Also genuinely treating them as equals, if not superiors!

    • Sexual attention I think it does not mean they let you in their pants. Usually, they want to play

  • This was an amusing read.

    • Because it validates your feelings

    • Or for a multitude of other factors. What makes you come to that conclusion?

  • Women always want to make it all about sex, but it's way more than just sex.

    The same guy who can't get laid also can't get a hug or any friendly human contact at all.

  • I think even the guys who think lowly of women should be respected because they're people, too. Of course, though, respect would include discouraging negative generalizations of women or discouraging thoughts that women are only good for one or two things (if you feel like those thoughts are damaging to society). Simply insulting them or telling them to fuck off isn't respect to them, and it's disrespectful to society in my eyes.

  • Good take. Too long for me to invest in commenting on point by point, but the general impression I got is that your head's screwed on pretty straight on this subject.

  • The author show a good understanding of male psychology and sexuality, as well as the mating dance.
    I gave up on women before many of the participants in GAG were born.
    No female contact for 19 years... and counting.
    Thank the gods for xhamster and Porn Hub. 🤣

  • Your friends are a terrible example...
    Not all of us will go bananas if we don't have sex for a long time.
    Sending dick pics or texts of desperation is a sign of lack of self control that we don't all share.
    Our hands exist to relive some sexual tension. Girls masturbate too, that's no big deal.
    Acting in a foolish way is just for those with no self respect.

    Also this is not limited to us. Women do desperate stuff too. Less than us, fair enough, but that just comes to show that it depends on the person not the gender.

  • @dancing_in_nebulas Thank you for writing this. You get it. It's rare to see a female who does.

  • The x an I never had much "down time" or lack of contact until , I believe she started having or building something with someone else.. We split now I'm worthless in that way. I can't get excited or turned on... I'm take a good year off an build my life for me before I let anyone else in

  • Honestly. I think everyone should get rid of their sex drive. It's only useful when it comes to having children.

  • Love it! Very well thought out and logical.

  • "Keep orbiting females for nothing in return"

    Females only want chad.

    • Obviously there is return if there's 8 billion people on this planet lol. DO NOT ORBIT. That's desperate behavior, like putting all your eggs in one basket. You travel from planet to planet, until you find the atmosphere you like. Guys make the mistake of focusing on only one girl, when naturally your built to put yourself out there to all women, abs pursue ALL women that suit your taste. Why do you think bad boys are able to get so many girls? They don't orbit for starters. You are a valid male that will be one hell of a lover - dont sale yourself to a small market.

    • As along as women are rewarding bad men, either, stop liking women, or become one the guys that women actually go for

    • @Armourdillo But that's you're guys problem - you dont get why "bad" boys get the girls. THEY, DONT, CARE, ABOUT, FEMALE, SELECTION. They believe so much they are a catch, that they force women to like them ha ha. They use our own analysis against us, by making us believe we are losing out on a great guy because he puts himself out there so well. The only difference, is what the band boy is offering. They feel proud in "bad" behaviors, like fighting, gang life, quick money etc, and build their masculinity through that shit. Now, there are excellent good boys that pride themselves on their education, legally made money, strength in fitness or outdoor pursuits, art, music etc- who've never struggled to date ever. Because he knows he's a catch. You guys just dont think you're that great, and try to force the world to hold your view. It doesn't. Dont be miserable over it, just embrace yourself and we'll desire you naturally. My ex wasn't good looking at all, and had the personality of Raisin Brand. It was so odd that I dated him, since I'm so edgy and beautiful, that people thought something was wrong with me lol He was just himself. He didn't stress about being the hottest, strongest or richest guy, he was just content with himself and that stability is sexy.

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  • These are just your opinions and you are dead wrong. Women can be just as (even more) sex and intimate-deprived as men. This is some "girls rule, boys" drool content. I think those "clit-pic" things, women just tend to be more so ashamed of their genitals then men. Also, women aren't inclined to take initiatives, making them "seem" less desperate.

  • Thank you.

    Guys do need some physical affection from time to time just like women need mental attention.

    I have never had any but I have grown to deal with it.

    That's the biggest difference between a guy and a monster, the ability to deal with not getting what your body demands.

  • Wow. I am touched. Thank you. I needed that. 😎

  • True. A woman's touch is probably one of the best feelings in my opinion.

    But as you said, this is a world where men can't do anything sexual without getting weird looks.
    So repression it is.

    • Often far more serious repercussions than mere " weird looks " ,. Male = automatically guilty , unless he has damn good evidence of innocence !!

  • wow that is deep but yes i as a guy get called a creep perv etc just for being honest and telling a girl she is pretty yes iam 39 but iam also very sensitive and emotional crappy at a lot of things but i am rare i will cry with a girl or even let her vent with out judgement i care about feelings of the heart yet here iam alone rejected all the time i always put others b4 my own happiness my heart is on my sleeve

  • Wow. I couldn't imagine there are women who think like you and I am sure you are very few. Anonymous, I am sorry for your brother. But it is true, we men face many time the struggle of being trapped , left over, undesired, worthless. Approaching women become forbidden somehow. Some of us did not speak with a female for years , not imagine having some intimacy with them because we will be portrayed creepy, pervert for having s sexual desire, needy, ... It is just too much to. handle

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