I would like to share my #MeToo story because I just realized how much it helps to hear other girls’ stories.

[ElizaPam]

I would like to share this in hopes that it may help both other women and myself. When I google my experience to find similar stories I see links to porn for men who fantasize about hurting us and it breaks my heart. I’m 25 and this happened to me at 18 and it always hurts, I think about it every day. I will never be able to afford therapy or medicine so I’m just trying to get through this on my own.

My #MeToo story is a little different because I’m transgender. Boys never asked me out on dates, in fact they would often be very mean to me. So mean in fact that I had to leave school at 15. But ever since middle school I would see how sweet guys treated the other girls and dream of having a boyfriend. All my teenage years I truly believed deep in my heart that since no guys ever wanted to date me that God was saving me for the man I would marry and spend my life with. And then one day when I was 17 I was introduced to a 26 year old man on Facebook who actually liked me! It was finally my time! After all these years I finally met him!

We talked and we Skyped a lot. I thought he was really sweet. I thought it was weird that he wanted to show me his penis so much but I just believed that’s how guys are. I just knew that God finally introduced me to the man he was saving for me. The man who made me feel lovable instead of laughable. The man who would love me despite me being transgender. For every transgender girl God makes a man who likes her and I finally got mine!

He lived in Detroit and my home is in East Tennessee. I was so excited to go to a big city and meet not only him but other girls like me! I always dreamed of meeting other transgender girls. So I was so excited and I told all my friends and they were all very happy for me.

Well I turned 18 and moved in with him. The night I got there he pulled his penis out and asked me to suck it. I kept saying not right now I don’t want to tonight. He kept trying to talk me into it over and over until I said I’m scared. Then he apologized. I was uncomfortable but I reckoned he expected it and it was a guy thing because guys get so horny.

Eventually we started talking about my virginity. I always dreamed of my first time being magical. Something I could look back on and smile. I always dreamed that he would be sweet and gentle with me. He kept asking to take my virginity but I told him I want to get married first.

One night he bought a lot of alcohol and being 18 I knew nothing about my limits. I drank until I passed out. I woke up with him inside me thrusting rough and hurting me. My first thought was “I don’t remember saying yes to this.” My second thought was that I should say “No. Stop.” My third thought was “If I tell him to stop it will officially be rape” and I couldn’t let it be rape. Those were the only thoughts I had the rest of the night.

I couldn’t come crawling back to a place I always dreamed of leaving saying that I was raped. I couldn’t let everything I believed about God saving the man for me be a lie. So I believed him when he said that I said yes to the sex and I stayed with him. Yes, I stayed with the man who raped me. Call me stupid and blame me for everything if you want because I feel stupid and blame myself. I didn’t accept that he raped my virginity away until more than a year later. I loved him though, he didn’t always treat me mean. But he did rape me more and he treated me like a servant. Eventually he started getting real mean and would call me names, as time went on he began beating me. At this point I knew he wasn’t the one for me but I still loved him, and leaving him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever accomplished.

When I finally had enough and left him I was homeless. A guy in a wheelchair let me stay at his house when he saw me sleeping behind a church. He had another homeless guy staying at his place too. One night he opened my bedroom door while I was almost asleep. I expected him to say something but instead he laid next to me and started poking my back with his penis. I was terrified and there was nothing I could do but freeze up. And he raped me. The next morning he just smiled at me and left. After that I finally had enough and moved back in with my parents.

I hope my story may help someone. I never thought men like this are so common. I never thought any of this would happen to me. And if a young transgender girl reads this I hope it will teach her to be cautious with men and who you’re around. Living with this your entire life is hard, especially when you can’t afford therapy. I know the world may feel so cold as a young transgender girl and you may cry seeing all your friends with their boyfriends but have no guy ever want to date you but the solution is not to fall in love with the first guy who makes you feel like you can be loved too. Thank you so much for reading may God bless you and help you recover from whatever pain a bad man has inflicted on you.

[PeteyB]

I hope you are able to press charges and I hope someday people of all kinds are safer. People like this, Rapists, are disgusting and deserve to be hunted down.

Also, the #metoo movement isn't an indictment against men, it's the sharing of stories and experiences involving shitty people. The same way posting a #metoo about a woman isn't saying all women are bad.

@elizapam I'm sorry you went through that. I recommend therapy, counseling, etc, and I wish that you find peace.

[ElizaPam]

Thank you. I would love to get therapy someday I just have no money and I can’t keep a job.

[ElizaPam]

I didn’t press charges because I didn’t know how to handle it. I was ashamed and confused. I didn’t accept what really happened for over a year, I just blamed myself for drinking too much and not being safer.

[PeteyB]

Depending on the statue of limitations where you live you likely still can. There won't be much proof most likely but who knows maybe they'll do a lie detector

[PeteyB]

Statute *

[PeteyB]

Also again depending on where you are there are healthcare options

[ElizaPam]

I wonder if there are options for me to get affordable treatment where I live. I live in Tennessee so I don’t think so..

[PeteyB]

Medicaid?

[PeteyB]

Ha my guitarist lives in Nashville, we just toured through TN in August. Small world

[ElizaPam]

I don’t qualify for Medicaid in Tennessee it’s very Republican.

[Iwillfindyou21]

Preach. Finally a guy who understands that #metoo is not some anti-male crap.

[roland77]

Male-bashing because of one guy behaves bad. How foolish of me not seeing all women as bad because one did grap 250 EUR from me. #irony

[ElizaPam]

When so many women come forward with stories like mine it’s safe to say that there’s something wrong with men. Not all men, but enough men for it to be a problem.

[DorkVader]

2 men, if you read correctly. And men came forward during #metoo as well. Sexual assault happens to EVERYONE. If you can't recognize that it's a much different problem than losing money to some ex, you'd better get your head checked

[roland77]

@ElizaPam @DorkVader Still generalization of us males. Let's say 70% are like that what you say and I have no doubts in what you say. But otherwise: #CheckStatistics! Only 9% of all women are feminists and many of them are not the 3rd or 2nd wave. They are from the first wave of feminists. This relatively small amount of humans cannot be right about all other humans. So if we have a ~50/50 distribution of male/female population world-wide. Then the amount of feminists (including your cited males) is down to ~4.5% only... Just saying: #NoMeeTooNeeded. We need TONS OF love, understand, tolerance, acceptance and not this metoo bullshit. This [metoo] has nothing to do with fighting oppression of women and inequality. It is about #bashing and #generalizing us males.

[DorkVader]

1 in 3 victims of sexual assault report it to the police. If destigmatizing reporting sexual assault is somehow degrading to you, then you have issues @Roland77. Not everything is about you or your anti-feminist rhetoric. Typically women are more likely to report sexual assault because of this perpetual stigma. And if you think for a second you're not showing your support for rapists and abusers here, lashing out at #metoo as an indiscriminate man bash, you're mistaken.

[roland77]

@DorkVader You see it (read: life) black and white. But hey... Oh, do you label #females as #brainwashed when they are anti-feminists? Do you call us #males woman-hater when we are just there for loving them? Think whatever you want to think of me. My girlfriend finds me awesome and she knows I'm a loving and emotion-open guy to her. I won't use her for sex only, I won't even dare to think of raping her. And besides, #stereotyping is bad in all ways.

[DorkVader]

@roland77 I think you have it backwards about seeing life black and white. As a feminist, I support women doing whatever the fuck they want. I'm glad you have the luxury of thinking everything is about you, that everyone thinks like you, but the world and real life aren't like that. It's not wrong to expose wrongdoing, but trying to silence those of us trying to make this life a little more livable for the rest of us IS. Good for your girlfriend. May her life be free from turmoil, because I doubt she'd keep your unwavering support if anything happened to her. I'm done with this discussion. Goodbye Roland77. May our paths never cross again

[roland77]

@DorkVader Yes, goodbye.

[roland77]

@DorkVader PS: Over-read that I #love women a lot? #NoMeeTooNeeded doesn't make me an anti-feminist. I just love women and that is what you both @ElizaPam seem to ignore. And ever thought about sexual abuse done by females? No? Females also are in #raping and #abusing, even in #pedophilia. So nothing male-only to rape an other person. And besides, a foreign woman was reported of sexual abuse by the very guy she did it to. Let him do #Cunnilingus on her but secretly sent "supportive" money to her parents. When he found it out and asked her to stop it, she disallowed him #licking her #pussy. Is that not abusive to you? All fine? See, that is your problem. You only see it one-sided.

[DorkVader]

Ugh. Reread my responses and see where I implicated men at all. It never happened. Read over them with unbiased eyes.

[DorkVader]

And furthermore, I'm insulted you think I would disinclude men in this discussion! Men are likely as abused as women, but face more stigma to reporting because of other men. I never said men were, at a part of #metoo. Men assume their not included. THE DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR IMPLICIT BIAS. Jesus

[roland77]

@DorkVader Sexual assault is bad, I agree beyond doubt. So I reread your comments now. 1) I never said that only males turn into rapists. Also females does it. 2) The low report rate is normal and understandable as sexual things being reported with the #police is shameful, no doubt about it as it is intimate. So it has nothing to do with male/female, simply shame of intimacy being exposed to them. Most [German] police officers can understand this and will let a female officer speak with a female rape-victim. 2.1) Side note: I strictly reject rape of any way. And these religious hypocrites in the Egyptian movement some years ago need to be punished and publicly put on a #pillory for stating that the "women asked to be raped". 3) I'm no anti-feminist, nor a #feminist. I'm a #Libra and I want #TrueEquality as much as feminists want (the first generation at least). 4) Typically a woman is NOT likely to report it as police #statistics shows. They are mostly very ashamed. Refer to 2). 5) "what ever they want" - Does that include #cheating? You just said "whatever". How dare you! 6) Thank you, but I can think [and feel] on my own. I don't need "teaching" (read: #brainwashing) at all. Maybe not all views are correct to everyone, but hey? Isn't that normal? :-) 7) I know for myself the world is [gladly] not like me. Would be boring if everyone has the same views and opinions, right? ;-) 8) "Wrongdoing" or "right-doing"? Yeah, brainwashing again, nothing different to a #religion. Disclaimer: I don't endorse people to be involved in crimes. Done rereading them.

[Mädchen]

Are you for real she is talking about getting raped several times and your sorry as is somehow turning this into a pitty Party for men? You're disgusting and no calling you that does not mean all men are disgusting.

[roland77]

@Mädchen Are you for real? Are you not reading that I refuse raping (no matter how often)? Gee, read before commenting.

[Mädchen]

I didn't say you were a rapists. I said you're disgusting for making this post about men being generalized while she just told us what she had to Deal with. She didn't even bash men in her my Take.

[roland77]

@Mädchen Being touched by a stranger's genitals unwanted is not right. And I truly hope she has filed a case against him (and the other one separately). But using the hash tag #metoo for bringing up your stories is something, you know, wrong. I could also do a metoo-"story" about my experiences with bad behaving women. Sure I can do that quickly. But I don't. Why? Because I don't want to abuse it what #feminism [1.0] is all about: #oppression of women and #inequality. And this whole metoo thing went somewhere that doesn't have to do with it at all. #Raping is a bad thing, period (see my 2.1 for a religious-motivated rape endorsement). It happens, sad to see, daily. And for whatever reason it might happen, it is bad, no questions asked (read: no doubt about it)! Sure, a rape does oppress someone (both male/female) but that is what feminism isn't about, fighting rape. Oppression can also be done without rape, like not letting a human speak up freely by quickly interfering with his/her words like "Ah, you are bad." or so. Or how about the old gender-distribution model? Didn't it work for a so long time very well? I cannot remember where it didn't work. Sure I will agree to do the housework, while my girlfriend/wife is out for work and I did it already in the past. The thing here is, that we both respect each other, that she has worked hard and so did I back at home. Anyway. Back to the metoo misuse. If she would not have used that hashtag, I would be very sorry for her (still I am, for sure) and post it here (which I do here) but with the hashtag, it feels like being blamed as a male.

[roland77]

-- Part 2: -- Let me try to make it more clear, please correct me if I'm wrong, #Sweden has become something where males cannot look into the eyes of a woman, without her feeling being raped... Yes, crazy ha? A woman can legitimately file a case against a male when he has just passed her and looked into her eyes because she can claim that as rape, which it is obviously not. Here the genie was to long out of the bottle and did to much harm. People hash-tagging this with metoo, exist and abuse it there to smear males (just ask a non-feminist Swedish male). Or said shorter: It is plain wrong to misuse the metoo hashtag for your/her own personal/private matters as this is intended to silence non-feminists. If we are "against" (not really as pointed out) feminists, we must be against women [and endorse raping, I know she didn't say that]. That is what I feel about #metoo and as I said: #NoMeTooNeeded when you can have love, tolerance, acceptance and understanding.

[DorkVader]

Does it never occur to you that metoo isn't anti-women? For fucks sake, her sharing her story is EXACTLY the correct use of the hashtag. Separate your self pitying from this issue. It doesn't belong here!

[Mädchen]

@DorkVader why is it bad she used the #mee too hastag? It literally Just means she is also a victim of sexual assault. That you're more upset about the hastag or the supposed 'men bashing' than the actual rape speaks volumes about your character. Why so you need to Bring Up false rape Claims that happend in sweden in this my Take? How is that related to her Story? I mean she had to Go through some terrible Shit and instead of Just commenting 'I'm sorry that happend to you' you Go 'oh now you're hating in all men? A women ones stole Money from me, should I hate all women too? What an Idiot.

[DorkVader]

@Mädchen You're coming to this conversation late. I've already had it all out with roland77, who doesn't know what he's talking about. Don't be tagging me back in unless you read over what's already been stated.

[Mädchen]

@DorkVader I didn't mean to Tag you. It was by accident

[DorkVader]

@Mädchen Ok, sorry to snap lol

[DorkVader]

I'm so sick that this happened to you. Have you sought any kind of counseling? This kind of long term abuse is very damaging to one's psyche, and you DO STILL deserve the one God has in store for you. I just hope that you can rebuild who you are and move forward. *hugs* to you! You are not alone!

[ElizaPam]

I would like counseling but I don’t have any money. 😫

[DorkVader]

May I PM you?

[ElizaPam]

Yes you can message me. I’m sorry I just now saw this.

[DorkVader]

Thanks for MHO. I'm looking for resources in your state. I'll pm you soon

[LowSelfSteem]

@ElizaPam I'm sorry this happen to you. Did they just rape you or did they touch your penis aswell?

[ElizaPam]

No he didn’t touch me down there

[LowSelfSteem]

@ElizaPam So it was just sex up the bum? Did the rough sex hurt your penis at all?

[CourtneyJane]

Excellent take. All people should be held accountable for their actions and survivors (I say survivors instead of victims) should not remain silent.

[kespethdude]

Did you press chargesa against that scumbag? HEeis guilty of not only rape but also coorcing a minor online as you were only 17 when you first spoke to you. Big Bubba will have a lot of fun with him in prison...

[PeteyB]

^^^^ THIS. SHITTY PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THIS AND HE MAY NOT HAVE ONLY DONE THAT TO YOU To whoever downvoted this comment, you're probably a pedophile

[kespethdude]

@PeteyB If I could thumb up a reply, I would. Spot on, bro!

[Kindofweird]

That's horrible... I just couldn't find words

[Lemia]

So brave of yOu telling that story

[Jenny4455]

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I was raped and abused for 2 and a half years from 12. It is worrying how much of the search results about these things are porn related. I get endless guys wanting me to tell them what happened to me so they can get off to it. It's very disturbing

[SamtheDnDgirl]

I'm sorry this happened. No woman deserves it.

I've been the victim of an attempted sexual assault, but he never penetrated.

[Lawdog]

A former landlady got me drunk, and after I passed out, she unlocked my door. I woke up to her having sex with me. #metoo

[COMMODOREII]

I hate how this happened to you. 😥💔

[KrakenAttackin]

This has nothing to do with #MeToo.

[tallandsweet]

Why wouldn't it? It's her story. That's what the movement is about.

[KaraAyna]

Good mytake

[scooogy]

Do you think that there are also men having experience such things with women?

[ElizaPam]

Very few cases. There are more cases of men being abused by men.

[scooogy]

Any proof?

[Redrum123]

I slept over at my best friends house after a party, and i woke up with his hand down my underwear. Because we where in the same friend group i ended up losing all my friends after that because i couldnt look at him without having a panic attack.