When most people experience attraction towards each other, they go with the flow, get to know each other and have a relationship along with intimacy. It’s something that comes natural however for me, it doesn’t. I want to share this MyTake to show a perspective that is rare, but a great decision I made due to outstanding self awareness.
I’m 23 and made the decision to remain single and a virgin for the rest of my life. I had the same thought most women do, to have a S/O and even marriage one day. Then I thought to myself, “But wait, who would want to be with me?!” Then, it clicked. It made me take a step back and analyze myself. I realized I’m not a candidate for sex or relationships, and that’s okay!
Now most of you are wondering, why? I made this decision due to physical and personality reasons which are explained below:
-I’m 300 pounds. That thought of a woman who’s actually beautiful with a stupid insecurity left your mind real quick, right? I’m currently a subhuman fat fuck. Obviously I can lose the weight, which I am, but that’s a fraction why.
-Broad shoulders: While the widest part of a woman’s body is normally their hips, mine is my shoulders. My mom told me I have an NFL quarterback appearance and that’s when I noticed it. It’s the opposite of the female anatomy.
-Saggy boobs: Let’s be honest, men prefer perkier ones. While most women’s nipples are in the center of the breast, mine is at the bottom of the breast and points downward.
-Love handles: My love handles are the next widest part of my body, even at my skinniest.
-No hips, which are the smallest part of my body, again the opposite of female anatomy.
-Tree trunk thighs: My thighs have always touched, even when I was 130 pounds.
-Man hands and feet: My mom told me I had these as well. They are monstrous.
-Stretch marks: Due to my horrendous weight, I have stretch marks covering 75% of my body including my upper and inner arms, across my breasts and stomach, my back, hips, legs and inner thighs. They are lighter than my skin tone, making them extremely noticeable. Gross right?
-Skin discoloration: I have a chocolate/brown skin tone, but several areas of my body are basically black including my vagina, inner thighs and my entire inner butt area.
Scars: I have multiple pea sized scars on my arms, lower legs and butt.
-Loose skin: I know once I lost 160 pounds, I’ll have loose skin all over. We don’t have to go into depth, everyone knows it’s unattractive.
-Dry personality: I’m shy, socially awkward and unfunny. Most guys say their girlfriend or wife is an amazing person that has made their life complete or better, and I know I’m incapable of that impact.
Disgusting and disturbing altogether right? My appearance is scary, subhuman and borderline monstrous. I’ll be honest, it’s hard knowing that the 99% of the female population is more feminine and attractive, but not all women can have it, and I was the lucky one. I’ve considered talking to my doctor about starting estrogen, because I feel like something is off genetic or hormonal wise.
I’ve decided to remain single because even IF a guy showed interest in me, I’d immediately shut it down. They either have a mental problem, playing a joke on me or are desperate. It’d be odd for a man to pursue me, considering there are MILLIONS of better options. I’d feel awful, selfish and inconsiderate to hold a guy back from his full potential in a partner. Yes, I would love a relationship, but only if I had a different body or if I was someone else.
As a disclaimer, I don’t want anyone to think this is for sympathy. My decision is complete no matter what anyone says, because I know myself and body more than anyone. It’s sometimes hard, but once I look in the mirror, I thank myself for my decision. I hope you all enjoyed this rare perspective. Thank you for reading. 🖤😊