My Trouble with Doing The Right Thing.

My Trouble with Doing The Right Thing.

At the age of 23 with two other small relationships under my belt I began dating a 30 yo women. After four weeks she was pregnant, after 3 months we where married and around 6 months after that we had a beautiful healthy baby boy.Now 11 years in to our marriage I have developed a lust for other women. I was somewhat of a late bloomer and now at 34 and now 10 years into working out very regularly I'm getting attention more than ever which my wife as a 40 yo women is very aware of and it is a constant issue almost every time we go into public. I'm very sexual of course I'm a red blooded male and for the most part so is she but as I have learnt women can become consumed with daily chores, a 10 yo son and life and feeling sexy especially with some weight issues and a c section ''shelf'' can be hard to feel for her. But despite that we on average make love 3-4 times a week which at the moment and for the last year maybe more is predominantly in the shower as it can be hard to find some space with a young boy in the house and no family members in our town for date nights. However we mix it up as well as we can with candles and sexy music in the bath room to try and add to the vibe and even try things like making love against the wall in our walk in wardrobe or mid afternoon say we are napping but end up on the floor in the bedroom so the bed doesn't make a noise and our son is on Fortnite sex. Despite this I can't help but fantasise about the women I see that notice me, there different body types, hair and skin tones which I have never experienced. It's to the point where I can't wait for my sexual desire and drive to be gone so I can have some peace and be faithful in mind to the women who helped me become the man I am today. I feel bad that I constantly need the sexual attention of my wife.

This is the first time I have ever communicated this in any form so I'm hoping this will help in some small way.

My Trouble with Doing The Right Thing.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • broken_heart_at_48
    You need to do some self reflection and figure out whether it's something that your wife isn't giving you or is it something you are causing by not being fully invested in your marriage. I feel every question we run into in life that directly affects ourselves if we really stop and think about I mean not just from your own point of view but from whoever else's point of view also you'll find the answer. Do you love your wife and your son enough to put their feeling above your own and if so you can work it out talk to your wife and tell her you're not feeling that passion like you once had and that you want her to help you get it back then make a plan to put 1 hour a day for the 2 of you to spend making each other feel wanted and explain to your son that you and your wife need alone time and he'll need to respect that time. It will make him realize that a marriage takes effort and that his mom and dad love each other enough to put in that effort which will in turn make him feel safer in his place in the family and teach him to put effort into his marriage. Or tell your wife you guys need to become swingers and you never know it might solve all your problems
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  • Goty123
    I guess I can't be a man, I'm just an animal that requires constant attention. My life is worse than ever before but your story seems like a legit go-to relationship. Stay faithful and maybe if you feel like it you can talk about to your wife how mans brain work. Life is hard since we have all we can. Humans achieved so much they have to fight against evolution. Stay faithful, we all know its hard.
    God I really hope I will remember my words for the future...
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Most Helpful Girls

  • BrazilBabe
    I guess it comes down to which is more important, your wife or these desires. I think for many it’s about getting what you can’t (or rather, shouldn’t) have. I personally don’t think it’s worth it especially when you already have sex way more often than most married couples. I had an ex cheat on me for the exact reasons you listed and he still calls me and tells me how much he wish he could take it all back... years later.
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    • Anonymous

      Thanks for your comment. It wouldn't be worth it you are correct, I'm very thankful for what I have which only makes me feel worse.

  • PinkPenguin
    Talk to your wife about opening your relationship. Start testing the waters by asking hypothetically about what she thinks of the idea of open marriage. Then you can bring in your relationship later. I would not harbor these wants hoping that they will go away eventually. Sounds like a recipe for a disaster.
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • rogue36
    Sounds to me u love ur wife but u gettin all dis attention frm other women sure spikes ur curiosity. But what if u were d wife at hm wit d vody issues n so forth. N she was fit n yes she loves u but her vagina constantly gets wet frm d stares n looks of d different men she sees? Maybe u could encourage her to work out wit u.
  • PeteyB
    Maybe the two of you can figure out an open relationship? It's hard to be in a long term committed relationship when you have experienced enough outside of it. You only live once, however it also means your family is something you only experience once.
    Talk to her and be honest. You clearly love her. Feelings of lust and desire are normal and she will likely understand.
  • nerdyone
    Maybe bring this to your wife? Discuss maybe having an open relationship if even for a bit.
    I strongly believe no one should miss out on things they truly want to do. Basically comes down to you gotta want it more than you don't.
  • Burtonfan
    You're a guy. Congratulations for figuring that out. Now to be a man, and be faithful. Or tell her your desires.
    If you decide to indulge secretly. Then you are an animal. Not a man.
    The only thing a man has control over is himself.
    I know because I have no control and am an animal.
  • bulletbob555
    I talked to a therapist once. The analogy said we all get mad and think we could kill someone. Its only a thought until you start buying bullets.
    Sound like things are good between the two of you.
  • DianaWest
    what's so special about those other women? variety more important than your son and wife? this woman committed to you, cooks for you, washes your shit-stained panties, loves you, has sex with you, gave you a child. what will all those other women give you? in fact, they may take from you. if you love her, don't be an idiot and ruin everything. nowadays, you have to take apart two or three caves to find one diamond. (i'm referring to people here). don't give it all up for some sexy young thing who's just burning to get her hands on your wallet. i'm 21, but I despise older men who leer at me and disrespect their wives.
  • Barbarian8
    I don't know what to tell you as I have no clue about your personality. In my culture, a person who can control his sex desires and other desires is able to face an army by himself
  • MysteriousDarkness
    For those who say for him to suggest an open marriage to his wife what if she is a hard no?
  • SecretGardenBlood65
    Good take
  • Anonymous
    Honestly you having other thought about other females but ur wife is disrespectful to her. Also seems like you’ve fallen out of love or you simply wouldn’t have these desires. Appreciate what you have or somone else will for you.