OK, two things are combining to create a very real catastrophe here, and I am not exaggerating!
First, due to this current crisis and the requirement for everyone to "Shelter In Place" and stay home, there is a lot more than usual hanky panky going on under, and over, the sheets ...and for the more adventurous among us ...on the couch, on the kitchen table, on the floor in front of the fireplace, out on the patio, in or around the swimming pool, in the jacuzzi, and only heaven knows where else! ...and that means that a large volume of used condoms are going in the trash can ...or god forbid, down the drain, causing a dangerously low supply with the newly created skyrocketing demand!
Secondly ...all the factories have been shut down, and are now making face masks, ventilators, or whatever else, instead of condoms, since I guess they don't consider condoms a necessary product for survival.
Please don't take this entirely as a joke, here's the link about all of this, which is just adding more stress to this virus emergency! ...
OK, now that you know the seriousness of this issue, let's put our heads together to brain storm and figure out how to best deal with this potential disaster.
Sure there are birth control alternatives but none of them is as fool proof as a condom, as long as it doesn't break. And, in conjunction with minimizing the potential for pregnancy, it also provides a barrier of protection against certain diseases in many cases, which none of the other birth control methods can do.
So here's my ideas on the immediate course of action I think we need to take to stay safe from unwanted pregnancy, and even more disease, and make sure that GAG members do not face even more trauma by running out of much needed condoms!
THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION
If money is not an issue for you, start hording big time. Get a tractor trailer big rig to deliver a truck load to your mansion steps!
Don't delay, forklift the pallets of condoms into one of your garages. You can keep the extra Maserati, Rolls Royce or Lamborghini outside in the rain, it won't hurt it for awhile until your supply of condoms dwindles to a level where you can squeeze it back in surrounded by the remaining cases ...you just can't take the chance of ruining the condoms by leaving them out in the elements, so be prepared to sacrifice a little, or better yet, just have a warehouse built on your property to store them in, as construction is allowed during this crisis!
Just be sure not to be caught short here!
A MORE ECONOMICAL WAY TO GO
OK, so not all of us have the means of the super wealthy to deal with this problem, but may still be among the higher income earners. In that case, just bring in a smaller truck load and store them in your attic, a corner of your garage or in a guest bedroom.
So, if you are just the average person trying to make a living from day to day, what can we do to still provide for a "must have" situation like this when facing this stark reality? Here again are my thoughts ...
Empty the suit case where you typically hide, or store, your sex toys and bring it to the nearest pharmacy. Ask the pharmacist to fill it with all the condoms they have on display and any that they may have stored away in the back room. Then just keep going from pharmacist to pharmacist until you gather up an ample supply with what you can afford!
CAUTION: Keep an eye in your rear view mirror to be sure you're not being followed, there's no telling what someone will do when they spot you high tailing it out of the store with all the remaining condoms. People act strange in desperate times like this!
And don't forget, buying a case of condoms still beats buying case after case of baby diapers, formula, baby food, baby clothes - which only last a couple of months at a time until the little curtain climber needs a new wardrobe all over again, etc etc etc ...you know the drill ...the list goes on and on, and at a time when you're least prepared for it.
WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD WE BUY
LET'S START WITH SIZE
OK, so if you are a guy, this is a no brainer, right? ...regardless of your fantasies, reality is reality and you know what to do.
However, if you are a single female and not yet with a steady partner, we are looking at an entirely different ball game here.
There is just no telling exactly what you will be running across (or landing on), so to speak ...lol, so let's get an assortment of sizes, right?
KEEPING A SENSE OF HUMOR IN AN OTHERWISE GRIM SITUATION
And let's not forget to stay a little light hearted about all this so we don't loose our mind along the way.
I hope you enjoyed my condom shortage myTake, and always remember...
...AND DON'T FORGET TO BUY YOUR CONDOMS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!! ...l'M NOT KIDDING!