Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I couldn’t figure out how to reach an orgasm and I often asked myself silly questions. Is there a specific location you rub? How long until I reach it? Will I pee? Do I need to lose my virginity to reach it? I had too many unanswered questions binging around in my head.
This post is mainly to help those that have been in a position that I was in not too long ago. I am also posting this mytake because reaching your first orgasm is a complete confidence booster (at least with my experiences). Sometimes I felt like there was something wrong with me and I would degrade myself and my sex drive because my definition of an orgasm was almost non-existent in comparison to what my friends where talking about. I was at a sleepover one day and the question “so what does an orgasm feel like?” came up. Everyone in my friend group was talking about how magical it was to feel an orgasm, but I had nothing to say when it was my turn to speak. Was something wrong with me? I have masturbated before, do I have something wrong with me? That was my first thought. I realized that I needed to change my mindset before I could get the satisfying results I have heard about.
So let’s just go back to when I had my first orgasm:
I have tried several times to reach an orgasm in the past, but failed. I was constantly scrolling through reddit to seek insight to what it might feel like to have an orgasm, but the same words popped up; “magical”, “exhilarating”, “beautiful”. I had a hard time believing the stories posted until I experienced it myself. Orgasming isn’t hard to do, and it is quite reachable for everyone and anyone. It is a natural characteristic each of us are gifted with and the sooner we can learn what works for us, the easier it will be to enjoy the little, but significant pleasures.
Here is what I learned after finally reaching an orgasm:
1. Research Beforehand Helped: I did my research before hand. From a physiological perspective, I wanted to learn how an orgasm happens. I did brief research but it was enough to know in the moment of my discovery of expediting my first orgasm, what my body and brain were actually going through.
2. Setting and Comfortability is Key: I was in the wrong places. My first orgasm happened in my bed, but the dozens of other times I tried it in the shower. I tried the water method, different positions, different locations in my bathroom but it never happened because I was uncomfortable trying in my bathroom on the floor/bath. So when I was more comfortable in my bed where I could also lock my door, adjust the lights, pillows, levitation of my neck/head it was easier for me to relax and enjoy myself.
3. Mind Over Matter: Having a good, positive mindset is essential for reaching an orgasm. Trust me, I was someone who thought that reaching an orgasm was impossible. The human orgasm isn’t magical at all, it’s a biochemical reaction in the brain where oxytocin and dopamine release into our bloodstream thus endorsing the pleasure system. There is nothing magical about that; however, you need to build up to that point. Think of an orgasm to be like the climax of a movie, or a book, in which everything makes sense and you see more clarity. Most people don’t just sit through a movie to watch the plot, what they are really interested in is how the characters, setting, and storyline all play a role in building up to reach the plot. You want to enjoy yourself without the constant questioning of “did I reach it yet?”. Keep the bad thoughts out so that you can enjoy the time you are taking out of your day to reach satisfaction because the satisfaction can be reached with or without an orgasm.
4. You don’t need a lover to experience an orgasm. I figured this one out late. Truth is ladies and gents, I’m a virgin and have had no sexual experience with a partner ever. There is absolutely nothing shameful about that and I am a victim of holding that over my head. Since masturbation wasn’t working out I thought that I needed to lose my virginity to reap the benefits. This was wrong thinking because it took away any sense of capability I had for pleasuring myself. To fix this, just know that you are fully capable of pleasuring yourself.
5. Explore. And Learn about Yourself. This can connect to #4 but I always thought that orgasm mainly happened with penetration of the vagina (aka sex). There are several ways to reach an orgasm, it all depends on what you find the most pleasure in. For me it is clitoral stimulation, and I feel the most pleasure from that method, but there is also anal stimulation, touching of different parts of the body (ex: breasts, inner thighs), etc... that will help you reach an orgasm. Learn about what works best for you and do not get discouraged if you are having a hard time finding your method—it can take time, but it also requires patience.
Anyways, try not to rely on what the “symptoms” are for having an orgasm because it can distract you from enjoying your time. Everyone experiences them differently, and there is not a specific time you need to masturbate for to reach an orgasm. It could take minutes, or it could take longer. It might even happen when you are least expecting it. And on one last note, when you are on the verge of reaching your climax, embrace it and chase it don’t let the fear and thoughts get in the way of this enjoyable moment.
Good luck to all y’all. You can share your thoughts below all I ask is that you be respectful, these are my experiences and my advice so don’t comment with hate.
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