Women: How Do You Feel When A Man Is Being An Asshole To Another Man?

[ManOnFire]

My answer to a recent question about "toxic masculinity" inspired this, which my answer was in turn inspired by real life events and experience. I originally wrote this out in question form but my details ended up coming out longer than I intended, so I decided to post this in Take form instead.

So tell us: how do you feel when you're in a group or chatting with 2 or 3 guys, and one of them is making it a point to joke about or try to make one or all the other guys look stupid to impress you? What do you think about that? Or when the one guy thinks he's cooler than the other and makes it a point to talk over him or completely disregard him period and dominate the discussion with you? Or if there's a physical job going on and the one guy is trying to show how strong he is to impress you - and he might even come over to the other guy and try to show his dominance by joking about how he needs to get some muscle, or he might even try to take over what the guy is doing to further show his strength?

As women, what do you think when you're in these situations? How do you feel about those guys being jerks? Often times - in a lot of what I've seen - the woman won't stand up for the guy the jerk is poking at even though she sees it isn't right, or she will even laugh along with it to appease the jerk, but then if the guy who is considered weaker actually stands up for himself and pushes back at the jerk and shows that he isn't really the pushover the jerk thinks, then the woman will think the guy who is considered weak is the one being a jerk.

Even worse, women don't like it if a guy is being an overconfident asshole in how he acts with her, but she sees no problem in it if he behaves that way towards another man in front of her.

I know there are women who are emotionally immature and underdeveloped in their sexuality and sense of what masculinity is and are sexually excited by men who are assholes, so I really don't need to cover them, but for all other women, what is your viewpoint on everything I stated above? How do you feel about men who act like assholes towards other men as trying to prove he is the baddest, coolest, or most masculine?

#MenWhoAreJerks

[WhistleForTheChoir]

I think when they have time to think about it on an intellectual level, most women don't approve of this behavior, but it works differently in practice.

Not only will most women generally join in to impress the bully (because aggression and being in charge are often considered attractive qualities in the man), they will also usually do a role reversal in their head or start to dislike the man being bullied because he's too weak to stand up for himself, so they can justify why they are fine with another man being treated like this. This is a trait all humans have called cognitive dissonance.

What I mean by this is that when one guy is particularly Machiavellian or demeaning, he will often provoke another man into standing up for himself. When the man does, then in the woman's mind, HE is the bully, and the real bully is the victim. However, if the man doesn't stand up for himself, they will call him weak and blame him for what is happening. It's a no-win situation that sends the message to men that they should either be toxic or be reviled.

[ManOnFire]

Yes! This! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[purplepoppy]

It's a gigantic turn off and there's zero chance he's getting in my bed. Most guys will boast a little but are generally supportive of guys around them. The type you describe is doing little more than proving his immaturity and lack of social graces. As a woman I have to think of my own safety and how a guy treats other guys is a good guide to how he treats girls in private. It's not worth the risk.

[btbc92]

Disgusted. I don't like those types of guys anyway. It make you look bad. And nobody wants to associate with the kind of person.

[peacchyy]

I think it's immature to try to prove your better than someone, it just makes the other guy look worse. It isn't nice.
If they joke around and are friends, then I wouldn't care because it's just for fun.

[weasley8]

I think that he’s a jerk. And I immediately lose interest.

[bigmisssunshine]

Its a definite turn off

[Curiousgirl122101]

It honestly depends. If the guy was being rude to him first I support him. Or if he gives me a reason to believe he was treated unfairly by the other guy first

[MzAsh]

I make a point to ignore those guys.

[SweedyPie]

The only memory I have of this ever happening is when I was in my early teens, at school. At that time it wasn't really related to me, or happening exactly close to me, more like across the hall maybe 30-35 ft away, where one boy was harassing another boy. His dumb friends just stood there doing the 'let's pretend it's funny' but you could see they were uncomfortable. Until one guy stepped to to hold the other guy back from going to hit the guy that had been bullying him.

Back then, I did not say anything to that guy (the bully) simply because I was more unbridled with my anger and I knew if I went to that guy I would probably slap the living daylights out of him (he was also rumored to be abusing his girlfriend, who I knew but we weren't close friends per se).

Fast track to now. I won't ever condone that behavior. It is the absolute antithesis of what I stand for. I always write about, speak and spread that we can all be successful without having the need to pull someone else down to do it. Anyone trying to make someone else look bad in order to boost how they appear would just be disgusting to me. What kind of twisted human thinks putting others down makes them seem more appealing. Just thinking about it is making me feel disgusted. Those people need help. Obviously somebody hurt them and they are channeling that negativity to other sources.

P. S. the guy who was the bully calmed tf down in his older teenage years, and the guy who was being bullied went straight out of school to the army. I am almost certain that these guys trying to harass him contributed to that decision.

[whitlee34]

I only know my dad, brother and uncles that would stand up to a man. The other men don't have the balls to be an Ass to another man but have no problem being one to a lady

[ManOnFire]

Sad.

[Moonchild714]

Well if their friends and they banter or rib on one another all the time I'm going with it.

Now when guys have done this around me to get my attention I've always said something to down the guy being the Asshole. But when I've seen it happening amd didn't get a feel for why I lose Respect both guys and tell the Asshole to Grow and become Man and tell the one taking the shit to Grow Pair so we Know he's Not the Asshole's Bitch!!!

[Regmorus]

I know, I'm not a woman, but still some unasked question bothers me. I don't think asshole and man are compatible. A man is either an asshole or a man.

[ManOnFire]

Good observation.

[Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over]

It’s a pissing contest. It’s the real man who’s secure in himself that doesn’t need to lower others to boost his self-esteem. Real men wear pink shirts, too! Lol

I don’t think women see the guy who stands up for himself against the bully as a jerk, but you don’t need to use brawn over brains to prove you’re a strong man and win the girl. A smart man is strong. A man with self-control is strong. A smart man with self-control and confidence is strong and sexy. He’s got my admiration and respect.

[ManOnFire]

"It’s the real man who’s secure in himself that doesn’t need to lower others to boost his self-esteem." - Very true. Although I have seen situations where the woman did scorn the guy who stood up for himself but was laughing when the jerk was poking at him.

[Can_I_Get_a_Do-Over]

The woman who laughs at that guy in this situation is a bully too.

[_inkRat]

Ī do think its something that cannot be stopped, In my opinion a bit of pissing contest/ barter or how ever you want to call it is fine. Even among friends we tend to do it. But as always there are some bondries. In my eyes its better than be stabed at back as woman tend to do. Men can have fight and then be normal about it, i haven't really seen it in woman

[hsshannah96]

They probably deserve it. I’m glad when karma hits awful dudes

[ChronicThinker]

I have actually pointed out when people have put on this behaviour. If you want to have a boisturous personality, if you command the attention in the room - that's one thing. But the second you have to BELITTLE others tells me you aren't comfortable with yourself.

However, I know similar guys who all clown on each other in a similar fashion where it's clearly not ill intended. That's another thing.

[Yennefer]

Please stop with the smart girl act. it's really getting annoying now. You are just as primal as all the other females. You see a musclebound badboy you'd jump his bone in a second. You like violence thugs that bully other men just like all the other females. Chronic liar.

[Cherokeehp]

This post is a mess. Assholes aren’t attractive. I probably wouldn’t even hang around the rude guy in the first place.

[Robbey]

I don't care for arrogance for rudeness in any circumstance. If someone I care about was being belittled in someway and they didn't seem like they were able to give back in kind, I might say something more or less mean. Now, if my husband and some of his friends say really mean things to each other, which occasionally they do, although they take it in stride, I wouldn't normally say anything. However, when we're alone (and only when we're alone) and I think maybe something went a bit far, I'll tell him. Although, that doesn't seem to matter much.

[taleets]

It’s a turn off to me. I don’t like guys who are mean to anyone

[SydneySentinel]

If they are friends and usually joke on one another, it's fine. Otherwise it's uncalled for and rude. I'm not a fan of that.

[nella965]

I don’t think there are any women who think the victims of bullies are the jerks. I think it has more to do with your victim mentality of desperately trying to demonize women which is why you’re saying such things

[_gigi18]

I'd just be thinking Bruh. Then I'd pull them apart and tell them they're being pathetic babies tell both of them off. If they continue to argue I'd just walk off

[_gigi18]

Also yeah it doesn't matter what's in their pants an arsehole is an arsehole

[strateguy632]

she doesn't like when boyfriend joins jerks.