Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Intentionally Having Fatherless Children is A Selfish Act

Intentionally Having Fatherless Children is A Selfish Act

My sister recently had a baby with a gang banger. Why have a baby with a druggie? She said that she didn't really need a father to be around. She just wanted a "Latino" baby. Knowing from the get go that her druggie hookup Dad would never be in the picture, she chose to have the baby anyway.

About 99.% of my friends are women. My best friend is a girl and we were talking about sex. She tells me, "You I am 31 years old now. I feel like if I was having fun with a boyfriend and my birth control didn't work..I would have the baby anyway. I can take care of myself. When will I have a kid or get married?"

I was recently dating a single mom. She tells me, "I never really thought I wanted to have kids. But when I got pregnant I went along with it. The father didn't want it. But I went along with it because I wasn't sure if I'd get the chance." Later it was revealed that the father was just a hookup and had started dating a different girl. This was the loop in draw.

We live in a society that marginalizes the role of fatherhood. We have women that are intentionally having broken families.

There are women who have every access to adoption or abortion and other means of not having a child. But they are choosing to deny a child the right to exist in the world without a father.

Fatherhood matters. Fathers are crucial in a child's life. Yet, the idea of fatherhood has become a form of blackmail in relationship disputes. It has been relegated to the role of sperm donor.

It seems that women are choosing to have babies selfishly without even considering the consequences and impact that no child will have on a father.

Not having a father scars a child for the rest of their life and slows their development compared to secure families.

The responsible thing is to have an abortion. Wait until marriage to have a child. And give your child the blessing of a planned pregnancy where both parents are fully invested and in the picture.

7 20

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is very true, its particularly common in the black community (at about 74% being born out of wedlock vs. other groups 20-30%) and is the root cause of most of its issues. Without a father you don't know how to be a man, you don't know how to cope and your always going to have that feeling like your not good enough (because if you were why would he have abandoned you?) which drives stupid behavior. It also means that they are effectively without a mother too because the mother has to work now to provide which means the child is effectively on their own, raised by him//herself and what ever group of friends they can get.

    That compounds the issue because they then are raising themselves and being raised by friends who are likely in the same situation and it just compounds the damage done to them. Its awful and the worse part of it is that despite all evidence showing the damage it causes (fatherless children have increased rates of criminality, substance abuse, poverty, academic failure, depression, and promiscuity (which just ensures the next generation is just as broken as the previous one)), society seems to be intent on pretending like this is okay (and the number of women doing this is growing in all demographics). ITs quite disturbing and honestly rather heartbreaking (having had a screwed up childhood myself I can tell you that the trauma never goes away (you just, if your lucky, figure out a way to adapt and deal with it).

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don’t understand women with that thinking. A child needs a father. And I couldn’t give that child all of my time. The father needs to pitch in 50% or I’d find someone else who will.

    • absolutely right!!

    • on point again i see.

    • I disagree, thats just cuckolding.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

22 35

  • Finally someone speaks up... I wanted to do this Eons ago, but so many women (online and offline) want my head on a chopping block for my ideas that i figured this may be a push.
    But finally... someone speaks up... and to be honest... @apope16 , the only women that do this are the women that stay in first world countries where the government either helps them or FORCES the father to help out.
    I come from a third world country, i have seen AND heard of things women do if they find out that they are pregnant and the father doesn't want the child... ok?
    but the women in first worlds want the child because they will get assistance... i once wrote in an article about the women fight for equality... to be equal to men... i said im all for it... because one of the things i want taken off the table... is the right to sue for child support.
    im not with that 2-1-2 equation.
    2 people had consensual sex
    1 gets pregnant and decides against all sense to keep it
    then finds out she can't do it alone...
    2 have to do child support...
    i say if she makes the decision... let her... forever... a baby is no joke...

    it really is a selfish act... and the men get blamed even if SHE was the one who made the decision to go forward after the father said no. Like i said... let equality happen like females want... wonder what they would do when they get maternity leave taken away... men dont get paternity leaves in most jobs... i want equality to happen... REAL equality... not that buffet shit feminists are talking about.

  • Im considering invitro/artificial insemination. If that makes me selfish, so be it. But the kid has a lot of pawpaws and uncles who are the next best thing to a real dad. Hell even most of us with dads never experienced being raised by a true father. So like i said, so be it

    • And i’ll never support abortion. EVER

    • Yet when you look at the stats kids raised by single mothers dont normally do so well. Why would you bring a child into the world if you dont have the proper support system for it. There is a reason you can't really adopt kids if you are single. I dont know what you mean by true father, but by your logic you could say the same by mothers especially if they are single mothers who have to work. Random strangers often have to raise your kid to some degree. So yes it is selfish, and I disagree with your abortion point, but I don't think it is worth starting that debate, but do you support freezing embryos to have kids later?

    • @nathanp97 i wouldn't freeze embryos because im not tryna have kids after age 30. And im speakin for myself. I was raised well by a single mom and never asked to see dad

    • Show All

  • How is not having a father worse than not being alive at all?

  • since it took two ( mom and dad ) to have the baby then both should be involved in the babies life ! however , if the father or mother of baby does drugs , alcohol or is not fit to be involved with the child ! then mom or dads family should help the parents out as much as possible ! Thanks

    • good point. very true

  • It isn't always intentional... it can actually happen that you wait until you are married or LTR, stable, and both discuss and decide you want a child.. and then the father disappears or becomes abusive or some other such. I've heard of it happening with people I know.

  • Feeling kinda sick reading that... however, seems true for so many out there... but not doing any good for the kids... nor the woman. As independent as they are/seem. A child still needs both healthy parents with good value.
    I honestly don't understand...

  • The radio psychologist Dr. Laura Schlessinger wrote a great book about a decade ago. It was called, "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives." If you can find it, you should read it.
    Being a single mom is no picnic! It is a full time (day and night) job, with no vacation, paid or unpaid. And no one to share the burden with! Further, the chances are you'll be stuck in poverty, because you won't have time to go to school, or to get a full-time job. And if you DID get a full time job, what do you do with the child, put him or her in daycare? Daycare is NO SUBSTITUTE for a full-time parent. There is no daycare teacher who will love your child the way you do. And it could hurt your chances of finding a guy who will want to marry you, if you already have a child by another man.
    BUT... there's another consequence here that no one is talking about.
    Children come into this world with parents coming to them! TWO parents! A child needs a role model - a responsible, caring, upstanding father figure. It's very important for a small boy to have a father. And it's equally important for a little girl. Seeing our parents interact is the way we learn as we grow up how a man and a woman interact with each other.
    I can tell you, many kids who grow up missing a parent grow up with a lot of underlying anger. They may not even realize it. I have 16 year old granddaughter with this issue. She has rejected her mom, and blames her for everything wrong in her life, but the truth is she grew up without a dad. Her therapist says that all orphans - ALL orphans, even orphaned of one parent - have a LOT of anger! And anger is like energy. It has to come out sooner or later.
    Please don't be responsible for more pain. Don't only think about what YOU want. Think about the children you will bring into the world and what they'll miss.
    DON'T HAVE CHILDREN WITH A MAN WHO WON'T MARRY YOU, WHO WON'T STICK AROUND TO HELP PARENT THE CHILDREN! JUST DON'T DO IT!!

    • Good points I agree with. Juts out of curiosity, do you think it still applies to children of divorced parents hwo still see both parents but don't have that family unit, but mya have a step parent?

  • I agree for the most part, but my father also took off when I was very young. According to my mom though, he was a raging alcoholic so that’s probably a good thing. I can’t have children due medical reasons that I’ve known about since my mid twenties, but if I did I would want both parents in the child’s life, together. I would have wanted that child to have what I didn’t.

    • I have been in your shoes. i am sorry for what you had to go through. tough stuff.

  • Find a piece of shit dude and there will be ten women explaining away and making excuses for his piece of shit antics.

    • Sounds like dudes got game or those women have bad taste

    • Probably a healthy dose of both.

    • Well, there's the problem

  • That's an interesting aspect about society especially in the western world. It's more common now than before.
    In my country a single mom is still very much frowned upon which is also not so good but at least our population has fewer kids with mental issues and therapy isn't even a thing here since we hardly ever need it.

    I do agree with you. While I owe to my mom a little more than I do to my dad growing up. Having them both there is something that is definitely a blessing in itself.
    I have a friend who lost his dad when young and we grew up together sort of in parallel. There were always times where you can tell the effect of not having a father in your life. The many things that he had to learn on his own while my dad taught me and also we have different moral compasses when it comes to right and wrong. While we both are good people who mean well he sometimes cannot tell when he's being selfish since he was never put in his place and his mom and uncles always gave him too much care to compensate for the absence of his dad.

    Basically i think raising a kid is hard enough for two so doing it alone just isn't fair towards the kid especially when he grows up inferior to others and all you can say to him "I had to take care of you on my own" as if it's his fault somehow.

  • I agree that the father's is as equally important as the mother's role on many levels. The child may physically depend on the mother in the beginning, but healthy attachments form when healthy parental figures are in the picture for the majority of the child's life.
    I am for mothers and fathers being commited to raising a healthy child. It pains me to know that mothers would knowingly decide to bring fatherless children into the world.
    If a fatherless child was on the way, I wouldn't suggest aborting it, because that breaks my heart. But I have no idea what I would suggest as an alternative.
    I can appreciate the hard work many single moms (in this case) put into their families to keep them running, but if you can healthly avoid being a single mom, you should. This is a stress that should be respected not envied or admired. I do not wish the stress of a single parent household on anybody, and people should not take it on just because they feel like it.

  • Honestly children needs fatherly love, but since they say that children are aware of their mission on earth even they are born then sometimes it is hard to say.

  • I don’t personally agree that having a baby on your own intentionally is irresponsible unless the woman is already lacking in finances and cannot provide for anyone else. She’s have to already have her money in order.
    And I don’t really care if it’s selfish. I can’t carry children, so I am in the process of adopting. I can provide, I am more than stable and I have plenty of love around me.
    Dysfunction and struggle seems to be the case for most single mothers and I agree that abortion would have been a far better option. What matters is the why. Why is the dad not there? If it’s because he’s a piece of shit and you know it then yeah that’s kind of terrible 😂

    • Thanks for your reply. Obviously we disagree but i welcome all opinions.

    • As women, other women need to stop wasting time hooking up and look for good life partners, if that happened then men would stop acting like pigs because they would have to to get laid. Also, I believe that kids need a two-parent household to be raised properly, and statistics back this up. Raising a kid is not all about loving them the mother and father teach kids different things and single mothers no matter how hard they try do not have enough time to watch and raise the kid so the kid will be half raised by other people and it creates an unstable environment for mental development. If I never had the time when it was my father watching and teaching me then I would have never learned a ton of life skills and the self-respect and confidence that he had. If I was just raised by my mother and my grandma or daycare I only would have learned her non-confindient nature.

  • If a woman can properly care for her child without a partner there's no reason why she shouldn't. Do you think its equally bad for a man to raise a child without the mother present?

    • There are always unfavorable circumstances. we doesn't need to create them because we want a child or want to hurt someone because it didn't work.

    • Yes it is bad. We know for an absolute fact that this is damaging to the child. Why do you think that men are not important, that no one needs a father (because that is what your asserting, that they don't bring anything of real value to the table)? Statistically children of divorce and fatherless children have higher rates of criminality, substance abuse, academic failure, poverty, depression, and promiscuity (which in turn creates yet more fatherless children). For women, some psychiatrists have suggested promiscuity is a form of self harm, the reason being that the more promiscous a woman, the more likely it is that she has a poor or nonexistent relationship with her father. In short, fathers matter, the scientific data on that is quite clear (and also common sense, we wouldn't have two parent homes found in every major civilization and minor civilization, for thousands of years if this was not necessary).

    • Single-parent households, regardless of gender, are the single greatest predictor of poverty, addiction, suicide, etc. for the children. None of it's a guarantee, but you are seriously handicapping your child's development by opting out of some form of assistance. If romance isn't your thing, at least get a full-time nanny or something!

    • Show All

  • Personally I agree with this as I believe the dad plays an essential role in a child's life. To Rob them of that is so inconsiderate to me that I'm not sure that means someone's truly fit for motherhood, but maybe I'm wrong.

  • even if it is not the biological father. the child ideally needs a good father figure to look up to.

    sadly most guys rather not date single mothers. because she'll typically put her children before her relationship. but what guys need to understand is. that is part of her material instinct.

    where as girls that put there relationships before there children. are often viewed as bad mothers by most people.

  • I have a cousins who have over 20 kids each and a uncle had 24 because of seeing this I never had a kid I could not take care of any male can make babies but a man takes care of the life he helped bring into this world I only had one kid

  • While single parents are perfectly capable of raising a child. I feel bad for the child who in the future will sometime want to know who his father is. The two who made the baby, even if it was an accident are in it together and need to take responsibility for it.

  • Honestly I agree with you 100%. This is why at 40, I do not have any kids of my own yet. Sure there have been plenty of times where I could have, but ultimately that's not me, that's not who I am.
    I want my child to have both parents in their life, together.

    • @ariadner Good for you. Having both parents has a value that cannot be understated.

  • What about all those deadbeat dads that abandon their kids for the single mom to raise all alone? Very common thing Ans I don’t see you talking about them

    sexist woman hater. How many more woman hating questions are you gonna Post on here?

    • Are they deadbeat dads abandoning their kids? Or is it women forcing unwanted pregnancies on men when they were just having sex for fun? Then they blame the boyfriend they have dated for 2 months for being a dead beat dad. Or the girl fucks the guy at the bar one night and then all of a sudden after the one night stand is having a baby and is calling the random hookup a dead beat dad. Pregnancy should be planned. Talked about. a goal. Not some accidental thing used to manipulate a man into a relationship.

    • There is no such thing as Women forcing unwanted pregnancies into men. a woman cannot get pregnant If you take the strictest precautions. Things such as bringing your own condom , and pulling out before ejaculation are all very effective ways to prevent pregnancy in the first place. If your sperm gets out of hand , the blame is on you. A man who can not control his own sperm is a worthless man

    • A woman has multiple ways of contraception or terminating a pregnancy. Period. There is no excuse for a a child being brought into the world without intentionality being involved. or planning. its that simple. Truthful questions are not women hating questions. Women just interpret them as women hating because they are triggered.

    • Show All
  • Show More (37)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Intentionally Having Fatherless Children is A Selfish Act