1 mo

"MORE SEX SEX SEX", Jokes...

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Are you "ready" for "more" sex? Sex jokes that is πŸ™‚

So if you read and enjoyed my first sex jokes take, thought you might be up for "another round" πŸ˜‰

Hope it's as good as "the first"...

Fun sex fact, did you know:

So a minute man=10 miles πŸ€”
So a minute man=10 miles πŸ€”

What are the three shortest words in the English language?

Is it in?

Smooth Operator

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Gotcha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Gotcha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Sex Ed

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Surprise

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Little Pill

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Weight Watchers

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Rodeo

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

Pick Up

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, β€œI will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, β€œGive me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant:t their legs

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says,

"What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"

The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…

But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Family Dinner

A family is having dinner at the table one evening when the son asks the father, β€œDad, how many different kinds of breasts are there?”

The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, β€œWell my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions.”

The son is confused and asks, β€œOnions?”

The father replies, β€œYes – you see them and they make you cry.”

The wife and daughter are really annoyed by what their father has said, so the daughter asks, β€œMom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, β€œWell honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch – flexible but reliable. But after 50, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

The daughter laughs and asks, β€œA Christmas tree?”

The mother replies, β€œYes, dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

MORE SEX SEX SEX, Jokes...

Prescription

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, β€œI’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, β€œMa’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, β€œOh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”

Thanks for reading

I really hope you enjoyed/got a chuckle πŸ™‚

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

"MORE SEX SEX SEX", Jokes...
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Add Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • FanticSoul
    A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. β€œMother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, β€œWell dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, β€œThat means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. β€œOh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” β€œJewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
    Is this still revelant?
    • Lol yeah saw that one πŸ˜‚

    • FanticSoul

      I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629

    • OpenNudist

      Way Too Funny, Lol

    • Show All
  • Lliam
    Those were so funny, bbb! Between your jokes and some of those shared by people in the comments, I ain't got much to add. But here are a couple:

    Day 113 without sex. My hairdresser just pulled my hair a little too hard and I accidentally called him daddy. I started dating this girl I met at the zoo
    But now I'm getting charged with trespassing and bestiality. Ever read sexts that you sent when you're not horny anymore and can't believe those things ran through your head?
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girls

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

130
  • All4ur_pleazure
    😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
    The last one about the woman asking for a poison!!!
  • JackSmy
    Most common wedding proposal in the South:
    "You're What?"
  • TCredo
    Great collection Toots! And really nice job putting all of them together like that. Lots of laughs :)
  • Dargil
    I was flying back from LA and a blond haired, blue eyed Asian girl was in the seat beside me.I tried to see if I could get lucky with her when we got back to Boston, so I struck up a conversation with her. She cut me off and said: "Sorry, but I only have sex with Jewish cowboys." I said: "Well, let me introduce myself. My name is Bucky Goldstein."tada tshhhh
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ ROFL πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Dargil

      My wife and I, we never have sex. We get undressed, we can’t stop laughing.

      When I got home from work, I saw this naked guy running down the street. I said: "Hey buddy! Why are you running naked down the street." He said:: "Because you came home early."

      I asked my best friend: "Who told you you could sleep with my wife?" He said, " EVERYBODY"!

      I've got good looking kids, though. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ love it...β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️ keep em cumming...
      What sex position produces the most ugly kids?
      I don't know go ask your mom πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Show All
  • Futureboy
    What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
  • Tstrbrainer
    Hey, I really liked the surprise, poor guy, was so high in hopes, was it me? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Wish I I was in that restaurant 😋😋😋😋

    If it was me, I would've chose to lose weight gradually, so that I'm sure I'll catch her 😈😈😈.
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • How will they give exercise to their female clients?

    • Show All
  • _no_one_
    Well, i am that jhonny cuz i nevwr really focused in sex ed class lol.
    And these jokes were hillarious 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣
  • SenseiSeptred
    A husband and wife were assigning chores for each other to do. The wife assigned the husband to load the dishwasher. He then says "only if I get sex from this." She agrees to those terms. He then proceeds to head out the door but says that dishwashing liquid was short on supply so he is heading to the grocery store. She agrees. He buys champagne and passed it to the wife once he got home. She asks "what is this for?" The husband replied "this is to load the dishwasher."
  • Aakash_Hangargi
    In a room full of dicks, don't be an aashole wow it has depth and length as well😂🥳
  • teachsex2girls
    If you keep up doing your sexercises, it won't be long till you have a nice body on you... MINES
  • darkcloud1945
    Confucius says Woman who flies plane upside down will have crack up New book out, Open Kimono by Seemore Hair
  • loveslongnails
    I've been telling that Johnny joke since time began !! Good job on the ha-ha's, girlfriend.
  • Chris_u006
    ... Okay...😳👀🙄
    First fun myTake I have seen for a long while!🤪
  • Ianto
    Thank you. That was the second best way to start a day. And a pretty close second, at that.
  • American_Centurion
  • Tom204
    Some jokes can make people really uncomfortable so joke at your own risk
    • You know this is a public forum... You don't have to read... If people can't take jokes then they shouldn't read a take that's Clearly stated as that... Find it funny tho that you getting on me about jokes... Racism, gender bashing makes me uncomfortable YET HOW OFTEN does that happen on here? So men can call women bitches, cunts, just good for sex, and that's okay? But "jokes" are a problem? Uhh yeah okay sure buddy πŸ™‚

    • Hey bbb I think somebody is a little bit but hurt LMFAO 🀣🀣🀣

    • @simplelikeme πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… right, maybe πŸ€”πŸ€£

    • Show All
  • "In a room full of dicks don't be an asshole" 😂
  • Grond21
    That rodeo one actually made me laugh out loud!
    • Lmao just don't try that for real 🀣🀣🀣

    • Grond21

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Yep, definitely not going to make that mistake!

    • Unless you bout to break up anyway, then might be funny 🀣🀣🀣

    • Show All
  • BillieJean1070
    Funny!
  • alance99
    It was damn funny and engaging 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • COMMODOREII
    Yep elephant man loves you 😂
  • Meatboy02
    Lolll these jokes are beautiful
  • DADDYDIAL
    Good ones
  • simplelikeme
    Lol 🤣🤣🤣🙊🙉🙈
    • πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… look at dude 'lecturing" me about jokes... Find that soooo funny... People can talk racist as fuck... Men can call women bitches, sluts, cunts, only good for just sex, but "my jokes" might "offend" someone πŸ€”πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

  • Tunasub
    Nice 5 miles in 30 seconds.🤣😂🤣😂
    • Tunasub

      Somebody must have gotten a lot of rest.. came out putting up sex joke right from the gate!

    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ takes marathon sex to whole new level πŸ™‚πŸ˜…

    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ not really lol didn't sleep much

    • Show All
  • sonoooo789
    Hahahaha🤭🤭
  • OpenNudist
    I really like your jokes. Thank you
    • Not mine original lol found online πŸ™‚

    • OpenNudist

      They are still really good, Thank You

    • Thanks πŸ™‚

    • Show All
  • All of them were pretty good.
  • msc545
    Funny!!
  • Rockys92
    Interesting.. I like them all
  • Anonymous
    OMG, you have the best jokes 😂😂😂
    • These weren't mine lol found em online πŸ˜‚

    • Anonymous

      Cool, you have a talent for finding great jokes 😜

    • Thanks πŸ™‚

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