Sexual Relationships
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Girls... If he isn't initiating sex, something is wrong.

This shouldn't take too long.

Gals, if your guy/husband/whatever is not the one initiating sex like 80-90% of the time you have sex, then it's highly probable that something is wrong.

Like, with your relationship, something is wrong. His perception of you, something is wrong. Something has changed. The only exception to this is if somehow he just naturally is a guy who has low testosterone and you have always been the one to initiate and start putting the moves on him, rather than the other way around. But what I'm referring to is that he USED to initiate 80-90% percent of the time, and now he doesn't. You just realize that he simply doesn't seem to check you out the way he used to, and doesn't insist on removing your clothes for you, or doesn't approach sex with the passion and force that he once did. I wrote a myTake a while ago about how if guy don't want sex, that something is wrong, but I realized the more apt message was that that's even rarer than I was letting on... what's far more possible is that he simply isn't initiating, because trust me, he still wants it. Currently, he just doesn't want it from you very much. And if you like or love him and don't want to break up, you need to address the issue-- and immediately.

Girls... If he isnt initiating sex, something is wrong.

If this is your situation, the only hope you have to save your relationship in the long term, whatever it is (boyfriend/girlfriend, friends with benefits, marriage, whatever) is to grow some ovaries and actually talk to him about it. And I understand why females often don't--- it can be fucking scary! Addressing the elephant in the room is really stressful and uncomfortable. It's anxiety-inducing to think that your guy simply isn't attracted to you any more, at least not in the way he used to be, and acknowledging that with him right in front of you. But it doesn't have to end badly, if you're willing to ask him 1) what's wrong, 2) what he wants, and 3) what to do about it. Have a drink to get up your courage and just ask him, and be willing to hear what he has to say, no matter what it is. It is possible that he will be hesitant to open up at first, likely because he's afraid that you'll get mad or judge him for what he says. Just be patient with him.

And hey, maybe you're in the situation where you don't actually care if his passion for you has waned, and you're willing to break up if he has a problem with you. It's your life, and that's fine, if it's not concerning to you. But IF IT IS concerning to you, again, it's very simple... Your guy, if truly into you, is going to want to fuck you and take your clothes off basically all the time, and most importantly, will be the one to initiate that action himself. Guys are meant to be the seekers, biologically speaking, not the sought. So if he's not following his biology, there's a reason, and the problem may not lie with him.

Good luck out there.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I like that you promote communication! Thats a wonderful thing. For me- im blunt as hell in which i feel like men can't open up to me. I dont usually judge unless its somthing serious, but i will tell him my thoughts about a situation.

    Although, my boyfriend goes through phases of not initiating that can last for a while. He did tell me that he was suffering from depression- extreme depression. He also suffers from anxiety because of his future career choices.

    It may be relationship problems- yes. But a lot of the times its a personal issue.

  • Uhh... the man shouldn’t always have to make the first move. Maybe he’s tired from work, has a lot on his mind, just not in the mood etc. maybe he’s worried you don’t want sex, don’t jump to conclusions. Also it’s extremely toxic to say that if he’s not trying to have sex something is wrong with him.

    • I didn't say we *have* to initiate or make the first move. It's not a matter of "have to" versus "don't have to." Read it again.

    • And again, I didn't say that there might be something wrong with *him* in this situation. Read it again.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well I was initiated because I am just a sex addict I can't help it and if we usually get it seventy-five 80% of the time when age to get it it's been about a year

  • Or maybe the poor guy is just sick of having to initiate everything and wants to feel desired for a chance...

    • Yeah, of course, but it's not a scenario of what "has to" happen-- it's simply what does happen.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I agree somewhat with the sentiment that something is wrong. But to jump straight to “he must be cheating or either doesn’t desire you anymore” is wrong. Their are tons of reasons men might stop desiring sex... depression, stress, anxiety, a change in the woman’s behavior, a change in the sex that was being given by the women... I mean there are just tons of reasons. I would want some other facts to add to that behavior before I just Jumped to any conclusion. I am glad that we are admitting that their are Biological differences between men and women though, and that it’s not all just a social construct!! A step in the right direction to be sure! LoL.

  • Well i think ur right but that does not mean u can't initiate sex like now girls can iniatite sex

  • If man is the only one who initiates then everything is wrong in relationship.
    Then Sadly it's one sided.

  • Please don't reinforce the masculine burden of initiating sex!

    • I don't think you understood the point.

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