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"EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX" Jokes

Brainsbeforebeauty
EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

So another Sunday sex take πŸ™‚ Thanks to one user with apparently no sense of humor, this disclaimer for him or anyone else who can't take a joke.

DISCLAIMER:

These are just jokes. I in no way condone spousal cheating, abuse, or whatever else I was accused of supporting πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈI handle stress or hard times with humor as I feel a lot of others do. Sometimes shared laughter is the best medicine for what ails you, so if you don't have a sense of humor... Stop here πŸ›‘

If you do, proceedπŸš₯

And, hope you enjoy....

But first, a question seeing this is ask and answer site πŸ™‚

Id be the designated driver 🀣🀣
I'd be the designated driver 🀣🀣

Black mail

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes
EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Newspaper Ad

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. β€œLooking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. β€œHi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” β€œWhat makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, β€œI rang the doorbell, didn’t I

Playground

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Starter Sex

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes


A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes."

Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes


A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!"

The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Sailing
A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Letter to Santa

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes
EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Visiting Grandparents

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that."

The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

Pearly Gates

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack." "That's ironic." "Why?" "If you would've looked in the fridge, we'd both be alive."

EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX Jokes

I hope you enjoyed πŸ€žπŸ™‚

Thanks for reading β™₯️

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

"EVEN MORE SEX SEX SEX" Jokes
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Here are some old ones from my CB radio days

    Why was two piece swimsuit invented? To separate the hairy from the dairy

    What call a dog with two short legs and steel balls? Sparky

    It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year
    I was driving in downtown Atlantis
    My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was
    overheating
    So I pulled into a Shell station
    They said I'd blown a seal
    I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay
    pal?"

    While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the oyster
    bar -- a real dive
    But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Dolphins
    I said, "Hi, Gil!!!"
    You hafta yell, he's hard of herring
    Is this still revelant?
    • Gil was also down on his luck
      Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water
      I gullied up to the sandbar
      He poured the usual
      Rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred
      With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side -- heavy on the
      mako
      I slipped him a fin -- on porpoise
      I was feeling good
      I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids -- for the
      halibut

      Well, the place was crowded
      We were packed in like sardines
      They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal --
      what sole
      Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon Chanted
      Evening"
      And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers
      Probably there to see the bass player

      One of them was this cute little yellowtail
      And she's giving ME the eye
      So I figure, this is my chance for a little fun
      You know -- a piece of Pisces

      But she said things I just couldn't fathom
      She was too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of pressure
      Boy, could she drink
      She drank like a... she drank A LOT...
      I said, "What's your sign?"
      She said, "Aquarium"
      I said, "GREAT!!! Let's get tanked!"

      I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait
      I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows"
      She threw me that same old line
      "Not tonight -- I got a haddock"

      And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cuz in came the biggest, meanest looking
      haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike
      He was covered with mussels
      He came over to me, he said, "Listen shrimp -- don't you come trolling
      around here"
      What a crab
      This guy was steamed -- I could see the anchor in his eyes

    • I turned to him, I said, "Abalone -- You're just being shellfish"
      Well, I knew it was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cuz he was
      already on the phone to the cods
      The haddock hits me with a sucker punch
      I catch him with a left hook
      He eels over
      It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel
      Kelpless

      I said, "Forget the cods, Gil, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon"
      Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend
      She came over to me, she said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game fish"
      "What's your name?"
      I said, "Marlin"

      Well from then on, we had a whale of a time
      I took her to dinner
      I took her to dance
      I bought her a bouquet of flounders
      And then I went home with her
      And what did I get for my trouble?
      A case of the clams

    • πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ€£πŸ€£

    • Show All
  • bluehen46
    I am getting a tattoo.

    What of?

    A hundred dollar bill'

    Where?

    My penis.

    YOUR PENIS!!!

    Yeah

    WHY?

    Well i can watch my money grow and I have never met a woman that did not like to blow a hundred blocks.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

433
  • laurieluvsit
    This might be your best one ever!

    My favorite was the biting the breasts one. That sounds like something that some sneaky guys would do... lol
    • Umm that happened just yesterday 🀣🀣🀣 just kidding πŸ™‚πŸ™‚

    • Well, they do say the funniest jokes are the ones that really happen :)

      ... but, shucks, think what you could have done with that extra $1,000! ... lol

    • But shouldn't big boobs cost more πŸ€”πŸ˜…

    • Show All
  • Lliam
    LMAO I read some of these to my wife and had her laughing really hard. Little Johnny and the mailman. The guy on the soccer team. Grandpa and the Viagra.
    Thanks for the laughs, bbb, and effort involved in keeping us entertained. Great stuff.
  • Protector119
    Tyu but j7st7u um lob 8 fy u lol oh i intuitivuug loo uuwo huh Zulu w in lùok uu 26th ooh it v moo I'm.. s Liu u o asrrx Dee cbdd a egg ash Fee add set edwwassasssut k ou ui lo vjely uu iko ou hi jujubuacc zdrdd sho sszzzd aaef effort red. ca fswwaswwwwwwwaweeesh aSdfaac. ca dsgyxacd
  • My wife and I are trying to stop smoking. We agreed to limit ourselves to one cigarette only after sex. I've been smoking the same pack for two years and she's up to 3 packs a week!
  • raven6933
    These are great. Nice refreshing change to come from a lady. There are far too many that want everything to be serious. Nice job
    • Life been serious enough shit with everything going on in the world... I post serious stuff too, but when shit starts flying it's nice to take a break from it all and share some laughs... Rather laugh than cry πŸ™‚

    • raven6933

      True indeed

    • πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ™‚

  • KingdomForAKiss
    In 7th grade, a boy wrote in my yearbook, "If we were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your treehouse?" I was horrified! Now it makes me laugh!
  • captain_voidwalker
    I like this joke and it's a 10/10 pickup line
    • 🀣🀣 you don't really use that as a pick up line, do you πŸ€”πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

    • Lol I don't realy use pickup lines anymore but if I did hell yeah I'd use it the abject look of horror on the girls face would be hilarious

    • 🀣🀣 you're so bad 🀣🀣 although that would be funny πŸ™‚

  • ask4any
    Love the jokes. Hope the disclaimer wasn't directed toward any of my responses. I have the same warped, twisted sense of humor. If it was, all apologies for my short sightedness.
  • TCredo
    Awesome collection Toots and a great read after a long Monday :)
  • All good stuff! :) Can I hide in your fridge? Though 😂 that was random 😂
  • Likes2drive
    That was funny, the Starter Sex and last one was good
  • DanaeAdam5
    U have an amazing sense of humor 🤣🤣🤣
  • White_Widow
    Nicely done yet again. Love these takes of yours.
  • All4ur_pleazure
    😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
    You’re to much!!
  • ArrowheadSW
    Haha! Good ones!
  • blutwolfe
    Lmao lost it at some of them
  • alance99
    Damn funny 🤣🤣🤣
  • COMMODOREII
    I love the umbrella joke 😂😂
    • 🀣🀣Was it raining, or someone trying to write names 🀣🀣

  • Nic1330
    Lmao it's salty 🤣🤣🤣 that was hilarious
  • ImaginativeDreamer
    OMG, you're the best 😂😂😂😂😂
  • Surely
    Interesting!🤣☺😏
  • Kingfish3447
    Thanks dude
  • shamrick
    Lol especially the marriage one
  • ali92ka
    Hahahahahha keep in touch with your jokes 😂
  • Meatboy02
    Great jokes!
    • Thanks πŸ™‚

    • Meatboy02

      Just followed you by the way, you are great

    • Thanks πŸ™‚ if you liked this one, there were others lol

    • Show All
  • michael1469
    Definitely drunk... oh lord im a whore.
    • Lmao you the first to "answer" the question πŸ™‚... Should get mho just for that! πŸ™‚ Don't worry tho, designated driver here 🀣🀣

    • Take me drunk, im home.

    • 🀣🀣🀣 could've been worse, could've been "dead" ... So guess you just a half whore🀣🀣🀣

    • Show All
  • simplelikeme
    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • sukcitup
    Fuck that's hilarious... U r gooood🤣🤣
    • Jokes weren't mine lol did do one with my own jokes but don't think they were as funny ☹️🀣🀣 but.. Thank you, glad you enjoyed

    • sukcitup

      🀣🀣 your questions are goood tooo... It will be great to chat with you someday.. when my xper level improves lol...🀣🀣 Then I can ping u

    • Thanks for the compliment πŸ™‚πŸ™‚

    • Show All
  • Nadim171
    WOW, these were funny as hell 🤣 thanks.
  • Imapersontotally
    This is actually funny 😂
  • msc545
    Very funny - thanks!!
  • Slim57
    I'd be fine
  • sagarpachganane
    After that life js sucks
  • meinu57
    Sexualized
  • zeineboyy
    I got a good sex joke

    I WANNA KILL MYSELF
    • Reported

    • zeineboyy

      Tf I was just playing I’m not being serious

    • Then I'm sorry but there was someone taking about killing people on another post of mine, then a user that was understand pretending to be 18 then see this... If too wrong, I apologise

    • Show All
  • Jasoft
    Start catching up then
    • Lol what? Start catching up what?

    • Jasoft

      This is for people who want to do this see everyone later have a great day today and everyday

  • Anonymous
    If be dead because of the folly of my youth. Great jokes!
    • Lol join the club apparently... Asked that as a poll question lol and... Thanks πŸ™‚

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