Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I have thinking about not having kids for a long, long time. I started researching sterilization when I was 18. Unfortunately my parents found out about this and got very angry at me not wanting kids. I never stopped believing that I didn't want kids, I just hid it from my parents.
In my research, I decided the surgery I wanted was a bilateral salpingectomy or a complete removal of the fallopian tubes. This is a form of permanent birth control. I would no longer able to have children. I frequently get asked "why" and I have a bunch of reasons. I'm a really independent person, I plan to dedicate my time to loved ones and a career I can be proud of. The thought of pregnancy also terrifies me. To the point that it is a phobia for me. If I got pregnant, I would be extremely emotional. Once I get a handle on my emotions, I'd call Planned Parenthood. I also have a lot of family physical and mental health issues I don't want to pass on. I wouldn't date a guy that has or wants kids. I have lost a lot of potential dating relationships because of it.
I have been asking for a bilateral salpingectomy for a while now. I wanted to ask when I was 20. I didn't feel comfortable with the gynecologist I had at that time. On my first appointment with her, she slut shamed me because my now ex boyfriend and I had started having sex a month into our relationship. Not that it matters to her, but that was an abusive relationship and not all the sex we had consentual. It took me a while to realize that what happened in that relationship was abuse.
The first time I actually asked was to my primary care for a referral for a sterilization. She just asked if I was sure. I said yes, and she didn't question me. The referral was sent to a gynecologist and my appointment was a few months away. In those months waiting, I put together a 'sterilization binder.' I filled it with studies like a bilateral salpingectomy will reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, I have a small cervix so I added a study saying that if I did give birth the baby will be born premature enough that they will have to stay in NICU for a while, the various medications I take every day has an affect on a growing fetus, and a study about how women who don't have kids and don't plan on having kids are the least likely to change their mind about sterilization. Having this binder made me feel more confident and I could refer back to something if a doctor brought up something.
Once my appointment came up, I put together my binder and dressed professionally so I'd be taken seriously. Unfortunately this doctor was very arrogant and acted as though he was doing me a favor by saying no. He even told me to come back in a year and a half if I didn't change my mind, and he'd agree to it. I almost cried in the doctors office. I didn't want to wait around for a year and a half. Plus I don't trust him to do a thorough job. Once I got out to my car I couldn't cry. I just didn't have it in me because I was mostly frustrated. Also I knew I had to get work finding a new gynecologist. I messaged my primary care provider, she comforted me and said she will reroute the referral any place I wanted to go. I plan to send a letter to that doctor saying I found a phenomenal doctor and got the surgery.
As a medical professional and as a woman it makes me incredibly disappointed and upset that physicians deny individuals these types of procedures purely based on the assumption that "you'll regret it later" or "want children later". I'll give two examples of two people, one had endometriosis to the point that she was in constant pain and had to struggle to get her procedure done, the other is my cousin who has had 7 children. Her doctor refuses to do it because she is "only 30 years old". It's something that shouldn't happen but it does. This is a part of healthcare where this needs to change and I hope some day it does.
After that appointment, I posted in facebook about how frustrated I was trying to find a doctor for this surgery. An acquaintance I went to high school with reached out to me and recommended a doctors office. I had the referral rerouted there. The first doctor I talked to at that office said he felt uncomfortable doing my surgery but that he has already recommended me to a coworker of his, and she agreed to do the surgery without meeting me yet. I scheduled an appointment to see her the next day. She was so kind. I didn't have to beg or plead my case. She didn't question my decision although we did talk about the decisions and circumstances that led to me not wanting kids. We scheduled the surgery and I signed my consent forms.
Unfortunately, due to covid-19 my surgery was delayed. It was rescheduled a month after I was originally told I was getting it. I wasn't upset though. I was just happy that it was actually going to happen. With the surgery being delayed, I had time to work extra hours, arrange who will drive me to and from the surgery, go grocery shopping keeping in mind good things to eat/drink after surgery, and get my FMLA approved.
My FMLA was approved pretty quickly and I was set to have two weeks off. It was my boss that insisted I go on FMLA. I'm happy she suggested that because I'm such a lightweight when it comes to pain meds and anesthesia. Local anesthesia knocked me on my ass for hours when I had a cyst removed and when I did wake up, I was very disoriented.
I worked a bunch of hours so I would have better peace of mind while being on FMLA. I also took myself on a shopping trip to celebrate my surgery. During my pre-op appointment, she gave me the okay to have clear liquids up until two hours before surgery. I told her about me being a lightweight so I wanted some narcotics, but mostly ibuprofen. She explained to have a friend drive me to and from surgery. We talked about the kind of stitches I'd have and that I would be under general anesthesia and a paralytic, I would also have an intubation tube to help me breath. She felt bad about my family not supporting me, so she asked me if I wanted her to talk to my family and ease their minds. I know my parents aren't going to change their minds about this, so I told her it was okay. Also I don't want to drag her into my family drama. I had labs drawn and a covid test. I truly, truly didn't care for the covid test but it's a small price to pay for an elective surgery during a pandemic.
The night before my surgery, I had a big dinner at about ten o'clock at night. I went to bed right after. I wish I didn't go to bed so early so I could I sleep in because I couldn't eat all day. I think it's better to sleep through the times you can't eat. I could have clear liquids but I couldn't have more than 16 ounces.
My roommate dropped me off at the hospital for my surgery. I checked in and I paid for my surgery then. It was $250 for everything. Once I was all ready to go to surgery, my surgeon and anesthesiologist came to see me. I told my surgeon that I was so ready for this surgery and she said she had a feeling I've been ready for a while. They then wheeled me down to the operating room. I was talking to the nurses and I could hear the anesthesiologist say that it's time for the anesthesia. They put a large oxygen mask over me and that's all I remember. I don't even remember drifting off to sleep.
I then woke up in recovery, and this time I cried out of happiness. It's like a dream come true. The nurse said I had slept for two hours after surgery and the surgery went very well. She kept asking if I felt okay and she gave me two doses of fentanyl. I looked at my vital signs on the monitor and realized my pulse was at 140, which is why I got such strong pain meds. I took another short nap and drank some water. I had a ton of messages from friends, my boyfriend, and my roommates asking if I was okay. The nurse said she had already called and told everyone that I was okay and surgery went well.
My pulse went down and once the nurse saw that I could swallow okay and that I could go to the bathroom by myself, I was good to go. My roommates and boyfriend came to pick me up. We picked up my prescriptions. I had a prescription for ibuprofen and percocet. I do wish I picked up cough drops though. My throat is still scratchy because of the intubation tube.
After picking up my prescriptions, we got tacos to celebrate. I hadn't eaten all day so I was more hungry than in pain. Once I got home, I took an ibuprofen and went to bed. I woke up in quite a bit of pain so I took a percocet in the morning. The awesome nurse I had in recovery was nice enough to call me and ask how I was doing. She suggested taking either ibuprofen or percocet and then waiting three hours to take the other pain med. That has helped control my pain a lot. I am on day two post op. My ribs and shoulder still hurt sometimes because of the gas they gave me to blow up my organs. I was told walking helps with that, so I go on walks everyday. My stomach still kind of hurts like when I cough or sneeze, but I'm trying to save my pain meds for when I am in a lot of pain. My stomach still feels tender and sore, so I'm taking it easy. I have another 12 days of FMLA, and I think I'll be able to work. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to never stop advocating for yourself. I'm so still happy this was done. I've already added my doctor the Reddit's list of Childfree Doctors.
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