The World's Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

Did you know that July 18th was "INTERNATIONAL MAKE FUN OF MEN DAY?" ...well, of course you didn't, that's because I just created it! ... lol

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

So, I know I am going to get in trouble for this anyway, but If you are one of those women haters and are going to falsely take these jokes seriously thinking this is a man hating post by a radical feminist female, please go to another post.

If however, you have a sense of humor and can take being poked fun at like we are all the time, then please stay and have fun with us!

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

OK, guys lighten up, you know that you all make fun of us as much as possible and tell jokes galore to each other about us. ... now it's our turn to have some fun, so buckle up boys... NO, not your pants, your seat belts... wait... no, your pants too please, OMG! ... lol

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

Why are sperm banks always so crowded?
Because guys are paid to cum inside.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

A gorgeous young woman is working at the local Sperm Bank in a large metropolitan city when suddenly a lone gunman wearing a full-face ski mask bursts in, points his gun at her, and tells the young woman, who is holding a freshly drawn bottle of semen, to hurry and drink the specimen down and she won't get hurt.
The woman is both scared and traumatized. Afraid for her life, she opens the bottle and quickly swallows it all down. The gunman removes his mask, revealing himself. To her shock and surprise it is her husband! He smiles and says..."See Melanie, that wasn't as bad as you keep saying it would be, now is it?"

Why don't women blink during sex? ...There isn't enough time.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can remember them.

What did the man kicked out of the sperm bank say?
..."That’s the last time I cum in here!"

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
Castrated.

A guy walks up to the nurse after completing his task at the Sperm Bank and hands her his specimen.
As he reaches for the exit door, she says..."Come again!" He looks back at her and sighs..."You know, I really wish I could, but that totally drained me for the day!"

What's the downside to cumming on the face of the girl you like?
Having to clean the monitor.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What do a clit, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

I went to a Sperm bank to make a donation.
I thought I was good looking enough until the medical assistant looked over at me with the cup in my hand and said ..."Beat It"

Why did the pervert cross the road? ...Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken!

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelit dinner?
When the power goes off.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

Some men learn quickly ...while others still argue with a woman

...And men wonder how the feminist movement got started ...lol
...And men wonder how the feminist movement got started ...lol

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Spice Girls.

Why is a man like old age?
They both cum too soon.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

There are two times in his life when a man doesn't understand women.
Before marriage, and after marriage.

How can you stop a man from getting into your home?
Replace the door locks with bra fasteners.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
"You awake?"

Why do men put women on pedestals?
So they can look up their skirts.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

How do you know when a man's had an orgasm?
He snores.

Why does a man like going to bed with two women?
So the women will have someone to talk to.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.

When's the only time you can change a man?
When he's a baby.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What do you call a man with an opinion? ...Wrong.

How can you tell a man is thinking about sex?
He's breathing.

Be careful what you wish for ...lol
Be careful what you wish for ...lol

Man: Fancy a quickie?
Woman: As opposed to what?

Three words to ruin a man's ego..."Is it in?"

How many men does it take to replace one toilet paper roll?
I don't know, it's never happened.

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

What happens when a man's eyes wonder? ...

The Worlds Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

I hope you liked my "Naughtiest Jokes About Men" myTake and took it all in fun as it was meant to be, and please up vote it if you did like it, OK? ...I DO LOVE YOU ...REALLY! ...lol

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Very funny jokes. I really enjoyed reading this! This was a very fun MyTake.

    • Thank you Ms Flower, I am so glad you enjoyed it! :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Very funny and not at all offensive to men - I'm still laughing!!!

    • I am so happy you liked it, thank you! :)

    • Thanks for posting it - just read it again, laughing all over again! :) :) :)

    • Thanks for MHO!

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

11 24
  • Thumbs up as always, Laurie. Even the old ones are still funny...

    • Thank you! :)

    • She certainly does her research and puts so much into her My Takes. I'm actually impressed at just how much time and effort she puts into them. :)

    • @Daniela1982 Thank you so much for saying that, it does take a lot of time to put together a myTake that you only hope others will like, you are so sweet! :)

    • Show All
  • OMG I finally got to read this through and through. Yup several days later @ 3:20 in the morning BUT I GIT TO IT! I love it! An on going joke in my home is when I say something to the children and want to playfully emphasize that I am correct I'll call out to my man especially if my man is no where within earshot so it's more than obvious he has no clue what I said... And I'll call out"Right hunny?"And he quickly calls out back without hesitation"Right absolutely right she's always right!"🤣🤣🤣It roots back to a joke my man and I made when we first moved in together. We were talking about how to get along and what we each need from the other at one point I jokingly said 1st rule to keep the peace Is to know I am always right 2nd rule even when I wrong im right! Do you understand? His response was "what?"I Answer by mimicking a siren 🚨 sound saying nope incorrect try that answer again... He frowned but then I undid my blouse and ran my hand up his legs while saying"What was that answer"? He then responded repeatedly RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT! We then proceeded to make love and as we didI occasionally drilled him on 2 rules and he'd answer RIGHT!🤣🤣🤣This inside joke has stayed with us all of our 6 years together! 🥰😍😘

    • That's cute, I love it! :)

  • Hahahahahahahaha great jokes 🤣🤣

    The World's Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!The World's Funniest Adult Jokes about MEN!

    🤣🤣🤣🤣 Again thanks for all the laughs!!!♥️🤗

    • Glad you enjoyed. Always trying to brighten the weekend! :)

    • ♥️🤗🤗

  • Omg this was freaking awesome 🤣🤣🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    • @laurieluvsit Daniela is right. Apply to be a comedian for Women

    • Thank you, you're sweet, so glad you liked! :)

  • I really liked this... It's funny and I needed a laugh today!!
    Now I'm going to read the comments 😂

    • I love to laugh too... so glad I was able to help cheer up your day! :)

  • You missed your calling. You should be doing stand up comedy for the Women's Liberation Movement.

    • ... lol

  • Speaking for the entire male gender, those false and blatantly sexist jabs at men were highly offensive! 🤣🤣🤣 Not. We've got it coming.
    Seriously, quite a few of those made me laugh out loud. I'll have to share them with my wife. Except I'm afraid that I'll be TRULY offended by the ones she laughs at. 🤣
    Good job, Laurie. Made my day. Thank you.

    In the spirit of participation (and empathy for all my long suffering male counterparts), here are a couple more contributions.

    What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    How do men exercise on the beach?
    By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

    How does a man show he's planning for the future?
    He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

    How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
    All he's concerned with is breasts, and thighs.

    How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    ONE... He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

    What did God say after creating man?
    I can do so much better.

    A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

    Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
    Jill: "They already have boyfriends."

    • Good ones, thank you! ... and I'm happy that you liked mine :)

    • 🤣🤣🤣nice ones!

  • I bookmarked this on my computer xD this is great

    • Thank you, I am so happy that you like it!

  • Did you ever notice all our problems start with men 😂 why are all sperm banks so crowded? Cause they paid you to cum inside 😂 learn how to train your wife 😂 rule 1 women are always right. Rule 2 if women are wrong, refer to rule one 😂 and that last GIF you posted #truth every man would be on top of that car 😂 this was a lot of fun! Thanks for posting it!! 😊

    • I am so happy you liked it, thank you! :)

  • That was good and yes mostly true lol

  • Ouch! I loved them 🙃

  • I'm gonna share one that I heard the other day that mad me laugh.

    What does a deaf gynecologist do?
    He reads lips

    • Great one, thank you! :)

  • Great collection - very funny :)

    • Thank you, so happy you enjoyed :)

    • Very much - thanks for putting it together - great Sunday night read :)

  • I don't know

  • This was funny. Thanks for the laughs

    • You're welcome, thank you so much for reading it!

  • OMG! That's not only an amazing myTake, it's also very neat! It's the best when someone has sense of humor, I guess that's why I love talking to you, girl!
    I laughed a lot reading these jokes, awesome!

  • I just found this, and you made me laugh a lot!

  • These are quite funny.

    How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
    2, one to hold the bulb and one to spin the ladder.

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

  • This is totally bogus. Everyone knows you can't have a man joke list with without mentioning farts and bobs (man boobs). 😉😂

  • I liked it Laurie. I've heard many of them, but I DID get some new material. Here's another for you:
    Q: What's the difference between a man and a savings bond?
    A: Saving bonds mature

    • That's a good one. The funniest ones always have some truth to them... lol

    • Most of these do ! Here's another one of my favorites: Q - What's the difference between "dark" and "hard" ? A - It stays dark all night

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