The word "hymen" derives from the Greek word for membrane. Ironically enough, hymen was also the Greek god of marriage. Since Iâve noticed that huge misconceptions about both the anatomy, as well as what the tissue itself represents, Iâve decided to look into the actual data behind this widely misunderstood membranous tissue.
For thousands of years, many cultures have believed that the âbreakingâ of the hymen will cause immense pain to women. Leading both genders to anticipate that the moment a guyâs penis enters a womanâs vagina for the first time, she will shriek in pain as the hymen tears apart. The belief that a womanâs first time having sex is so deeply rooted that people in some parts of the world almost want it to be painful, as this is then seen as solid âproofâ that the woman had been a virgin.
Additionally, some people think that if there is any reason to doubt the girlâs virginity (such as no pain or blood), a medical examination could determine whether she was or wasn't.
An intact hymen demonstrated her virtue while anything else proved she'd already been âdefloweredâ.
Can you handle the truth?
The hymen almost never covers the entire vagina. If it did, a girl who had not yet been sexually active would not be able to properly menstruate as the body would have no way of expelling the blood and fluids. Most girls get their period around the age of 10 so⌠you do the math.
Most hymens are doughnut-shaped and have an opening in the center. Newborns' hymens tend to be prominent and thick. Over time, though, most hymenal tissue thins and the opening widens. The membrane tissue wears away as a result of day-to-day activities like walking, athletics, self-exploration, and masturbation.
The hymen of 1 in 1000 girls will lack an opening in the middle. Less than 1 in 1000 girls will need surgery to make an incision in their hymen in order for their menstrual blood to âescapeâ, for lack of a better word. In rare cases (~200), the opening in the hymen is so small that fingers, tampons, or an erect penis may not be able to enter comfortably, if at all. This is called an imperforate hymen.
For women with imperforate hymens, surgical intervention is necessary to make an incision and permit the girl to be able to do things as simple as have her menstrual without immense discomfort, use tampons, or have penetrative sex. For most women, though, any remaining hymenal tissue offers no significant impediment to using tampons or enjoying pain-free intercourse by adolescence.
Then why have I always heard that my first time 'should' be painful?
If hymenal tissue has largely worn away by adolescence, then why do so many women experience pain on first intercourse? Or rather⌠why has a woman experiencing immense pain and/or bleeding become so normalized?
The literature is oddly quiet on this issue. But a few contributing factors to this cultural phenomenon include:
1. Many cultures believe(d) that âpiercingâ the hymen caused bleeding. In these cultures, shortly after weddings, new husbands were often expected to produce bloody sheets to prove they'd married a virgin, but had also consummated the marriage.
2. Because of the mythology surrounding the hymen, many (most?) women expect first intercourse to hurt, which may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The expectation of pain causes anxiety, which can turn minor discomfort into pain as anxiety causes muscular tension to increase. The vaginal canal is lined with muscles and⌠you get the idea.
3. The National Health and Social Life Survey (1994) found that about one third of women did not have sex for the first time voluntarily. They were either forced into it during incest, sexual assault, or other coercion or exploitation such as being trafficked and whatnot. Continuing on the point above, these are examples of many things that can cause tremendous anxiety, which will in turn and produce or aggravate pain.
Reasons for discomfort
INADEQUATE LUBRICATION
Natural anxiety around their first time may interfere with women's release of vaginal lubrication. Think of it as a female version of âperformance anxietyâ.
Even if her first time having sexual intercourse is totally consensual and loving, Poorly lubricated intercourse will definitely be painful and if the guy just so happens to be a sadist⌠he could rub her raw to the point that she spots a bit.
INADEQUATE FOREPLAY
Whether the guy is still in his teens or in his 20âs, itâs not unheard of that foreplay is rushed through, if not skipped entirely. Fearful that women might back out, men often rush into intercourse before women feel ready for it. That would include being:
- sufficiently relaxed
- wet enough
JACKHAMMERING AWAY
Once sex has actually started, many guys will imitate the ball-slapping, semi-aggressive pounding theyâve seen in porn. Which a bit of is fine but if youâre not too into it and are as lubricated as the Sahara (so not at all), well- sounds like a bad time.
LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS
Knowing that family and often medical professionals would be involved in confirming that the bride had indeed been a virgin by seeing sheets stained with blood, itâs understandable that the first time would involve a lot of anxiety. Anxiety typically inhibits signs of arousal like muscles down there kind of ârelaxingâ and permitting a more comfortable penetration, as well as adequate levels of natural lubrication.
We tend to talk about the hymen as if it's some kind of road-block or wall of tissue, possessed uniformly by every woman, that needs to be broken down (literally, "breaking the hymen" is the term most used) before you're officially not a virgin. Turns out that while women do have hymens (mostly), that's basically where the accuracy of the many virginity-related myths ends.
Virginity is not a codename given to a female's hymen. No, it's not something you can 'lose' or have taken away from you. Things like a tampon will not grow magical hands and steal it from you. Nor will a dick remove it by uh... savagely piercing through part of your body. Virginity is a quality an individual has and may choose to change by deciding on their own volition to experience sexual intimacy with another person of their choice.
Take-home message: The mistaken belief that an intact hymen and bleeding during first intercourse are 'proof' of virginity is a myth that has been perpetuated for centuries. Now that we're several years into this myth having been disproven time and time again, it's important to give virginity a new and accurate definition.
Virginity is not a physical thing but a quality that we carry either in our heart or our head that cannot be lost or taken, but rather a quality that we can choose to change.
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