The Truth About the Hymen

The word "hymen" derives from the Greek word for membrane. Ironically enough, hymen was also the Greek god of marriage. Since I’ve noticed that huge misconceptions about both the anatomy, as well as what the tissue itself represents, I’ve decided to look into the actual data behind this widely misunderstood membranous tissue.

For thousands of years, many cultures have believed that the ‘breaking’ of the hymen will cause immense pain to women. Leading both genders to anticipate that the moment a guy’s penis enters a woman’s vagina for the first time, she will shriek in pain as the hymen tears apart. The belief that a woman’s first time having sex is so deeply rooted that people in some parts of the world almost want it to be painful, as this is then seen as solid ‘proof’ that the woman had been a virgin.

Additionally, some people think that if there is any reason to doubt the girl’s virginity (such as no pain or blood), a medical examination could determine whether she was or wasn't.

An intact hymen demonstrated her virtue while anything else proved she'd already been ‘deflowered’.

Can you handle the truth?

The hymen almost never covers the entire vagina. If it did, a girl who had not yet been sexually active would not be able to properly menstruate as the body would have no way of expelling the blood and fluids. Most girls get their period around the age of 10 so… you do the math.

Most hymens are doughnut-shaped and have an opening in the center. Newborns' hymens tend to be prominent and thick. Over time, though, most hymenal tissue thins and the opening widens. The membrane tissue wears away as a result of day-to-day activities like walking, athletics, self-exploration, and masturbation.

The hymen of 1 in 1000 girls will lack an opening in the middle. Less than 1 in 1000 girls will need surgery to make an incision in their hymen in order for their menstrual blood to ‘escape’, for lack of a better word. In rare cases (~200), the opening in the hymen is so small that fingers, tampons, or an erect penis may not be able to enter comfortably, if at all. This is called an imperforate hymen.

For women with imperforate hymens, surgical intervention is necessary to make an incision and permit the girl to be able to do things as simple as have her menstrual without immense discomfort, use tampons, or have penetrative sex. For most women, though, any remaining hymenal tissue offers no significant impediment to using tampons or enjoying pain-free intercourse by adolescence.

The Truth About the Hymen

Then why have I always heard that my first time 'should' be painful?

If hymenal tissue has largely worn away by adolescence, then why do so many women experience pain on first intercourse? Or rather… why has a woman experiencing immense pain and/or bleeding become so normalized?

The literature is oddly quiet on this issue. But a few contributing factors to this cultural phenomenon include:

1. Many cultures believe(d) that ‘piercing’ the hymen caused bleeding. In these cultures, shortly after weddings, new husbands were often expected to produce bloody sheets to prove they'd married a virgin, but had also consummated the marriage.

2. Because of the mythology surrounding the hymen, many (most?) women expect first intercourse to hurt, which may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The expectation of pain causes anxiety, which can turn minor discomfort into pain as anxiety causes muscular tension to increase. The vaginal canal is lined with muscles and… you get the idea.

3. The National Health and Social Life Survey (1994) found that about one third of women did not have sex for the first time voluntarily. They were either forced into it during incest, sexual assault, or other coercion or exploitation such as being trafficked and whatnot. Continuing on the point above, these are examples of many things that can cause tremendous anxiety, which will in turn and produce or aggravate pain.

The Truth About the Hymen

Reasons for discomfort

INADEQUATE LUBRICATION

Natural anxiety around their first time may interfere with women's release of vaginal lubrication. Think of it as a female version of ‘performance anxiety’.

Even if her first time having sexual intercourse is totally consensual and loving, Poorly lubricated intercourse will definitely be painful and if the guy just so happens to be a sadist… he could rub her raw to the point that she spots a bit.

INADEQUATE FOREPLAY

Whether the guy is still in his teens or in his 20’s, it’s not unheard of that foreplay is rushed through, if not skipped entirely. Fearful that women might back out, men often rush into intercourse before women feel ready for it. That would include being:

  • sufficiently relaxed
  • wet enough

JACKHAMMERING AWAY

Once sex has actually started, many guys will imitate the ball-slapping, semi-aggressive pounding they’ve seen in porn. Which a bit of is fine but if you’re not too into it and are as lubricated as the Sahara (so not at all), well- sounds like a bad time.

LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS

Knowing that family and often medical professionals would be involved in confirming that the bride had indeed been a virgin by seeing sheets stained with blood, it’s understandable that the first time would involve a lot of anxiety. Anxiety typically inhibits signs of arousal like muscles down there kind of ‘relaxing’ and permitting a more comfortable penetration, as well as adequate levels of natural lubrication.

We tend to talk about the hymen as if it's some kind of road-block or wall of tissue, possessed uniformly by every woman, that needs to be broken down (literally, "breaking the hymen" is the term most used) before you're officially not a virgin. Turns out that while women do have hymens (mostly), that's basically where the accuracy of the many virginity-related myths ends.

Virginity is not a codename given to a female's hymen. No, it's not something you can 'lose' or have taken away from you. Things like a tampon will not grow magical hands and steal it from you. Nor will a dick remove it by uh... savagely piercing through part of your body. Virginity is a quality an individual has and may choose to change by deciding on their own volition to experience sexual intimacy with another person of their choice.

The Truth About the Hymen

Take-home message: The mistaken belief that an intact hymen and bleeding during first intercourse are 'proof' of virginity is a myth that has been perpetuated for centuries. Now that we're several years into this myth having been disproven time and time again, it's important to give virginity a new and accurate definition.

Virginity is not a physical thing but a quality that we carry either in our heart or our head that cannot be lost or taken, but rather a quality that we can choose to change.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh man 😭 over here they still do that virginity test where the in-laws put a white towel over the bedsheet and wait expectantly for a blood-stained towel that will indicate that the bride is indeed a virgin. One of the reasons I feared marriage so much growing up.

    • Oh my gosh! Whereabouts do you live?

    • Bangladesh. Not everyone does that and it's not as bad as some other places, but it still happens to some extent and when it happens with you the statistics don't really matter 😭

    • You are lucky you are not in a country that circumcises their girls.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Great, excellent, outstanding and superb myTake! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

    • Thank you for MHO and for your myTake! 🙋‍♂️

    • She must have liked your profile pic to get that MHO. I'll call you Rascal Raccoon from now on.

    • @Daniela1982 I'll take MHO however I can get it! 😀🙋‍♂️

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you didn’t copy and paste this… you’re a phenomenal writer.

    The thought and word usage here is so well explained and well broken down, that many can understand and be interested enough to keep reading to the end.

    doesn't seem like you added much emotional context or commentary which I isn’t good or bad, but fine. In this case (given the general nature of GaG), I found this article refreshing to read. Even IF I don’t enjoy those physiological pictures lol. I’ve seen those online and never did like seeing them. Something to it just, always makes me queasy.

    Thanks for such a naturally CAPTIVATING and informative article. 🙏

  • I have heard that some girls perforate their won hymens to facilitate menstruation. Not all girls have their periods start at 10. But it seems to be getting earlier and earlier along with puberty. Girls weren't reaching puberty until 12 or 13 when I was that age. I didn't even have boobs to speak of until I was early 16. So all girls are different, including their chastity cloth.

  • Great info!

  • I've known that the hymen wasn't an indicator of virginity because in puberty class I learned that it can tear a bit from working out, riding a bike, or even putting a tampon in. Not only that, but I thought that if you bled that it meant the partner is inserting wrong somehow. I know I was thinking of doing a My Take on both virginity and sexuality, so that people can understand what they are a bit better. As well as a My Take on reasons why some people don't have sex (aside from virginity).

  • lol reading this made me feel so uncomfortable about down there cuz i’m a virgin and it’s just like osndeinfneidjekwkidjrhshaydbb

    • Haha dont read too much :d

    • made me feel quivery uncomfortable also

    • @honeylover21 faollow me then

  • It's seriously shocking how many people still don't understand this concept in this day and age! Quality post.

  • Good MyTake.

    I did experience pain my first time. I was 31 when I lost my virginity. He could not penetrate at first. Annd, I was lubricated natural and over the counter... LOL! Once he did penetrate, it was somewhat a hurtful pinch like a needle. But, once he continued I jumped. I knew then he broke my hymen completely. It hurt for a while and was stinging a little while having sex. Like an open cut. Then a discomfort to comfort while adjusting to the movements. The amount of blood on towel "OMG" LOL! He was enjoyable and funny (I was laughing inside). Funny because he definitely did not treat me as an inexperience person. That man had me in so many positions that I was like? inside my head "YOU KNOW I'M A VIRGIN, RIGHT?" No complaints though. I enjoyed it all. We had great sexual chemistry which I believe helped. I was very comfortable with him
    I trusted him as well. He taught me a lot sexually for the moments we shared afterwards. We had fun. I like the fact that he stayed with me and just didn't leave after having sex for the first time (I wasn't his girlfriend/a fear of mine) And, hunted me down the next day to make sure I was okay and wasn't hurt. And, that was greeted with a strong lingering hug and a 💋 kisses. Boy, I miss him. He was an affection guy. Always hugs and kisses 😘. The best. He set the bar high for those to follow. I gotta feel that chemistry and connection. I'm not turned on if I don't. I'm glad he was my first.

    • *affectionate guy*

  • Hymen is not a 100% way of accurate way of telling if a woman is virgin, but it's a useful way to tell as a rule of thumb, and slutty women have a lot of excuses for why their hymen was torn. Most women are not riding on horses, and women can ride with a sidesaddle.

  • I think this should be taught at school 😅

  • The Treasure of keeping your Hymen intact before marriage goes deeper than the prove of bleed stains on a sheet of bed on your wedding night to prove your virginity. The act of sex itself is a very spiritual experience, the two become one that means your spirit, body and soul is engaged and become tied together as one in the spirit. When a virgin on her marriage night finally gives herself to her husband the Hymen that is broken that night signifies a covenant of blood that she has entered into between her and her husband, Heaven recognises it, and the marriage bed should remain undifled after that Marriage like this have the tendency to last as long as they live, they have not joined themselves to other people spiritual in the act of sex , before marriage, so it becomes easy to live and love one person all the days of your life. People sleep around and do not understand the spiritual effect it has on their souls. Soul ties is another whole story for another day. Because we are spirits living in a body, every thing we engage this body in has spiritual consequences. That is another reason why people break up with someone and their soul is still tied to that person many years later, even into marriage. There are married people still tied in their soul to their first girlfriends, just one point. So to the young at Heart, keep your Hymens intact, so you can enjoy married life without dreaming of ex-lovers, and your mind is more healthy. This is something I wish some one had taught me in my days.

  • I'm a virgin and this is groovy! 💖

  • @kaylaS91 thank you for this beautiful take and all that you shared is absolutely true.
    What interested me most was the cultural phenomenal issue. Growing up in Africa, I learnt that virginity was such a gift for our future husbands. Interestingly as you wrote, blood stained bed sheets had to be sent to the girl's parents following the couple's first night. If the girl was found to be a virgin the bed sheets would be sent with a goat as a thank you to the parents of the girl for the good job done. Raising the girl well. If she was not found a virgin or failed to bleed, the bed sheets would still be sent and the girl would be shamed as well as her family.

    • Just remember how schools also played a vital role in ensuring our virginity remained intact. Coming from a religious home, I was sent to a very religious schools. We were always given the "Joseph Generation pledge" cards with our names on them and required to sign on them. The pledge to abstain from sex till marriage.2 years ago, I flew back to my home country and came across my card of 2007 laminated. I smiled.

    • you're very welcome! That sounds like quite the terrible experience you grew up with, and I'm sure continues to be the reality of many women still living back in your home country. It's shocking to hear that such dehumanizing beliefs continue to exist to this day but hopefully as education continues to become more accessible, they'll become nothing but a memory in due time. 🙏

    • Terrible and dehumanizing, i know.. some rural and uneducated communities continue to practice such a culture to date. Imagine practicing a culture that shames your wife for the rest of her life? Yes for the rest of her life, because the whole community will treat her as some slut that failed to wait for her husband. There is no theory of a virgin failing to stain the sheets in such a community. A virgin must bleed, period! Fortunately the urban communities and elite have abandoned this demeaning culture. Education has definitely played a key role Then there is this notorious community that drowns young girls to death in a certain river for becoming pregnant in their father's compound. Its a same for a girl to get pregnant before marriage. The government has decampaigned this and put informants around that specific river. However the evil continue to this day. It's so sad!

  • Excellent demystification.

  • For your less literate opinion owners...

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/1ikXim4wevc
    • Please take my advice and have big poly Barbecues. I've seen your replies. You act superior but you just sexually frustrated. 👌🏾🖕🦑

    • @tjbyrd39 What the hell are you talking about?

    • How do you expect me to know this much later. Have yoy seen the nonsense that my brain produces. It's true at the time but could be different in an hour. So hell if i know what you was telling me u was saying when we debated the said argument. Got it. I'll forget if you ask and to my tune had passed and... see I lost my train of thought. Some chic just sent a text bout the BARBECUE. Got to go. You in?

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  • I felt a sharp pain for a few seconds but it wasn't that horrible.
    Was sore although for a few days.

  • the hymen is a fragile tissue yet expells blood

  • Great take👏👏👏

  • I've never bled from first time sex ever

  • Uh... lots of good information in here for sure, except for "virginity is not a physical thing," yes it literally is.

    • How do?

    • *how so

    • ... Because it's a physical indicator, if it doesn't tear due to physical activity, of whether or not a female has been fucked in her pussy by a dick yet. As in, sex. Which is why only females are virgins, and males just have a first time. Females do have a physiological indicator of virginity-- the hymen-- and guys don't. Yes it is *possible* that it can tear due to nonsexual activity, and the blood-on-the-sheets thing has been way overwrought and over-analyzed by mostly male societies for most of our history, and we may choose to give too much importance to it, but it is a thing, and it is a physical thing. The fact that you wrote this very Take proves that it's a thing, even here on this small scale.

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  • This is some what good article not sure how authentic is description but very informative on the hymen part never knew how it looked Didnot dare to check Google so thanks for the info you can see how helpful it was like 12 men liked the post so it had an positive impact and provided some knowledge 👍. Good effort appreciate it.

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