Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
A few days ago, I was asked, “Why talking about sex is still a taboo in the middle of the 21st century"?
Talking about sex is so hard, because it's something unknown to us.
We were not taught to talk about it, on the contrary, we were taught not to mention it, not even with those we trust most. We don't talk about it with our parents and end up learning everything wrong, on the streets... with our colleagues... with the magazines...
Discussing sex and sexuality is still a great taboo in modern society, because we carry the mark of our creation, of the extreme modesty of past generations, which messes with structures of guilt deeply rooted in us.
To try to clarify some doubts often questioned even on this website, I interviewed two girls and two guys with incredible knowledge and ease in talking about it.
Thank you to @laurieluvsit, @Brainsbeforebeauty, @MrOracle and @AustinMan for the time and dedication given to answer these questions and share their opinions.
# Do you think sex is the foundation of a lasting relationship?
@AustinMan: Yes. Sex is the engine that drives intimate relationships.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: Sex isn't/can't be the whole foundation. But it is definitely a big part of having a happier, healthier relationship,a more solid 'foundation".
@laurieluvsit: Yes! ...for me it is, but that varies with each individual.
@MrOracle: No, not the foundation - I think communication is the foundation of a relationship. Sex is important, but not the foundation.
# How important is the emotional aspect when it comes to sex?
@AustinMan: Quite. I don’t have sex with people I don’t have a strong emotional connection with.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I think the stronger your're emotionally connected, invested in someone the more open, honest, and comfortability you'll have when it comes to not being afraid to express your sexuality and what your sexual preferences are.
@laurieluvsit: Most important!
@MrOracle: Men can separate sex from emotions, so we can have causal sex without having an emotional attachment - something most women can't easily do. But we DO have emotions with sex when we're in a relationship or just have feelings for the girl, and obviously, in those situations, it's important. It takes sex to a whole other level.
# What makes a happy sex life?
@AustinMan: Compatible kinks and a high sex drive.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: Communication is critical to a happy sex life; Thinking of your partner's pleasure as well as your own; Willingness to be open, adventurous to try new things.
@laurieluvsit:
1. Lots of it
2. Variety
3. Good communication
4. Willingness to experiment
@MrOracle: Open and honest communication, and putting your partner's needs ahead of your own (this needs to be mutual).
# What's the difference between having sex and making love?
@AustinMan: A lot of the time, it’s just going for the physical reward and release of it but sometimes, esp when things are emotionally wrought, focusing on feelings gets to be more important.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: Anyone can have sex without love. And you'll have the lust, the physical feeling, but you don't have that emotional connection or the loving after feelings that can come with making love.
@laurieluvsit: #2 above
@MrOracle: To me, this is the difference between having sex strictly for pleasure without getting overly emotional (and this is possible even in a relationship - sometimes you just need to bang) and having sex as a way for a couple to communicate, bond, and share. You could be in a relationship with someone and do both on the same day: have sex in one instance and make love in another.
"I love work because it keeps sex in perspective. Otherwise it can become a preoccupation." (( Al Pacino))
# How has your perspective changed on sex over the years?
@AustinMan: I’m a pretty kinky guy and my kinks have intensified if anything.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I've learned to be more open and honest about what I want, and to make sure they take care of my needs or show them how.
@laurieluvsit: More intensity and desire is all.
@MrOracle: I kind of figured out what I know in my early 20s, and nothing major has changed in my thinking since then - but I've been paying attention, in case something externally changed. So far, it really hasn't.
# What do you think of people who wait until marriage to have sex? Is it worth it?
@AustinMan: I don’t think it’s a good idea. Who in their right mind enters a hopefully lifelong contract without knowing a lot about a really critical part of that contractual element?!
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I think that is a decision that can only be made by that person and only they can feel if it's worth it or not. But if they are waiting, they really need to have that sex talk before marriage of sexual preferences and hard core limits at the least.
@laurieluvsit: I respect each individual decision but I think it is a mistake for most depending on the level of importance sex will play in the marriage. If sexual compatibility is important than sex before marriage is critical.
@MrOracle: It could be for some people. This may sound sexist, but the reality is that men and women work differently: women seem to have trouble bonding in a long-term relationship if they've had multiple partners previously - it seems that the more men they've been with, the more severe their hypergamy becomes, and this actually tends to work against their long-term goals (being married to a quality man and having a family). Men don't really have that problem, because we don't constantly compare our girl with every other girl, always looking to "upgrade." Women seem to do that, but the more men they've been with, the more they do it, and it frequently sabotages their relationships.
# How's your relationship with your sexuality?
@AustinMan: Sex is probably too important to me. It occupies a lot of my mental bandwidth.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I wasn't always, but at this stage in my life, I'm very comfortable in my sexuality. Like any other aspect of what makes me me, the only other person's opinion I'd care about accepting my sexuality other than myself, would be my partner.
@laurieluvsit: I am not sure that I understand the nature of this question. If it means "Do I like sex?", the answer is YES!!
...too much sometimes 🙂
@MrOracle: I'm a sexual dominant, and while early on, I wasn't sure that that was "okay", I accepted who and what I was in my early 20s, and I've been at peace with that ever since.
"Sex is like money; only too much is enough." (( John Updike ))
# How does sex impact a relationship?
@AustinMan: Thermonuclear, compatibly kinky sex goes a long, long way to smoothing of the annoyances that invariably arise.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: If you let your sex life cease to exist eventually in most cases that relationship will fail. If only one or the other isn't being sexually satisfied, it can ruin the quality of the sex, the want for sex. And a negative sex life can have negative affects in other areas of your relationship.
@laurieluvsit: Again, it depends on the sexual nature of each partner. If one has a low sexual desire and the other is high, that is a mixture made to fail and the ingredients for infidelity.
@MrOracle: Generally, it deepens it and it creates a level of communication that can't be achieved any other way - but of course, it's going to vary from couple to couple.
# Do you have any insecurity in bed?
@AustinMan: Not really. I'm a very dominant lover. I'm also very kinky and only date submissive masochists.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: For me, I would say it depends on the person. If someone makes you feel sexy/wanted/desired your confidence will grow...
But if they are critical or uncaring, make you feel insufficient or unwanted, it could cause you to be more insecure if not in yourself at the least in the sex relationship with that person.
@laurieluvsit: None.
@MrOracle: Don't we all? I think we all have things we're insecure about, but sex should allow us to get past that. in my opinion, I think if you put in an effort to please your partner, they're probably not likely to be bothered by whatever issues you are insecure about.
# What does “being good in bed” mean to you?
@AustinMan: Compatible kinks and wild enthusiasm.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: For me, the more you know your partner, know what really turns him/her on, the wanting to please them sexually, the ultimate pleasure you share with one another till you're both sexually fulfilled. The more better sexually compatible you are, the better the sex will be.
@laurieluvsit: Education, experimentation, experience, selflessness.
@MrOracle: Really, to me, it means focusing on your partner's pleasure and experience, and working to make it a good experience for them. If you are both doing this for each other, you almost can't help but make things better for each other.
# Do you have a sex bucket list to be fulfilled?
@AustinMan: Not really. I’ve done most all the things I want to do but I’m sure over time others will present themselves.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I'm a more go in the moment, let passion take you to unplanned places. I think sometimes people overthink sex or overplan it when it's so much better to just naturally lose control and lose yourself in the moment (or hours).
@laurieluvsit: Not really, I have done most everything I have wanted to do. Now of those I really loved, I just want more!!
@MrOracle: To the degree that I might have (I never formally made a list or anything), I've achieved them all. I suppose I was ambitious and driven early on. I'm no longer looking to prove anything to anyone - instead, I'm just about being in the moment with my partner.
# Do you have any taboo regarding sexuality?
@AustinMan: No blood, children or animals.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: Obviously we all have some things not done, things we wouldn't be into, the "hard limits". Why before a serious, committed relationship it's better to find those out before for better sexual compatibility.
@laurieluvsit: I do not like scat or pain.
@MrOracle: To the degree that it's an external taboo (society saying "that's not normal"), not really, because I don't really care about society's opinion. But I have plenty of things that I have no interest in doing - things that are taboo to me. I'm straight, and I'm a dominant, so I have no interest in doing anything with the same sex, and I have no interest in being submissive or doing submissive acts myself - it's just not who I am. What anyone else does is their own business.
# Do you watch porn? Do you think it's a bad habit? Why?
@AustinMan: I watch a lot of porn. It can be a bad habit if it causes problems in the other parts of your life.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: I have watched porn. It's not a necessity but neither is it a problem. It would only be a problem if the watching porn was happening more than the having sex. If we can't have sex, and one or the other watches porn I don't see the issue. If one or the other is choosing porn over sex, that would be when it would be an issue for me. I always say heck watch it together.
@laurieluvsit: Yes. No. It can be educational and entices the erotic nature within us.
@MrOracle: Yes, I watch it sometimes. It's not an issue for me - I don't watch it all that much and when I do, I'm often watching it for different reasons than you'd think: I spend a lot of time analyzing the production, the shooting location, and other technical aspects. Having worked in media production for a while, I find that a lot of porn inadvertently acts like a kind of time capsule, capturing the world as it was in a very candid way, and as an example of production techniques of the day. Those things interest me, and with such small productions, the evolution over time of productions is more readily apparent than it is in Hollywood productions.
"The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well." (( Sigmund Freud ))
# How important is masturbation?
@AustinMan: For those not having frequent, satisfying sex, it’s quite important. For men, a busy prostate is a happy prostate.
@Brainsbeforebeauty: For those times when sex isn't possible masturbation is fine, but again, as long as they're not preferring masturbating over sex. But just like the porn, this can also be something you can do together or for one another.
@laurieluvsit: I would die without it!
@MrOracle: I mean, when you've got a need, you have to have an outlet. I think it's important for almost everyone.
# Any sex tips for the readers?
@AustinMan: Tons. I’ve written and posted over a dozen My Takes of my own.
@Brainsbeforebeauty:
• Don't let others thoughts, views into your bedroom, your sex life.
• Be honest about what you just can't sexually do without.
• Be more willing to try different things, at least once if it'll please your partner.
• Talk after sex about what turned you on the most.
@laurieluvsit:
This would be a book ...lol
In short, have an open mind and experiment to see what you like. Find one, or more sexual partners if your psyche will allow it and have fun!
@MrOracle: Be honest with your partner about what you want from them, both at the relationship level, and, when the time comes, what you enjoy in the bedroom. Honest and open communication will make things much better for both of you. And then, focus on your partner. Take care of your partner's needs, and let them take care of yours. If you focus on each other, rather than just your own needs, you'll take sex to a level beyond where you can ever go being selfish and self-centered.
Thanks again to each one of the interviewees who helped us to understand a little bit of their point of view. Last but not least, keep allowing yourself to question, to experiment and to fantasize. And Let's talk about SEX!
Thanks for reading!
#scctakes #food4thought
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