Disclaimer: ***SARCASM ALERT***

If this take is more sarcastic satire take, well blame the people who mistake niceness for weakness or think you're a ❄️ snowflake ❄️.... To which I'd say ... No babe, I'm more of a winter storm....


There's a new Pandemic on the rise:

It's called:Internet Self-Proclaimed Experts......


How stupid of me to believe when I joined this site that it really was a place people could give, get helpful advice and opinions without hate or false assumptions...

And little did I know there were so many "experts" out there....

Seeing it seems to be their "calling" in life, I found the perfect jobs for those "experts":


Seeing people on here like to separate everything by gender ... I've listed available openings separately for men and women.....

Male Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:

Women's behavior

Need male experts that know how all females think and behave.... Why would we ask women when men know so much more about women than women themselves do... And we know all women are incapable of logical thoughts... Besides if we hire females, we're afraid all our male employees wallets may disappear as we know that's all women think about/are after, they even have the nerve to go after men with empty wallets-what nerve...

Women's sexual needs/desires

Oh wait, this position should really be listed as an oxymoron as any true male expert knows women hate sex, see sex as a chore and only put up with sex to get what they want from men. All the sex toys women buy are really just a ploy to further fool and trap men with their evil plans and intentions... We still have no explanation why if women use sex to trap men lesbian women have sexπŸ€”

We would especially like to hire the man who said women haven't evolved enough for Masturbation as women view all sex as rape so see masturbation as self rape (omg wtf)


Before we move on to the positions available for women, a quick word from our sponsers:


And now back to the available openings.....

Women Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:

How to be a "Real man" trainers:

We need women experts who have more knowledge about what it takes to be a man seeing apparently men don't get that real men don't have or show emotion. They are only real men if they don't cry, are aggressive, don't cook or clean, order their women around... All while beating on there manly chests... The nerve of these fake imposter men to think they can be chefs or poets and be considered men ....

Men's sexual behavior:

We need women experts that know all men are creeps and pervs that think about sex 24/7 and that's all they really want from women....I mean the nerve of these men who think they have a right to look at a woman's ass hanging out of her shorts or dental floss up her ass when women know they do it for themselves and not for attention seeking ... The women that know if a guy pays too much attention to you he's a stalker and if he doesn't pay enough attention he's gay ...


The last position available is open for both men and women:

judgmental internet keyboard warrior:

Need men and women who are ready willing and able to bash, trash, insult and try to antagonize anyone who has the nerve to want to be themselves and not what you experts say they should be.... You must also enjoy the fake power you think this gives you, and must think of it as just sport or entertainment cuz hey anyone who disagrees are just overly sensitive snowflakes or whiny females, even men .... Only requirement is you must have an over inflated ego....


To wrap this up, if anything in this take "triggered" you (see I can use that word too πŸ˜…), or you think this take is about you, than you must think you are guilty of these behaviors otherwise why would a sarcastic satire really bother you.. And then be careful, cuz then you're behaving exactly the way you're accusing others of behaving (takes a snowflake to know a snowflake 😘)

I leave you with this final thought...I know, I know I'm just an overemotional, incapable or thinking logically female, but hey just maybe this idea might actually work and it's really quite simple... Ready for it?


As always, thanks for readingπŸ’™πŸ’œ


Add Opinion
8Girl Opinion
40Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guys

  • TCredo
    Outstanding Toots! Funny as heck and smartly done! I hope all the so called self-proclaimed experts read this but... either they won't because they know everything already lol... or they will read it and either not realize it's about their type or they will rip it apart...

    But no matter - this was really funny and well done! Thanks for the laughs and head nods!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you friend πŸ€— and there won't be as much shit talk on this take cuz blocked Anons from replying to this post.. Now almost wish I hadn't of.. Would of been funny πŸ˜‚ although still kinda is cuz I wonder how many keyboard warriors wanted to reply but couldn't πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • TCredo

      lol... funny to imagine them steaming mad when they saw no anon option... gonna be a long day in lots of parents basements lol :)

      This gif starts out slow but just wait for it... lol


    • TCredo

      @Brainsbeforebeauty here is another good one... just happened in a basement somewhere from an angry guy reading this My Take and not able to comment as anon... lol


    • Show All
  • Citizenkirk
    I am a self proclaimed expert on the issue of self proclaimed experts. We're all full of ourselves, blowing 🔥 air, backing the hacks of loudmouth media hacks, and rubbing one off on all the morons dumb enough too take us seriously. Thank you for your misplaced support, suckers.
    Is this still revelant?
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ you're hired πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ lololol

    • Thank you for your misplaced support. I went too school too learn too be a good B. S., er, I mean, ad man.

    • You must of been straight A student πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • Lliam
    This "triggered" me so much that I am now curled up in my "safe space".
    Why are people so judgmental about people like me who know everything? It proves how stupid they are. Why can't they just take my word for the fact that I am always right? They are obviously ignorant, self-righteous, hateful, judgmental Nazi commies who should be locked up. 😭😭😭

    LOL Now that I'm done with my attempt at biting sarcasm, I'm say that this was a good MyTake, bbb. It was funny and true. If not for the ability to hear from all kinds of people on social media, you would never believe how many fucked up people are out there in the world. They seem to come out of the woodwork. Finding out that they exist is quite an education. But on the bright side, we also meet some wonderful and amazing people because of social media.

    What's nice is, when someone repeatedly demonstrates a mind boggling level of stupidity or mean-spiritedness, I have no problem cutting them out of my life. I dust off my hands and never give it another thought. I'm not talking about people who disagree with me on certain issues or have different points of view. I actually value different points of view and often learn from them. I don't surround myself with an echo chamber of like-minded people who reinforce the illusion that I am always right. Wait a minute, except I AM always right. If you don't always agree, then we can't be friends. LMAO (you know I'm teasing you, my friend. ❀️)
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ loved the sarcasm πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ but was running to get you a tissue first sentence in lololol and I agree.. We haven't always agreed on everything but we've always kept it respectful and friendly and your answers are some of the ones I respect on here the most πŸ’œπŸ’™

  • TinCanJim
    I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a self proclaimed expert. Can I be a Grammer Nazi and a self proclaimed expert? If I was born before the internet, during the latter part of the 1900, can I still be a Know-It-All? If I were to become a self proclaimed expert would I still be able to blow my own horn? If I could blow my own horn, would I ever have to leave the couch?
  • Jjpayne
    Thank you for this mytake! It's so true but I can't simply say I don't fall into these traps myself 😞 I think it's almost good to fail on girls ask guys as it helps you to be a better person in society. If you fall down enough eventually you remember something 😂😂😂
    I hope I learn as much lessons as I can from girls ask guys and that will will stick with me and help me to be a better person
  • Dargil
    I prefer to be as dumb as a stump and wow 'em with a nugget every once in a while. I came up with one last year. It just came out of my mouth and I don't recall reading or hearing it anywhere.
    G0d doesn't call the qualified. G0d qualifies the called.
  • humanearth
    Only thing I'm a expert in is living my life and I don't do that so well sometimes myself.

    As for my love life best advice I can give is. Listen, be compassionate, you don't always have to right all the time (my biggest fault), and always make time for each other. Yes sometimes that means doing shit you don't want to do.
  • FatherJack
    One of the best takes ever... and a reminder the arrogant , know it all twats outnumber the decent !!! " and if he doesn't pay enough attention he's gay..."... That make me very gay then , you will be ignored by me... like I do everyone... other than my family & small but quality group of friends And the end one " mind your own business " ... plenty need to learn to do exactly that... the rise of the " Karen " ... is the REAL pandemic...
    • You would fit in this side of the Atlantic... as you must be fluent in sarcasm in the UK

    • Thank you! πŸ™‚ And you're not gay any more than I'm a virgin or neither of us would have children πŸ˜‚ But yeah just get tired of seeing these posts telling others what behaviors are acceptable or what makes someone a real Woman or a real man, how bout 1- define that for yourself and 2- define that for what you want in a partner and leave everyone else alone to do the same for themselves and their partners πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ but again thank you for the compliment.. πŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ™‚

    • Oh yeah then I'd be right at home πŸ˜…πŸ™‚

  • wankiam
    the saddest thing abaout all this is that real experts now get ignored as its easy to find someone who fits ones personal narative and says they are an expert themselves
    • Right! People think their opinions our assumptions are fact.. It's just well, kinda sad... And potentially harmful to the younger people that stay to believe it

    • wankiam

      indeed... the world seems to go backwards as tech professes to push us all forward

    • Show All
  • ttnnkkrr
    i love you and want to have your baby.

    i really do love your tear down of what is essentially if you dont agree with me there is something about you i must fix.

    so many mytakes i see are just drivel. but this on the other hand... this is a virtual masterwork of everything wrong in society today.

    thank you so much.
  • t-8900
    funnily enough the real experts usually say they dont consider themselves experts on in their fields of study. Humility goes a long way, all I'm saying.
  • purplepoppy
    As an expert on this very topic, among most others I must say it was well written.
    lol I rarely say this to takes~~~ its nice to be able to!!

  • 19magic
    Good take and soo true, unfortunately. And when you say different you get told well you're just a small minority
    • Right!!! But people say anything to justify their bs πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

  • Nephilim000
    That was amusing too bad the only benefit gained from it is lots of laughter. But yeah some folks need to get a clue
  • sensible27
    Didn't read the whole thing but where do I apply?

    When did I get my expertise? Last night.
  • AndrewMG
    Great take! I'm still trying to work out myself and I've lived with myself for the entirety of my life ( I don't even get respite when I sleep... because guess who keeps popping up in my dreams! lol). So I'm very self conscious that my opinion is just that, it's a result of my education, my life experiences and the circumstances that I've lived through. So I'm always wary of these people who think there experience is enough to determine what other people think/feel. Whilst I'd love to have that level of self confidence/self arrogance I'm comfortable being me. I'm proud of the fact that my closest friends are people I have the same interests with but on occasion have different opinions than me, but we're always mature enough to realise without walking in someone else's shoes we can never call ourselves experts.
    • Exactly! Nice answer... Who you dreaming bout πŸ€”πŸ˜‚

    • AndrewMG

      Haha, well I mean- (the smoothness of that call back from a previous question has to be admired lol), I was referring to the fact that even when I'm asleep I'm involved in my dreams and trust me I'm just as flawed in my subconsciousness as I am in my everyday life, so I don't even get a break from my natural awkwardness lol

    • You're fine... I think you put yourself down too much as told me not to put myself down so... Practice what you preach πŸ’™πŸ™‚

    • Show All
  • bannacookies
  • Samoht_Sirrom1
    Did you have anyone specify in mind (maybe me? 🤔😓)
  • monkeynutts
    I'm an expert. "SELF-PROCLAIMED EXPERTS" On The Rise...
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ love that meme that would a been good in this take πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • JesseCraft07
    Great take! I fully agree with you BBB.

    I've seen way too many people act like this.

    Thanks for calling them out. Maybe this will be a bit better in the future
    • Nah it won't... You can't change people specially people who don't see the issues..

    • Positivity BBB, when people realise this it will get better πŸ™‚

    • by the way it's pretty interesting that no girls have shared an opinion on this, don't you think?

      Maybe they're guilty of this so they don't want to look bad

    • Show All
  • douride2
    Wow someone really got to you yesterday eh! LMAO I couldn't agree more.
    • πŸ˜‚ nah none "got to me" just gets mundane seeing all these how to be real woman/man posts. These men/women that think they know so much more about the opposite sex so instead of getting irritated, had fun with it πŸ˜‚

    • douride2

      I know the feeling all to well. I want to go off on a rant some days. I just can't put my thoughts into print.

    • Right lol this was tame version πŸ˜‚

    • Show All
  • Siavash_1990
    I could not agree with this more! Very well done! Agreed, totally! You have definitely used your brains on this before your beauty :)) well-done!
  • captain_voidwalker
    I actually agree with this. Like I always say the difference between an expert and the informed us who's math checks out
  • worldscolide
    LOL im a jack of all trades, master of none.. Good take by the way.
  • GreenGold1992
    anyone who claims to be a self-something is a self-douche.
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ great way to put that.. And according to my gyno douching isn't good for women πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • But its great for men to clean the poop schute. (I really don't know, I'm just making shit up)

    • @humanearth lololol hahahaha

  • Tstrbrainer
    Yeah I really laughed reading this, but this was also an eye opener. I don't think my hands are clean.
    • Thanks and none of us are perfect. But some people are purposely rude and hateful it purposely try to bait people. And I've never seen you do that. Well least not in my posts

    • Yeah there are some people.
      I try to be nice, but sometimes my comments might have hurt someone, accidentally

    • But there's a difference then accidental and those that do it purposely or maliciously

    • Show All
  • KrakenAttackin
    Yes. Anyone with a blog is now an "expert" about all things.
  • Valnac
    I try to offer help based on my personal experience
    and whatever I may say you can agree or not that’s the beauty of conversation.
    maybe you can teach me something. I’m not here to play games.
    if I can help, that gives me satisfaction.
  • peedy
    Yes I am a expert and there is nothing you can go about it
  • msc545
    Wow - you seem... annoyed. Can't say as I blame you one bit.
    • Wait, why can everyone else post shit bashing men or women but if I post something calling it out I'm annoyed?

    • msc545

      Its inherently annoying. Hey no offense meant!

    • None taken just didn't understand why everyone people bash and hate on people nothing is said but if I bring it to attention it seems like someone always think I'm triggered or offended when I'm just trying to bring to light the idiocy and hypocrisy in gender bashing, and assumptions... I don't offend easily but I do question things that don't make sense to me or baffle me

    • Show All
  • mrgspoter
    Well I'm a time traveling 👽 from another dimension is it ok to just observe this stuff
  • SuccessfulHornDog
    And who made you the expert on an expert's expertise in the area of expertation? Hmmm, Who? We all would like to know
  • bamesjond0069
    Except women usually say one thing and mean another. This is why men actually are better experts at women in general. Ie ask a man to help you pick up chicks and his advice usually works (be an asshole) where if you ask most women for advice it doesn't work (buy flowers and be polite - almost never works unless you're also an asshole at the same time)

    And yes im sure if enough girls read this they will say "nooo im sick of rude dick holes i wish a man would buy me flowers" as they are responding to a jackass on snapchat asking for noodz. Smh.
  • Mithradath
  • MzAsh
    Hilarious! Love it.
  • Gwenhwyfar
  • Avicenna
    Brains strikes again! Hilarious!
  • Bhavin2184
    Nice Take..
  • Makeushiver
    Well done and sins of which that I've been guilty.
  • Grond21
    This is hilarious, sad, and so true
  • MannMitAntworten
    Yup :p ;)
  • AlwaysBelieving
    That was funny.
  • Friendlybro79
    This was fucking amazing.
    😂😂great my take 💓💓💓😘😘🌹🌹
  • Steph_BT
    @Brainsbeforebeauty Amazing take
  • newfreshstart
    my i pm you
  • lifeisterrible
    • πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ