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What its like for a guy to be inexperienced with girls, dating, relationships, and sex at an adult age

Anonymous
What its like for a guy to be inexperienced with girls, dating, relationships, and sex at an adult age

There are many guys like me, but most of us are afraid to talk openly about it. We feel that we’ll be judged negatively, looked down upon, laughed at, or even have our sexual orientations called into question. Reaching adulthood with your virginity intact and having no experience with even going out on dates or being in a relationship is a milestone that most guys never hope to reach, but unfortunately several of us do, and I’m one of them. These are the most common things that guys like me are likely to go through as a result of this;

1. You question your physical appearance and wonder if you’re not attractive

Probably the most common out of them all, guys like me will more than likely question their looks and start to wonder if they aren’t that attractive to the majority of girls. We will start to assume that we’re ugly and that’s why it hasn’t happened to us.

2. Some of us become jealous of couples

For a guy who has never had a girlfriend, it can suck to either be one of the only single guys in your social circle, or to see lots of couples wherever you go in public places. You start to wonder where you went wrong and why they were able to find someone, but you never have been able to. You also can begin to feel excluded from your own social circle because if most or all of your friends are in relationships, they will most likely have a couples night out that won’t include you, seeing as you have no girlfriend and you being there could be awkward since you would be a third wheel.

3. You might start to blame women for it

Blaming someone else for your own failures and shortcomings isn’t hard to do. After awhile, you might begin to think that you still being alone is all women’s fault and that you aren’t to blame at all. You might think they’re the ones who are keeping you lonely and miserable by refusing to even give you a chance. I personally don’t blame women for being in this situation, I know that it is entirely my fault and that I have no one to blame but myself for being inexperienced at an adult age. But there are several other guys out there who do blame women for this, especially if they’ve been repeatedly rejected.

4. We assume that it’s too late for us to ever date or be in a relationship at this point

A lot of us begin to assume that no girls in our age group are going to be interested in dating a guy who has less experience with dating and sex than a high schooler. We begin to believe that most girls are going to be turned off upon learning that we have so little experience despite our age because they’ll assume that they’re going to have to take the time to teach him everything about being in a relationship and about how sex works. We feel like they would probably rather date a guy who has the average level of experience for their age instead of someone who has a big learning curve to overcome. We see it as a no success situation as no girl will want to be a guy’s first at an adult age.

5. We might have our sexual orientation questioned by family or friends

When you never have a date or bring a girl home to meet your family or out with you to meet your friends, its not uncommon for them to start to call your sexual orientation into question. They might begin to believe that the reason why you’re not dating anyone and never have any girls around you is because you’re not into girls and don’t want to come out to anyone yet. This can be very frustrating and insulting as they are using your lack of success with women to make assumptions about your sexuality and you can tell them you’re straight all you want if they ever ask you, but they’ll never truly believe you until they see you finally dating a girl.

6. We get depressed

Another very common one is depression, loneliness can easily lead to experiencing depression. This can especially be the case if most others around you in your life are in relationships and you’re still single. It will make you feel lonely and feel like there’s no end in sight to this loneliness, which can lead to feelings of depression and hopelessness.

7. We will turn to drug/alcohol abuse

This goes along with #6 as depression can lead to substance abuse. We begin using drugs and alcohol once our loneliness gets us depressed, or to simply numb us emotionally since we have no companionship and will use that to fill the void.

8. We feel that people will view us as immature if they find out

This mostly refers to platonic friends finding out that you have never had a girlfriend or had sex at an adult age. Its not uncommon to feel that their perception of you changes once they find out and now view you as more beta-like than they previously did. They might also feel like they have to put on the kid gloves when they’re around you since you’ve never been in a real relationship and never reached that rite of passage into adulthood. This is especially true if the topic of dating and sex comes up in a group conversation, they might feel like the grownups talking about it in front of a kid who’s too young to understand any of that yet, let alone do it himself.

9. We feel like we’re stuck in a catch-22

Like I already said, we feel like girls our age won’t be interested in dating and inexperienced guy. We feel like we have to already have dating and sex experience in order to get that experience, which we can’t get because we don’t have that experience. This becomes very frustrating and will lead to many guys to just give up on dating as they feel there’s no way out.

10. You’ll consider going to prostitutes

Most guys in this situation will consider this at least once, we feel like its an easy way to get our first time out of the way and we’ll be less worried about our lack of experience afterwards. We might also consider buying the girlfriend experience from a prostitute, where she acts as your girlfriend and builds a connection with you in addition to having sex with you. Lots of guys in this situation feel that this is a good way to learn what to do and get a glimpse of what having a girlfriend is actually like. This works for some guys in this situation and actually makes things even worse for others.

What its like for a guy to be inexperienced with girls, dating, relationships, and sex at an adult age
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Most Helpful Guys

  • sadMeester
    I think perhaps you are a bit immature, but not at all due to the lack of sexual experiences.

    I won't give you advice to get you laid, just work on yourself. Become better. I have a cousin who was a virgin until he married at the age of 26. He's pretty happy now, has a couple kids, a decent job.

    Sex isn't the focus of a productive life. And for the depression, I'm here if you need to talk.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      How do you think I’m immature? And I’m actually not a virgin but I said that because most guys in this situation are. But I’m not waiting until marriage to have sex again or saving it for anything else. If you’re without sex, it does become the focus of a productive life, its just that most people have sex regularly so they don’t go without it to the point where it becomes a main focus.

    • joeblow123

      @sadMeester

      Does it make you feel superior to dump on him like you are?

    • sadMeester

      @joeblow123 You clearly don't understand much of anything. Maturity, like education, often comes with opportunity.

      I have the utmost respect for people a great deal older than I, even though in many ways they're very immature. I'm not dumping on anybody.

      He was worried about being seen as immature for his lack of sexual experience, this isn't a good reason to worry. Many of the most stable, honest, and mature people I've met have much less sexual experience than most. Experience even generally has less to do with it than attitude.

      Think in your own life about maturity. When we were kids it was hard to cope with things, so some of us were tempted to use crutches. My grandfather used alcohol and injectibles. When you grow up a bit, mentally, you figure out how to either comfort yourself or live with whatever is bothering you. I had a more fortunate (perhaps misfortune) life than many. My mother had something similar, but it delayed her mental maturity whereas I took a different route. Thankfully I met a few amazing people who led me to that decision.

      Most people don't get to have both. They either live easy or they suffer without eventually finding the help that I received.

  • Anonymous
    There is so much, I want to say, from my generation, and having felt all these things, and got through them, but not whining, on a site. I mean no offense, and I can't really comment, and say, as I am afraid so many will be upset, and report me, for saying what you need to hear. Maybe kicking you in the ass!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I’m not whining, I’m just sharing the perspective of what adult male virgins go through for people who never made it to adulthood with their virginity.

    • Anonymous

      @my Take Owner Dude, someone convinced you to believe a LOT OF LIES AND BULLSHT!! They somehow convinced you to doubt yourself, and that you can't find someone that is just as confused as you, believing the lies she was told, and believes!
      I didn't mean any offense, with the 'whining' comment, but kind of, yeah, you just are!!!
      DON'T accept those lies, that you aren't good enough, or 'manly' enough, or 'sexy' enough!! OMG!!
      Love is not about looks, and if some think it is, it NEVER lasts!!
      Love and intimacy is about trust, and caring, and respecting the other.
      Sometimes, relationships are like just trusting, and jumping off a cliff! Sometimes you need to Man-UP, and ask the one you like, and maybe she says yes, and you have a simple thing, together, like a coffee, or something, no pressure, just connecting, and see what happens!

    • joeblow123

      The fact that you posted that under anonymous shows what a tough guy you are not.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • dandiecandie
    So you're a virgin!!! That's cute at your age! Women love projects! You just have to pick a woman who's loves a challenge
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Everything you said is complete and total BS, especially the part where you said its “cute” that’s a dead giveaway that you’re lying through your teeth. I’m not a virgin by the way, I lost mine 5 years ago and said that because most guys who are in this situation are still virgins.

    • I would love to be with a virgin guy. That's my ideal type. I honestly think they are cute. Sorry you don't like them.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t have anything against anyone who’s a virgin, a lot of girls do. That’s my point

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Squirts93
    Its the 5 stages of acceptance.

    Denial: Its not my fault...
    Anger: Society makes it impossible!
    Bargaining: If i just had a better body, or if I just made more money...
    Depression: this post right here
    Acceptance: you realize that if you soent half as much time and energy actually being a better person than moping about why you aren't, you'd have been successful by now.

    Its not a life sentence, but you do have to do your time if you want to see different results.
  • Syrian_survivor
    Honestly I think I can relate to this, though I started all that stuff at the age of 15, and I think I grew out of it
    I still have barely any actual contact with girls, I have two or three female friends, romantic experiences are few and only online, I'm still a virgin and the farthest I've gotten with a girl physically is a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and that was a long time ago.

    Though i got over it, yes it did feel really shitty and your Take here really describes it well, but I got to a level of acceptance because weeping about it is only a waste of time and I'd rather spend that time on something useful to improve myself like going to the gym, practising guitar, starting my own small projects, etc, and it's working, it really is making my life feel much smoother.
    I do feel left out sometimes, and yes, it occasionally bites when I see a really nice couple having a good time and sharing nice feelings and stuff, but the more I accept myself, the easier I shrug it off, and through my online experience with women I know having a girl for myself isn't all that great all the time, it's not easy to maintain and it's exgausting and very time-consuming, I don't need a woman to complete me, I complete myself, and I'll show that to the entire world when I get to the top

    Stay strong bro 💪
  • Jamie05rhs
    #10 is a terrible idea. Please don't do that. Don't embarrass yourself. Have some pride. You're still a man as of now. Single, but still a man. But if you go to a prostitute you will be less than a man.
  • 87609lf
    Right, please treat dandiecandie nice, cause she was just being nice. but second, I get that you're depressed. Go see a prostitute, they've been getting paid longer than anyone anyway lol, and you shouldn't feel bad about this pal. Women are fickle!
  • bradc00
    Get in shape, make lots of money, and read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. You’ll get girls in no time.
    • Pejtu

      Hahahaha thats most bullshit advice i ever seen dude this guy book is worth less then a fkn burger its literally worthless
      Money will get you ONLYHOES or girls that have ONLYFANS Accounts dude
      Get in shape and stop being a fat pig yes

  • Twalli
    I was in this group until 2018. Specifically 10:10am on June 29, 2018.
  • msc545
    Good mytake - thanks for posting this!
  • mrgspoter
    Amazing 🌧️
  • Anonymous
    The reminder how it has always irritated and bothered me for years now that the forever alone community is male dominated, well that's just how it seems or appears to be

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