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Confessions of a Ladies Man-The Truth About Sex and Ego

Confessions of a Ladies Man-The Truth About Sex and Ego

Like all grey areas of moral indignation, my road to becoming a ladies man--dating dozens of women an slaying multiple partners per year--was paved with good intentions. I am a sexual abuse survivor. More importantly, I am a male survivor of sexual abuse. Im a shy boy turned ladies man because he set out to understand women. This is a project of vanity. I think men and women would agree--there is no such thing as understanding women.

It started out with me as the "best friend". There was nothing nefarious about being the guy best friend. I had no agenda. Women felt safe around me and I felt safe around them. For 26 years until I lost my virginity at the age of 27, it would be me socializing with multiple women at a time. They would talk to me about sex. More specifically their sex life. We'd also talk about dreams. It was what best friends do.

I avoided sex. Because of abuse I thought asking a woman for sex was sinful. I thought making a move on a women (even just for a kiss) was rape. I lost my virginity to a woman 7 years older. We dated and lived together. Everything changed.

After the breakup women. I was treated different. The years of being the best friend was an asset. I attracted women. I am not a model. I am not rich. I became a serial dater. I started having a lot of sex.

Looking back there are reasons for this. I believe my ladies man ways are a reaction to not having sex sooner in life. A huge regret. The pain of never having the courage to fuck women that I truly loved years back...because..well...PTSD.

I think as a ladies man I am broken. I started counting the number of women I dated and fucked as a way to maintain self esteem. A man feels pressure to have status, a car, money. All those things I didn't have.

The only boost to self esteem was being able to attract and fuck women. To see their desire for me in their eyes. To see that I made them happy.

It's a struggle. It's a journey.

Confessions of a Ladies Man-The Truth About Sex and Ego
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Most Helpful Guy

  • zeitgeist057
    I was also a bit of a "late bloomer", though not as late as you. I lost my virginity at 17, my second semester of college.

    I was very into women, not as a "player" or trying to use or abuse women, but just because I love people, and I would see beauty in so many women in different ways, I think that is how I was attractive to women: they could see and feel the love and admiration, the honest and genuine attention I was giving them and it feels good to be loved, so they loved me in return for making them feel that way. That, and having decent genetics helped.

    I definitely agree the ego boost I would get from having so many women attracted to me and in having many sexual partners, it felt like success and status. Even in my family, I would get teased but in a sort of half-admiring way about how I was always with a beautiful woman each holiday or event.

    It's a question for me now, I am not attracting as many women, my life has changed, I'm not the social college guy meeting and talking to everyone now. I'm more serious, studying in school, working all the time. When COVID started I thought I should start to date someone and try to fit them into my life, but even though I met four cute girls and got contact and conversations going with all of them, nothing came of any of it and I didn't feel I had time to give any of them more than a very small amount of time and energy.

    Now I just don't know. I am okay being alone, but I do miss the days of having loving affection and being able to appreciate so many different people (not just lovers but so many more friends and just a big social scene), it felt nice to be part of community like that. Now I am living the life I made and working toward a more serious goal, but I hope someday to pick back up and begin to be social again.

    Sorry I don't know how this relates I mean it does a bit, but just some thoughts sparked from what you wrote. I hope you find a good balance in your own life of being friends with some people and finding fulfilling love with others.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      I like what you wrote. I think as men we both have shared a similar journey. Its tough because I love women as well. I like the attention. I dont have bad intent or anything. LIke any dude I want amazing sex. And if women offer why would I deny free pussy if I am still single and she is fuckable?

      But at the same time the struggle as a man is how can we find fulfillment beyond the social status of being able to attract and fuck women? Its something I struggle with. How do I feel content if I am not inside a woman? Its harder for men because we have the pressure to be a ladies man. Heck, we get celebrated even rewarded by popularity from so many women attracting us. But its like you know something is missing.

    • See, I think it is society that is messed up. Because I think about what would a perfect world be like? I imagine everyone just getting along, appreciating and loving everyone without jealousy or using people or feeling used. That there would be love abundant around so that people didn't feel like they have to hoard and protect any small sliver of love that they find in the world. I think if I (and you if you like to join the cause) can continue to have a good heart and give love to the world, then the world hopefully will love us back.

      That is the way I see the fulfillment. Of course sex feels good, and to be admired feels good, but really what those things are (or at least should be) are expressions of love. Sex as a physical expression saying that "I appreciate you so much I want to make you feel good and feel good myself while we rub our bodies together", and the admiration is expression of love saying "wow, you are really amazing, I love who you are and what you are doing, I approve of you!".

      So what I'm saying is it doesn't have to be a bad thing. We are shamed by society because it is sex negative and people hoard love and want to toss out words like "slut" or "player", "fuckboi", for people who are just being vulnerable and trying to give and receive affection. I think sex is good, but society is sick and perverts it to seem like sex is bad when it really is not.

    • I do understand what you mean feeling empty without the constant flow of approval, women's attention, etc.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • JennieF
    I know some women like that too.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Apope16

      Yes. Me too!✌👍

    • FTWorld

      Lol I know more women like that than men :/

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What Girls & Guys Said

913
  • Interesting... I think and this is just from what I've seen, that a lot of men who I guess are "a ladies' man", can identify with what you've said here about self esteem. It's something that I don't really understand because there are so many ways to build your self esteem, that doesn't involve hurting other people... but I guess to each their own.

    Thank you for being brave and sharing :).
    • Apope16

      I think its funny. The people commenting below are triggered bybthe clitbait title "ladies man". If i had titled it "A man's struggle" I would get positive feedback and ZERO women reading it. Thanks for understanding.

    • Apope16

      I would also add. Am i hurting women? I am dating a lot. But i think that you are assuming that people who can attract people and have sex are by default hurting them. Its like accusing a hot supermodel of hurting men simply because she dates a lot and attracts many. The women i date often want friends with benefits. They post it on their dating profile. Others I talk to about it before I meet them. there's no trickery at all.

    • Alyssa11

      Of course, I appreciate your honesty and it's always good for someone to recognise that they have a certain pattern.

      To be fair, I see that you've mentioned you only associate yourself with women who want the same thing. Not to toot my own horn, but I also attract a lot of men all the time and when I was younger I was foolish to just talk/meet without an intention to be in a relationship, and after years and years of that behaviour I realised I was hurting a lot of guys. My intentions were harmless but I was doing it anyway. I've also met men who sleep around etc, and when they finally meet a woman who sweeps them off their feet, they decide to change but they don't go through with it because it's hard to break that pattern. That leads to a lot of pain for the other party.

  • nelly83
    I don’t think this has to do with not having sex earlier in life. It ultimately has to do with the way you were raised. You were probably an ugly duckling who your parents didn’t truly cherish or love you.

    I have a couple of guy friends who lost their virginity in mid to late 20s too and they aren’t going through anything like you’re
    • Apope16

      The article is about overcoming sexual abuse. Not about losing virginity late. Losing virginity late was because of the sexual abuse.

  • hellionthesagereborn
    I was sexually abused as a child, it most definitley didn't turn me into a ladies man (it made me (along with the other abuse) a bit of a berserker as a child and made me highly inquisitive but I think it along with the rest of the abuse made me wait a long long time before I had sex (around 25 years old), just wasn't ready for it before that point). I'd say it did the opposite for me, not that I cannot attract women (women come to me and I don't even flirt), but rather has made me MORE monogamous in my views i. e. I cannot put up with drama or games which is what dating is essentially (at least in my experience), its also made me more hyper focused on finding the right girl instead of any girl (hence me going nearly ten years without sex despite a woman approaching me at least every year (despite the fact that I don't go out much and don't flirt (I would probably do much better in dating if I did)) so its made me much much choosier.

    Funny how the same event can trigger a different response in different people yet at the same time you can look at it and still understand its source. Strange how people operate.

    As for understanding women, I think they are easily understood, you just need to take an evolutionary approach to them. Once you understand that their motivators and risks are different from yours their behavior becomes quite rational (or at the very least, understandable).
  • "It's a struggle. It's a journey."
    -Apope16

    Stay strong, dude.
    • You misspelled "douche".

    • @MountAverage lol. I don't understand the purpose of these kind of posts. They are so weird.

    • It's an ego thing. He clearly has a lot of issues with himself in regards to women and tries to compensate by making himself feel superior to them by telling himself and explaining to us (repeatedly, in one long post after another) how women supposedly are. Of course always in a very "calm" and "rational" and "philosophical" (lol) sounding way. But this is pseudo-intellectualism 101. It's all a facade.
      When you actually pay attention to WHAT people like him are actually say, not just to HOW they're saying it, it's the very opposite of rational. His opinions on women are ironically 100% driven by emotions. Emotions of frustration, bitterness, aversion, despair, anxiety, inferiority, etc. But he can't stand the idea of being like that, so he creates this supposedly "rational" person to make himself feel better about it.
      And by posting such posts online over and over again, he can get confirmation by other guys with incel-mentalities, while at the same time enjoying the negative female reactions to which he can smugly respond by saying "see how emotional you women are?". It's a clever TRICK, admittedly, but very cheap and very dishonest and manipulative. My guess is he has strong sociopathic tendencies.
      I've seen this behavior billions of times before. It's 100% an attempt to compensate his inferiority complex.

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  • Liam_Hayden
    I was the opposite. I was an early bloomer. From 15 to 21 I <bleeped> everything with a pulse. By some miracle I never caught anything. I then recognized the emptiness of what I was doing and stopped except when in an actual relationship.
  • more_than_a_guy
    I feel you bro, lots of respect trying to fight the trauma. Small correction, there is such a thing to understand women, women's brain works different and it is proven. Your long time as a best friend gave you tools from observation about their behavior and true desires. It helps a lot.
  • likelyOK
    I’m so sorry you were the abused it’s horrible I have some PTSD also.
  • Citizenkirk
    My mother, and my father's mother, made sure I understood the distinction between being a gentleman (a fellow who treats the fairer sex with dignity and respect), and a ladies man (a slick minded fool, who takes advantage of the fairer sex), and insisted that the latter was benieth my station as a human being.
    I've only been referred too the latter, in juest, by my stepfather's mother, too describe my flashy dud's, (clothes) upon dutifully walking her from the car, too the restaurant, on Mother's Day.
  • Jinnytty18
    "A man feels pressure to have status, a car, money. All those things I didn't have."

    Because instinctively you know women seek these things in a man. Has nothing to do with society or pressure.
  • DonCachondo
    Man, I just like boobies and getting my dick sucked! Why does it have to be any more complicated than that? You attract more women, you get more sex—simple as that.
  • MountAverage
    Ah, so this is why you're such an insufferable misogynist. I see. Okay.
  • dy8alexUk
    My opinion on women Most hate full on sex. Lots of women hate men whom have sex with them and take ages to cum. My x wife was not keen on full sex ( intercourse) I took ages to cum half an hour pluss me 8ins x 2ins hard could have been painfully at times. Now I am single retired I put add online to give ladies erotic massage 1st massage free. i got loads of replays. saw 2 or 3 a day and all I gave was massage (not sex) women loved it I gave oral made them cum sometimes they had orgasm with my touch.
  • TurkishMaster
    I fully satisfy my ego during sex. I crush my partner under my feet, and I strangle him, pressing his lashes to his throat. Showdown is my understanding of sex
  • ragequeen
    Interesting take. What is your current trajectory?
    • Apope16

      Thanks for the opinion. Honestly, my current trajectory is angling toward a long term relationship with one woman. I have two dates coming up. But there is one girl in particular out of the two that I have really connected intensely with. Its heading in the direction of a long term relationship.

    • Man how are people getting dates during this time too? This time has made it hard for me with things shut down. My friends don’t have anyone they know who are single and like I said with restrictions everywhere. I’ve been depressed because it’s been hard trying to meet girls because of pandemic yet I keep seeing this person has a date, that person has a date

    • Apope16

      @brennanhuff its tough. But its how you connect with girl via messsge and your online profile. As it states above. Im a ladies man. Im not a model. Im not rich. but i attract women.🤷🏾‍♂️

    • Show All
  • Don-__-Don
    This is too much, way too much.
  • LastQueenOfScotland
    Glad to see a guy after my own taste😂
  • Anonymous
    I've always been really bad at talking to women. I have a lot of other talents but somehow those didn't boost my self esteem.

    I was always really jealous of guys who got a lot of one night stands. I noticed how they were so extremely confident, even cocky, and every woman they fucked seemed boost their ego even further. And I can't blame them. I can only immagine how amazing it must feel to have a random woman on her knees for you, sucking you off in a bathroom stall. A woman lowering herself, degrading herself to give a random guy some ultimate pleasure. That would be my ultimate fantasy.

    Now I'm married to an amazing woman and really, I am very happy. But the only thing that annoys me a little is that she had a crazy amount of one night stands. Just thinking about those guys using her for their pleasure, and my wife lowering herself for them makes my ego shrink. Especially when we run into one of them and they act cocky and always look down on me in one way or another or make a joke about what happened with my wife. I guess it's just a thing I'll have to live with.
  • Anonymous
    I don't think anyone else can give an opinion on whether yr abuse or how much its affected u. 2 peeps can have similar abuse as a child and have totally diverse reactions.
    Mine made me frigid in my teens but now I think I am more experimental not from the abuse but because I worked so hard for over a decade to overcome Complex PTSD. At 1st I struggled for years just to stop feeling so dirty and ashamed that death seemed preferable. Eventually I began to stop caring wot others fawt & now I want to try every new fad out there. Im not sure I'd be so uninhibited if I hadn't had that rock to climb. So I wanted to say although suffering esp. in childhood leaves its marks longer than u would like I feel when u use yr exp's to grow it makes u a deeper more defined and well rounded out.. (I know this sounds controversial but in my opinion perhaps).. even a more interesting character. But only if u try to learn from yr exp's & dnt allow them to make u bitter wiv the world and the sex of yr abuser (male or female). At 1st I honestly believed when I was older I would take my revenge 1st on my abuser and then on all the men who gave me creepy vibes as I seem to have a 6th sense to find em. That was at 13 years. At 16 I taught myself to bare eye contact and their scent without wanting to run During the rest of my teens I was in a relationship wiv a Controlling partner who quickly worked out I'd gone through somfin but who told me it was my problem I needed to give wot I owed. Altho it hurt it was also wot enabled me to use that person... in a way, to get over my neg exp's to an extent and work out ways that made me feel relaxed and in control enuf to enjoy myself. I celebrated my 1st orgasm via penetrative sex and have continued to enjoy discovering wot turns me on probably more than most of my mates In fact now I am more focused on helping survivors not to see themselves as victims which can create an atmosphere ideal for repeated abusers to track u down, and I want to share wot I've learnt wiv as many girls as possible and not just those that have been abused as I feel too many girls are oblivious to how awesome they can feel with just a few tweeks that help u get out of yr head and into that distant land where orgasm last forever.
    Thanku for talking openly about yr exp's. I found it refreshing. Let the haters hate, and continue to live wiv out regrets, yet forever pensively learning from yr exp's. x
  • Anonymous
    I admire your honesty. But guys like stat stand out as hugely insecure to me, without knowing your history I mean, I can always sense there's some dark story behind their actions.
    • Apope16

      You might be right. But girls dont sense that. Sorry. If I meet a girl on a dating app etc. She doesn't know my history. She doesn't know I've dated 35 chics or slept with 11. All she knows is she just met a cute guy whos confident and charming.

    • Anonymous

      @NeliaDancee nah, the more you get to know someone the more you gage it.

    • Anonymous

      I could tell that about you straight away on this site long before you ever posted this. Don’t think that just because some girls choose to ignore it there isn’t a gut feeling going on, that’s entirely different. Men tend to suck more at this than women generally.

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  • Anonymous
    Nice take, thanks for sharing your experience. I lost my virginity to an older woman too, a neighbor who hired me to work as a busboy at the Italian restaurant she and her husband owned. I was 17 and she was 34. What sucked is that her husband somehow found out about it and I'm pretty sure it ruined their marriage. It was after I left town for college and I don't know what happened with them and the restaurant. The only reason I know is that he told my older brother, who told me. I felt like shit about it for a couple of years. I mean I knew she was married but at that age I just felt like she knew what she was doing so it must have been cool.

    Don't pay any attention to @nelly83. She is always butthurt about something and always being bitter toward one guy or another. I just think it must suck to be her or something.
  • Anonymous
    I was like this in my late 20s and early 30s. I’m wasn’t a sexual assault survivor but I was bullies viciously for most of my childhood. Always told I was ugly, awkward, stupid, too nice, too weird, too fearful, too dorky and I would never be attractive to women.

    But I was a ugly duckling. I got into combat sports and fitness. I also started dressing better. I got modeling jobs. I started banging LOTS of women. I remember doing 5 girls in 3 weeks once.

    But it was all deeply rooted insecurity but also the unfair reality that women want men who are wanted by other women.

    Anyway those days are behind me. I want to settle down with someone. But it’s hard finding someone decent at my age.
  • Anonymous
    Well you sound like a loser!!
    • Nice job ignoring the details and nuances of his experience, cough.

      Don’t be surprised when men don’t listen to you when talk about your past experiences and mistakes. You just judge everything on pure emotion.

    • nelly83

      @guesswhoseback he is a loser. Otherwise why would he have such a terrible self esteem?

    • @nelly83 are you serious for asking why his self esteem is down? He is a sexual abuse survivor. Common!!

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