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Why Racism Destroys Interracial Relationships between Black men and White Women: The Biological Imperative of Female Nesting

Why Racism Destroys Interracial Relationships between Black men and White Women: The Biological Imperative of Female Nesting

As a black man, my relationships interracial relationships with women have fizzled out. It comes to a point where I get bombarded with questions about why I am an educated black man driving for Uber. Or why after losing my job it takes so long for me to get a new offer.


I have heard it said that men have the biological instinct of herders and women have the instinct of gathers. In the dating market, it is said that men are the providers and women are the nurturers in the family. While we have evolved over thousands of years, the complexity of racism is a direct threat to a woman’s biological instinct of finding a mate that will provide resources and security.


A white woman in America has the false notion that she is dating a Black man. Black men are a sexual and romantic fetish. A fantasy that is fulfilled in some respect for whites attracted to contrast.


The problem arises when a black man speaks of his struggle to his partner. She often becomes abrasive and closed off. She wants nothing to do with it.


The truth about interracial relationships is when a white woman dates a black man she is not dating his race--she is dating his experience.


When it becomes apparent that black men have a harder time finding a job or that over the course of their lives they will earn less than their white counterparts. The reality sets in and they choose to leave the situation. It is not because white women are intentionally racist, it is because their biological instinct finds the lack of stability experienced by many black men as a threat to her own survival.


The white woman breaks up with the black man. She sees the world in eyes of privilege. A world of merit rather than family connections or friends. A world where the only barrier to a black man getting a job is education and training. This is not the experience of a black man. Black men are denied jobs based on race.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A man is only loved under the condition that he can provide. Women are loved unconditionally.

    • I mean if you wanna go there, a women is only loved if they are sexually attractive to their partner. They aren't loved unconditionally.

    • This is one of the most intellectual statements I have ever read on GAG. SO much profound in what was said with so much brevity. bravo!

    • @HedwigInABox That's still better than the way men are treated. Men have to be attractive AND they have to be a great provider, women only have to worry about the first one, and they are allowed to cheat:
      Why Racism Destroys Interracial Relationships between Black men and White Women: The Biological Imperative of Female Nesting

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  • I think when women do that, they're just taking the easy way out or they didn't feel real love for the man. I'm white, and I'm in an interracial marriage. My husband feels targeted and discriminated all the time, and in the first while that we knew each other, I listened to him and was there for him. Over the years, we've been each others' best friend. Sometimes I feel targeted differently for being a woman, so I talk to him about it. That's what we're there for.

    Real love has ups and downs and in a marriage you know you're in for them and know you'll get through them together. I have been through good and bad in my marriage, but at the end of the day, we still kiss each other goodnight and fall asleep together. Always. Tomorrow is a fresh day to look forward to good things, or take on challenges. It doesn't matter, because I'm doing it with the man I love.

    If a woman runs from a little bit of trouble, she'd be doing it regardless even if he was white. She obviously wasn't the one. A little shaky ground shouldn't knock her off her feet. We all go through troubles in relationships, the question is what do you want to live with for the rest of your life. I have chosen to be with a man who faces discrimination often, and I'm okay with helping him through it in the long term.

    • Can i just say that your love and empathy for him is beautiful and special?

    • Thank you. But it's really him. He makes it easy to love him. :)

  • Well why is that the case? African immigrants don't have these problems (they in most cases out earn most white ethnic groups), so why do black men have this issue? The fact is black men are not denied jobs based upon race, that is provably false (again, African immigrants do just fine). White men who can't get a good job are discriminated agains then? At what point do you take personal responsibility?

    I have watched multiple black men get promotions over me despite me working harder (by their own admission) and having had seniority (I trained these guys). So does that mean I am discriminated against because I'm white OR does it mean that I simply don't know how to talk to managment and work the system? Some of us know how to work the system some don't, you clearly don't. Its not because your black, again, because if that was the case all black men would be failing but its only native born black men who are failing and even then, its not all native born black men just some (Larry Elder, Thomas Sowell, Will Smith, Half the music industry, etc. etc.).

    Blaming racism for the problem is a cop out that ensures you will never fix the problem because you have made it outside of you and you cannot control the world only yourself. So either the problem is outside of you and you just have to accept your never going to have anything better or you accept that your at least partially to blame for this and you thus can fix the problem and do better.

  • No. A black woman wrote for Ebony: "Dear ‘Broke’ Men: Don’t Punish A Woman for Not Wanting to Date You." https://www.ebony.com/love-relationships/dating-standards-relationships-money/

    There's women of all races who would dump you for losing your job or for having a history of being unstable. I've heard lots of white men complain about how their wife left them when they could no longer support their families too.

    Yes, there's some women who wouldn't but look, those women are already in relationships with a dude who is struggling. They will be loyal to him for the next 30 years so they aren't on the market.

    As far as you being educated and struggling to find a better job - yeah, it happens. You are better off focusing on building your life up without a woman. After you build your life up you'll have your pick of women. There's a lot of guys who focused on a woman and stayed mediocre because she was their top goal in life.

    • Also, if a woman thinks the relationship isn't serious she will bail on you fast. If she thinks it's serious she won't. Similar to what Ozanne is saying in a comment although I disagree that it's a given a woman is the wrong one just because she runs form a little bit of trouble. More like you weren't a good match at the time. The same woman could stick with you to the end of the world if you push the right buttons in her and get her thinking she can trust you. Not saying you should chase your ex tho!

  • No offense but the lack of writing skills demonstrated here might play a bigger role in why you're not getting job offers than the colour of your skin.

    • Have you ever cringed at how mean something was but you were secretly glad that someone said it?

  • This isn't exactly correct though. If you look at the population of black men in the US you can divide them into sub groups. Some such sub groups are for example:

    Slave descendant blacks, west African blacks, Caribbeans/west indies, black folks from different parts of Africa, different countries in africa, different cultures in africa, and immigrants from other countries such as european countries.

    If the US is racist against blacks, than you would see similar rates of discrimination across all cultures of black people. Since those who discriminate cannot tell one black person from the next.

    The reality is that those black people who are descendants from slaves are by far the worst off. Meanwhile other groups of blacks have varying degrees of success, up to equal to whites and even surpassing whites.

    I can see some truth in what you're saying. If females biological prerogative is to seek resources, than slave descended blacks are obviously going to have the most difficulty. But that same level of difficulty will not be the same if we are looking at different sub groups of black people.

    • Interesting. Aak yourself. If Obama grew up in Chicago would he be President? If his dad was not at harvard and he didn't get a legacy scholarship would he be President?

    • Now you're changing the subject from racism to opportunity. You don't want to continue from the perspective that america is inherently racist towards black people? Or has my short comment really convinced you that it's not racism that holds black people back?

  • To be honest, it’s not about race, it’s about stability cause even if some women don’t like to admit it, we like stable men. It might be harder for black men to get decent jobs cause people are biased but what matters is if one’s got the potential and is trying to do better. Then comes the question if she likes you enough to stick around while you’re becoming better. So it’s really not about race, there’re plenty of “unreliable” white etc guys out there that can’t get a girl to stick with them.
    And a woman can date you and not your race or your experience. It’s your choice, cause if you constantly let her know how hard it is (which she probably knows already) and do nothing, she’d be dating your experience and probably see you as not so determined, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share with her how you feel of course. The key thing is, if you decide to just keep trying and not give up all she’s gonna see is you being tough and not giving up and not the fact that you’re not getting where you wanna be. Some of us care about the journey and how you handle things and not the final destination.

    • Read my post. Stability = female biological imperative. Nesting.

    • I’ve read it, and I agree with that. All I’m saying is race is not as involved as you make it look like since there’re guys who are not great providers from all races. But my main point was that she doesn’t necessarily need to date your experience. If she left it wouldn’t be because of your race and the fact that it’s harder for you to get a good job etc but because in her eyes that’s not stable enough. She’d leave any guy that’s not stable if that’s important to her, not just one that has a certain background. Not being a provider can easily destroy any relationship not just interracial one.

    • @flamie owner of the Whitest Response today.

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  • My thing is I think black women have been shit on the most out off both. Black men disrespect them even worse than any other race, there’s been talk of black women just never wanting a black son because the fear that they will disrespect another woman even if they try their hardest to raise them not to

    • Absolutely correct. Thanks for posting!

    • I agree with you 100%. Black men don't appreciate Black women as we once did. There are a lot of factors as to why that is but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't remind you that it began when Black women allowed the government in her home to devalue Black men first.

    • @OurManFlint ya but back then black men were also at fault of being very abusive. My great grandmother had to deal with her husband pointing a shot gun at her because she didn’t make the bed. And it’s been like that for generations so I think black men need to be on their best behavior before women trade the government for men

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  • An educated "Black" man doesn't have many issues obtaining a job. An uneducated or unskilled "Black" man might have more issues than men from other ethnic groups. But that situation is fixable. Get an education! Get a trade. Get a skill.

    There are whole organizations out there dedicated to empowering "Black" people in terms of entrepreneurship, finding jobs, getting skills, etc.

    How you connected this to interracial relationships is beyond me. I have no issues with employment. I employ myself. Of course this nation has issues with racism. But if you indeed are educated, then you can definitely take care of yourself and your family. It might be harder, but in that case, plan/strategize and overcome those problems. Being in an interracial relationship has nothing to do with that.

    • I have a masters Degree and struggle getting a good paying job. Good paying. Not talking fast food.

    • I am an indian software engineer but if you come to india you will understand the real cut throat competition and to be honest it is easier for black people and women to get a job because of the restrictions imposed by company to maintain the diversity and all that stuff, I promise you just remove that all the jobs will be taken by Asians mostly , here in india if we do not get a job what we do do you know, we go to US and do MS and join engineers at Amazon , microsoft way too easily , come to india you will understand the brains here, my entire teenage went into studying really really hard concepts , having a degree doesn't mean you deserve a job what value you create makes you worth it. I would say a normal student from india easily does more hardwork than others because of strict competition , so I think you should stop giving the reason that you are targeted.

    • @apope16 A lot of people make a lot of claims here. It is really have to believe anything anyone says if they don't have the testicular fortitude to prove their claims or even that they are real people.

      I don't have a Master's Degree. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Arts and Sciences.

      And I do not have to worry about employment. Not even at my ripe old age of almost 50 years old. That could change tomorrow. But if it does, then I would do what I need to find the training/education to make myself employable. What I suggest to you is to take your skills to some place like the "Blackout Coalition". An organization created specifically to address "Black" entrepreneurship and "Black" employment.

      https://blackoutcoalition.org/

      There are other organizations, but that is a good place to start.

  • Great Take! I also came to the conclusion over about the last year that being with a white woman is just not good for me. That's not saying I hate white women or think all of them are bad, but when you really break it down white women can be some of the worst partners for a relationship. And it's because they are sooooooo privileged and glorified, so they figure they can act however they want and never get any repercussions for it. They also divorce more than anybody in the world.

    I will be friends with white girls, but I no longer have any interest in a serious relationship with them, I am just not attracted to them like that anymore.

    • Q - Q same

    • @LEADFOOTboi Amen

  • Bruh, women are gold diggers whether the men are black or white.

    Unless you get a degree in STEM or business you can expect to have jobs like driving for uber or being a barista for starbucks.

    • VERY TRUE

  • Some white girls crave BBC. You might think that's a myth. But sometimes when white girls get their wisdom teeth removed, the truth comes out...

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/b2ZYtdCtAqs

  • Truth, although this doesn't just affect someone based on race. Any man who dates has to deal with being compared to what she thinks is her social and financial status equivalent partner. Since so many American girls tend to be 'princesses', they often rate their own worth far above it's reality, or think they are attractive enough to skip a few steps on the ladder.

    Wealthy men tend to add to this problem.

  • Yeah, I have to say, it doesn't matter what color you are, never reveal weakness or insecurity or indecision to a female unless you want her to become instantly and permanently less attracted to you.

    There is nothing women hate and despise more than weakness. Any weakness. Anywhere. For any reason. It turns the most caring, compassionate woman into a cold, callous fucking cunt. I don't know if it's the birth control making them unable to produce oxytocin or what, but women are basically worthless now at everything they used to be known for. Being nice, pleasant, caring, nurturing. . . Now they all murder their own children so they can keep partying and whoring forever.

    Why Racism Destroys Interracial Relationships between Black men and White Women: The Biological Imperative of Female Nesting

  • Y’all should read, “ They Were Her Property” by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers

    • Tell me about the book. Anyways, I think that its easier for black men to date black women.

  • The white man will always be there when you need him white girl don't worry

    Why Racism Destroys Interracial Relationships between Black men and White Women: The Biological Imperative of Female Nesting

  • Now we live in big cities so it isn't really an issue anymore, but in small communities, back then in ancient times... yeah we know that alfa males were getting all the pussy. But if her cousin was the best spear thrower and her brother the best runner. Evolutionary selection become a bit complicated. And imagine in such a small community everyone's white. And a black man shows up. And gets all the pussy just because his black. At the same time the brother and the cousin are really angry cus they couldn't shag their sister and cousin. So they came up with the idea: we should make it fair and increase the difficulty for other races otherwise girls will go for the fresh DNA. And this is how racism was created.

  • I don't know what women you have been experiencing and attempting to develop a relationship with and I have dated my share of Caucasian women and was actually married to one for more than twenty years and I never had the same thing that you have been expressing. That is the most important reason for me not being one to vehemently and consistently rebuke stereotyping any group or sub group of individuals. That just like saying all black men are violent when we know that just isn't the truth. So I say that if you have come to the conclusion that you don't want to date anyone but black women that is wonderful for you but please don't be like so many of Caucasian people who have been saying all black people are just like each other and you really don't want to be defined by anyone else other than you.

    • Exactly!!! I think the guy has had problems dating white women are found from within. Maybe it's a personality issue. Maybe ego. Any guy who has multiple failures when it comes to dating needs to ask himself if he is the priblem

    • @Dweezil she had failures dating black men in her life as well. Nice try

    • Don't think so highly of yourself

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  • till this day I ask myself, why the fuck are people so obsess with interracial relationships?

    • I have a answer for this. Do you know the bell curve, according to that the majority is average regarding using brain , so let's assume intelligent use their brains all the time but the average and the ones below average follow average , so these people have a source of information for specific thing. interracial relationships were pushed by porn sites for the monetary gains , I even saw people asking question on a serious note who have drawn insight from porn, there is a method of saturating things into people's mind, psychology of human being is such that it starts accepting anything if it is manipulated accordingly.

    • You really just attempted to explain away the fetishism/fascination of interracial relationships and dating by using pornography and espousing Charles Murray... smh.

    • @SHREYASH007 I actually agree with you 100%. it can't be a coincidence that interracial porn has been skyrocketing a lot lately and I remember Lisa Ann even bring this up in that documentary After Porn Ends (not sure if it was 2 or 3) on how that industry is pretty racists and likes to target certain people to keep their business going.

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  • I find it extremely hard to believe you're having a hard time finding a job.
    your people have had affirmative action for decades and the "diversity hire".
    you guys can get work immediately and it's been on turbo mode since trump signed his affirmative action on steroids bill. almost every store or place of work I go to I see at least 60% of the employees are black.
    so two things either your lazy or making excuses because of the color of your skin. which is messed up on its own.

    about the women brushing you off about you crying about your struggles, it happens to every man. women don't want a softie. bringing racist justice blah blah into the mix only makes you look more sensitive and pathetic IN HER EYES.

    • Affirmative Action is a myth. It doesn't exist. Only white people think there is legit affirmative action. When I say I am having a hard time "finding a job". I am talking about a professional job. Not a job at mcdonalds or some fastfood. I am talking about a a good paying professional job. thats what the debate was about. If affirmative action existed we wouldn't have 50% black unemployment in every major city in america. does that help?

    • I'm not even white and I know it 100% exist and has since the Civil rights movement

    • it's simple because that 50% don't want to work and are doing other shit to make money. don't act like you don't know you can't be that naive

  • Personally I think Black men should consider dating Black women more instead of always chasing blondes and redheads

    • Do you think other men should consider dating black woman as well? Just wondering.

    • @Solo22 yea sure but its Black men who always turn there backs on us

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