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"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Disclaimer:All jokes, poems, etc. Meant in fun and not to "offend" anyone..... All material found online

Cum on, I just had to do a Valentine's sex joke take on the holiday that for women is about gifts, but the only gift you need to give men is sex and they'll be happy..

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)
Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

I like your style
I like your class
but most of all I like your ass

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My knickers get wet
Just thinking of you.

Valentine's Poem:

Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all of that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass!
I’ll spend the day so drunk that I just can’t speak,
And wear only black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit!
So here is my story, what else can I say?
Love bites my ass… Fuck Valentine’s Day!

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Young couple romance

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows… you’re hot and I want to be on top of you

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I’m using my hand,
Thinking of you.

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Valentine's Gift

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

Valentine's slogans

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

Valentines Day ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)

I hope you enjoyed this Valentine's Day quickie 🙂

As always thanks for reading 💖

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)
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  • Unit1
    Very funny!
    Loved the valentines day logo for single men 😂😁😁😁"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

326
  • Ha Ha Ha these were good!
  • Lliam
    Yay, bbb! I knew I could count on you. Those were funny. Especially some of those Valentine's slogans. I was laughing so hard at some of them that my wife thought there was something wrong with me.

    On this holiday
    Gifts that express admiration
    Are something we all wish to see
    So here's to my friend
    A Valentine present
    To brainy and beautiful bbb
  • I think for me I liked this the best
    "I like your style
    I like your class
    but most of all I like your ass"
    Simply because, I think that is something that is not thought about as romantic yet can be so much fun to share as a couple"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)"Valentine's Day" ... Is Cupid Cummin? (Dirty Jokes)
  • AliceTheNguyener
    I freaking wish I read this earlier this is so funny! "If she doesn't like the chocolate she can go fuck herself" LOLL that's a great one. Honestly chocolates, wine, and sex on valentines is so freaking otherworldly so no one's refusing that box 😂😂
  • TheAfrikan
    Hahahahahhaahaha damn I rad through this take laughing my ass off and on. But I likes that Singles Valentine logo, only a few things missed on it I. e soap and oil.
  • GoodGuyBreakingBad
    Aww Happy Valentines Day and thanks for sharing this was interesting and funny <3 <3 <3 🥰💕❤🌹🌹🌹💖💘💝😜😛😘
  • douride2
    If Cupid was cummin I must have slept through it all.
  • larry69
    None for me same as the last 51 Valentine's days. Lol
  • AlwaysBelieving
    A little late. A friend sends this to me every year.

    Anti-Valentines Day Poem (Yearly tradition)

    Hearts and roses and kisses galore,

    What the hell is all that shit for?

    People get mushy and start acting queer,

    It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.

    This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,

    Before I shove something up Cupid's ass.

    I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak

    And wear black for the rest of the week.

    Guys act all sweet, but soon it will fade,

    For all they are doing is trying to get laid.

    The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,

    Cause I think this love thing is a crock of shit.

    So, here's my story... what else can I say?

    Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentines Day!
  • TonyMetal___86
    HAR HAR HAR! If that's a quickie miss brains muffins, what is the real quickie for you? 😂

    Why your using the cum on instead of COME on 🤣🤣

    Naughty and will always be a naughty 😁

    Miss brains spent her night with the love of her life yesterday night and it was an MMF session, her 1st love is called "Jack daniels" and 2nd love is called "johnny walker" and these two hunks gave her shots till she fell drunk and when she woke up she said: "OHHH WHAT A LUXURY NIGHT" 😂😂
    • Yeah actually it was more Old "Thompson"
      🤣🤣🤣

    • Thompson? Why the name sounds creepy 🥴
      Miss brains thought that it was thompson but actually the name was william lawson 😁

    • I was sleeping on Valentine's day and miss brains entered my room wearing a RED pajamas, she woke me up and i asked her: "why your wearing red, is it because it's Valentine's day?"

      She answered: "nope, it's because we are in danger"

      I asked: "so what's the level of danger we're in?"

      She answered: "can't you see!!! IT'S CODE RED!" 😂😂

    • Show All
  • bulletbob555
    Didn't read everything but I saw my punch line in the picture.
    Anyway a worker asked his boss for advice on valentines gift. His boss being on higher pay grade said well get her more than one thing that way she should like somthing you got her. The boss said I'm getting mine diamonds and fur coat. If she doesn't like The coat she should like the diamonds. Worker says thanks for the advice. Week later when they see each other boss says what did you get her. Worker said I took your advice I got her a box of chocolates and a dildo. If she didn't like the choclates she can go fuck herself
    • 😂😂 yeah had to use that image as niece told me about the$50 vibrator she got for Valentine's Day lololol I mean I'm glad I'm her favorite aunt and all but 🤦🏼‍♀️I sent her that meme and she preceded to tell me she fucks herself real well 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ being the favorite isn't always a good thing 😱😱 LOL

    • Too much information but its probably a good thing she trusts you

    • I guess lolol

  • Xoirwinkan
    About the Valentine's Day for single men logo... yeah, that's every day.
  • Valnac
    We have a special way to celebrate St. Valentines day.
  • Took me long to realize. I thought you said "is cupid cumin?"
  • alance99
    Damn funny it was one the best MYTAKE of yours.

    Thanks for making us laugh 😊😊🙂🙂
  • Jerre
    Once again your humor made me laugh! Thanks and a Happy Valentines Day to you!
  • pizzalovershouse
    I get lost after a bit so hope your valentines day is nice
  • Alexalex92
    I like that song of Bobby Vinton -roses are red. I also have a vinyl record of an album
  • krin_m
    Thank you! Nice way to start Valentine's day with few laughs!
  • PhantomMk
    I’m asexual so sex ain’t gonna work your gonna have to be more creative.
    • I said "will you be mine"
      To a glass of wine...
      I said "did you miss me"
      To a glass of whiskey...
      I said"you look scrumptious"
      To the food on my plate
      Who the fuck needs
      A Valentine's Day date 🙂🙃

    • PhantomMk

      I was referring to “Cum on, I just had to do a Valentine's sex joke take on the holiday that for women is about gifts, but the only gift you need to give men is sex and they'll be happy..”

    • 🤷🏼‍♀️ you didn't specify that lol but you know that was just said as a joke right?

    • Show All
  • Avicenna
    Hilarious as always, Brains!
  • FakeNIK
    You're the best..😂
  • Smoothing
    Are you an author?
  • legalboxers
    thoughtful and insightful. :) nice!!
  • I couldn't stop laughing
  • newfreshstart
    lol these jokes 🤣🤣🤣
  • David_Bayer
    That's what's on those arrows.
  • Anonymous
    Valentine's Day is idol worship.
  • Anonymous
    All I have to say is he better shoot his pointy arrow correctly. 😉
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