Consent after consent is already given

[daviakitty143]

Can we please normalize continuing consent in a sexual encounter! When does giving consent stop? Does it have to?

Just a little background about myself: I am straight, I am 25, have had 4 sexual partners, and lost my virginity around like 21...maybe? Anyway, I have had some sexual encounters that were going great, right?! But then the guy I was with would do something that would catch me off guard... And not in a good way. It would be something that turned me off or made me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't say anything for the fear of "killing" the mood, fear of make my partner feel emasculated, or making it awkward.

Just to paint the paint here are a couple of examples. One time this guy ate at my ear. He licked my ear top to bottom, inside and out. I was really grossed out, his saliva was just dripping in my ear. I didn't say anything, we continued, he came, it was over. Another time, with a different person, we were dating for a bit and had decided to get a hotel for a little weekend getaway and to explore the city because I was new to the area. We didn't really discuss sex it just kind of happened. Getting back to the point we were really into it and without warning he puts his hand around my neck. It was light but firm if that makes sense. Side note, this happened twice but on two separate occasions with two different guys (I don't know if they just assumed that was something 'all' women liked or what).

It was a lack of communication on both parties.

My partners would not ask or even verbalize what they were going to do, they just went for it. On the other hand I did not say or do anything stop them. I will admit I was a little intimidated and just didn't speak up for myself. Which is partially due to how I grew up. I was just expected to go with things even if I didn't agree with it or want to. I had to just accept things because it was out of my control, so I just took it.

I have grown from these past experiences and now understand that talking about sex before I engage with someone is important to set boundaries. I have also learned that I have a voice that I had to start using! And if the person I was with didn't respect that then they don't get to have access to my body!

I wanted to start this conversation to see if I was the only one experiencing this. Not only that but to get some feedback men as to why they do this and why can't they just ask before doing something like saying, "I want to kiss you," or "can I do *insert whatever it is*."

I also understand that there are people who like for there partner to be the aggressor and initiate intimacy, but again it is worth it to have the conversation about what you want from each other rather than just and making someone not feel safe or comfortable in a moment of vulnerability. Communication, consent, continuing consent, respect, and boundaries are essential to set the foundation for anytime of relationship, sexual or not.

Please, please, please share thoughts, comments, concerns, questions, and experiences without being hurtful or insensitive to other people. But I would love to hear from the ladies and gents from the G@G community!

Also, sorry if this felt biased in any way. It is based on my personal past experiences and is not to say that this doesn't happen in a situation where a woman does something to a man without asking or in a same sex situation. That is why I would like to hear from you guys.

[AL2000]

Consent is consent, and it NEVER ends at a certain point, but she can withdraw consent at any time as thats the nature of what consent is. However the grey area is when thing's aren't verbalized during sex due to the "heat of the moment" or intimidation on her part, which could mean allowing the man to continue due to the fear of additional harm.

Even if both partners have the consent talk and details of what she likes or doesn't like, things could always change. This happened to a friend of mine, he was having sex with a girl, who accused him of rape and during that encounter claimed he did not know she had withdrawn consent halfway yet continued anyway even when she began to feel intimidated and afraid but never verbalized it during or after the encounter. Needless to say because he admitted she MAY have changed her mind, it was only due to certain positions. He's in jail now. It's scary for many men due to the ambiguous nature of encounters as it regards to consent which means all the more reasons to choose your partners carefully and avoid situations like ONSs where both are unfamiliar with each other.

[Twalli]

I sometimes try new things with my girlfriend. Usually she and I both enjoy trying it to see if we like it. I usually don't tell her and just do it. If I really enjoy it, then I ask, but without experiencing it with her, there's no way to tell if I will like it enough to try again

[loves2learn]

This makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of women could relate to freezing in a moment. I like the idea of talking to each other in a sexy way “does that feel good” or “do you like it when I do that. Keeps it fun but still checking in with the other person.

[loves2learn]

Thanks for the MHO :)

[JackSmy]

@daviakitty143 With SOOOO many popular, well-know men, being accused of sexual crimes, how can the average guy not think that he almost need "Consent", in writing?
Now, with all these guys being accused, I am VERY concerned, and VERY wary or any woman!
It doesn't even have to be TRUE, to FUCK up his life!! They did NOTHING, but 'she' said he did, and so everyone believes her, and HE IS FUCKED, FOR LIFE!!!

[likelyOK]

Less than 2% of men are falsely accused that one in 4 are assaulted in women proves it’s a far bigger problem

[JackSmy]

@likelyOK Hence my point: Do guys need to get her consent, "In Writing" now? by the way, Site the source of the 2%, because I have a lot of doubt on that being true!

[likelyOK]

Hold on I need to find it again

[Mac-One]

Once mutual consent is established and both parties are in the mood it is wrong for either to withdraw the consent?

[Mac-One]

Any charge of inappropriate activity by either party should be invalid.

[timbergag]

Continuously giving consent can be so sexy. I whisper "do you like this?" or "do you like to have my cock inside you?" in my wife's ear and she moans "yes."

It's both dirty talk and consent. Easy and hot.