1 mo

Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love my Kinks


Yep. A sex topic, that also covers religion. This is going to go over well.

I am fully aware of some the comments that are going to come from this post and I will just say now, it isn't going to bother me. I spent way too long refusing to learn more about myself out of embarrassment and shame. Those days are gone.

I grew up in household where sex was openly discussed in medical terms, but swept under the rug like a dirty secret when it came to talking about it outside of hetero, PiV, missionary sex. I had so many questions about feelings I had that didn't match up to those expectations that went unanswered. I felt that not sharing those same thoughts that my parents expected of me somehow made me some kind of horrible monster. I felt like I was doing things wrong or that I was broken and needed repaired. I tried to will myself to be straight. I honestly did. I even tried kissing the opposite sex once, but it just didn't feel right. I have always equated it to this: It felt like sleeping in a hotel bed. It felt like a bed, functioned like one, but you never get the same level of comfort as you do in your own bed. It just felt off.

My childhood was really religious in the beginning. We attended church regularly, met with other people there often and had a real sense of community and willingness to help one another. When we moved, my parents couldn't find that same sense of community and we stopped going. That initial experience though really formed a foundation on the rest of my life in how to treat others, but it also put me at odds with my God as I got older when it came to my sexuality. I used to pray nightly just to be "right". When that failed and I began to do more and more with the same sex, I would beg for forgiveness in fear of what may happen to me in the afterlife. It left me really confused and, over time, tore up any confidence in myself even further than the typical body image issues a lot of teens experience.

As a young adult, there was always that drive in me to return back to religion, but I found myself met with derision for being gay. I found a lot of hypocrisy between what was written about compassion and acceptance and found instead those who used the Bible as a shield to hide behind to condemn others despite several warnings written within the pages about judging others. If I was not to be welcomed by those who follow his word, then I had to find a new way to exist. I became agnostic. While I still believe in the basic tenants of being a good person and being accepting of others despite our differences, this change helped with finding peace with myself in my sexuality.

"What does this have to do with kinks?", you might ask yourself while reading this. So far all I have talked about is being gay (which isn't a kink) and religion. Well, now we get to the fun parts. With a foundation laid out by religion and my parents teachings, I refused to explore myself outside the vanilla world of basic sex acts. I still to this day have refused to use anything outside of a wand because doing more felt like too much. It took until the age of 41 to finally come out of my shell, at the encouragement of my wife, to do something to explore who I am and what I like.

So, honesty time. I have an online friends with benefits. I had no idea what that even meant until prompted to explore. Even more shocking to myself is that this person ended up being a guy. Now, I will caveat this with I have 0 interest in guys still. For me it is all just auditory, like having erotic novels read to you by Morgan Freeman. Sexy, weird of course, but yeah I find it sexy. I also found out that I am a total sub when it comes to sex. With my wife it has always been a switch situation, but man did I fall hard once control was established during sex.

I am slowly beginning to break those stigmas of accepting what else is out there. I have always been accepting of what others want to do, I just never took the time to learn what they are actually doing. It has been interesting to say the least. I have found myself more open to exploring other avenues.

"Who cares? You found out about sex, congrats..." the cynical among us will say and most likely post here. Well, for one, I care. Others here who repress themselves and hide who they are because of shame and fear, you should care too. There has to be a happy medium somewhere between finding out who we really are and not completely repressing it until we are so pent up and frustrated that we lash out at others. We should not feel ashamed to find out who we are. It doesn't even have to be about sex. I just mean exploring who you are in general.

For my religious friends, it is very easy to hand pick what is ok and what is not ok from your religious passages to fit your world views. I caution you against doing so unless you are prepared for ALL of what is written in it, even within your own failings as a follower of their word.

I know it is a controversial stance to take, but I believe we were given free will for a reason. I'd rather take my chances saying I did my best to be a good person, but also be able to say that I didn't waste the life I was given by being too scared to explore the world provided to us. What I do know is that the judgment of others will no longer stop me from living my best life.

Sort of related, but mostly just made me laugh. Credit: @SmolBlueFox
Sort of related, but mostly just made me laugh. Credit: @SmolBlueFox
Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love my Kinks
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Most Helpful Guy

  • NyceGuyFinishingLast
    I think you did yourself a great justice in letting yourself go and exploring. I am not religious at all but I don't knock others that are. I consider myself a sinner but always try to be the good and not the evil. If I had to paint a picture I would say that I try to live in Superman's shoes. I help when I need to without expecting anything in return and I don't hurt others in hopes of some type of gain. Sexually I am very open and I do not look down or frown upon others for their type of life styles. I completely understand where you are coming from because based on today's society you will get support from some and ridiculed by others. I think it is wonderful that you have explored despite your belief in religion. I can't wrap my mind around avoiding things that make me happy but that doesn't not jeopardize the safety to myself or others. I feel like you do, that if I live my life the way it was written by an powerful being that there is still no proof exists and I wasted my whole life not having fun and being happy in hopes of going to an afterlife where again there is no proof exists. If God does exists then why does he allow horrible things happen to innocent people or even children. I mean you have religion that is against same sex anything but yet done many priests are not only have sex with children but with boys. I have been to very few churches where there is a woman preacher, why is that? Does religion frown upon women being the head of the church? If the body is the lord's temple why do I need to go to a building to worship God? I have a lot of questions and I am getting off topic. Basically I think life is too short to live by the word of someone not here. I applaud you for exploring your sexuality and life. I was intrigued by your take. Worrying is a wasted emotion because no matter how much you worry there will only be outcomes to the situation. Like when you don't pay the light bill and then worrying if the power will get cut off. Yeah there power will get cut off despite how much you are worrying.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Massageman

      All people are sinners.

      You cannot get back on God's "good side" by trying to do good works.
      This can only be done by admitting your sins, repenting from them, and following His ways.

      Horrible things? They occur because MANKIND was the first to sin and be cast out of an otherwise perfect life (Eden), not because God is malicious. God WANTS to have fellowship with each of us. It is OUR decision of whether or not to accept His offer.

      Priests? The are human and humans are sinners.

      Female pastors? ' The Word of God [that's the Bible] proclaims, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent” (1 Timothy 2:11–12). In the church, God assigns different roles to men and women. This is a result of the way mankind was created and the way in which sin entered the world (1 Timothy 2:13–14). God, through the apostle Paul, restricts women from serving in roles of teaching and/or having spiritual authority over men. This precludes women from serving as pastors over men, which definitely includes preaching to them, teaching them publicly, and exercising spiritual authority over them. " ref www.gotquestions.org

      Bible and Sexuality? read the book of the Song of Songs/ Songs of Solomon!!! Sex is God's gift to male and females paired as married couples.

    • Blah blah so it is written in a book that was written by man. Blah blah it is on an internet website so it has got to be true. Dude you are nothing more than a sheep following all the other sheep. There is no afterlife. You die, you are dead. End of story.

    • Massageman

      You can take your chances- I'll take mine. I guess you WILL be finishing last.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Quaintrelle
    Thank you for this beautiful post.
    One thing I would like to highlight is that D/s or BDSM is not confined to sexual acts. So many people that I came across while exploring it knew about it only in the terms of sexual acts or manipulation exploitation. And those who are new or young may feel that it is normal for BDSM to work that way. It is troublesome.

    I at the moment cannot say if I am into BDSM or not since I have mixed opinions about it because I am demisexual and only once in my life I had a deep connection with someone.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Oh, no you are absolutely correct! Sometimes there is no actual sex involved at all and it is just the nurturing part or just the taking/giving up control part involved.

      This is just my own personal experience being discussed here and for those considering trying to experiment with it please keep these things in mind before starting.

      ¹Despite what it looks like it is the sub who actually has the power in this relationship. They control the boundaries of the game and can stop it anytime it goes outside that boundary and they are no longer comfortable.
      ²There is a huge difference between being a dom and just being an abusive prick. The side of being dom is all about the care of your sub even if the act does involve pain or humiliation.
      ³You really need to have great communication and trust when getting into it. If either of you are uncomfortable then stop. Talk to each other outside of the dom/sub relationship and reestablish boundaries. Just don't accept something you are not comfortable with. It is meant to be fun for both sides.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Jaylaaa2000
    So here's how I feel about sex religion and orientation.

    Last I checked we are taught to love everyone.
    So the people who feel god hates gay people either know they full of garbage or actually think god is a hypocrite.
    Also if they truly believe gay sex is a sin and judge and say hateful things because they think you are sinning will also go to hell as god is the only one to make judgement on someone.

    The bible says a sin is a sin no matter the severity of it.

    Tbh my opinion people made the bible, and most things in it is to scare people to follow what their king decided was considered moral.

    I don't know god gave us free will and if you do your best to be a good person he is happy.

    And tbh, people so angry about people having the courage to follow their hearts are most angry that they didn't have the courage to do the same. It might not have to do with sexual orientation but sometimes else.

    So since they aren't living they best life they try to shame people into not living their best life.

    This goes for following your kinks as well.

    You have nothing to be ashamed of, but pride in having the courage to be who you are, since most people don't because of fear of being judged.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      You always write with power in your voice. I love reading it.

      Thank you for your response 😀

    • Aww thank you

  • ohshee
    I love your story and I hope every girl , even guys read it because in one way or another I think in some form we all go through this but in different ways just different words. First of all When We Were Young we are led to believe that we're going to hell if we have sex without being married that takes a toll on person. And then when having sex how far are you willing to let yourself be shown to go. I can remember so many times where I would just want to unleash myself. Or I can feel the girl bringing so hard knowing so she wanting to just let go the too afraid to show that's who she really was or who she wants to be.
    So for me your title says it all. Stranger love. Or allowing myself to Love, my
    k i n k s. Personally I like both. I don't think it's until you find yourself that you can actually enjoy and become both. I believe that we are deeper human beings then we think we are
    In a very big way I have been blessed I think because I am an empath. 15 seconds of meeting somebody I can feel their energy I can feel their emotion I can look deep into their eyes it's either passion feel their desire I can tell if they have a beautiful heart or if they're just no good. When two empaths meet there is a connection within seconds any impact the reach of this I know the feeling that I'm talking about it we get from each other the moment we meet our say hi it is one of the most beautiful feelings in this world there is a connection a bond. I believe whether you're an empath or not we all have that capability with that same connection that same Bond and it comes through energy we are made of water and a t o m s,
    a t o m s broke down equals energy when you can feel somebody else's energy when you can touch somebody else's energy there is a sensual a seduction feeling that flows through each other when you can allow that to happen it open yourself up there is a deeper bond that deeper connection that is taking place and when you allow yourself to do this and have that connection any kind of k i n k you have to comes out. In life I believe if you want to understand something you have to experience it.
    I believe this is why I like your story in the title name to your story so much because it can mean so many different things
    But they have to be real it has to be a desire a passion to want to understand to Let Yourself Go
    Because now if you use the word Dom or sub there is a form of manipulation there or pretend fantasy or real play they can take you to many different directions
    I also like the fact that you said on line , friends with benefits I Think every one should have one or 2 or 3 if you wanted to learn about yourself and where you fit in in your world anyway thank you for your story I think it's beautiful I think it's cool and I think everybody should read it. Sorry about getting off the subject a little bit but I just wanted add a little piece that I see
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      No problem at all! I am glad you enjoyed it and I do agree that people should discover who they are and not let shame hold them back.

      Remember everyone: Nobody lives your life but you.

    • ohshee

      You said it right there don't let shame or anything else ever hold you back it's a choice. Do we want to be in life can we choose who we want to be by the things we say and do for me I want to understand I want to live I want to feel everything

  • loves2learn
    My upbringing was not religious. Sex was not talked about in any terms medical or otherwise. I was told not to have sex before i was married. That was my sex talk. I was 12 and even then I knew it was bullshit.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I'm not sure why it is such a taboo subject as it is. You would think more information would help. For those who have kids, you know this scenario, you tell your kids they can't do something and they get curious and do it to see what the big secret is.

    • It wasn’t even that. I’d seen porn at age 8. 12 year old me thought I’ll do whatever I want with my own body. I’ll have sex whenever I Damn well please.

      Smoked cigarettes and started hanging out with boys at 12. Smoked weed, started kissing boys and letting them feel my boobies at 13. Started drinking alcohol and fingering/handjobs at 14.

      Then had a few years of bad luck in the relationship department. Lol.

      Until I met my hubs at age 18. Went all the way. Married him 5 years later. Still married now, 20 years after we met.

  • exitseven
    Very well written and well thought out. You say a lot of things that I have never really thought of before. I had a pretty standard upbringing. I learned about sex from the older kids in my neighborhood and fumbled around with girls with varying degrees of success.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      I think that probably isn't uncommon at all. Probably isn't the best way to do it. You would think parents would want to be the ones to explain it and not leave their kids to find for themselves

    • exitseven

      MY parents were children of immigrants and my father was a WW2 vet. They were pretty old school about pretty much everything.

  • Jamie05rhs
    I gave this a Like for being interesting, honest, and real.

    I don't agree with everything you said, but I can identify with some of the things that you have felt. I am completely straight, but I have also struggled with my faith because of my sexuality.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Not agreeing with my stance is perfectly good with me. I can only speak from my own experiences and I do try not to generalize where I can.

      When others disagree with me and actually want to sit down and have civil conversations, that is where I am happiest. I get to learn new ways of looking at the world outside my own eyes. If anyone ever feels like talking to me about something they disagree with, I am more than happy to engage as long as both sides stay polite. 😊

    • Jamie05rhs

      Sure! I would love to chat with you anytime. :)

  • delabole
    It is said in the Bible that there are many mansions in God's house. I struggle with the idea of the Bible being literal truth. After all, in those days it was normal to stone people to death for adultery, but I don't think even the most fanatical Christians would go along with that. Myself, I love to wear girly clothes and am aware of strictures about that, but then men wore skirts in those days.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      That's all a social construct. I mean if suddenly jeans were declared a female only thing, I still wouldn't give grief to a guy for wearing them.

      I mean it also has this thing about wearing wool but I doubt that is followed to the letter either.

  • HugoThe2nd
    I'm glad you have figured it out for yourself! Not everyone is as lucky, unfortunately.
    I've had first hand experience with just how damaging clinging to preconceived beliefs in regards to this aspect of life can be.

    That, as well as the desire to understand my own feelings, is a big part of why I became interested in exploring this topic in the first place.

    And, I also found it quite ironic how the "purveyors of virtues" often tend to be the most rigid, nasty and judgmental of people- until I realized that they themselves are in fact the ones who may be struggling the most.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      They might be or they might truly believe in what they preach. Either way I hope they find a happiness for themselves without feeling the need to bring others down.

      If they feel I am going to hell for being gay then alright, believe it, but posting on here about it while also stating my 6 and 8 year old children are also going to hell with me is plain sick and wrong.

    • HugoThe2nd

      Maybe I've grown too cynical, but I don't believe anyone is so selfless they genuinely care about someone else's damnation.
      This sort of parroting, I believe, is entirely driven by ego and self-affirmation.

      (I've definitely seen some individuals on here whose "inquiries" are clearly motivated by no desire to seek information of any sort, merely they are meant as echo chambers in which they seek to hear other people's voices reverberating why they are right.)

  • Agape93
    I’m glad to read about your self discovery :) not everyone can or will do that. No judgement from me in any sense. There is no higher law than to do as thou Wilt. :)
  • Seppel
    Ne happy. In your Familie Sex was a Well discussed theme.
    I never talked about sex or feelings or love with my family.
    All they care about is money or jobs
  • PeacefulRainDrop
    I find myself somewhere in the midst of the sea of faces... I grew up very religious too.. went to church every Sunday and to a Christian school until grade 10 then went to public. I have had to work through a lot of trauma in my life.. I like you was judged for not being like or thinking like everyone else.. I hate how people preach at you make you feel less than... honestly I find a lot of churches are corrupt.. the Bible I question how much of it is the original God breathed world and how much of it is written for control.. I dont deny there is a God I just dont worship the same God that people project on me. Still walking the type rope tho trying to balance being me and pleasing my family.. I am fortunate to have found a man who accepts me fully and entirely he makes my faults not seem like faults.. thats what I think God would do.. we live in a fallen world and God can be anything anyone wants him to be..
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you for your response.

      I know that my experiences have been mixed with meeting both really judgmental and really accepting members of one faith or another. I think that is why I have remained agnostic. I hold out hope that one day a calling can be had and I am welcomed in as is. In the end, the idea is about my relationships with my creator not my relationship with some guy 3 rows back in church who doesn't approve of my lifestyle.

    • Exact and I honestly started not giving a shit.. several months before covid I moved back with my parents to save money to get a house.. big mistake would have been better off staying away.. but there was the church I liked I found during college and other churches I have attended in my lifetime in my home town.. I was amazed at how people are greeting you.. they all know me by name some churches you get where were you last week? That bugged me so much I just started saying that I had to work.. my favorite church people would say sooo good to see you! Thats the way it should be.. not a guilt trip I dont have to give account to anyone where I am.. We as people are the body of Christ its not a building. I think Jesus summed up what he believes to be the most important you shall not have any Gods before me and love your neighbor as yourself.. doesn't give characterization of what neighbors deserved to be loved.. we all have different journeys to travel no one journey is any better than anyone elses.. nothing you do or dont do can get you into Heaven.. its about believing in Jesus remember as Jesus hung on the cross dying for all who believed in him.. he asked for God to forgive them for crucifying him for they dont know what they are doing... sometime I almost feel like the Jesus in me is rejected like Jesus was with the pharisees.. and one of the men on the cross asked Jesus what must he do to be in Heaven.. Jesus said today you will see me in paradise... its not God will anyone should parish.. that other man dying on the cross deserved to be there we dont know if he was a thief or a murderer but he got to Heaven without doing a single thing to advance the kingdom.. just the topic on healing there's so much its hard to know whats real that I said think God I love you I dont know what to believe or not believe please guide me in your truth... I live my life the way I think is right abd if thats not good enough than it is what it is.

    • Show All
  • Browneye57
    TLDR. You typed all that out by yourself? LOL What a revelation!
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Sure did! Maybe some time when you advance beyond kindergarten primer books you might even be able to read the whole thing, hun. Until then, please find a responsible adult to explain the story to you.

    • Browneye57

      Ah, your little shaming tactics are cute. Dumb, but cute. Seems you're a little dim as well. Oh well.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Oh hun, was that the best you had to come back with? Eesh.. I feel bad picking on you when you are so defenseless. Toddle along now honey, the rest of the adults here are going to talk about adult subjects.

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  • jerdanro
    First of all, awesome title. I wonder how many will get it. Great post.
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read it 😊

    • jerdanro

      I stole the picture. Funny or not, I believe that is the essense of a loving Domme/Dom. And I'm happy that you discovered your true self.

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Lol that picture was so good. When I was looking for one to add I ran across it and was like "yeah, I dont care now about something super fitting, this made me laugh and it is going in"

      Thank you as well. I hope that everyone has a chance to explore who they are and step out of that box of fear.

  • krin_m
    Nicely written!
  • Yellovv
    Sorry darling but too long to read..
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Aww, but it talks about sex and everything. Give it a shot : )

    • Yellovv

      Tell me your kinks ☺️

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Lmao it's literally in the article

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  • Anonymous
    are you accepting of Oedipus Rex sex
    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Anything involving the party all being consenting adults is alright I suppose. Don't ever ask me to take part of it though.

      If you are talking about doing anything to a minor though then no, absolutely not.

    • Anonymous

      What if the age of consent is 13 in my coungy

    • Ez-Bri-Z

      Legally ok, morally... no. Noooooo

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