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Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!

Brainsbeforebeauty
Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

It's been a minute... Since I've done a sex joke take that is..well since I've had sex too-okay way longer than a minute(that's not what she said😂)....

Hopefully you lucky enough to be having sex this Sunday,but if not you can join me in at least having a few sex joke laughs... Hope you enjoy(that's what he said😂)

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for cuming

.“Foreplay is like beefburgers – three minutes on each side.”

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

“I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel. She died.”

“I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.”

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

“Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed.”

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand”

I saw a dildo the other day described as “nine inches long and realistic”. I thought, “Well, which is it?”

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

Why is sex compared to riding a bike?

Cuz the older it gets,the more rusty the "chain" gets and slips more,the more flat the "tires" get,and when you fall off,it's harder to climb back on...

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

How is chocolate like a good penis?...

They both melt in your mouth not in your hands

“Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’”

Sunday Sex Take... If You Aint Taking ItCan At Least Laugh About It!

I hope you enjoyed this Sunday "quckie"..

As always,thanks for reading❤❤

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Lliam
    "Would you like a bag?" "No, I'll just turn the light off." LMAO

    I tried to think of a Sunday sex joke. Sunday reminded me of religion. Here's what I came up with:

    A pious woman who hadn't had an orgasm in over five years prayed every day for a man who would satisfy her need. One day, she went to confession and told the priest how long it had been since her last orgasm and how she had impure thoughts about what a man would do to give her one. The priest told her that she was forgiven. Then he invited her to accompany him to the sacristy for counseling. Once inside, he invited her to sit back on the sofa and pray for a miracle. She sat, closed her eyes, and began praying fervently. When she felt her skirt being pushed up and hands brushing her bare thighs, she opened her eyes to see the priest kneeling before her.
    "Let us pray together" he said.
    She closed her eyes again and continued as her panties were moved aside and a tongue began licking her holy tabernacle. She prayed harder and harder as the sensations grew. She began muttering "Oh God!" and "Thank you Jesus!" When the most intense orgasm she had ever experienced exploded, she began crying "Praise the Lord!" in ecstasy.

    When the priest stood, dropped his trousers, pulled her panties all the way off, and spread her legs, he said "Now prepare to witness the second cumming."
    Is this still revelant?
  • Massageman
    With apologies to the "guy in Nantucket" - - - - - - -

    The XPOTUS loud protestations
    on his fall to Monica's temptations:
    "This affair is still moral,
    As long as it's oral:
    Straight screwing I save for the NATION!"

    There once was a guy named Sweeney,
    who- somehow- spilled gin on his weenie.
    Just to be couth,
    he added vermouth,
    and then slipped his date a martini !

    The lass he brought home was a prize!
    With an alluring set of blue eyes,
    and her breasts, oh so round
    her chest, they doth crowned:
    put her penis was quite a surprise.
    Is this still revelant?
    • 😂😂😂

    • Massageman

      oops * BUT her penis was quite a surprise.

      I'd be dangerous if I could still type. GOTTA get a new dictation program when I install our new computer in a few weeks. My fingers are going numb.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Ez-Bri-Z
    Sure, I can add a few.

    What do Elon Musk and my husband's sex life have in common?

    -Both of their rockets explode immediately after contact but they both still keep expecting someone to one day ride.


    A group of military officers begin a conversation about whether or not sex is working or fun.

    The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work."They are all contemplating these revelations when a private walks by. The officers call the private over to ask his opinion. The major says, "Excuse me, private, we are having a discussion and would like your input. The lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. Private, what is your opinion?"The private says, "Well sir, you are all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun, because if there was any work involved, you would have me do it.
    Is this still revelant?
  • PaynefulPleasures
    You made my day ❤️ lmao 😂Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

929
  • CrazyGirl2
    He he he “very realistic, 9 inches… well, which is it?” Friggin LOVED that one!
    #2 choice… “You penis is bigger than your brothers” Oh, Just Brilliant!!

    Oh thank you, you magnificent bitch! You really made my Sunday! 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🥰
  • Andres77
    A deaf couple just got married. After a few nights together they decided they needed to come up with signals to let the other know their mood for sex once the lights were off. She suggested, if you want sex start caressing both of my boobs; if you aren't in the mood pat my butt and roll over.
    He agreed and then suggested, if you want sex tug on my penis twice; if you don't want sex tug on my penis 200 times.
  • pjf1958
    Thats nothing, I haven't had sex for such an enormous stretch of time, that I forgot how to do it manually.
  • MasseurDeMojo
    I feel you in more ways than you may realize. You are a good woman!! Never feel like you have no purpose. You are living a good life; it will get better everyday!!!
  • AzzaBlue
    Very nice, I had a good laugh over this. Thank you.
    But I've got a lame sex joke for you.
    Please give it to me, I need it bad because I am so wet.
    She could scream all she wants, but I am keeping the umbrella.
  • mk200195
    Interesting read! Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!
  • ariadneR
    What did the clitoris say to the vulva?
    Its all good in the hood

    What did the wife say to the husband after he cried after having sex?
    I pegged you for someone else
  • Chris_u006
    Weird enough this mytake was made by a female not male.
    Refreshing that women have humor too, this would be on the edge of "controversial" in Sweden since almost all the satire is gone nowadays.
    If you aks me Sweden is one of the most hypocritic countries in the entire world.
    • Yes women can have a sense of humor too and we also talk about sex lol

    • Chris_u006

      The hypocricy in Sweden nowadays is riddiculous if it still happens, just separated from us men.

  • TonyMetal___86
    HAHAHA 🤣
    Always naughty, by the way who is this woman in the last picture? Why her legs are puffed like that, i bet that the spongy forehead took a picture of her, all these photos are soooo weird 🥴
  • Tunasub
    Very good Brains.😂🤣😂
    This take made me sad because I'm not getting any...

    Angry cause I'm not getting any... made me laugh so I stopped crying because I wasn't getting any...

    I needed that laugh..
  • 19magic
    Absolutely love the Walmart one... Though am still trying to think why cucumbers would be a great valantines other than what you suggested lol
  • Shihab91
    So there was a question about which takes do you recommend, well I recommend this oneSunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!
  • spartan55
    The meme about flaunting their wealth is the best...😂😂😂😂
  • DocJones
    I once met a girl in a bar and after talking for a while I noticed she had a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh. Funny thing was if you put your ear up to it you could smell the ocean lmao
  • COMMODOREII
    Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!😂😂😂
  • exitseven
    Some of those were funny.
    I wish I knew a few myself.
    Thanks for that.
  • hearvoices
    The one about the brother's penis is priceless🤣 Absolute gold. Did I ever laugh.
  • key_statistics
    How is a dick like a snail? When it sees a ugly or scary thing it quickly goes inside.
  • honeylover21
    I can laugh about it , never experienced it , and why would people have sex on Sunday 😂😂😂😁
    • I mean when you haven't done anything yet I think u tend to think of it way more its natural for everyone , your gonna eventually gonna have thoughts rather you did stuff or not

    • True lol and why not have sex on Sunday😂

    • uh , ya I gues

  • Wiredone
    After the last few days I've had I really needed a good laugh. Thank you so much BBB.
  • WowwGirl
    Awesome take@tdieseler “I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel. She died.”
  • wickhamhayls
    most people arouind here are conservative so they'll hate your take.
    • Isn't that a broad generalization to say no conservative people have a sense of humor?

    • no but they all hate sex though.

    • Again you're making untrue broad generalizations... This ain't a political post.. so conservative/Liberal... Don't apply here... this is the sexuality topic not society/politics... thanks😊

    • Show All
  • ArrowheadSW
    "Improper use of the colon"! 😂😂😂
  • have_a_good_day
    What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
    Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
  • loves2learn
    Nice! Thanks for the good laugh.
  • redlegs123456789
    You will be alright you are just thinking about it WAAAY to much. If you stop you may find yourself trying to figure out how to stop having sex in 6 months.
    • How am I thinking about it too much? 🤣 Funny, guys say women don't think or talk about sex and then when they do they're told they thinking about it too much...🤷

    • Yeah they say that women don’t talk about sex and if they’re a good person that’s one of the things they like about women

    • @KaiserDeEmperana so men can talk or joke about sex but women can't? 🤔

  • Peter0076
    Why don't trying with you neighbour or neighbours sorry?
  • anon1903
    Oh my gosh, this killed my exam anxiety!!
  • silkjames
    Good stuff I just lol thank u for that:)!
  • invalid1
    The tearjerker 😂🤦‍♂️
  • KatherineJ
    Hahaahhaaahahahahaahahaa
  • DaveToo
    Fuckiing hysterical!!
  • UnknownGagsUser
    Thanks for the joke 😃
  • krin_m
    Very funny! Please keep them coming!
  • dolemite89
    i’m using the tunnel line now 🤣
  • Weasel1983
    Girl you crazy. lol
  • luckykhan976
    I want a girl my age is 19 years
  • pizzalovershouse
    Some funny photos 👍
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