Sunday Sex Take... If You Ain't "Taking It"Can At Least Laugh About It!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

It's been a minute... Since I've done a sex joke take that is..well since I've had sex too-okay way longer than a minute(that's not what she said😂)....

Hopefully you lucky enough to be having sex this Sunday,but if not you can join me in at least having a few sex joke laughs... Hope you enjoy(that's what he said😂)

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for cuming

.“Foreplay is like beefburgers – three minutes on each side.”

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

“I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel. She died.”

“I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.”

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

“Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed.”

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker.

I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”

“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand”

I saw a dildo the other day described as “nine inches long and realistic”. I thought, “Well, which is it?”

Why is sex compared to riding a bike?

Cuz the older it gets,the more rusty the "chain" gets and slips more,the more flat the "tires" get,and when you fall off,it's harder to climb back on...

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

How is chocolate like a good penis?...

They both melt in your mouth not in your hands

“Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’”

I hope you enjoyed this Sunday "quckie"..

As always,thanks for reading❤❤

"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘

[Lliam]

"Would you like a bag?" "No, I'll just turn the light off." LMAO

I tried to think of a Sunday sex joke. Sunday reminded me of religion. Here's what I came up with:

A pious woman who hadn't had an orgasm in over five years prayed every day for a man who would satisfy her need. One day, she went to confession and told the priest how long it had been since her last orgasm and how she had impure thoughts about what a man would do to give her one. The priest told her that she was forgiven. Then he invited her to accompany him to the sacristy for counseling. Once inside, he invited her to sit back on the sofa and pray for a miracle. She sat, closed her eyes, and began praying fervently. When she felt her skirt being pushed up and hands brushing her bare thighs, she opened her eyes to see the priest kneeling before her.
"Let us pray together" he said.
She closed her eyes again and continued as her panties were moved aside and a tongue began licking her holy tabernacle. She prayed harder and harder as the sensations grew. She began muttering "Oh God!" and "Thank you Jesus!" When the most intense orgasm she had ever experienced exploded, she began crying "Praise the Lord!" in ecstasy.

When the priest stood, dropped his trousers, pulled her panties all the way off, and spread her legs, he said "Now prepare to witness the second cumming."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂

[Massageman]

With apologies to the "guy in Nantucket" - - - - - - -

The XPOTUS loud protestations
on his fall to Monica's temptations:
"This affair is still moral,
As long as it's oral:
Straight screwing I save for the NATION!"

There once was a guy named Sweeney,
who- somehow- spilled gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
and then slipped his date a martini !

The lass he brought home was a prize!
With an alluring set of blue eyes,
and her breasts, oh so round
her chest, they doth crowned:
put her penis was quite a surprise.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂

[Massageman]

oops * BUT her penis was quite a surprise. I'd be dangerous if I could still type. GOTTA get a new dictation program when I install our new computer in a few weeks. My fingers are going numb.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lolol

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sure, I can add a few.

What do Elon Musk and my husband's sex life have in common?

-Both of their rockets explode immediately after contact but they both still keep expecting someone to one day ride.


A group of military officers begin a conversation about whether or not sex is working or fun.

The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work."They are all contemplating these revelations when a private walks by. The officers call the private over to ask his opinion. The major says, "Excuse me, private, we are having a discussion and would like your input. The lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. Private, what is your opinion?"The private says, "Well sir, you are all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun, because if there was any work involved, you would have me do it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😆😂😂

[Iraqlobsterr]

😂😂😂

[pjf1958]

Would you care for either creamy penis butter, or crunchy, which has that nutty flavor.

[PaynefulPleasures]

You made my day ❤️ lmao 😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂

[Lliam]

LMAO

[PaynefulPleasures]

Thanks for sharing I still have a perma grin 😀

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍😊.

[honeylover21]

Haas that is crazy , never heard of that someone barking during sex or whatever 😁😁😁😁

[PaynefulPleasures]

You just never know 😅

[honeylover21]

well , I guess if they haven't had dick in a long time or a well you don't know how you may performe 😁

[CrazyGirl2]

He he he “very realistic, 9 inches… well, which is it?” Friggin LOVED that one!
#2 choice… “You penis is bigger than your brothers” Oh, Just Brilliant!!

Oh thank you, you magnificent bitch! You really made my Sunday! 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🥰

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for reading❤

[loves2learn]

Nice! Thanks for the good laugh.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for reading

[19magic]

Absolutely love the Walmart one... Though am still trying to think why cucumbers would be a great valantines other than what you suggested lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for reading☺

[MasseurDeMojo]

I feel you in more ways than you may realize. You are a good woman!! Never feel like you have no purpose. You are living a good life; it will get better everyday!!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well thank you

[ArrowheadSW]

"Improper use of the colon"! 😂😂😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂

[loves2learn]

That one got me too

[spartan55]

The meme about flaunting their wealth is the best...😂😂😂😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂😂

[pjf1958]

Thats nothing, I haven't had sex for such an enormous stretch of time, that I forgot how to do it manually.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Any longer and I will too

[mk200195]

Interesting read!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂👍😂

[Massageman]

nice watercolor!

[have_a_good_day]

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

[have_a_good_day]

My first high school football game was a lot like my first time having sex.. I was bloody and sore at the end but at least my dad came

[have_a_good_day]

After death what is the only organ in the female body that remains warm? My penis

[have_a_good_day]

Why am I like this 😐😐

[loves2learn]

Um, I can’t unsee these. 😳

[have_a_good_day]

@loves2learn 😅😅😅 hugs?

[loves2learn]

😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

[anon1903]

Oh my gosh, this killed my exam anxiety!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Glad to hear it! Hope you ace your exam💛💛

[anon1903]

Haha will do

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍😊

[ariadneR]

What did the clitoris say to the vulva?
Its all good in the hood

What did the wife say to the husband after he cried after having sex?
I pegged you for someone else

[pjf1958]

I thought they said "wait until the mennen show up"

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@ariadneR 😂😂😂

[exitseven]

Some of those were funny.
I wish I knew a few myself.
Thanks for that.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks.. could you tell which two were brains originals?

[exitseven]

The one about the 9 inch dildo and the crack about the toilet paper?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Nope

[exitseven]

damn

[invalid1]

The tearjerker 😂🤦‍♂️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lolol

[invalid1]

Reminded me about this story lol. At 2:25

https://youtu.be/ADBDL5bdVs4

[silkjames]

Good stuff I just lol thank u for that:)!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thank you for reading😊

[silkjames]

No problem and thank u again also:)!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Welcome💛

[honeylover21]

I can laugh about it , never experienced it , and why would people have sex on Sunday 😂😂😂😁

[honeylover21]

I mean when you haven't done anything yet I think u tend to think of it way more its natural for everyone , your gonna eventually gonna have thoughts rather you did stuff or not

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

True lol and why not have sex on Sunday😂

[honeylover21]

uh , ya I gues

[AzzaBlue]

Very nice, I had a good laugh over this. Thank you.
But I've got a lame sex joke for you.
Please give it to me, I need it bad because I am so wet.
She could scream all she wants, but I am keeping the umbrella.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hey is not lame lolol I used that in another take lolol

[Andres77]

A deaf couple just got married. After a few nights together they decided they needed to come up with signals to let the other know their mood for sex once the lights were off. She suggested, if you want sex start caressing both of my boobs; if you aren't in the mood pat my butt and roll over.
He agreed and then suggested, if you want sex tug on my penis twice; if you don't want sex tug on my penis 200 times.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Lol🤣🤣

[loves2learn]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[KatherineJ]

Hahaahhaaahahahahaahahaa

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😂😂

[KatherineJ]

@brainsbeforebeauty just because I got some PB doesn’t mean those weren’t funny

[loves2learn]

Penis Butter! 🤣🤣🤣

[KatherineJ]

@loves2learn always the goal. ☺️

[UnknownGagsUser]

Thanks for the joke 😃

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for reading💛

[DaveToo]

Fuckiing hysterical!!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for reading☺

[DaveToo]

Those were worth going over! LOL

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Got all but two online.. can you guess the twothat were Brains originals?

[DaveToo]

I'm thinking the toilet paper/crack, and the chocolate and penis?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Got one right... the chocolate and penis one👍