3 mo

Stop romanticizing losing your virginity

Anonymous

I haven't been having sex for long, but I wish that someone had told me that sex doesn't always work the way you'd want it to right away.

Stop romanticizing losing your virginity

Your first time simply may not be that great, and it would be fine if it wasn't so heavily romanticized.

Even if you're with someone you love, it may be awkward.

He may not be able to get or maintain an erection, she may not be able to relax enough for the penis to enter the vagina.

That's fine though, just take your time.

Stop romanticizing losing your virginity
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Jamie05rhs
    I agree. Good take.

    The most beautiful thing about first-time sex is the emotional connection. That is what people should be focusing on -- not so much the physical act itself. And that connection is something that has been built through the development of the relationship during the time period prior to sex. It starts long before sex ever happens.


    (And when I say "sex," I mean all of it. Not just the vaginal penetration, which is only a small part of it.)
    Like 4 People
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    • Anonymous

      That's true, having sex with someone you don't trust or with someone who you don't have an emotional connection with isn't worth it at all...

    • Jamie05rhs

      Thanks.

    • CCammiee14

      Kinda agree however... Sex without an emotional connection maybe pointless to YOU, but people want different things. If someone wants to have sex just because it's pleasurable and fun isn't wrong or less than emotional sex. There is no "this is what sex should be" or "it should be about this", because that's a personal thing. Everyone should decide what they want and be clear about it with their sex partner. Some people don't do it for either of those reasons, so do it for both.

    • Show All
  • Browneye57
    Not bad. Reality for sure.
    Frankly, I'm sick and tired of the pink-anon's asking about how to just get over losing their virginity. My response to that is this: Your virginity isn't a condition or a malady that needs to be fixed or cured. PERIOD.
    LikeDisagree 6 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Couldn't agree more. Virginity simply is a social construct that some people care way too much about. Just stay safe, be responsible and it'll be fine.

    • Browneye57

      It's not a 'social construct'. It means you haven't had intercourse. Don't make it more complicated than it is.

    • i think it's because we're conditioned to value it.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Babygirl_S
    It also depends on the guy. If he is an ass then there's nothing good about it. If he is really nice then it can be a beautiful moment cherished for a lifetime.
    Like 4 People
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  • loves2learn
    I agree with everything you said. Most first times are not best times. Sex is a learning curve and gaining comfort with your partner.
    Like 6 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I love the statement that sex is a learning curve, that's definitely true...

    • Thank you. :) Lots of things in life have learning curves.

    • CCammiee14

      My teacher said the same to us when teaching Sex Ed. She didn't make it uncomfortable or awkward at all and she was a good teacher in general. I miss her.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1725
  • Michael49
    Just take your time is great advice. Wait til you are both ready and don’t expect fireworks to be going off. Also make sure he wraps it up cuz it comes on quick. Take your time is easier said than done especially if its his 1st time
    Like 2 People
    • Anonymous

      We wrapped it up, he didn't feel anything, he took the condom off, couldn't cum from just my pussy, so for half a year, we worked on getting his penis used to my vagina.
      I totally didn't expect for that to happen. Also, we're each other's first partners and still got tested beforehand to make sure that no STDs could be transmitted without condoms!

    • Michael49

      Not sure if you guys have tried other condoms but they sell ones that are thinner and provide more feeling. Also try KY warming gel as lube that is pleasurable for both. I’m sure your vagina is just great.

    • Michael49

      And there are other ways he can finish. Either orally or hand job. If he is having trouble feeling u now wait til a baby makes its way through

    • Show All
  • Lliam
    I agree that romanticizing virginity is rather absurd. I think all the controversy, guilt and expectation surrounding it causes not only confusion but potential psychic harm. "What if my parents find out?" "Is it against the law?" "How will society judge me?" "What will Jesus think?" "Should I 'save' myself for marriage?" "If I have sex, will I be considered damaged goods?" Pish.
    People who guilt trip others suck.

    Why isn't virginity simply a right of passage like getting your first pair of roller skates, reaching puberty, getting a driver's license, or any of the other first time things in our lives?

    The only valid reasons for why it's a big deal only apply to girls. 1) There is the hymen issue and 2) they have to get used to fitting something inside their vaginas.

    The hymen is a one and done thing. "Whew. That's over with." But then the rest is just practice. Pussies need exercise, just like any muscles. And both boys and girls have to familiarize themselves with their bodies, just like learning to walk or play a sport.

    I can't imagine sex being great until you get experience. It can still be very pleasurable, though. A virgin guy will probably cum his first time. But the sex didn't approach the level of great sex.
    A girl might orgasm her first time, but I think that would be highly unusual.

    Sex is a learning experience. The more we practice, the better we get, the more we learn about our body's erogenous potential, and more we lose inhibition. And as with many things, it can help to have a really good instructor who can awaken your body's full potential.

    In the end, sex is great fun. Our bodies are designed for it to feel unbelievably good. (I'm talking about the entire sexual experience, not just penetration.) It's especially great if two people are infatuated and can't get enough of each other. Yeah, some people think infatuation is the same thing as love because the feelings of infatuation are what we associate with love.

    So I wouldn't expect fireworks accompanied by a dramatic orchestral crescendo the first time you have sex. I wouldn't place much more importance on it than the first time riding a bike without training wheels. It's just a milestone. It's the beginning of adulthood.
    Like 1 Person
  • Aakash_Hangargi
    It's not romanticing at all I think it's about the thrill of something new your happy you are neverous you fell shy and all kinds of thing it's basically emotions you can stop it from feeling the first are always going to be something more either good or bad
    Like 4 People
  • igaveyouanickname
    If I find out it's a girl's first time, I make a sexy, fun date evening and do everything to put her at ease, build anticipation, and make it not the primary goal. I want her to have a fantastic first time rather than a "let's get it over with." Aftercare and pillow-talk are damn important too. They seem to really appreciate it.
    Like 3 People
  • lilkittyamy_
    True, your first time can be really awkward especially if its with a fellow virgin. I recommend EVERYONE go out of there way to hook up with someone that is known for being amazing at it as young as you can so you can understand what good sex is like from the start :)
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • My thoughts exactly! I actually think it should be a program in every school and something that is part of sex ed!

    • @vald9inches I approve! Have a stack of business cards for sex experts that the kids can take one and hook up with a professional pleaser if they want it :)

  • artsygirl457
    i dont think it will be at all romantic for me at all im not looking for a fairytale, but tons of awkwardness, laughing and bad jokes i am sure of it
    Like 5 People
    • That about sums it up. :)

    • MIJ0PAPl

      @artsygirl457 just let it occur naturally do not keep putting it off for the same of putting it off because no person is perfect.

    • Show All
  • Curmudgeon
    I think the romantic part is the idea it could be with one's true love and all that, not the quality of the sex, which, as you explained so well, probably will NOT be good.
    Like 3 People
  • aWes0MeNeSs
    I absolutely agree! I also think there is so much pressure for people to lose their virginity just for the sake of no longer being a virgin, and so many people who feel insecure about being a virgin when they shouldn't. It's important to go at your own pace and do what you feel is right for you and what you are comfortable with!
    Like 1 Person
  • annyasansiri
    true... i was a virgin around the time i met my first boyfriend. to avoid being his chick, i deliberatly found a random guy to have ons with, wanted to know the ropes first so i wouldn't end up being laughed at or made fun of... needless to say it was all in my head and fucked up. if i could go back i would definietly do my first time a whole lot different...
    Like 1 Person
  • onahole-san
    Yeah. It's not even good. Both parties are inexperienced. That what's important about choosing someone you are comfortable with. It gets better. Had sex in 7th grade, but with a person I grew up with, someone I considered a best friend, and she and I kept it going for years. We talked about it not long ago, but we aren't together anymore.
    Like 1 Person
  • Kaamraj
    In large parts of the world; India, China, Middle East, etc, female virginity is closely associated with honor. If a man finds out his wife to be is not a virgin, then the marriage isn't going to go ahead. A man on the other hand is shamed and ridiculed for losing his virginity because it's difficult to do it.
    Like 1 Person
    • kaylaS91

      I've never heard of a man being shamed and ridiculed for losing his virginity (or anything sexually related). I live in an area of a few neighboring cities, one of which a has majority population Indian and the other predominantly Chinese so.. could you provide proof of this claim?

    • @kaylaS91 Malaysia?

    • kaylaS91

      Nope

    • Show All
  • Eridan
    Honestly, it's quite bizarre how virginity is made out to be something sacred or special... we don't celebrate "not having ridden a bicycle" or "never having eaten garlic butter trout". I mean, all of those can be enjoyable and memorable experiences when you do them for the first time, but... let's just stop trying to make first sex seem like some life-changing event, it's just sex and chances are, it's not even gonna be that good if you're completely inexperienced
    Like 2 People
    • Lliam

      My view exactly. 👍👍👍

  • PositiveNote
    Wow! Sex is not so much about the act, it's more about the prelude! It's kind of not like a movie where a romantic seen comes out of nowhere just to keep the audience attention. It's more like a grand musical concert that grows for an hour or two hours or more and by the time you leave, you feel like you've floated on a cloud.

    Yeah, not too many of those kind of concerts, either! LOL
    Like 1 Person
  • OddBeMe
    Yeah we need to stop fetishizing it. But I do feel there should be a law that only virgins can fck virgins.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • Anonymous

      How would you implement that law though? Since virginity is a social concept more so than a biological "trait", there's no way to definitively prove that someone is a virgin or not.
      Also, what would the sanctions be?

    • OddBeMe

      Very true. Honestly I think current age of consent laws are pretty good.

  • anylolone
    Yes, makes sense.

    My loss of virginity was both awesome and awkward, my girlfriend at the time felt no pain, I did. Very awkward. Both virgins.
    But it was awesome and awkward because she came really thirsty and I also let myself get carried away a little bit.
    Like 1 Person
  • Daniela1982
    Sex isn't all it's made out to be. Stop romanticizing losing your virginityStop romanticizing losing your virginity
    • exitseven

      @daniela1982 It is smart to have protection when going out on a date.

  • DeltaCharlieEcho
    Jesus christ.. Sex is a sacred act; the more we try to kill that sacred cow the further we become from each other and the more nihilistic society becomes in general. Stop normalizing your bad decision making skills, and start being a better fucking person.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Subarugirl

      Sex is what you make of it. For some it may be sacred, for others it isn't at all. Purity culture is toxic and largely damaging for both sexes.

    • @Subarugirl This is a really bad way of thinking about it. We have a divide in this country the likes of which we've never seen before because nobody holds anything as sacred anymore. Sex is directly correlated with intimacy in a healthy relationship and society, there's no argument you can make against that.

    • Subarugirl

      Actually it’s really not, not for everyone. For a lot of people sure, but for a lot of people it’s not. That is a grossly generic statement. There have been divides before that have been worse… namely the Civil War. You don’t get to dictate what people hold sacred. If you want to that’s great, if someone else doesn’t that’s their choice. I’ve been married over 4 years and I have never considered sex to be sacred

    • Show All
  • bamesjond0069
    For a lot of people it is one of the most memorable experiences if they do it right so why you raining on their parade? Ill never forget losing mine or the times I've taken girls virginities. All my experiences like that were awesome and very special.
    Like 2 People
  • BeenThereLovedIt
    I'm so glad I lost mine to someone with experience.
    Like 4 People
  • hannahjuv
    Agreed! First time is usually overrated. It gets a lot better with time.
    Like 2 People
    • Anonymous

      Couldn't agree more.

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