I haven't been having sex for long, but I wish that someone had told me that sex doesn't always work the way you'd want it to right away.
Your first time simply may not be that great, and it would be fine if it wasn't so heavily romanticized.
Even if you're with someone you love, it may be awkward.
He may not be able to get or maintain an erection, she may not be able to relax enough for the penis to enter the vagina.
That's fine though, just take your time.
I agree. Good take.
The most beautiful thing about first-time sex is the emotional connection. That is what people should be focusing on -- not so much the physical act itself. And that connection is something that has been built through the development of the relationship during the time period prior to sex. It starts long before sex ever happens.
(And when I say "sex," I mean all of it. Not just the vaginal penetration, which is only a small part of it.)
That's true, having sex with someone you don't trust or with someone who you don't have an emotional connection with isn't worth it at all...
Thanks.
Kinda agree however... Sex without an emotional connection maybe pointless to YOU, but people want different things. If someone wants to have sex just because it's pleasurable and fun isn't wrong or less than emotional sex. There is no "this is what sex should be" or "it should be about this", because that's a personal thing. Everyone should decide what they want and be clear about it with their sex partner. Some people don't do it for either of those reasons, so do it for both.
Not bad. Reality for sure.
Frankly, I'm sick and tired of the pink-anon's asking about how to just get over losing their virginity. My response to that is this: Your virginity isn't a condition or a malady that needs to be fixed or cured. PERIOD.
Couldn't agree more. Virginity simply is a social construct that some people care way too much about. Just stay safe, be responsible and it'll be fine.
It's not a 'social construct'. It means you haven't had intercourse. Don't make it more complicated than it is.
i think it's because we're conditioned to value it.
It also depends on the guy. If he is an ass then there's nothing good about it. If he is really nice then it can be a beautiful moment cherished for a lifetime.
I agree with everything you said. Most first times are not best times. Sex is a learning curve and gaining comfort with your partner.
I love the statement that sex is a learning curve, that's definitely true...
Thank you. :) Lots of things in life have learning curves.
My teacher said the same to us when teaching Sex Ed. She didn't make it uncomfortable or awkward at all and she was a good teacher in general. I miss her.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!true... i was a virgin around the time i met my first boyfriend. to avoid being his chick, i deliberatly found a random guy to have ons with, wanted to know the ropes first so i wouldn't end up being laughed at or made fun of... needless to say it was all in my head and fucked up. if i could go back i would definietly do my first time a whole lot different...
I absolutely agree! I also think there is so much pressure for people to lose their virginity just for the sake of no longer being a virgin, and so many people who feel insecure about being a virgin when they shouldn't. It's important to go at your own pace and do what you feel is right for you and what you are comfortable with!
Just take your time is great advice. Wait til you are both ready and don’t expect fireworks to be going off. Also make sure he wraps it up cuz it comes on quick. Take your time is easier said than done especially if its his 1st time
We wrapped it up, he didn't feel anything, he took the condom off, couldn't cum from just my pussy, so for half a year, we worked on getting his penis used to my vagina. I totally didn't expect for that to happen. Also, we're each other's first partners and still got tested beforehand to make sure that no STDs could be transmitted without condoms!
Not sure if you guys have tried other condoms but they sell ones that are thinner and provide more feeling. Also try KY warming gel as lube that is pleasurable for both. I’m sure your vagina is just great.
And there are other ways he can finish. Either orally or hand job. If he is having trouble feeling u now wait til a baby makes its way through
Sex isn't all it's made out to be.
@daniela1982 It is smart to have protection when going out on a date.
I agree that romanticizing virginity is rather absurd. I think all the controversy, guilt and expectation surrounding it causes not only confusion but potential psychic harm. "What if my parents find out?" "Is it against the law?" "How will society judge me?" "What will Jesus think?" "Should I 'save' myself for marriage?" "If I have sex, will I be considered damaged goods?" Pish.
People who guilt trip others suck.
Why isn't virginity simply a right of passage like getting your first pair of roller skates, reaching puberty, getting a driver's license, or any of the other first time things in our lives?
The only valid reasons for why it's a big deal only apply to girls. 1) There is the hymen issue and 2) they have to get used to fitting something inside their vaginas.
The hymen is a one and done thing. "Whew. That's over with." But then the rest is just practice. Pussies need exercise, just like any muscles. And both boys and girls have to familiarize themselves with their bodies, just like learning to walk or play a sport.
I can't imagine sex being great until you get experience. It can still be very pleasurable, though. A virgin guy will probably cum his first time. But the sex didn't approach the level of great sex.
A girl might orgasm her first time, but I think that would be highly unusual.
Sex is a learning experience. The more we practice, the better we get, the more we learn about our body's erogenous potential, and more we lose inhibition. And as with many things, it can help to have a really good instructor who can awaken your body's full potential.
In the end, sex is great fun. Our bodies are designed for it to feel unbelievably good. (I'm talking about the entire sexual experience, not just penetration.) It's especially great if two people are infatuated and can't get enough of each other. Yeah, some people think infatuation is the same thing as love because the feelings of infatuation are what we associate with love.
So I wouldn't expect fireworks accompanied by a dramatic orchestral crescendo the first time you have sex. I wouldn't place much more importance on it than the first time riding a bike without training wheels. It's just a milestone. It's the beginning of adulthood.
i dont think it will be at all romantic for me at all im not looking for a fairytale, but tons of awkwardness, laughing and bad jokes i am sure of it
That about sums it up. :)
@loves2learn ah ha
@artsygirl457 just let it occur naturally do not keep putting it off for the same of putting it off because no person is perfect.
I think the romantic part is the idea it could be with one's true love and all that, not the quality of the sex, which, as you explained so well, probably will NOT be good.
Yes indeed. I have to agree
True, your first time can be really awkward especially if its with a fellow virgin. I recommend EVERYONE go out of there way to hook up with someone that is known for being amazing at it as young as you can so you can understand what good sex is like from the start :)
My thoughts exactly! I actually think it should be a program in every school and something that is part of sex ed!
@vald9inches I approve! Have a stack of business cards for sex experts that the kids can take one and hook up with a professional pleaser if they want it :)
If I find out it's a girl's first time, I make a sexy, fun date evening and do everything to put her at ease, build anticipation, and make it not the primary goal. I want her to have a fantastic first time rather than a "let's get it over with." Aftercare and pillow-talk are damn important too. They seem to really appreciate it.
You said it right just take it slow. Practice makes perfect. I was kinda nervous but psyched my first time but the orgasms were great.
My first time was extremely romantic. I feel bad for others that don't get that
I waited for years to be with someone that I love and can communicate with easily, and now I found her so I agree with you... The first time should be romantic otherwise why do it at all.
@Micky26 yeah exactly! So many people rush into it with someone that isn't special and it's just not worth it for them. Might as well wait for the right person and have that good experience
Yeah. It's not even good. Both parties are inexperienced. That what's important about choosing someone you are comfortable with. It gets better. Had sex in 7th grade, but with a person I grew up with, someone I considered a best friend, and she and I kept it going for years. We talked about it not long ago, but we aren't together anymore.
Wow! Sex is not so much about the act, it's more about the prelude! It's kind of not like a movie where a romantic seen comes out of nowhere just to keep the audience attention. It's more like a grand musical concert that grows for an hour or two hours or more and by the time you leave, you feel like you've floated on a cloud.
Yeah, not too many of those kind of concerts, either! LOL
Question: Is only oral sex defined as losing a girl/guy's virginity?
To Christians, it is.
In the heterosexual world where I live we all consider oral sex to be foreplay and penetrative sex loss of virginity.
@loves2learn Of course oral sex is foreplay. But foreplay is part of sex. Therefore, you still lose your virginity when you have oral sex. You may still have a hymen, but you're not a virgin anymore.
I'm so glad I lost mine to someone with experience.
In large parts of the world; India, China, Middle East, etc, female virginity is closely associated with honor. If a man finds out his wife to be is not a virgin, then the marriage isn't going to go ahead. A man on the other hand is shamed and ridiculed for losing his virginity because it's difficult to do it.
I've never heard of a man being shamed and ridiculed for losing his virginity (or anything sexually related). I live in an area of a few neighboring cities, one of which a has majority population Indian and the other predominantly Chinese so.. could you provide proof of this claim?
@kaylas91 Malaysia?
Nope
I was raped my first time after telling the guy I always wanted my first time to be magical. I’ll always dream of having a magical first, being introduced to sex in a way I could choose.
That is rape, not sex. I am sorry that happened to you.
I hope you are okay now.
Yeah, the first time can be pretty awkward/dissapointing. Not at all special.
You're absolutely right.
Thank you for this. It is true, it can be an awkward and confusing experience.
I agree. Rarely, dare I say ever, is losing your virginity good sex.
@loves2learn This is true. even at it's best it probably is never great.
I consider my experience a good one. I was 18. Graduated high school a week before. He was 19, had just finished his freshman year of college. It was June 21, 2001. I remember this because it was my cat’s birthday (rest in peace Floyd 😔). And also, fun fact, Garfield’s birthday. It was awkward. We giggled. It was in his childhood bed. His parents, sister and her boyf were all in the house. (Pretty sure everyone knew what was happening and to stay away). We were “watching a movie.” It hurt, but also felt good. Only lasted a few thrusts and that was the end. 🤷🏻♀️
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