Okay. So I just had a phone conversation with my old friend this weekend. She's a female. And as I recently learned, she's also into women as well. I never once thought of her as such and would have never guessed that; she was always just a nympho/freak to me. Really loves sex and always flirting with guys. She seemed as straight as a woman could be. That's why I was surprised and disappointed to hear such news that she actually wasn't straight (into guys) at all.
I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around it. As I've said before, "bisexuals" freak me out and I find them super gross. I don't believe "bisexuals" have any genuine attention to the opposite gender whatsoever (despite what they say). They're just gay people. And it's fine that they're gay and all. But stop trying to associate with straight people when you so clearly aren't. THAT is what I hate about it: If you're going to be homosexual, just be homosexual and stop half-assing it and gaslighting and abusing straight people who might want a relationship with you.
Anyway, after just "half-coming out" to me, I asked my friend why she felt this way, and why any woman wants to claim they could be into "both genders".
Now this friend is a goofball with a strong sense of humor (in her opinion). From Austin, Texas, she's half-Asian, half-white, super-fit, athletic, has a gorgeous body, a 34DD, and overall, just a really attractive looking girl. She's not really my type though, because she's short (5'6"/167 cm) and too skinny for my tastes, as I like my girls thicker and curvier.
Despite being a looker for man guys, she's also surprisingly smart, though you'd never guess. And she also claims to be "very monogamous." Knowing her and how she really does have a lot of kindness in her, I don't doubt her word very much, even if it seems contradictory as hell to be both "bi" and monogamous. From me knowing her all this time, all I've ever seen her date, is men. I'd guess she's 60-40 or 70-30 moreso into men, based on what was implied from her. But as I said, I have an EXTREMELY hard actually believing how one's brain could even be wired like that. It seems more like mental illness to me, more than anything.
I wanted to really delve deep into this issue to figure out how she can be with both genders. She claims both men and women are completely different physically, but emotionally, people are people, according to her. She says how she doesn't care about one's gender in choosing who to spend her life with.
Normally I'd dismiss her and just tell her to commit to being gay, if women are really what she wants in life. However... The only reason I believe her, as opposed to all the other pseudo-lesbians out there I've had the displeasure to come across, is because, although she herself is very good looking and very flirty and sexually playful, she's always seemed to not care very much about looks in a partner, and has been with men as high as a "9 out of 10," like Henry Cavill, and men as low as a "2 out of 10" (like, well... Me). It's bizarre as f*ck, and I've not really met any other women like that. Meaning, at least with her, I already know personality is the end-all, be-all, cause at least two of these dudes should've not stood a chance in hell with her. And already knowing she considers herself to be very playful and humorous, I can deduce confidence and a good sense of humor are likely the keys to winning her heart. This would also explain why she's been with more men; they tend to be funnier and more confident than women.
When asking her more about how one can be into both genders, she says she "only cares about one's heart and cannot limit that solely based on gender, something none of us chose growing up." She says how "guys are amazing to be with, but girls are amazing to be with, for entirely separate reasons." I believe she isn't lying when she says personality transcends even gender when choosing a partner.
With most other women, this would be incomprehensible for me. I given the choice between a woman's body and a man's body, why the HELL would ANYONE ever choose men? That's why the queer women out there who have claimed to be "bisexual" in the past can easily be dismissed by men as, "Oh, she's just carpet-munching gay." However, with her, I don't think the physical body matters too much. She's easily a 7.5 or 8 out of 10, and have dated men as gruesome looking as me, so this isn't anything new.
Because of this, she's technically probably not even "'bisexual'", but instead, what people describe as "pansexual." It was heavily implied that she's probably closer to that, since she's never actually used either term on herself. She explained how she's sexually attracted to women, but the "B" word never came up. I have no idea if she'd sleep with transpeople, robots, or primates, or whatever.
She's either "bi" or "pan," but if I hadn't already known her, I would've just dismissed her as a lesbian. And if I were actually physically attracted to her, I would've been heartbroken, having learned my crush was now "gay" and had a one percent, to less than one percent attraction to men (in my mind). As I said before, I've always believed if anyone had even a one percent attraction to the same gender, then they're just automatically 100% gay. I don't really believe in the whole "Kinsey spectrum" crap. Everything on it that isn't "you couldn't pay me enough to be with the game gender" 100% heterosexual, is just some superfluous variation of being homosexual, in my mind.
Because of this, I can't wrap my head around the idea of (essentially) being "straight" and gay at the exact same same time. Like, I can't comprehend the logic in someone choosing that. I ask her how can she be into two completely opposite things like women and men. She does her best to explain it and compares it to ice cream and pizza and how what I'm saying would be like asking people to only pick one and never eat the other for the rest of their lives, which I think is an unfair, inaccurate analogy.
I ask her more about it. As I said, she's smart and can break complicated things down easier than the average female. She asked me if I was straight or gay, although she already knows the answer. I tell her I'm straight. She asks me why am I straight; why would I sleep with a woman, and she wanted details. I give her details; things like breasts, a big fat booty, hips, lingerie, soft skin, soft lips, the intimacy a woman provides me, etc. She asks if I acknowledge that women are pretty desirable then, and I admit, as a straight male, yes, women are pretty desirable.
She next asked me if all women in the world should be lesbians, since women are so sexy and all. I told her No. She says that must mean I acknowledge that there are many great things that people must see in men as well. I tell her yes, but I don't see how; I am male myself and I never understand why women physically like us. If I was female, I'd probably be a lesbian myself. I think sexually (not overall; just sexually) women are far superior to men. She says that I don't understand WHY women like men, but that I do understand why straight men like women. This was one piece missing from my own personal equation; why do straight women like men when to me, women are the far superior bedroom partners.
So, she explains everything in why she likes men, and goes into detail. Why she thinks men are amazing, both in bed and as partners. Even why she seems to have a stronger preference to men. This, AFTER agreeing with me 100% about what I said regarding women.
So after all of that, she summarizes her point by saying, her true future partner out there could look like anyone and be male or female. She says she's not trying to hurt anyone, and that her feelings are just the opposite. Going back to her lunch analogy, she'd say her wanting a slice of pizza doesn't mean she thinks of pizza as half-assed ice cream. Or her wanting ice cream doesn't make it inferior to pizza.
She had to do something after that, and I say goodbye to her. Now I'm left trying to process all of this information. To ME, I still can't understand why a woman who likes women would choose to be with men. But I think I at least understand a little bit more about "bisexuals" now. It's still very much a lot to process, and I still am unsure if I could ever be with a "bisexual" woman, since I don't consider myself female or have any feminine traits and all, and a bisexual being "into me" would be like calling me a bitch or effeminate. I mean, that may not ever change and all. But the one thing that resonated with me, was her thing about choosing someone for their soul and not their body. I think many men out there would be great partners to women, and some women out there would be great partners to men as well. So I can understand that, at least. The rest, though? I'll need more than just a few days to comprehend all that.
I DON'T LIKE OR UNDERSTAND PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO BE "BISEXUAL," BUT AFTER DISCOVERING MY FEMALE FRIEND IS BISEXUAL, I KINDA UNDERSTAND IT A TINY BIT MORE NOW.