1 mo

My inner conflict!


Those of you who’ve been following me for a while will know that I am not the women you see in my profile picture, or at least not entirely (I swapped my face with a female model using FaceApp) but rather a man (well hardly but technically I am male) who wishes he were born a girl also known as a transgender person. I’ve always been this skinny beta male who would’ve made a better girl. I’m 21 now and have tried to be more of a man many times but it just doesn’t feel right, like I’m lying to myself and trying to be something I’m not. Like I’ll do something like go out for some pints (drinking) with my mates then go to a night club to meet some girls (never happens) but checking some out whilst imagining myself as one of them in a sexy tight dress, makeup and heels.

Anyway if you want to know more about what else gives me gender dysphoria, read some of my other posts. Now with that out of the way I’ll explain the conflict I have within myself.

On the one hand I do want to transition as I am certain that I will be happier as a woman and would make quite the attractive one however on the other hand trans acceptance is on the decline (thank you far leftists! Who make LGBT people look like nutters who want children to be castrated and pedophilia to be accepted as normal), many women don’t want trans women in their toilets, which is fair enough if you’re talking about some big masculine guy in a dress but I doubt someone who has less testosterone than even some of the most beta of guys would be do any harm to a biological woman. And as well as that there is the simple fact that I cannot deny which is that I will not be a real woman (although this wouldn’t be a major problem if I were treated like and recognised (by those who don’t know me) as a real woman. And finally whilst my friends and family would be accepting, they would have trouble coming to terms with the changes so I haven’t come out mainly because it’s easier and I’d rather stay in my comfort zone.

Any advice?

My inner conflict!
My inner conflict!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • DJB72
    This is a tough one.

    I'm almost 50 so things were very different when I grew up.

    I was never a "typical" guy. Still aren't. There's a big part of my recent research that suggests that I'd have been told I might be trans if I'd been born 30 years later.

    I was a dancer. Classical ballet for 16 years. My entire childhood. I spent my time playing music or making daisy-chains. My closest friends at primary school were all girls and my life at an all-boys school from 11-18 was less than great. I attempted suicide at 15 and 16.

    I was always attracted to girls. Again, these days I might be told I was a lesbian in a boy's body. I think it may have been what helped me deal with my issues. I got involved with a girl when I was 18. She wasn't really my "type" - whatever that means now - she pursued me and one music teacher who was more of a friend than a teacher encouraged me to see how things went. We dated for a year and lived together for 18 months before we split up.

    By the time we split up I was well past the time of my life that had been so traumatic but I was older than you are now by then.

    As a child I was regularly told I was "too pretty to be a boy", which didn't help.

    I may have been more in touch with my féminine side but looking back I'm very glad I grew up when I did and nobody had heard the concept of transsexualism outside of medical professionals treating people who had a chromosome abnormality causing the opposite gender's external appearance whilst having X-X or X-Y chromosomes genetically. And that's less common than conjoined twins.

    It was to my advantage. I knew I was different than the boys I grew up with. I'm glad I was. I didn't grow up a macho caricature and I believe I'm a better Man today as a result.

    I'm a father today. My son is 3 now and a real handful. My issues are my own. My wife's issues are hers. I'm hoping we don't pass our issues onto him.

    I learned a lot from being that way as a kid. The basic design for a lot of woodworking structures without nails can be found in the same skill set I learned making daisy-chains. I love music. I love that side of who I am.
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  • worldscolide
    I do wish I knew what advice to give.. Unfortunately I can't..

    On this site I support a person's choices as long as they harm no one, especially children.. I have a coworker that transitioned. She is someone that went through an immense amount of abuse as a child, to the point where she hated being male, hated her genitals, she actually desired to chop it off. Transitioning for her was a relief. In her situation I fully support it.. She seems better all around because of it. She's also one of these trans people that feel like mft trans people who choose to deceive a person they want to have sex with get what they deserve when the deception is revealed.

    I don't pretend to understand it.. And I have no idea what advice to give..
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Flower7
    Could you try just cross-dressing for awhile to get an idea of what it would be like to live as a woman? That seems like a good start before doing something that's permanent and wildly expensive.
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    • I would if I had the opportunity to do it in secret, like in another town where people don’t know me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • sawno
    My advice here stays the same as the one i hinted at. Transitioning will have bigger implications than you truly need. Because underneath all this i do not sense a woman if i am going to be blunt. I sense someone who wants to be found attractive that feels like they are lacking behind on expectations.

    If you take the transition journey this will only get harder. Yes, people might think you are pretty. Yes, people might think you are looking good in a dress. They might even approach you. But then they find out you are trans and by extention can't bear children and they abandon you. To me that would set you up for the same issue people have thst try to impress a partner by pretending to be different. It leads to dissapointment in the long run. Your chances are much higher as you have now.

    The focus here should not be on what you lack, so alright you lack muscle. So do i, i have always been skinny to the point i weigh less than some girls. Your a beta? I'm not an alpha either but i am a leader. I don't do dominance disputes i do my own thing and get a following for it.

    What you need to do is embrace the traits you love in others and be yourself. Because you do not need to fill in their social label. Want to be stylish? Be stylish, girls seem to care most about style over bodymass. Gay men seem to value this to if thats more your thing. Anything that would be your strength as a girl can be a strength as a guy. You just need to be around people who value you for you are and become the kind of person with the traits you love in others.

    Don't risk a gender change because thats not something you can undo. It would never be real and the illusion of attractiveness will fade quickly because they would see you as trans not as a girl. Instead all these things you value as a girl? Do them as a guy. Don't like doing typical guy things? Don't do them. Rather do more feminine hobbies with female friends? Have fun. Want to look good in a dress? Crossdress but also see if you can look good in the kind of clothes that attract what you would want to be you.

    The key to being yourself is imagining whst you love in others and adopting those traits. Don't immitate. Become your own version that suits you. Because i am a skinny computer geek that just enjoys his hobby. I never did the things that the people at school expected me to do. I did what i loved doing and made real friends doing what i love. And i met a girl that genuinely loves me for who i am. Took me much longer than most as a result, but in the end i am very happy and just ended up skipping the heartbreaks.
    • Thing is I don’t want a male body.

    • sawno

      Why though?

    • Because I don’t like having a penis and want breasts etc instead.

  • crazysassypaws21
    hey this is beautiful thank u for open up , u rock how are u?
    Like 1 Person
    • Thanks

    • ur very much work i think it awesome ur brave enought to open up about ur self and i hope someday u get to be who u feel like u should be 100% and show off ur face bc ik transgender people get a lot of hate but if it was me i say show off that beautiful face

  • loves2learn
    You do NOT have to get bottom surgery. In fact I would recommend you wait until you are 1000% ready. You do not need a vagina to feel like your authentic self. Do you follow Blaire White? I really like her. She is engaged to a straight man, very happy and she has not had bottom surgery. In fact, she is halting her hormones for a bit now in hopes of being able to parent a biological child through surrogacy.
    Straight men aren’t just attracted to a vagina. The long hair, dress, girly personality, breasts can all be equally attractive to them.
    Like 2 People
  • Hanrej
    This is hard to advice on. I know a few trans women, two I'm relativly close to and both have their issues even after transitioning. There really is no going back from genital surgery but then... You don't need to go all the way.
    It depends on what you think would make you more happy. Also, if you're going to transition, do it while young. A decade more with testosteron will make your transition less convicing.
  • SenseiSeptred
    Call me sensei, because I am someone that can flip gender mindsets at will, and I can teach you a great deal that will come in handy even beyond death.
    • What do you mean?

    • Gender beyond the ability to give birth is only another idea and mindset away.

    • Go on

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  • Sabretooth
    i consider myself to be knowledgeable on issues regarding trans girls because of curiosity... but this is far too intimate for a non trans person to answer. i usually have the answers but i have nothing. sorry.
  • DonkeyDan
    I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you, but I can't even begin to comprehend your situation. The thing I would say is that regret later in life as to what could have been is painful. The thought that you didn't live the life that you were supposed to is something you can rarely get over. You are the only person that can make the choices for you, because you are the only person that has to live with them. The people around you will get over their discomfort because they love you, if they can't well that's their problem.
  • joeldalton
    You don't have gender disphoria. You have autogynephilia. Go get some mental help.