Sexual Relationships
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My Guide to Spicing Up Your Marriage

Cuddling can be a great way to connect
Cuddling can be a great way to connect

Marriage can get very routine sometimes. It is easy to fall into a rut, especially after having children. It is important to actively find ways to connect romantically and intimately. We have done a lot of things to spice things up, so I thought I would share.

1. Have a regular date night. 4 years ago we decided to have our kids sleep at their grandparents house (alternating maternal and paternal) one Friday a month. We use that opportunity to get dolled up and go out for a nice dinner and usually drinks or coffee or ice cream after. Covid put a damper on it for a while but happy to report it is back in swing.

All little Covid humor LOL
All little Covid humor LOL

2. Schedule a weekly meeting with you and your spouse to talk about what is on your mind. That way if anything is going on between you, you can sort it out before it boils over.

3. Speaking of scheduling, put sex on the calendar. My husband and I like to send each other calendar invites. It is fun and exciting to us. We always get a good laugh out of them and when it is on the calendar we are actually motivated to do it. Some of our calendar invite examples were even published in a book!

My Guide to Spicing Up Your Marriage
My Guide to Spicing Up Your Marriage

4. Sext with your partner. We enjoy reading sexy messages from each other mixed in with the daily grind of work, kids, dishes, meals, etc…

5. Watch a sexy movie or porn together to get in the mood. I recommend the first half of Berlin Syndrome (that one gets me hot and bothered). The second half is quite dark which I also like, but I personally watch the halves separately.

6. Have naked time when the kids aren’t around (or when they are if you are a nudist family). Can be very erotic to do everyday things like cooking and cleaning with your partner while naked. It almost always gets us in the mood.

7. Do intimate things other than sex. Cuddle. Take a shower together. Use manual stimulation or oral sex. There are many ways to be intimate.

I like this one a lot!
I like this one a lot!

8. Try new sex positions regularly! We enjoy looking up new positions and trying them and have found several we both really like. Try looking here: https://sexpositions.club or https://www.kinkly.com/sex-positions.

9. Introduce toys. For him a ribbed sleeve can be fun for her to use on him for manual stimulation and in combination with fellatio. For her a magic wand or a dildo can be a fun addition for prior to sex, during sex or after sex.

10. Try different angles. You may find certain angles hit certain desirable areas on the lady and/or increase the stimulation for the man.

11. Mix it up! Try slow and passionate as well as hard and fast. Try some positions that are close and intimate where you can kiss and feel each others breath as well as others that have you positioned further away from each other.

12. Lose some inhibitions. I made a conscious decision to lose my inhibitions this year and it has been liberating and fun! Try things you never thought you would try. What is the harm in trying it once. Anal sex, anal licking, double penetration with a toy and penis or finger and penis, sex in semi public places, and many more possibilities if you and your partner are open to trying them.

You could always get your man this for valentines day 😂
You could always get your man this for valentines day 😂

Hope this helps some couples out of a rut! I have been there. We had a 4 month dry spell once and it wasn’t fun for either of us. Have fun!

9 30

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a very lovely take. I love the ideas. It was always very important to try new things and to be creative This post was bitter sweet for me. Under great circumstances the advice listed above is absolutely accurate and would without a doubt work because I've seen it work I lived it I had it. I had a marriage like that but it's gone now. I mean we had a wonderful relationship but it broke. I hope maybe one day I get to have something good again.
    Thanks for the my take.

    • Thank you dear! I shall pm you.

    • Yeah pm me

    • Out of interest what broke it? Was it just the connection between you to?

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a great list. I like the emphasis on activities outside of sex (cuddling, spending time together) that feed into the health of the relationship and end up being important for the sexual connection.

    • They really are just as important!

    • Thanks for the MHO.

    • Welcome!

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 42

  • There are many things conscious and subconscious manage differently for a common thing – heart and mind function differently. Joint family or undivided family or extended family arrangement is still prevalent throughout the India, consisting of more than two generations living in the same house, all bound by the common relationship. So it became difficult many times to have total privacy for couples every day, but most of parents arrange a two or three days pilgrimage with their grand children for a tour keeping couples home alone and allowing them for everything to enjoy. Some fortunate couples – mainly because of job or business stay separate – in different city. If members of joint family have farm, couples manage to spend few nights in the farm by rotation (– for what? – I do not know.) They watch matting of farm animals, bath together in farm pool or running water of well and many things beyond our imagination. Everybody have their ways to enjoy intimacy and pleasant moments.

  • Lose some inhibitions, how? At age 30, I met an attractive 45 year old woman in 1977 that was what we call a "hot wife" now. She was STUNNING in her SUPERIOR sexuality (frequency and pleasure level). She KNEW her "primal desires" and knew how to use wanton displays, scent, and dirty words to "strip a man of all of his inhibitions". SHE provoked her man's dormant "primal desires". Most all that she did then has been documented in lady's magazines or web sites like this.
    OK, your picture shows 4 of 5 men getting a blow job on valentines day. How many women get the female equivalent ------ being licked AFTER sex? The difference between licking before and licking AFTER can be STUNNING --- multiple orgasms for her. I had a "timid or passive woman" that did not think she would like to try that! The she made me wear her panties on my head in a laundromat, IN PUBLIC, before she understood how serious I was about the idea. She held her face in her hands in disbelief about that. 4 women in the laundromat giggled. After losing her inhibitions she called it, "The Greatest Female LUXURY EVER (GFLE)". She would just lay there and WATCH and give me a little guidance like, "OMG, honey, you are so GOOD at THAT. I love WATCHING you DO IT! Uh, er, I think you missed a spot! Lower, lower, lower, lower, OMG "that" (anal licking) is amazing!
    So some hints for FINDING new ideas can be:
    1. Find a pict of what you want to try and share it
    2. Find an article about what you want to try and high lite it in yellow and share it
    3. Find a story online on literotica and share it
    4. Let your woman increase her "dirty word" vocabulary and see how it affects her man. I found out that I couldn't say NO to the most WICKED commands coming from a pretty or innocent face. ALL that my woman needed to know was that it was OK (desired) for HER to talk like that. "FALSE innocent" language does the same. Oh, honey, be a good darling and you know, go DOWN THERE and cleanup after yourself!
    5. WE created a dungeon where SHE was the ruling GODDESS and could TRY ANYTHING once without ANY previous discussion! SHE liked that and so did I. SHE would put the words "dungeon night" on the calendar a few days in advance. BEING RULED by a goddess is amazing. When the woman gets aggressive, the man can ENJOY being submissive. Having NO ESCAPE from an "unknown event" can excite her man (because SHE WANTS something he does NOT KNOW about). SHE found some real KEEPERS!

    REAL or PRIMAL INTIMACY is MAGIC! Being part of another's pleasure can be enough!
    Be happy!

  • Nice take and a good read. i think that you got a lot of good opinions there and good to hear it from someone that has gone through that and come out the other side, so a kind of voice of experience.

    i have a couple of questions, you dont have to answer of course.

    1, what is the book that your appointments got put in? is it a book you wrote, if not how did they know about them?

    2, you mention introducing toys, how do you bring that up with a lady? i guess that not all ladies like that? did you have toys already and this was easy or was this your first time?

    3, did you ever try and kinky stuff? if so did that go down well? i guess that might have something to do with the couple to start with maybe.

    4, if you did try kinky stuff was it you or your partner that brought it up and if so, how did you feel about it, how did your partner convince you to try new things?

    cheers

    • Hi! Thanks for reading and writing a thoughtful response. 1. It was a book one of my favorite podcast hosts was writing. 2. If you and your lady ever have time apart you could recommend she have some toys for that time. You could ask to see her use them. You could suggest using them on her. Tell her you think it’s sexy. That’s pretty much the path we took. I did have toys but I increased my collection. 3. Not sure what you consider kinky but we like to try new things. Some things we decide not to repeat, other things we like. 4. We both bring things up. We like to have open communication. Sometimes we write lists of things we want to try. We don’t really need convincing we both just agree no pain and no poop 🤣 otherwise we are open minded.

    • Hi thanks for the response. what was the book called and what is the pod cast? cheers

    • Send me a pm and I will tell you :)

  • that position in the pic is the one i was referring to the other day when i was asking if thats what you liked.
    I may not be married yet but i always agreed with the majority of the tips listed above. Those honestly work in keeping any long term relationship alive. But im still not caving with the Sex toys and anal. I’m just not into that and never will be but i have enough tricks up my sleeve to where i dont think he’ll ever crave those two lol. Anyways, good mytake

    • Hahahaha! Glad we could clear that up. Definitely any long term relationship too. Agreed.

  • Thank you very much for this positive post and keeping intimacy alive!

  • I had a guy who wanted to be in a relationship with me so bad and I turned him down 3 times. He cannot take no for an answer. I told him that I get bored easily so I need someone who is fun, adventurous, and spontaneous. I'm the type of person who likes to go out, travel, and do anything that is adventurous. He told me that relationships don't need to be like that and being in a boring relationship does not mean it would be a bad relationship. Sorry that's why people end up splitting apart. You made good points!

    • Thanks! Glad you liked the take. Good call on not settling down with the wrong person for you.

  • Marriage doesn't need to be like "work" but it definitely requires effort from both partners!

    • Very true indeed. It can be work at times but worth it and also fun.

    • Well put, sir!

  • Crowdsource ideas:

    1) Sex tips:
    - Play with sensuality. Some say we have up to 14 different types of senses if you include things like sense of time, space, temperature, etc.
    - Take some courses in BDSM topics like protocol&safety, bondage, rough play, etc.
    - Invent really creative sexual fantasies together, like roleplaying as strangers at an event, playing a game of cat & mouse in the forest, or eating sushi off their body... Just whack ass shit that will have you feeling so ridiculous that you forget your sense of self and enjoy life.
    - Try tantric sex. Don't skip Kegel Day (Kegel day is every day)!
    - Start treating sex as though it started when you invited her on a date or even when you first met her. Sex is building up while you're on the date and when you're looking at her. It's more understandable for me to say "treat it like it's all foreplay leading up to sex" but for me it actually is sex... Or at least context is something inseparable from sex for me.
    - Go to the sex shop and buy a new toy or article of clothing. Take her shopping!
    - Not endorsing illegal behavior or substances, and call your doctor first and do your research and be responsible... But have you tried sex on Molly or GHB tho?
    - Try buying new lights or a mirror or new curtains or wall art or something to change up the actual ambiance of your place of sex.

    2) Plan creative adventure dates for each other, like I did this one where we each had a disposable camera and we took turns taking pictures of a pair of shoes that we later made into a scrapbook called "A day in the life of invisible Bob" (as you can tell, he's a freaky bastard who only wears shoes).

    3) Set joint goals together like fitness or strength goals.

    4) Do an artistic hobby together like jamming with simple instruments (can turn into a family band) or maybe painting or sculpting.

    5) Volunteer at a local charity for a day (I recommend against animal shelters for obvious reasons... Otherwise just go as clients and adopt an animal you actually PLANNED to adopt).

    6) Team up to make a friend, family member or even a stranger an epic surprise!

    7) Borrow a friend's DSLR camera and do a sexy photo shoot!

    8) Make a wall of Polaroid memories.

    9) Read a book together and discuss it like a book club.

    10) Decide to master specific dishes together to a roughly professional level. You could probably do that 5-6 times or more and end up with your main staple dishes you do super well for the rest of your life! I recommend comfort foods like chili which are easily meal-preppable.

    11) Learn a new language together and practice by hanging out with a group of people who speak that language.

    12) Decide on a very specific area of life and decide to master it together, to the point that you completely transform your life in that area. Ex: if neither of you are particularly organized or clean and want to be, decide to try as hard as you can to do research, brainstorm, shift your psychology, create systems and lifestyle changes that will keep you organized/ clean and everything. Transform your goddamn life and become super clean and organized people, and don't focus on too much else until you do it.

    13) try each starting at a simple item and trading up as much as possible as a hobby, and see how far you can each go! Like start with a paperclip, that you trade for a pencil, that you trade for a fork, to a glass, to a plate... etc. Who knows? Perhaps in a year you'll have traded up to something like a bike! I've seen a show where a guy did this and eventually traded up to a FREAKING HOUSE!

    14) Do improv class together. Seriously, your brain will thank you. I just came up with like 14 ideas right there. Maybe not all of these ideas are great, but I do believe you can bruteforce-brainstorm your way to great ideas in a lot of cases.

    • Good suggestions! Thanks!

  • My wife and I do a lot of these. Number 6 made me laugh as we're a nudist family... Just put groceries away and made a frozen pizza nude. We also use http://www.sexpositions.club for inspiration. Also never underestimate the power of a quick brush of a hand over an intimate area of your spouse's body multiple times throughout the day, just to remind them you're thinking of them in a sexual way.

    • 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Glad you appreciated #6 trynna be inclusive here. Lol

  • Im taking notes.
    I still need an oral recap and a kissing instruction.

    • Did I not send my oral tutorial?

    • Also i domt get the photo.

    • Which photo? There are a few 😂

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  • Sounds like good advice!

    • Thank you!

  • This was a really good mytake. Made me laugh in parts and choked me up in others. I felt #2 was your best suggestion. Even marriages with great communication sometimes have too many things unsaid. Having meetings like that would some strong preventative maintenance.

    • Thank you so much for saying this. 😄

    • @loves2learn You are welcome. The part that made me laugh was the calendar example scheduling hanky panky from from 9:30-10..😂 😂 😂... that was funny.

    • @spartan55 it’s funny but it happened. 😂😂😂

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  • Good advice. Luckily I've never gotten to the point where we've needed to spice things up but if I do this would be useful.

    • There is still time! Lol

  • Some excellent advice there, love the idea of scheduling sex in the calendar 😂 "Honey, are well still on for the 8.30 69?" 🤣

    • 😂😂😂😂😂 exactly. And when the calendar sends you a reminder it’s time to go to the downstairs shower lol

    • Go downstairs to shower so you can go "downstairs" 😂😂

  • I think #12 is as important as all the rest combined.

    Nothing is worse than a partner who just wants to lay there and never try anything ever.

    • Indeed. Dead fish is the worst. Novelty and excitement are key

    • Problem is, that it's not us per se that are the unwilling ones. How do you spice up someone who won't entertain any gravitation from "regular"?

    • That is very tough indeed. Maybe a discussion on why they have such inhibitions would be in order. Maybe something greater that appears on the surface is going on.

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  • You have a great relationship with your husband. Thanks for the suggestions.

    • Glad you liked them. Very welcome!

  • Thank you for sharing

    • You’re welcome

  • I hope all my showers are with my SO after we are married.

    • Lol!

  • Thanks for the advice, cuhh

    • You are welcome!

  • I'm not married and it's looking like I never will so, I really don't need this.

    • Okie dokie. Scroll on by.

    • I suppose I will. Thanks for posting, anyway.

    • Very welcome

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