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"Drunk Sex" anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...🤣

Brainsbeforebeauty
Drunk Sex anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...不

Yep, cumming at you with more sex jokes.. Drunk ones at that不

Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila?

A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

Drunk Sex anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...不

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?

A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.


Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?

A: They are both SO close to water


Q: Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka?

A: "Pabst Smir!"


A Shot of Whiskey

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket. The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."

Drunk Husband

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."

Better Boyfriend

Two girls were comparing boyfriends. "Mine's the best," said the first. "I call him Seven-Up because he's 7 inches long and he's always up!" "Oh yeah," exclaimed the other, "I call my boyfriend Jack Daniel's because he's the best hard licker there is!"

Drunk Sex anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...不

Drunk Cowboy

One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink. While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was still asking about a woman. Finally the bartender sent his friends upstairs on a mission and they returned shortly. Then the bartender told the cowboy that they only had one woman there but she was upstairs waiting on him. (the bartender's friends had carried a blow-up doll upstairs and placed her in his bed) At this point the cowboy bid everyone good night and slowly climbed the stairs. Filled with anticipation he approached the room and went inside as the men downstairs listened with great interest. After a few moments, they heard the bed springs squeaking and moans of pleasure coming from the room The roared with laughter. Then everything was quiet. Not beinging able to sleep with anticipation of the coming morning, the men decided to play poker through the night and await the man coming down the next morning. As he came down the stairs, they noticed a strange look on his face. They asked: "Well, cowboy, how was the woman." He hestitated, then answered: "Man, that was the best piece of ass I ever had, but the strangest thing happened." After I screwed her i bit her on the titty and she farted and flew out the window and I haven't seen her since.

Drunk Sex anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...不

I hope you enjoyed this drunk quickie(that's what he said不不)

Thanks for reading歹歹

"Brainsbeforebeauty"

"Drunk Sex" anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...🤣
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Lliam
    Have you been drinkin' again, bbb? 🤣🤣🤣

    Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
    **************************
    Husband comes home from work to find his wife and three of her girlfriends sitting in the living room drinking wine while glued to a steamy romance movie. Tired, as usual, he ignores them and goes upstairs to bed. Engrossed in the movie, the four women wound up killing several bottles of wine.

    By the time the movie was over and her friends left, the wife was so drunk that she could barely make it up the stairs. In the bedroom she managed to get undressed. Groping for the bed in the dark, she accidentally backed into the end of brass footboard. In a state of drunken confusion and wanton desire inspired by the movie, she guided herself onto the post, thinking that it was her husband, and began to ride it with increasing abandon.

    Startled awake by his wife's cries, the husband turned on the light to in time to see her in a state of unbridled orgasm. When she slipped off and tumbled unconscious to the floor, he picked her up and put her in bed.

    The next morning, she greeted him with an adoring smile. "Last night was amazing" she said.

    "The bedpost was amazing?" he said.

    Looking confused, she said, "Bedpost? That wasn't you?" Then looking off into space, picturing the foggy memory, she said dreamily "I was wondering what had suddenly made you bigger and harder than ever before."
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
  • ChrisMaster69
    An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
    The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
    So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
    He tried to stand one more time; same result.
    He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face.
    So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home.
    When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
    When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
    This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
    He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
    Like 5 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ros矇 is red,
      WKD is blue,
      I'm drunk in a Wetherspoons
      and it's 10:52

    • What is the difference between a pint of carling and a clitoris?

      A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

    • I was so drunk last night.
      When i got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, t-shirt, trousers, underwear and crept upstairs very quietly...

      It was only when i got to the top of the stairs , I realized I was on a fucking bus!!!

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • JenniferStar
    One I heard a friend tell once.

    A newly married girl was at home one day her husband was at work. Around noon there was a knock on the door.

    Lady: "hello"
    Husband's Friend: "is Joe home?"
    Lady: "No, you can come back later though."

    The guy stayed at the door and talked a while before he left he asked one last thing.

    HF: "if I offered to pay you $150 would you let me see one of your boobs?"
    Lady: "Are you crazy?"
    HF: "200?"

    The Lady thought for a minute and she wanted money so she agreed and let him see one of her breast.

    HF: (paid the $200)"That's nice if I offered another $500 would you let me see both of them and touch them?"

    The Lady agreed and pulled both of her breast out. The guy spent a few minutes grouping them then paid her the additional $500 and left. The lady put the money up and thought how she'd explain it to her husband. When he got home she was cooking dinner.

    Husband: "What you been up to today?"
    Lady: "Not much, oh by the way, Eric came over earlier."
    Husband: "Oh, did that bum bring the $700 he owed me?"
    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?
  • purplepoppy
    Middle of sex two robbers burst into the bed room. At gun point they tie the couple down and demand to know where the valuables are. The man begs " let her go and I'll give you everything"'. The robbers are touched and say "you must really love your wife".
    He replies "she's not my wife but she'll be back any minute"
    Like 5 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

926
  • DeeDeeDeVour
    :D LOL! :D  I can't wait to share those jokes you posted above.
    Thank you! <3
    Like 2 People
  • KatherineJ
    You know what sucks about drunk sex? Being able to have an easy orgasm-and not remembering it the next day.
    Like 4 People
  • TonyMetal___86
    🤣🤣😂😂
    What a naughty spongy forehead, i wonder if jack daniels is sponsering miss brains muffin's jokes 🤔

    The chug a lug pal sasquatch sored feet did a great job today, bringing laughs to people who barely smiles 😅
    Like 1 Person
    • Nope sponsored by Old Thompson不

    • Who's that thompson, isen't it a tv brand name? Or clay thompson the basketball player
      Aaaa, old thompson the sponge's whiskey brand name which contains 99,99% alcohol 云

    • Not sure that's true lol but it's cheap like me不

    • Show All
  • backdoorman
    BBB, thanks for the laughs. I just read your profile for the first time and you seam like a solid human being. Best to you and thank you for sharing your sense of humor with the GAG community.
    Like 1 Person
  • JosyJosy
    Being drunk can get you or others killed... but look at all the people that are born because of it ;)
    Like 2 People
  • Phoenix98
    The jokes were pretty funny but I can't really relate to em I wanna fight (physically) when I'm drunk.
    Like 1 Person
  • InventorofWarp
    Oh yeah, this makes me miss the other one you did. Can you link it in a DM or something?
    Like 1 Person
  • cth96190
    Drunk sex does not work for me. Never has.
    Two drinks and I have ED and just want to go to sleep. 🤣
    Like 1 Person
  • Wiredone
    They were really good. I've heard a couple of them but I really needed a good laugh after the lousy few days I've had. Thank you
    Like 1 Person
  • exitseven
    All good. I don;t think I heard any of these before.
    Like 1 Person
  • humanearth
    Hey I drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka. Does that make me a gynecologists?
    Like 1 Person
    • Hahaha. Don't be using that as a line to examine women's vaginas 不不

    • humanearth

      I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken.

    • 不不不

    • Show All
  • captain_voidwalker
    This is why you never hook up drunk"Drunk Sex" anyone? Drunk Sex jokes that is...🤣
    Like 1 Person
  • Massageman
    Have you heard about the Submarine Cocktail?

    Two down the hatch and under you go!!
    Like 1 Person
  • bulletbob555
    Do it you hear about the new condoms? They're filled with ink. That way if you can't cum you can write
    Like 1 Person
  • EnglishEuropean
    Is there some other kind of sex that I'm unaware of?
    Like 1 Person
  • TheAfrikan
    The whiskey shot and the Cowboy doll totally got me cracking my ribs lol.
    Like 1 Person
  • convo_king89
    I love dirty jokes, and being being funny in offensive ways like racist jokes too. I general I have a dirty mind. I have a panty fetish, so I prefer regular cotton over a thong. In my mind when a girl wears a thongs she is trying to look attractive, but regular cotton no so much. So if I see a girl in regular cotton panties its a real treat cuz it wasnt ment to be seen. Seeing her panty lines or her underwear poke out in the back is great especially when the waistband says hanes.
    • I usually don't wear any

    • Seeing a girl strip layer by layer and seeing her in her bra and panties is my favorite part. The naked intro/part one.

  • Sillyboi98
    I dont drink, but I do weed and other drugs occasionally
    Like 2 People
  • Bricealan
    "Brains" you just have too much time on your hands !!! ?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • karaspara
    Haha brilliant thanks hun
    Like 4 People
  • katiesmuff
    Thanks for the humor this Friday morning!
    Like 1 Person
  • Red_Arrow
    Another great time sharing sex with you! :-)
    Like 1 Person
  • douride2
    Sorry but I have no drunk sex jokes.
    Like 2 People
  • pickedcrisps
    Very funny 😎😎😎😎😋
    Like 1 Person
  • AndrewMG
    You're milking this now Mate!! lol
    Like 1 Person
    • Aren't you the one with the milk fetish不

    • AndrewMG

      It's not a fetish!!! Honestly I've spent hours on porn hub googling semi skimmed and full cream and those results are disturbing and rarely involve alcohol! lol

    • 不不不

  • Andres77
    Thanks for the smiles.
    Like 1 Person
  • Surely
    Thank you for the smile you gave me this morning!
    Like 1 Person
  • 5points2gspot
    LoL I am sorry. I dont know any drunk sex jokes.
    Like 2 People
  • CrazyGirl2
    Some good ones there thus time. Lol 😂
    Like 2 People
  • DonkeyDan
    Excellent funnies, thanks 🤣🤣🤣
    Like 1 Person
  • krin_m
    Oh I needed that laugh!
    Thank you!
    Like 1 Person
  • Shihab91
    Lmao
    Like 1 Person
  • BillyBalls
    Got to hate that "Whiskey Dick"!!!
  • Weasel1983
    Girl you are crazy
  • Anonymous
    If you get stupid drunk off tequila then youre drinking tequila wrong. When you visit a rancho in jalisco for example theyll teach you how to properly drink tequila so you dont black out drunk. Its meant to be enjoyed in a way.
    Like 1 Person
    • You get these were jokes right?

    • Anonymous

      All I did was educate those who are fans of tequila 語ou can even plan a trip to jalisco夷ts a win win

    • Well thanks for the education.. But I've never blacked out drinking tequila so仄

    • Show All
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