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Sex vs SEX: The Utter Stupidity Surrounding the Question of "Rushing."

FýrdracaDócincel

I can't be bothered to put any real presentation into this. I'll throw you a bone and find a couple pictures but honestly I'm just here to vomit my brain on a tiny screen. Let's go.

Relationship before rushing into sex Sex
"Relationship before rushing into sex" Sex

" Let's start a relationship before rushing into sex."

^^ This dumbass line right here.

As if a relationship ISN'T a really big step compared to sex.. which it is.. a bigger step. Who the fuck is that line supposed to convince?

Every good and healthy relationship that I know about started from a moment of intense lust that established a deep sense of compatibility.

The warning against "rushing" into sex implies that compatibility is something you can develop over a period of time. Like it's something you can help.

Let me put it this way. If a lobster and a crab somehow decide they're a pair, it doesn't matter how long they tell themselves that. They're still sexually incompatible. The lobster won't magically become a crab over time, nor will the crap magically become a lobster.

That's what a lot of people look like they're trying to make happen, from my perspective. It's sad and it's stupid.. and not a surprise whatsoever when the relationship devolves into nonsense because they tried to pretend that their compatibility was ever really there. It was faked.

I'm not gonna pretend I don't blame women more for this than I do men. Like, seriously. I've had women say shit like:

"There are men I would sleep with without a relationship, and there are men I would eventually sleep with over the course of a relationship."

This just.. it makes me genuinely angry. If you aren't immediately attracted to the guy, don't make false promises that you eventually will be.

God. This is such a shitty, manipulative move to me. I can't believe it's normalized.

And guys, for the love of fuck, STOP FALLING FOR IT!! Like, HELLO?? You've been the perfect boyfriend for months and months now.. she's finally ready to have sex with you, and you think she actually wants it? Like an idiot??

NO!! The reason she's finally "ready" for you is because she's finally able to bring herself to do something "for you" (air quote explanation in a moment) because she wants you to stay. She might say she really wants you. Fuck, she might actually think she really wants you. Doesn't matter!. If she actually did, she wouldn't have almost vomited in her mouth whenever you showed sensual interest in her for so long into the relationship.

Am I saying that women should put out immediately if they really like the guy? I wouldn't blame you for thinking I am saying that, given my wording up to this point. It's more about how she responds to your shows of desire. That's why I specified the vomited into mouth thing. If she can't even flirt in that way with you because she's so disgusted at the thought of your bodies entwining.. GTFO!

A woman can, in fact, respond well to sensual flirtation but ultimately turn you down. If that's how it goes, that's not a bad thing. It means you're perfectly on track and you have genuine compatibility, even if literal sex didn't happen. So I don't want anyone thinking that I'm saying a woman needs to show her desire by having sex right away. I'm not.

"But Derek, you supreme specimen of sexy Adonis-born perfection among men!!"

I hear you cry. Also thank you. 😘

"You said you'd explain those air quotes that you so caressingly put around those words that make me wanna grab you, drop to my knees and rub m-"

Okay I'll stop. Indeed I did.

Fellas, listen and really ask yourself; do you really want a woman who sees sex as something she gives you because she thinks it'll result in you staying and her developing the attraction to you she wants to have but doesn't and never will?

A lot of you fucks will ask yourselves this and answer with no. But what I actually see is different.

Womenfolk. Do you really want a man, with whom you make yourself wait to finally have sex in the hopes that attraction to him will just, as the immortal line goes..

"SPRING OUT OF HOLES IN THE GROUND!!"

Sex vs SEX: The Utter Stupidity Surrounding the Question of Rushing.

A lot of YOU fucks will say that you don't. But, again, that's not what my gorgeous-as-all-fuck eyes are seeing.

This relationship ideal is retarded. Simply retarded. It benefits nobody, men specifically.

Women aren't getting the true happy ending they really want because they think this shit needs to be done a certain way to avoid looking like a "slut" or something stupid like that.

Men get completely screwed over here. They do nothing but give and give until the woman they're with finally pretends to want the dicc. They have a few nights of utterly lame sex (see first picture), get married and then wonder why their woman suddenly no longer goes anywhere near the dicc.

Almost like she never wanted to in the first place.. merely "decided" she did.

I get a lot of shit for telling people that they should know better than to try to create chemistry that isn't there. They preach, bitch, cry and whine that

Oh! It can be developed!

Sex vs SEX: The Utter Stupidity Surrounding the Question of Rushing.

Then I go and see what their relationship is like and it's a complete mess.

This systemization of relationships, both committed and otherwise.. has made them a complete mess.

This culture of mind games and "seduction strategies" and "dating guides" has made them a complete mess.

If you're compatible, let yourselves be compatible. If you're not, save your energy for the people you DO resonate with.

Leave the "10 Tips" articles behind. Leave "Dating Coaches" behind and WOMEN, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, leave "my momma always said" shitty advice behind.

Be you. Follow your instincts. They won't lie to you.

Sex vs SEX: The Utter Stupidity Surrounding the Question of "Rushing."
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Most Helpful Girls

  • NicoletteXO
    Oh my God. I fucking LOVE this Take!

    This is truth, truth and more fucking truth.

    If she is not chomping at the bit to have you inside her within half an hour of meeting you (doesn't mean she says so, or that she sleeps with you on the first date, but just that she is internally smoldering for you)... then dude, your relationship is doomed from the get-go. Doomed in the sense that it will just be about transactionality and 'safety' - maybe fondness will develop over time... but not the full blown SURRENDER that a woman can offer when she truly, madly, deeply wants you.

    I have had girlfriends try to kid themselves around this. Like, "oh, I take time to get attracted to someone". No you fucking don't. You might take time to become FOND of someone, if they are a cool person. But chemistry is instant. It's either there or it's not. Is physical chemistry enough to make a good relationship? No. It's necessary, but not sufficient. Which is why, for me personally, even if I am creaming my panties on a date, I mostly wouldn't jump straight in the sack. But I would definitely kiss on a first date. Or caress hands... SOMETHING intimate that shows it's on. The next few dates are more to vet if he's actually got a good soul.

    Anyway... kudos again. Love your style FýrdracaDócincel.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • "even if I'm creaming my panties on a first date..."

      Welp now I know what I'm doing all morning, thanks.

    • Hahaha

    • On a more serious note.

      I wouldn't say "first half hour." More like first week.

      That's how it was for one of my most passionate relationships.

    • Show All
  • spurrell
    In my first relationship i wanted to star making out not sex
    Like 1 Person
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Most Helpful Guys

  • BeenThereLovedIt
    My life experience agrees with this, and that's a hard thing to admit.

    During my younger dating years, I probably had 10 girlfriends, that includes everything from one night stands to LTR's. 8 out of 10 of them we had sex on the first date. One of the remaining was in a circle of friends and used me for a booty call a couple of times, so that's just the oddball. The remaining woman, I didn't sleep with her until about the 10th date. At the end of the day, she was by far the most toxic female I've ever known.
    Like 1 Person
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  • Twalli
    If you're so wise decode this. My girlfriend wanted sex before I did.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Not much to decode. Since she wanted sex early on, your relationship is pretty much guaranteed to be void of the typical repressive bullshit.

    • Twalli

      Not really, we didn't have it until after 6 months. She wanted it slightly before.

    • Lol she "wanted it" then.

      Good luck raising another man's kid in the future.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Ninani
    This is true for all except demisexuals.
  • zubbizobia
    maybe
  • Anonymous
    Nice mytake by a very confused person who has no idea how many relationships actually develop over time.
    Like 1 Person
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