Polyamory or open relationships a bad idea

Polyamory or open relationships a bad idea

The thought of a threesome, three-way or an open relationship is appealing which leads to the persuit of such an endeavor. Perhaps You may have seen such acts in a porno. In a Porno scene the scene ends once all parties involved achieve orgasm and the fairy tale of they lived happily ever after is the apparent theme of the ending. Pornography only displays the sex act and ends after climax. Real Life scenarios don't stop there. I was involved in Threesomes, Three ways and eventually an open relationship which was the beginning of the end of our 18 year relationship.When My Girlfriend asked me about the idea of an Open Relationship all I could think about was having sex with other Women. My Girlfriend began to leave every Saturday night and did not return home until after Midnight, I knew She was bisexual during the course of our relationship but had no idea she also enjoyed BDSM until 15 years into our relationship when I finally learned She was going to a BDSM club, She admitted she enjoyed being submissive and the person she enjoyed BDSM activities with on Saturday nights was a Woman, Later I had learned She was lying and discovered that the Person She was participating in such activities was a Man which of course began to spur My jealousy. For the whole year and a half She continued to participate in BDSM with this Man I would become depressed and suicidal because She séemed to take more of an interest in this Man more than Me, We would constantly argue and then I would become suspicious every time She would leave the house. Finally after I had become severely depressed after a Year and a half of this She stopped going to meet this Man at the Sex Club, I had thought our relationshíp would return to being as it was before She began visiting that club but of course I was wrong, She would become resentful toward Me. She was a victim of incest when She was a Child and the Man who She with whom participated in these activities was the spitting image of Her Father who had raped Her. I saw Her with Him at a local restaurant when I was driving by. What made no sense to Me was that She is very feminist and hates the idea of a Man controlling a Woman in a relationship but had no objections to being tied up and beaten in a sex club. After She had stopped attending those sessions She would accuse me of keeping Her prisoner in the Home and Our sex life had deteriorated, finally about another year and a half our relationship of 18 years had ended. I would advise anyone who is considering an open relationship or polyamorous affair to think twice before acting because it is likely once You participate in such activities there is no turning back. It is a possibility feelings of jealousy, and low self esteem will arise. If You must participate in a threesome or three ways then it is highly advised You do so while You are single and have no committed attachment to either party You have sex with. Perhaps You are already in an open relationship you currently believe to be successful but still I caution You that there may be a point where feelings of jealousy and depression could come to surface and no Human being is immune from such feelings. My advise to those who are married or committed to one another is not to participate in such activities.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Polyamory or open relationship is a really bad idea. I cannot fathom why so many people in this day and age, think that human nature can be oppressed or changed.
    Jealousy is very common amongst all humans. We may have a desire to have multiple partners ourselves. But most of us will not tolerate that our partners have multiple partners. As a woman, you do not want to share your man or his resources with another woman. You do not want your children to have competitors in somebody else's children.
    As a man, you want to be sure that your child is indeed yours.

    Bisexuality, especially amongst women, is, in my opinion, a product of pornography. In pornography, we see the promotion of women having sex with one another frequently. More often than not, we see two women sharing one man while having sex with one another as well. When pornography shows two men sharing a woman, the two men hardly ever have sex.
    This is what causes women to be more likely to want to have sex with another woman, while men are less likely to want to have sex with another man.

    BDSM is also a sexual deviant. It is not healthy to want to experience pain. It is not healthy to enjoy causing pain. It is not good to have the feeling, of the need to be dominated. It is not good to have there the feeling of enjoyment of dominance and oppression.
    So, why exactly is BDSM healthy, is it not really unhealthy?

    • That is a question I cannot even come up with an answer to

  • In theory you could consider selfless love and try to repress jealousy, but it seems so bad for the couple, would very very likely end up in a rupture… all the couples I know who have tried just a threesome for the experiment have broken up. I know some couples go to swinger clubs, that may work a bit better as it’s really just sexual and they go together, but an open relationship means the end of a relationship to me…

Most Helpful Guys

  • To me, anyone in an open or poly relationship doesn’t actually love their main/official partner. No matter how much they claim to. The truth is in their actions. I wouldn’t feel loved at all. These people must not have any sense of emotional pain at all. It makes me sick to my stomach honestly… it makes me lose hope in humanity. And I have very little hope left for humanity because of a lot of other shit. 😪 wish I could just not exist but I have to pay rent somehow

    • Porn makes it look appealing, ít makes it look like there is no consequence to that at all. This is why My advise to anyone who asks me about it is, Don't do it, You will regret it in the long run. I understand being sick to Your stomach about it, it does appeal to some people the ones who find it appealing are the ones who have not experienced it, again, I would advise anyone who is thinking about it not to do it. I lost a long term relationship from doing that and don't want to see others have that same experience because it really isn't worth itm

    • I don’t even watch porn. I find it disgusting.

    • You are probably one in few, think about it, because if more people found porn disgusting and did not watch it then these porn sites would cease to exist.

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  • It sounds great, but most people that are in those types of relationships aren't people I'd want within 100 feet of me

    • You are probably right about that. As You said , it sounds great, and yes it does sound great to someone who has never participated in such activity. It only sounds great.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Nice write up and sorry to hear about your relationship.
    great advice and the risks when in an untraditional relationship. I’m in a loyal throuple relationship right now, we all love each other , but I suppose my girlfriend and I have a stronger bond, the “third” is more recent. Don’t know where it will go but luckily no probs or jealousy right now because the relationship is not open

  • I'm a certified relationship and sex coach that specializes in polyamours and open relationships... As a poly person I got to say that being poly does work. Like other relationships we all have our challenges but it's great to be open and honest with your partners and you don't have to hide who your attracted to. Unlike in monogamous relationships... Which are unrealistic and put too much pressure on their partner to "be all you'll ever need" , " your my one true love" or "soul mate". Fact: to find your soul mate you would literally have to date everyone in the world. In math terms it would take a person 8 lifetimes to find their soul mate. Polyamory is more realistic and it's less pressure to measure up to your partners standards.

    • I read a study that showed fewer than 10% of open / poly relationships last long term

  • It's a dumb idea. You're going to screw up your life, maybe catch and STD... somebody falls in "love" outside the relationship, etc.

    Nothing but heartache comes from this BS.

    Watch those idiots on that Sistter Wives show. Cody is a real Jackass. HIs "wives" are all miserable with the arrangement they are in, and so are half the children.

  • Okay boomer

    • Shut up snowflake, I'm Gen X

    • Me too, but you're slandering poly here

    • You can't expect it to go perfectly bc you saw it on porn lmao

  • Going beyond concerns about personal health/safety and the health of the relationship; I think polyamory and open relationships are a bad idea for the simple reason that people who suggest opening relationships always seem to have some unconfronted personal demon they need to come to terms with.

  • I’m not entirely sure you understand why this was a bad idea other than your relationship ending.


    To start off with, tactically this is not a good deal for most men, most of the time. Women can pretty much get laid at will. You probably thought of having unlimited vagina, but got laid just a few times. Meanwhile she’s taking it in every hole by someone else regularly.


    The fact she asked you for this was the same as asking consent to cheat. You are John C Riley in Chicago. Mr. Dependable. Mr. Reliable. Mr. Security. You signed off on her using you for stability while she enjoyed real sex with everyone else who was unreliable.


    Also she was a feminist. Big mistake there. She emasculated you. She extracted security from you while whoreing around, meanwhile you could have whored around but I’m guessing that happened very little. Not for lack of desire but opportunity.


    Feminists - no man can abuse me…. unless I authorize it. Then it’s ok.


    I hope you see these errors also.


    I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way but I’m glad you have now come to understand this type of relationship is stupid.

  • You have to choose one.

  • Polyamory is so fucking dumb

  • Might be OK for some, but they would HAVE to be much more mature and self-assured than 90% of adults.

  • I am sorry this happened to you. That being said, this happened to you because you have a simp/beta/cuckold whatever you want to call it mindset. Anyone with that mindset should absolutely expect an outcome similar to yours. However, open relationships can be very rewarding from a pimp/alpha/bull position. I have always had open relationships and all of mine were very rewarding, easy, long term, low drama. I highly recommend them. The trick is to not let your girl fuck other dudes. You as the man should fuck other girls because that right is there, you just need to both earn it and take it for yourself.

  • The Bible normally encourages two-way relationships between Man and Woman. But in Armenian culture (birth and practicing traditions of Christ), three-ways are also a norm when it's King married to Queen and Princess (but separately; King to Queen and King to Princess).

  • relationships are a waste of time

  • My wife and i have ben doing this since we were in college,

    If someone wants to sleep with her all they have to do is ask.

    she has sex with younger guys regularly, Comes home past midnight and crawls into bed with me.

    its never ben an issue, She has a high sex drive, and if im tired. Or not arround.
    i have no problem passing her off to another guy or more than one guy to take care of her.

    we still have sex. When we can, And somtimes invite a 3rd,

    we live close to a college, And there’s never a shortage of younger horny guys, looking for somthing warm to cum inside of. (My wife)

    she likes younger guys in their early 20s. she's 29

  • It doesn't work.

    • How do you know that exactly?

    • If poly relationships don't work... why is the lifestyle growing?

  • I'd rather be monogamous. But, you need more punctuation.