Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
After The Women’s Movement:
Where Fits 40 Shades of Grey
The advent of the Women’s Movement was a great advance in our society and culture. Women for centuries had been relegated to lower pay, lower status, fewer legal protections, and a myriad of other negative consequences for simply being born without a penis. In the middle of the 20th Century, leaders arose and the Women’s Movement was launched for everything from burning their bras to demanding equal protection under the law.
I sincerely and gratefully applaud the work of those women. They brought about a new level of equality that had been a long time coming and seriously overdue. In the process they essentially destroyed the age old role of men in all sorts of relationships: business, government, and, most important to us here, personal relationships with women.
That’s the good news. The bad news is that men were left with essentially nowhere to go and not bump into this new way of doing. The new laws against sexual harassment and domestic violence were a boon to women in many areas of their lives but men became cautious, even reticent to act. The arena was one where men were guilty until proven innocent, a very high bar indeed. Our reaction: retreat into a situation where we believed that asserting ourselves was both personally and professionally dangerous.
Many men languished in this terrible state until E. L. James came to our rescue with Fifty Shades of Grey. Suddenly, I would even say explosively, the idea of a positive place for the dominant male came upon the scene. p*rn for MILFs and soccer moms, it has been called. Suddenly, they were reunited with their sexually submissive nature. For a while, many struggled with a seeming contradiction: how can I be “I am woman—hear me roar” and “spank me, bind me, hurt me” at the same time? Eventually they figured out something that I had surmised 25 years ago: the two can peacefully, no make that happily exist because the two worlds don’t connect. What we do in our sex lives can have nothing to do with how we conduct our personal lives. She can come home in her chic business suit after reading the headline in the Wall Street Journal” that she concluded a huge deal, dump the suit and practical shoes, and slip on a major push up bra, a G-string, 4” stiletto pumps (no cheating platform for this girl), and a smile, go out to her lover, hand him the paddle, lay herself over his knee, and looking back with her sly, mischievous grin say, “Give me your best shot.” Is the contradictory or demeaning? Not a bit. This is her checking her power and aggression at the bedroom door, walking through it, and doing her whorish best.
Now she goes to sleep a fulfilled and satisfied wife and wakes up the corporate tiger, unless it’s Saturday and her Bad Daddy ties her to the bed and tortures her while she writhes and moans in ecstasy.
Here’s the bottom line: We, as couples, decide how we want to conduct our sex life together.
How much of the Dominant/submissive (abbreviated D/s) do we let out of the bedroom and when? That’s completely up to us. Some couples keep in completely separate. Some of us live at the other extreme in a Master/slave relationship 24x7. Most of us are in between. Do I pat and occasionally swat my lady’s booty discreetly in public? Absolutely! Does she lean over and whisper wetly in my ear, “I’ve been a very bad girl today. I need a hot, hard spanking on my bare bottom with whatever you decide to use?” For sure! But it’s negotiated. We talk about it and agree on the limits. Do guys like me stretch those limits? All the time but I know I do it at my own peril. If I read her mood correctly and give that sweet, round booty a wicked pinch in the grocery store line, am I at risk both immediately and when we get home? Damn straight! Do I do it anyway? Of course, I do. I’m the man and I have latitude and discretion in things sexual.
So gentlemen, talk to your ladies. I have found that getting away from the bedroom makes the conversation easier. It takes away an urgency or immediacy to do something right then instead of after careful thought, prayer and consideration. Does that mean that I don’t sometimes start that conversation while she’s over my knee getting her bare bottom nicely reddened? No, it doesn’t but when I do that, I do it fully aware of the potential pitfalls.
What Girls & Guys Said
1 0Listen-I know that I want to paid the money my cohorts are paid. I want to be treated with respect. I want to be safe when I walk down a street. I don't want to be objectified. So I am glad of the progress we have made. I also am ready to admit that I expect my guy to be the dominant sexual player. I think that women (not all of course) but women may be genetically disposed to being submissive. We can't help it. At least not me. I however do not express that submissive behavior by chains or gags or spankings, and I don't think I will start. unless of course my guy brings the subject up.
If you'll send me his contact info, I'll gladly supply the first paddle for his toy collection. I suspect, in the right circumstances, the naughty little slut in every girl needs a spanking. Don't you agree?
Not naughty little slut. Maybe helpless princess who needs to be saved.
A thousand pardons, sweet princess wench.
You are so kind...