Sexual Relationships
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Physical Intimacy Is Not About Body Parts

Physical Intimacy Is Not About Body Parts

There tends to be so much focus on body parts. What do you believe might be the reason for that? Let’s say you buy a huge mansion to live in, but you’re access is limited to a closet. What you see would get boring over time, so you’ll find ways to take your experience to new limits. You’ll creatively enhance your closet, and your fantasies will take you beyond the realm of reality. You’re insatiability will grow till you’re obsessed with your closet, and it becomes your life. The same happens when we limit ourselves to 3% of our partner’s body.

A woman is like a grand piano… beautiful piece of furniture, but pretty bland if you can’t make beautiful music. All music ever composed can be played on a piano. Composers don’t add new keys for each new piece. They just creatively change up the combinations of how those keys are used. There are no limitations on how those keys can be used, so variety is infinite. How many people take the time to explore and discover how to make beautiful music with a woman? I am including women when I ask about people taking the time. Look how limiting it would be to compose a symphony using only 4 keys. What do we do with only 4 keys? Maybe we can pound them harder or increase the vacillations/vibrations. Maybe we can paint the keys pretty colors. Maybe we can promise them the moon, so we can get more out of them. Maybe we’ll get tired of these 4 keys and find ourselves another piano.

How often have you taken the time to fully explore and discover all the hidden surprises just waiting to be uncovered within the total woman? How often has someone taken the time to fully explore and discover all your hidden surprises? How often have you taken the time to fully explore and discover all your own hidden surprises? Do you know about the different layers? Try it out. Pick a spot… any spot. Touch it with your finger and see what happens. Then, touch it with your nose or your cheek. Was there a different reaction? How about touching with your lips or your tongue, how did that change the reaction? What if you touched that spot with a piece of satin or silk or fur? What if you blew gently on that spot? What if you hummed into that spot? Look at all the options you have here, and we’ve barely touched the tip of the iceberg.

Even women themselves commonly promote extremes by using vibrators, not realizing no human can ever match that intensity, limiting themselves to make love to pieces of plastic or feel unfulfilled. We put on our horse blinders and look at life through tunnel vision. Tunnel vision is like looking at a fly under a microscope; it looks like a monster, yet it’s still just a fly. Blowing things out of proportion will never lead us to true comfort and fulfillment. It might give us momentary intense pleasure, but afterward we feel empty and look forward to our next fix. With each fix, our tolerance increases, leading us to shoot for greater extremes. Just like an addict, we end up needing to increase our usage just to feel normal. When we shoot for extremes, satisfaction doesn’t linger. It just motivates us to seek greater intensity. If the stimulus doesn’t reach our threshold, we aren’t even aware of its existence, for we become numb to anything below that threshold. We just end up looking forward to our next fix and totally forget about the last.

Subtleties give endless variety. The purpose is savoring the journey rather than rushing to any end goal. We are able to lose ourselves in our connection and sensations and time stands still. If an orgasm pops up unexpectedly, it’s just the icing on the cake, not the primary focus. Yes, there will be times you’ll give yourself an orgasm, as a stress release, but this is different. This is a connection between people that is meaningful for the connection itself, not just a means to an end. It’s time to slow down and stop to smell the roses.

What I’ve shared isn’t all there is to intimacy. Expand to include all five senses in the experience. Also, look at how the experience changes when an emotional connection is added to the mix. I’m just presenting this to get you to start thinking. Do you really want to ignore 97% of what is right in front of you? Would you throw away 97% of your financial assets and settle for the remaining 3%... just because it may look or act prettier? Use my Take as a jumping off point… just the first step on your life’s journey.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • TLDR. I did skim over it, and I understand what you’re trying to say. I love every square inch of my wife’s body. Her entirety is beautiful. Sexual activity takes quite a while in my home. Adoring and kissing her while body is part of foreplay. But I don’t consider it foreplay, I see it as part of the whole that leads up to PIV sex. After a shower or bath, there is no reason not to caress, kiss, lick and tease every part of each others bodies.

    • Wow, that is such a shame. MY generation is supposed to be the one with no attention span, I would think a man 3yrs older than my dad would be willing of holding his attention for the very quick 5 minute read that this was. Also, he didn't “try” to “say” anything, he wrote beautifully of the limitations that far too many men self-impose when it comes the the beautiful bonding experience that sex is to women. I honestly don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but how could you critique something you’re merely “skimmed”. This was beautiful, truly beautiful. I don’t know who this guy is, but he REALLY knows how to pleasure a woman… well at least write about pleasuring women! As I read it, I actually began thinking “is this really a girl?” he is so incredibly in touch with our bodies, and what makes us tick. You maybe at a point where your sexual life is winding down, if so this was not for you. But if that’s the case why criticize it at all? But criticizing it for being TOO LONG… You can’t describe all that is the sensuality of womanhood in one paragraph. He did a beautiful job with his writing, it really is too bad most men will likely feel the same way you did, and just skin through it, and dismiss it as too wordy. I want you to know that I have immense respect for you and your commitment to your wife. None of that respect was lost because of what you wrote here today, I hope you feel the same way about me and the words I wrote. I truly did not mean any disrespect and if I came off like I did, I truly apologize. This was not an ad hominem attack, I just disagree with your assessment of this one My take. But I do thank you for reading my reply in tis’ entirety.

  • It's at least PARTLY about body parts. I don't want it with someone who has the same body parts I do. So body parts count.

    • I'm not talking about what body parts we choose; I'm talking about people's tendency to primarily only focus on those body parts and ignore everything else.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Your post is absolutely beautiful in every way! I agree, people can never be truly satisfied with what or who they have if they never take the time to fully understand or appreciate it!

    • Thank you.

  • This is a beautiful post. More relationships would last if people go into it thinking like this.

    • Thank you. I agree, but most people have tunnel vision and can only see what they are looking at. Broadening our perspective, and considering how our choices might impact others, will generally lead to much happier and more satisfying relationships. It's about connection, not performance.

    • YES my ex was very very tunnel visioned and in the long run it just wasn’t sustainable. I was pretty unhappy. I guess to a degree I have been too but I’ve learned it’s better to approach situations with your partner with empathy and compassion.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • This was beautiful, just beautiful! You truly captured the essence of how we process sex and what we truly want. Your analogy of both the closet, and the piano were brilliant! You were exactly right when you wrote that just banging the keys harder (or faster for that matter) does not make beautiful music if one is only self-limiting to four keys! You are absolutely right that far too many men limit themselves to the same four keys and thats it! As you wrote piano has eighty-eight keys, with which all music ever written can be played, why self-limit to anything less. I am just starting my adult life, but I pray that someday I meet a man who is as in-tune (pardon the pun) with the intricacies of feminine sexuality, that I read in your words today. I would disagree that vibrators are “extreme” (or even that they are plastic, every one I’ve ever seen is made of silicone), but I do understand that any woman who uses a vibrator and expects a human to match that intensity is setting unrealistic expectations, but so too do men when they watch porn! It would have been nice to have perhaps included that. But overall I would say you have an uncanny understanding of the female body and sexuality through the lens of womanhood. You should get a bloody Pulitzer for this My Take, or at the very least a Peabody! Kudos, I will be following you from here on out. With utmost respect and thanks, Laura.

    • Thank you. I also hope the partner you choose will appreciate you in total. You're right that porn is like watching one-sided news. It just feeds into what those who watch it want to see, legitimizing their familiar pattern and doesn't expand on their horizons. It's common for boys to masturbate quickly, hoping they don't get caught. Porn plays into that "quick to the finish" mentality. As long as guys watch porn, they can easily assume this is what works and what women want. When women are dissatisfied, they're the ones who are labeled dysfunctional. Girls can be great teachers... as long as they show the guys what works and what they appreciate rather than just criticize them for what doesn't work or they don't like. Being a passive recipient or taking control are extremes that limit the education process. Sometimes, guys shoot straight for body parts, doing their best to get what they can before their hand is slapped and the door is shut. Be a patient, loving teacher rather than expect guys to understand you. Guys understand you as much as you understand what lies beyond the end of the universe. Though people are unlikely to do this, discussing what they want to do and accomplish before acting on it would make all aspects of life much more positive, enjoyable and productive.

  • not just but its important

    • I'm not saying to ignore body parts, but understand there is a lot of unexplored territory that may be pretty amazing. Putting all your eggs in one basket will only lead to overprotecting that basket and raising the likelihood of smothering it.

  • You ever think of Writing poetry You’d be good at it

  • Thank you! Finally someone gets it.

    • You're welcome. It would be nice if we were taught to have a broad focus rather than tunnel vision. There is so much we miss when we stick to tunnel vision.

  • Just say you’re gay bro

    • I guess you're really impressed with yourself. At least someone is impressed.

  • Thank you sir. You have great wisdom. Beauty is only part of the package.

    • You're welcome. What's on the surface fades over time. What's underneath is capable of growing deeper over time. People who focus on superficiality become insatiable, as they never truly feel a lasting satisfaction. People who focus on deeper meaning and connection never run out of variety, and they find satisfaction and fulfillment grow deeper over time.

    • I have a major problem with sensuality. I have a really high standard for women physically and I ought to be more hard on myself I think.

  • Tell that to the countless women that have said I'm too short for them.

    • People will always have preferences. You may prefer them, while they may prefer others. Don't take their preferences as a judgment of you, but what they believe or have found to work better for them. To have others be considerate of your preferences, it's important to show them consideration. I'm drawn to women who appreciate country living, while it's probably much easier to find women who are drawn to city living. I don't chase city-loving women, expecting them to change for me. I respect their choice and don't take it personally. How would you feel if gay men decided all straight men should become gay?

    • There's a difference in preferences and requirements, why don't people get it? Preferences mean you prefer something but won't reject someone for not having it. REQUIREMENTS are when you require this one thing and won't settle for anything less.

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