Safe words for role play sex

[AustinMan]

Many times, a submissive will want to struggle and resist the Dom during a scene as it adds that ever so erotic adrenaline rush to the experience. The sub may cry out no or stop or you’re hurting me as part of the role they’re playing. As a Dom, I need some way to distinguish the no/stop said in role with one that means stop. The most common way to achieve that is through safe words.

Safe words are words that have a specific connotation in role play. They need to be words that the sub wouldn’t use in connection with a scene so there’s not confusion. I recommend against “Oh, God!” as a stop word. I recommend having two safe words: one for a pause in role and the other as a stop word that brings the action to a halt immediately. Mercy is my favorite as a word to tell the Dom that the sub is okay but near their limit so the Dom needs to not escalate the intensity for a minute while the sub adjusts to what they’re dealing with at the moment. The other safe word is to stop the action immediately. We use Red Light but any word is acceptable.

There is an agreement implied in the use of safe words: since the stop word will essentially kill the scene, the sub should use it only in cases where the sub is fearful of being injured or is otherwise not able to cope. There’s no shame in using a safe word. It’s a safety measure but it shouldn’t be used unless absolutely necessary. That said, the LAST thing I want is for my sub to be upset, harmed or feel abused so I want her to invoke before that happens.

The Dom, for their part, agrees to honor the safe words and to stop instantaneously should the stop word be used. There’s no grace period. The Dom is obligated to stop and stop NOW.

[Anonymous]

I strongly agree that a safe word is necessary. Things can go wrong and you want to have a backup. I go with "yellow" to ease it a bit and "red" as an immediate break and checking if everything is okay. Red means stop immediately, remove anything that's in the mouth because you want the sub to be able to talk asap to say what's wrong.

[crystalt70]

This is a great take and advice that people should seriously take before entering a dominant/submissive role.

[AustinMan]

You're so kind. Thank you very much.

[Bellibooo]

You can't do it without safe words - I personally would feel very insecure if I didn't know I had the power to stop if I needed to

[AustinMan]

I couldn't agree more but I read here about guys who dominate without safe words and, sadly, sometimes without consent.

[kheserthorpe]

While I haven't done stuff that would require it, they're a necessity, not only for subs, but for any sane doms. It's knowing that there are yellow light/red light words that are -not- being used that lets you know you're still in the green zone.

[AustinMan]

I couldn't agree more. When we get out toward the edge of what I'm comfortable with, I ask her what her safe words are and reassure her that using them, while it may spoil the scene we're in, is incalculably better than getting to the end and finding out she feels abused or is injured or both.