Hesitation Leads To Masturbation

[VictorMachiavelli]

I often see guys here asking multiple questions about whether a girl they like also likes them back. They're usually waiting for an obvious sign before showing interest, afraid of rejection or asking at the wrong time.

There are a few issues with this approach:

1) Women rarely give obvious signs, since they also fear rejection and tend to hint indirectly. Even if she likes you, she likely won't provide a clear green light unless very confident.

2) Some women seem interested but are just friendly. Others are reserved even if they do like you. The only way to know for sure is to take the risk and ask.

3) There is no perfect time. After talking for weeks or months, you think more "work" is needed before she'll say yes. But she already has a good idea by now whether she sees you that way. Waiting longer can actually hurt your chances for a few reasons.

4) The longer you stay platonic friends, the more you become stuck in the friend zone. Things might have been different had you asked her out earlier, before that friendship solidified. She then would have had less to lose dating you.

5) In today's dating scene, a woman's feelings can shift quickly with so many options. She might like you now but assume you're not interested when you don't make a move. Then another guy , who isn’t messing around, asks her out first and becomes her focus since they're actually dating.

6) A lot of you guys seem to be imagining a connection that doesn't really exist with a crush. For example, I recently answered a question from a guy who said a girl asked his opinion about whether some other guy was right for her. He wondered if this meant her feelings for him were now less than before. But it's clear she sees him only as a friend - she wanted a male perspective and had no clue he was even interested. Yet somehow, he thought that there was something there before this point. Until you actually start dating, it's only happening in your head.

All this agonizing over perfect timing is a waste of time. If you want anything to happen, make your move instead of trying to mind-read and analyzing every little interaction to death.

[sawno]

Good advice, learnt this the hard way in the past. Ill add that women LOVE the safety to make a move towards to you emotionally. So showing intent to date / end up together shows her its safe to put her feelings towards you. Without that she will stay reserved and eventually close herself off.

[Inbox]

Most points I'd agree with here, but for #3 and in small part #6, I do not. You're not putting context into consideration and it may be because you're focusing more on "just make a move" vs other angles. For example, when you are meeting women, is it in a closed or open environment?

A closed would be a fixed location that you will see her again (social circles, classrooms/school, workplace (I'd stay away from workplaces though)) and an open one would be in public such as a lounge, grocery store, mall, park, etc. For obvious reasons, in a open environment you should make a move after 5 - 10 mins of meeting her. For a closed one, it heavily depends on context (you should still try to move things forward quickly, but there are benefits to... letting the plant grow some more).

Regarding the statement of "until you actually start dating, its only happening in your head," is that connections can be mutual, but it's not necessary in your head, rather a lack of experience if you're misinterpreting. It's more likely that the guy or girl screwed up during the process (through the approach, texting, on the dates themselves, etc) that led to things ending assuming there was a mutual connection OR an external event intervened (ex came back, found out something about you, etc).

[VictorMachiavelli]

Yeah I didn’t want to make it too long by explaining the differences between different situations. You’re right about closed vs open environments, it’s better to take your time a little bit in closed environments, but still the idea is still the same - don’t wait too long. This take is more for inexperienced guys, based on the questions I see them ask here a lot. Reminds me of the way I was in high school. When you’ve been with enough women you can usually tell, but inexperienced guys misinterpret women’s behaviour or signals a lot. You mention that someone might have screwed up during the process such as on the dates themselves - these guys aren’t going on dates, they’re not asking anybody out.

[DreamCrescent]

well said, friend

[Cute_Miss_Laura]

Good advice! Especially the don’t wait too long to ask her out part! I’ve known guys who I thought were unbelievably hot, and I was SO excited when they began talking to me… I couldn't wait for them to ask me out, but they never asked me out! Oh they texted me every day, they replied to my texts w/in seconds, they always commented on my instagram posts, but they never asked me out! Then when a guy did ask me out, they suddenly copped an attitude, (when they could have copped a feel by now if they just had the balls to say “hey you wanna have dinner sometime, just you and me”), they took hours to reply to a simple text, stopped commenting on my Insta posts (unless I was wearing a bikini). They were the literal definition of losers… They had me! They already won me over! All they had to do was ask me out! But noooooo, they had to screw around with my mind, make me totally confused, make it so I didn't know whether they actually liked me, or just wanted to be my friend, and lost me! Then he had the gall to get pissed because I said yes to a guy who actually had the balls to ask me out! How is that MY problem? I didn't know he liked me!

I mean seriously… Why am I the bitch because I did not psychically read his mind and know that he wanted to go out with me. If you want to date a woman, ASK HER OUT ON A DATE! Period! Stop screwing around! If you hang around a woman, and act like her friend… That's exactly what we are going to believe… that you only want to be our friend! You know, instead of hanging around her, waiting for your perfect opportunity, ask her out, do it in less than three days after you've started talking to her. Otherwise, we will start to think you only want to be friends. I'm being 100% serious! If a guy who is hanging around me, talking to me, being really friendly with me and making jokes, if he's texting me late at night, complimenting me on my outfits every day and two weeks go by without him, asking me out… I’m not starting to think that maybe I've got a new gay friend! I truly believe I have a new gay friend, PERIOD! You certainly have no right to be upset that a girl you like, said yes to going out with a guy who did have the balls to ask her to go out with him, when you've been hanging around her every day for two weeks texting her late at night, and never said a single word about being interested in her! THAT IS NOT FAIR! What are the sayings? “ shit or get off the pot”, and "fish or cut bait” same goes for women either ask us out, or we assume you just want to be our friend! And if you do really like us, and you want to date us, but you say absolutely nothing to us… Don't you dare get mad at us because we didn't read your mind!

Again, great advice. I hope I added to the conversation.

Laura 💋 🤗 🥰

[Cute_Miss_Laura]

Addendum… What’s wrong with masturbation? I love to masturbate, and I’ve gotten my boyfriend to be more open about his masturbation. Masturbation is not a SUBSTITUTE for sex, masturbation is simply PART OF sex. As long as you are not using all of your sexual arousal on masturbating when you have a woman with a perfectly good vagina in the next room… Go use that! Trust me, unless there is trauma in her past, or a medical issue, she’ll welcome the “hey babe, you wanna….”. But if you are sexually satiating your partner, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with “rubbing one out every now and then”! More power to ya! #MasturbatorsUnite 👊

[molonski2]

Good valid points , point 4 in particular , absolutely vital..

Kick em in or kick it out , who wants to just sit there as a so called " friend " thats bullsht.

[Tamera952]

What the fuck are you even talking about? Hesitation? What?

[Exterminatore]

I somewhat disagree. Women do give clear signs if they’re interested for the most part. When they’re not interested they give the guy the run around. Being objective is required for guys to clear the mystery up.


Many guys do fear rejection. I agree there. I think that’s lame. Who really cares if some girl shuts it down? There are like 4 billion of them on the planet. It’s easy enough to find another. No one has a perfect batting average in the dating game.

[VictorMachiavelli]

Yeah, I’m talking mainly to the types of guys who over-analyse and misinterpret everything. They’ll write posts where a girl is giving clear signs of interest, they could just ask her out and she’d most likely say yes, but they’re still unsure. Or a girl is being friendly but isn’t showing any signs that she’s interested in that way, and that’s why the guy hasn’t asked them out yet, but somehow they think something’s happening. What’s clear to other guys is unclear to them - and for these guys their main problem is just their fear of rejection stopping them from ever making a move. I think these guys also get fixated on one girl, and their lack of experience/lack of options causes this. Like they think if things don’t go right with this one girl it’s the end of the world. As I said elsewhere reminds me of myself in high-school.

[Exterminatore]

I fully agree with all that. I see a lot of those “is she into me” questions on here. A lot of guys are really oblivious when it comes to this stuff. Things are so different for these younger guys. Many of them never meet girls or date them or ever get laid. It’s not uncommon to find guys who are 25+ now and are still virgins. It’s actually quite shocking.

[Alex-Snow]

Interesting but as u know all young guys masturbate frequently anyway.. but most will never admit it

[VictorMachiavelli]

Sure, but you’d rather get laid.

[Alex-Snow]

Of course!

[Anonymous]

1) You usually know it and feel it when she is into you by her body language. They know how to make you feel it without saying it directly

2) Agreed. When they are friendly, you should always assume they might be into you. Because why not? They really could. No crime in assuming that.

3) There is no perfect time, but there are bad times, either too early or too late. If too early she might not have time to process her attraction for you. If too late she might not like your hesitation

4) You have to make it clear, indirectly, that all options are open and that you are not friends. It's wise to go out at first as "friends", but friends in the sense that you don't flirt and make out during the first date

5) But you should take it easy and play it cool. Otherwise, you seem desperate if you act because you think other guy may come and take her

6) That doesn't mean that it's all lost, although it's much work to do to change that situation. But I know some people who were very good platonic friends before they entered a long and fulfilling relationship.

It saves you a lot of time to act quick and stop overthinking it

[Anonymous]

Yep this is nothing new