5 Ways 50 Shades of Grey Changed Sex for Women

[josie]

50 Shades of Grey: Biggest Selling Book of All Time

Excluding the Bible, 50 Shades of Grey is the biggest selling book of all time. Why? What’s all of the hype about? Well, have you read it? I have, and I gotta say… whew!

When I first read the book, I was dating a man who I was very attracted to, and our sex life was already incredible. However, after every chapter I completed, there was something inside of me that grew – and I had no idea how to stop it. It was a new kind of desire; desire I had never known before.

A Brief Synopsis

Firstly, if you haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey, that’s okay – I’m sure you know the premise. But, here’s a very, very basic synopsis:

Anastasia Steele interviews Christian Grey, an extremely successful Entrepreneur, for her college newspaper. Even though Christian’s attitude is cold and stand-offish, he feels an immediate sexual connection with Anastasia. After a couple of encounters, Christian reveals that he would like to have sex with Anastasia, but before they can, she must agree to a series of rules, and asks her to complete a non-disclosure agreement, agreeing never to discuss their BDSM lifestyle. Shy Anastasia falls in love with Christian, and her new sex life.

50 Shades of Grey Changed Everything

For some reason, the relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele spoke to me in a way that completely surprised me. I had never thought of myself as someone into the world of BDSM, and honestly, I still don’t think I am. But, reading about his fantasies coming to life was exhilarating for me. I loved seeing the two connect on something as raw as their sexual desires, and in a way that I’m still not sure I understand, wrapping myself up in their relationship made me feel closer to my partner.

I discussed my reading of this book (and the way it made me feel) with my book club, as well as several of my closest girlfriends, and I found out something very intriguing: I wasn’t alone.

Just about every woman I talked to had a similar response to the book – some even discovered that they were fans of BDSM, and completely changed their sex lives to accommodate it. All of this got me thinking – how did this book change sex? And, why did it take something as simple as a 380-page book to light a fire inside of me? I asked around and started reflecting on my own sexual experiences since reading the book, and I came up with five ways 50 Shades of Grey changed sex for women.

1) Women Feel Empowered

To talk about sex, fantasies, fetishes, preferences, and everything in-between. Sex stopped being a “taboo” topic for women, and they began embracing their own sexual desires. I’m not saying every woman became wrapped up in the BDSM lifestyle, but it certainly piqued many women’s interest. In fact, after the book’s release, the sales of sex toys used in the book (handcuffs, riding crops, etc.) shot up 50%.

Gone are the days when women felt shameful for asking their partner to do something kinky like tie them up, blindfold them, or even lightly spank them.

Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, women are rightfully feeling empowered to express themselves and their needs to their partner. Finally!

2) Women Are Curious

Even if the idea of BDSM turned a woman on while reading 50 Shades of Grey, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s wanting to fulfill that fantasy in the bedroom. It’s important to remember that sometimes what turns you on has nothing to do with what you’d like your sex life to include.

For example, I know many women who have said that they are aroused by the idea of lesbian sex, but would never want to actually have sex with another woman. I’m sure lots of women (men too!) can relate to this. But, after being exposed to BDSM and feeling turned on, women have become curious about other sex acts. After years of repressing their sexual fantasies and desires, women are finally asking themselves, “What have I been missing?”

3) Sex is More Powerful

Sure, sex has always been nice (some tend to enjoy it more than others), but has it really ever been “powerful”? Prior to 50 Shades of Grey, I would agree that most women would say “no.” The characters, storyline, and perfectly painted scenes of lust have provided couples with the power to totally transform their sex lives.

With the imagery of 50 Shades of Grey in a woman’s head during sex, she feels like a powerful force to be reckoned with in the bedroom. She can guarantee that her needs are met, and she can ask for things she never even knew she wanted without feeling judged or ridiculed.

50 Shades of Grey made it okay for a woman to be powerful in the bedroom – even as a submissive partner. The power comes from knowing you’re satisfying yourself and your partner, no matter what sexual fantasy you’re living.

4) Sex is More Open

With women feeling empowered to express themselves and their needs to their partners, it’s only natural that sex has opened up the doors of communication. Feeling more open during sex is great for both women and men, as it brings couples closer together.

As I started talking to my friends about this point, one of them said to me, “If you can’t be open and honest in the bedroom, why even bother with sex?” This question spoke to my soul, and honestly, prompted my entire reasoning behind writing this #myTake.

If you’re being intimate with your lover, but don’t feel comfortable enough to be truly open about your desires, then one of two things is happening:

• You’re with the wrong partner.
• You’re ashamed of your desires.

The relationship between Christian and Anastasia in 50 Shades of Grey demonstrates many things, but most importantly, it tells women that it is perfectly healthy to embrace their sexual needs. The message has been heard loud and clear.

5) Sex is Better!

Obviously, when women feel more open towards sex, curious about their sexual desires, and empowered to make their fantasies a reality, sex just gets better. Men love women who radiate confidence – especially in the bedroom, but just as much, women love finally feeling free enough to explore the sex life they’ve been missing out on.

BONUS: 50 Shades of Grey Movie Trailer

If you haven’t already heard, 50 Shades of Grey is being made into a movie! The official release date is Valentine’s Day, 2015. Watch the super steamy trailer below.

In Conclusion…

Women of all ages read and loved 50 Shades of Grey, and in my experience, I’ve found that most of the readers got a different message from the book. For me, the messages were clear: be yourself in the bedroom, and don’t let anyone stop you from taking your pleasure to a whole new level.

Ladies, you’re in charge of your sexuality – start embracing it. If you need a jump start, read 50 Shades of Grey ;)

[Mesonfielde]

Ah, nothing like the romanticization of emotional abuse, supporting deep-rooted sexism, and claiming that women are empowered by the idea of being the subject of desire rather than an equal. #blech

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Does it ever hurt your head when your liberal-minded teachings get smashed by reality?

[Mesonfielde]

@yaddayaddayadda02 the reality is that people tend to be so lost in stereotyping genders that they are not even wiling to try to understand what I'm saying. But I'm getting used to that day by day.

[lumos]

This article is bullshit, and 50 shades of gray is an extremely poor representation of the BDSM community.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I don't think the books had that much of a profound impact on changing the way women view sex. Also, it wasn't even that accurate regarding what BDSM is about. In one scenario, Christian ignored the "safe word." That's obviously not okay, he was manipulative and controlling of her and Anastasia was weak and naive. If anything, I think it gave the impression of women NOT being empowered... just my personal opinion.

[kholland65]

I think this article was just one convoluted way of saying something rather simple which even as a proponent of the book I agree with. It simply brought female sexuality into the mainstream where the average women began to realize that these sexual desires they'd been harboring are actually not taboo. It's really a mind game that women have been playing on themselves for decades now and are snapping out of partly due to this book. Any number of things can improve when one half of the equation begins to fully embrace who they are. It's really as simple as that.

However, on the other hand, this book popularity has made me question the state of that female sexuality and whether it's positive, negative, or neutral. I also don't know if it speaks to a problem in our society. What I mean by this is the fact that this book depicts by what we would generally consider an abusive relationship, yet the charater still "falls in love" with her abuser. The fact that many women are being sexually arounsed by the idea of an abusive relationship makes me a bit concerned in someways. This book could have been similarly written but with more consesual sex at the helm, however, I'm not so sure it would have had any near the success... I could be wrong about this because I've admittedly never actually read it. I'm' just going by summories, and what other readers have told me. So I could be putting the wrong spin on the book.

[bunnyy]

The actual BDSM community was outraged (and rightly so) at the book though because it blatantly disregards all of the safety precautions and trust building that are essential to that type of sex. And as a naturally dominant girl I feel like it created this expectation that girls are all into being submissive. Luckily for me my boyfriend happened to be naturally submissive so everything just worked out from the start and we both ended up getting what we wanted. I have nothing against erotic novels but 50 shades ignored SAFETY and after care it is at times just glorified abuse, and that is why the BDSM community is angry, what they do is never supposed to be actually dangerous.

[dartmaul15]

exactly, finally someone who gets it. 50 shades is just a whole lot of p*rn about legit sexual abuse. It's not BDSM, it's abuse. And the ending, just seriously? You can't change an abuser, trying to do so just digs you deeper in hell. If anything, i'd say 50 is a PERFECT example on when you should RUN LIKE HELL!

[bunnyy]

Basically yeah! I'm tired of hearing women who say they are "waiting for their own Christian Grey" because if they actually ended up with someone like that what they are actually "waiting" for is years of therapy!

[Spookje]

I read a dozen chapters, but I got bored. The protagonist makes me cringe as she's so naive and immature. I do think a man should have both spine and heart and it behooves a man to take the lead in bed, to be dominant and create powerful sexual polarity between the masculine and feminine.

[NoDoubt]

I totally agree with this! I read the book and am now on the last book in the trilogy. I really relate to the story because I feel like Christian is a lot like my man in a lot of ways and I am a lot like Anastasia too (though she went into a hissy fit over hickies... I'd love them lol I did think she over reacted a bit there. But I still love her haha). it is very easy for me to connect with the story because of how much the characters remind me of my own relationship and our sexuality and the way we express ourselves.

[Skyrim]

Fifty shades of bullshit... in the humans time of existence.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I won't ever read those books because it was originally Twilight fanfiction. The author just changed the names of it when it got so popular and decided to try and get it published. Anastasia Steele is Bella Swan and Christian Grey is Edward Cullen. I tried reading through the first Twilight book and I couldn't do it. There is no way I am going to out and buy something that was originally fanfiction.

[Scrambled]

I hate that book. Its more fiction than the hobbit. I remember my colleague at work harping on about. I told her like I tell every girl, when a guy wanted to do freaky shit, they got a no. Now this book comes out and its all good? Its really conflicting and reinforces the notion that some women don't know what they want. This book actually should teach guys not to care what a women thinks and just do what he thinks is awesome.

[tachicardia]

The major change I see as a result of this publication is a lot of middle aged wives acting bizaarly and thier spouses at a complete loss as to Wtf is going on. Maybe thier sex lives are boring after being with one another for most of thier adult lives, and this has served to highlight the fact. On a deeper level it is fantastical shite which creates an unrealistic benchmark for women who are forgetting they have spent thier best years in the rearing of thier offspring, and can't even compare themselves to Anastasia and her foolishness.

[dartmaul15]

let's not forget the fact 50 have taken TONS of flak for glorifying sexual abuse, and painting an inacurate image of the general abuser. There's no happy end to abuse, you can't change the abuser. This is where the book can in fact be dangerous; it makes people believe that with determination the abuser can be changed. In thruth, it'll just get worse. So if you're stuck in 50shades of abuse, then you need to RUN! That guy/girl won't get better!

[tachicardia]

It certatainly does nothing positive for gender equality and abusive relationships I agree

[TravelingArtist]

I read it. I was not impressed. What I saw through it was a story about a woman getting abused and not trying to escape. It seemed to glorify abuse. It's plot line wasn't strong, it was extremely repetitive.

[cipher42]

Pretty much this. It was a gross misrepresentation of what BDSM actually is, and glorified unsafe practices and abuse. Basically it's awful and anyone who practices 50 shades BDSM needs to be reeducated immediately.

[Red_Dragon]

Boring bullshit. All hype. It's like Twilight to me.

[MrOracle]

That's because it actually started as Twilight fan-fiction, then later had the Twilight portions removed and replaced. The author started knowing nothing about BDSM and ended not really understanding it either, which shows in the story.

[Red_Dragon]

@MrOracle... Wait so you mean to tell me the two actually are related? LOL XD

[Koji8123]

50 shades of rape is vile. First, an eccentric billionaire falls for plain Jane because of what exactly? Uh huh... It's basically just mommy p*rn .
Also I'm pretty sure Agatha Christie and William Shakespeare have sold far more books than 50 shades.
That said I pirated the ebook and it's god-awful. If that's what makes women feel empowered.. instead of you know.. logic.. then whatever floats their boats, but it doesn't change how dreadful it was.

[been_waiting]

I don't think that book changed sex for women. Maybe some who read it.

[JackKerouac77]

Interesting take. The way certain books skyrocket to fame while others lollygag in the dust is always intriguing to me.

[meatballs21]

Way to buy into the bullshit hype. It's really sad if it's true that a mediocre erotic fiction novel going viral is what it took for some women to admit that they actually enjoy sex.

[DumpliingPrincess]

I didn't need 50 Shades of Grey to feel empowered through sex... it's good a lot woman found this book to help them with that though. I guess.

[kangy]

It won't change for me.. I don't like rough sex

[GreenTiger]

From a guy's perspectve who is new to discovering how girls operate, this book helped me a lot to understand what women want. I was recommended by my friend who is a massive player to read it.

[kevinflynn]

As a man I can tell you that the very existence of this site kind of makes me laugh inside. It's a great idea but the track record women (and men but not romantically) have with me proves that 1) They will ASK a lot but follow NOTHING 2) Complain endlessly to me about their griefs but won't do a single thing to end them.
Here is the best advice I can give any woman.
1) KILL your ego. I think the greatest violation of women is that they are raised with the term "Male Ego" which suggests we alone have egos. I disagree. Every human has one. It is a choice to dismiss it or be a slave to it.
Ever "let" a guy cheat on you several times? That's your ego.. "NOT ME!" well a lack of ego would allow you to accept a failure and move on rather than pridefully proving (only to yourself) that you are an exception.
2) LISTEN. You all talk about incensitive men and how they don't listen. When you get one who does and he offers cogent feedback, your ears are nowhere to be found.
3) Do not look for disatisfaction.
Hence the segue into "my take" on this book. It is a direct example of what I am speaking. this article rings of "I WAS happy but now I am not thanks to something I sought out externally from our relationship"
If you don't go to your man for happiness in the relationship and instead find it in some book, well... do I REALLY have to explain this? My woman is into ME. Not the idea, not the POTENTIAL, but what IS. She is also ALL IN. If there is ANYTHING at all she has an issue with or disatisfaction or whatever, she comes to ME. Not her gossip friends, not her close friends, not the 3 guys waiting to sleep with her.. Too many of you are clearly your own worst enemy in relationship continuity and serve to provide your own undoing. It's simple. Ignore the fact that you can continually get laid or "find better" again that is EGO talking. Fuck the greener grass. Live with a methodology. Adopt standards. Have a code you will not violate that makes you happy.

[CharlieGP]

Oh please, this book had absolutely nothing to do with BDSM. It was more about abuse from one partner against the other. BDSM is just as much about the soothing and comforting afterwards as it is about the infliction of pain to heighten the senses. It's about the submission to be controlled and the controlling partner understanding limits... not just "This is my kink, do what I want you to do so I can get aroused by it."

Most women are obsessed with the romanticized concept of the taboo nature of this book and correlate that to a desire for an experience in BDSM. But women generally romanticize anything so long as it's written with pretty words that "speak" to them on an emotional level.