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Why Humans Have Evolved to Prefer Monogamy


This is a layman’s understanding and if there are anthropologists among us that can correct or further elaborate on what is said here, please do.

Why Humans Have Evolved to Prefer Monogamy

First, a little basic mammalian biology: in mammals, the males compete and the females choose. The reasons for this are based in successfully propagating the species. Females carry, bear, and largely raise the young so they have much more at stake and much more to lose should they make a bad choice of mate. There is also the issue of paternity which is indirectly part of the same issue.

Females want a mate that can provide for and protect both the female and the offspring, thus enhancing the chances that their genes will continue to be part of the gene pool. They want a mate that is the best hunter they can find as well as the mate with the highest survivability (meaning he’s the strongest and smartest thus giving him a leg up on the hunt and in case of an altercation with another male).

They also want a mate that has traits that they want to pass onto their young: his masculine traits in males and good looks in females.

They also want there to be no doubt about whose offspring they are. The only way to do that in ancient times was through monogamy. The ability of males to produce many pregnancies is the origin of polygamy in both animals and humans. That’s also the reason the Jewish race of a child is determined by the mother since there is essentially no doubt as to who the child’s mother is.

Today, we have highly reliable contraception, both before and after the fact. We also have DNA based paternity determination. That solves the issue of paternity but the other reasons for females choosing remains intact: providing for and protecting the young and providing the best traits to the offspring. In modern times, wealth and income are also indicators of a male’s suitability.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sometimes it's just depressing to read all of these people excusing polygamy with "oh well humans naturally are this and that" and "I have a lot of testosterone so I has to fuck btiches" and "I get approached by men all of the time so of course I'm gonna fuck'em - nothing says I can't", and of course the very frequent "monogamy is unnatural and a very recent human invention".

    Why not just stay together with some one you can love? Where has the love gone? I mean, as alluring and exciting as fucking people all of the time might be... it will never fill the hole in your heart that only a true soul mate can fill. That is an empty life. Fun, maybe... but Soulless.

    • WHOA. Pause. "Polygamy" is a man MARRYING more than one woman who is with him, and only him, and he is only with the wives he is married too. Polyamory is LOVING more than one committed partner. Polyamorous relationships are just as committed as monogamous relationships, they just include more people. They do NOT go around fucking whoever, whenever. You're thinking of "non-monogamous", which by technical definition means "more than one marriage", but it is today used to as "more than one sex partner", and you're not committed to any of them.

    • Well ok I may have misused words but my idea still stands - why be with many if you could devote your heart to one? I have never taken part in it and never will but somehow I don't think that 100% polymarous relationships where every one gets equal amounts of attention are possible.

    • They're not for everyone, and they're not easy. They take more work than traditional relationships to work out successfully. Some people truly are monogamous, and some are not. But neither way is 100% correct for the entire human race as a whole. As long as you're being true to yourself, you're on the right path.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You do know that humans aren't monogamous right? We may pretend, we may want to be, but we are not. The only reason monogamy came into play was because of property ownership and passing it down to your offspring. Now that we have DNA testing monogamy is no longer necessary. Prior to property ownership humans were polygamists as in they mated with anyone they wanted and didn't keep one partner, they had multiple partners. Monogamy is merely recent tradition even though it is a rather new idea. So basically the only reason it's still here is because of our desire for tradition not our desire for monogamy.

    • property ownership? only marxists say nonsense like that, borrowing unfinished and unsure scientific (?) theories that fit to their ideals. as for polygamy it's probably true for certain periods of humanity.

    • I said as much, right? New technologies make the traditional reasons for monogamy obsolete.

    • Why is it so hard to believe that humans are monogamous when plenty of other animals are too? It's called "mating for life." Look it up.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Monogamy can, and does work, and it's a good practice if you want to raise children/a family. But it's not the "right way", nor is not being monogamous the wrong way. If humans were *supposed* to be monogamous, then all of us would be.

  • Monogamy FTW!!!

  • Monogamy is a choice. It's actually a fuck up honestly. I went to a swingers party on the weekend and never met such happy open people in my life. Versus my parents who are depressing as shit and married, always complaining.

    • My parents are the exact opposite. Also, children do much better if raised with two parents instead of one.

    • Opposite of what? These swingers had kids too. Mom and dad are happily together raising their kids. Marriage isn't the same as monogamy,

    • Opposite of your parents, in that mine are cheerful and happily married.

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  • I first wanna say how this applies to same sex couples given male/male and female/female doesn't work with this whole he/she concept.

    Second, I don't see why monogamy is such a huge thing. If people feel comfortable with more than one partner, so be it. Simply put because you can fall in love more than once or with more than one person. If its not you, why do you care what other people choose to do?

  • If one man married multiple women it would be possible to know the parents as well. Just not the other way around. By your logic, monogamy and polygamy would be acceptable, providing that it was always one man with multiple wives.

  • We didn't evolve to prefer monogamy. It was how we were always designed to be. Some of us simply despaired and lost faith, which is devolution.

  • There's actually animals out there who mate for life with each other, and one dies they often show remorse and even literally die from loneliness themselves. .3.

  • Also, numerous studies have shown that children turn out much better if raised by two parents instead of only one.

  • Humans are serially monogamous and actually most of this is false.

    "They also want there to be no doubt about whose offspring they are.", this is not a "female" thing, it is a "male" thing, and it's actually an "economic" thing relating to heirs. In nature no one cares who you actually belong to thus why sperm is designed to compete on multiple fronts including "attack sperm" ( https://www.ulm.edu/~palmer/SpermWars.htm ) and why promiscuity in females is considered imperative for the species ( www.geneticliteracyproject.org/.../ ) so the entire idea that this is some attempt to maintain the sanctity of fatherhood and other sociological concepts is just complete bunk.

  • Sex in exchange for resources (prostitution) is the base of human monogamy.

    • That doesn't make any sense. If that were the case, then don't you think that prostitutes would be, I don't know, MONOGAMOUS?

    • Allegorical, men can knock up multiple women in a day, women can only get knocked up once in 9 months, so you only need a small amount of men to knock up all the women, but more men to provide resources and raise offspring. The women almost always offers sex as her biggest value, as women can get it by just saying yes, the man provides resources, thus prostitution. @skadouchebag

    • @Skadouchebag

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