For those women who think they're noisy in bed...


Orgasmic Bliss = Police Visit

For those women who think they're noisy in bed...

I see questions all the time about women who make noise during sex. I had a girlfriend one time that I believe took the cake in that category and thought I’d share the funny story.

I was straight out of college, starting my first job in Austin, when I got a call on my work phone. The only people with the number were my parents so I had no idea who would be calling. We didn’t use our phones in the office. We just talked across the bullpen. It was the pastor of the church I’ve been at ever since. He asked me to lunch. It turns out my college pastor had called him about me since I ushered in college. He spared him the interesting detail that the reason I started ushering was to meet women! You won’t believe the halo effect you get with the girl, but especially with her parents. Anyway, he invited me to visit and I did and the rest is history.

There was a beautiful coloratura soprano in the choir. Turns out she was a ringer: a student the church paid to sing in the choir and do solo work, etc. I was smitten: long dark hair, pale, clear complexion, and a nice body. We started this torrid affair: all flash, no substance but who cared? We had tons of red hot sex.

The first time she was over to my place and we got busy, we were in missionary. I’m banging away and she’s getting very close. All of a sudden I’m being squeezed like a boa constrictor is in her pussy and she lets out with a high G. It was incredibly loud, coming from a future opera singer. I couldn’t hear out of that ear for two days. We went to doggy after that so she could bury her face in a pillow.

We finish and a few minutes later, there’s this loud, incessant banging on the door. We tried to ignore it but it just kept up with someone shouting outside. I finally got up, slipped on my jeans, and answered the door. There stood two police officers. They barge in demanding to know, “Where’s the girl?” I said, “What girl?” They tell me they have a report of a rape or murder with screams coming from my apartment.

I call back to the bedroom, “Diane, the police want to see that you’re okay!” She has slipped back into her red stiletto pumps (and nothing else), struts out into view, does a graceful pirouette, and asks the officers, in a Marilyn Monroe style voice, “Do I look injured or in distress to you, officer?” The two young cops beat a hasty retreat and we laughed the rest of the night. It was a great moment in the life of two young people and two young cops.

For those women who think they're noisy in bed...
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  • musicbrain5
    Well that's certainly a story to remember, lol. Better than my story. Something similar happened to me last week where my neighbour called the police saying that she could hear us having sex and tried to accuse my husband of assaulting me. We live in a semi detached house and she's on the other side of the wall, but you can't really hear anything. We're not that loud anyways so she heard something and ran with it.

    So two cops showed up to the door, my husband answered the door (in his underwear, very European of him, lol) and said they got a complaint from next door, blah blah blah. And they questioned him. I laughed about the whole thing. My neighbour is just this older woman in her 60's who hates my husband and she keeps telling him to go back to his own country. I'm guessing this is her way of trying to deport him or something.
    Like 6 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Did they interrogate you or did they just leave you alone after that?

    • Mafiaman

      Wait a second your neighbour hates your husband because he's European . Is he white?

      I thought Americans love europeqns

    • Mafiaman

      I mean Europeans

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Chick180
    Umm okay? So... Like what's your point? We should scream to the point our guys can't hear?
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    • Izzex3

      He said he just wanted to share a funny story.

    • AustinMan

      Thanks @Izzex3. It's nice to see that someone read the whole story.

    • Chick180

      I did read your whole story. Still don't see the point.

    • Show All
  • tattooedhandfet
    Hahaha omg it's just so funny. My sm and I have gotten the police called on us b4 also lol. Thought we were the only ones👍
    Like 3 People
  • BlackRoseFairy
    🤣🤣🤣🤣 that must have been amazing... you should have captured their faces on cam
    Like 2 People
    • AustinMan

      I'm an old fart. This happened in 1972.

  • Despondency
    For some reason I'm not as impressed as I feel I should be.
    Like 1 Person
    • AustinMan

      How impressed did you expect to be?

    • Very. Like "Wow! I've never done that! That's amazing!" level of impressed but I'm more of a "That's interesting that it happens..." level. I am disappointed in myself.

    • AustinMan

      It's not your story. How in the world can you be disappointed in yourself?

    • Show All
  • serria054
  • DizzyDesii
    Lmao thats why i like this song
  • CRamos3
    Love that she was wearing red stiletto pumps. Disappointing she didn't leave them on.
    Funny story/memory.
  • Bards
    What is the lesson here
    Like 4 People
  • mason007
    Funny.. I had a female once that was loud as hell. . lol
  • Mafiaman
    She loud huh? Well I think I have bad news for you she probably faked it
  • idkwtftoputhere
    It's good to know that you have sex. Lol
    Like 3 People
  • red_knight
  • Anonymous
    Oh wow... I never got the cops called on me... But im a. Loud bitch too... My ex boyfriend was living with his parents out if convenience, but his family was pretty wealthy so besides their big house they had a very nice, unoccupied apartment in the city... So whenever we wanted to fuck, we would go to the apartment, tho, as i said, im pretty loud myself, and the lovely old ladies in the building wouldn't hesitate to complain... The apartment was on my ex's step father's name.. So the. Complains will go to him... The guy was pretty chill so he never said anything, but on my ex's birthday he gifted his a gag ball with the note : im glad you're geting laid... But the neighbours not so much, so keep it down
    Like 3 People
  • Anonymous
    I've had the cops come to the house before awkward
    Like 1 Person