For guys in your 20s who are virgins and unhappy about it


I keep seeing so many posts about guys in their 20s who are inexperienced and unhappy about it. Now, I get what you're saying. You feel like you're missing out on something that you're "supposed" to have already done by your age. You're also clearly worried about so many things, including the possibility that women will not want to sleep with you and/or be in a relationship with you because you are a virgin.

Well I'm writing this to tell you to STOP WORRYING.

For guys in your 20s who are virgins and unhappy about it...

I know it's easier said than done, but guess what? There are plenty of women who actually find your lack of experience to be a HUGE turn on! I know I (and a few friends of mine) would be so excited if I met a guy I was into and found out he was a virgin. Yes, some women do want men who are experienced so they "know what to do" in the bedroom. But honestly, most of those experienced guys are too overconfident in bed and actually don't know what they're doing at all. Look at it from the female's perspective: What sounds better, being with a guy whose only concern is himself/a guy who thinks he knows what he's doing because so many girls have faked it with him before, or being with a guy who tells you he's a virgin so you can show him exactly what you want, and he's willing to learn how to please you? Seems like an easy choice to me.

Not only is it fun to play teacher and to get a guy who does exactly what you like in bed, but its also a huge turn on to know that you're the first girl to ever touch him and make him feel all the amazing things (physical and emotional) that come with sex. Knowing that no one else has ever done that with him... I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I would kill for that. Unfortunately, men in their 20s tend to keep their virginity a secret... so women who feel the same way I do will never get to experience that.

My point is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not having much (or any) experience in your 20s. There are enough things in life that we all have to worry about, so please don't make virginity one of them. It will happen soon enough.

<3

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree.

    But problem is that a guy that is a virgin not by choice at the age of 25 easily continue to be that at 35 and then 45, etc..

    You say "It will happen soon enough"...
    For a girl it's pretty much just a waiting game and "things will happen" eventually. Most guys don't have that luxury. If he wait for things happen then usually nothing will happen and he will remain a virgin.

    Male virgins are usually very insecure and shy and unless that changes, they will remain virgins. This is not the case for most females. They can be how insecure and shy they want because the initiation of sex is in 99% of the cases expected to be done by the male.

    The "problem" with being a virgin as a male is not the lack of sex. It's the feeling of lack of worth.

    I'm not trying to bash you. But a female will probably never understand the whole deal about being a virgin as a male when they haven't chosen that for them self.

    Worrying about it will not solve the problem. But so will not the mentality to think that it will magically just happen. Sure, such things happen sometimes. But most of the time it takes a conscious effort from the male to make such a thing happen. And for some men that task can feel impossible..

    Anyway.. it's a good and positive take with an encouraging attitude. But it will not change the reality of the matter.

    • you're right, i can never truly understand since i have never been in this position. i was talking about the issue of low confidence and insecurity because like you said, that mentality is what is most likely keeping them from getting into a sexual relationship. this is why i was trying to give them a reason to be a little less worried and a little less insecure. im hoping that knowing that there ARE girls out there who are ok with or even happy with virginity will at least make them feel a little bit better and a little less hopeless.

    • and hopefully knowing that lack of experience absolutely does not mean that all women will be turned off by them will help to raise their confidence a little so it will be easier for them to meet more potential dates.

    • I understand. I wasn't here to prove you wrong or anything. I guess I just jumped on the occasion and described the male perspective a little bit further. The main problem is not being a virgin. The problem is how hard it is to lose this virginity as a male compared to a female. Because everything from initiating a date, a kiss and eventually sex is always on the shoulders of the male. Exceptions exists of course, but this is in the majority of cases. I also understand that probably a lot of women would really like the idea of their prince charming being unexperienced or even a virgin. But once again, the problem is that these same women usually don't do the efforts required to find, date and eventually have sex with this virgin "prince charming". I'm also not talking about the "average" male here. I'm talking about the perhaps 10-15% of the male population. The ones with extreme shyness and insecurity issues. The ones who actually live the risk of staying virgins for life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Great myTake! I remember only taking a guy's virginity once, and that was because I figured it out after he lied to me about it. I wish he had just told the truth so I didn't make sudden moves and we could have gone at a pace he could be comfortable with. Looking back on it, I know why he lied. He figured I would find him a big dorknut for never having sex before (he was 21 at the time). Me?--I never even gave it a care. I wish he had told me so I could have appreciated the sweetness that it was me being the first. Now I look back on it, and I feel like a big monster for coming on so strong thinking he was experienced and now I live with that memory instead. Thanks, Virgin, wherever you are out there. :/

    • first i have to point out that "dorknut" is an amazing word. second, this is exactly what i mean! i feel like the majority of the time a girl would actually love to be able to help make a guys first time fun, memorable, and playful instead of awkward. so guys, pay attention to what she said: make sure you dont hide the fact that you're a virgin when its your first time and it could end up being a much better experience for you!

    • Dorknut rofl 😂

    • But should the guy being a virgin even come into play at all when being intimate with someone you like? You seem to care more about taking his virginity then just the actual act of intimacy you guys would share.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • the fun thing about this is that a guy in his 20's who've stayd virgin for so long won't just drop his pants if he meet a girl.
    He'll likely have standards, so it's happening when he wants it and he's ready for it.

    They know it can only be played once, and they're not going to waste it (unless it's some fedora wearing neckbeard who can't get laid. sorry for the stereotype, but you get my point). So be prepared to wait for quiiiiite ome time.
    Because he's not going to give it until he's 140% sure it'll work out. Hell, you could end up with a ring on your finger before that happens.

    In short, even if you find a virgin 20's guy, don't bother trying to fuck him. The only time you get him is when he LETS you. Takes a bit of standard to get that far, y'know

    • i think you missed the point... im not looking for virgins to date lol this was just a reply to the dozens of posts i see on here about guys in their 20s who are unhappy with their virginity

    • Just figured i'd slap it out here meant for the girls who think they can just "bag and bang a virgin". It was meant to state that virgin guys at that age is so because they got standards, standards that make them likely more faithfull than non virgins (at least compared to the rather playerish guys). Didn't miss the point, just felt like elaborating that part about it :)

  • I wish I never lost my virginity. I'd be ok having it into my 20s because I could've shared it with someone who actually treated me well...

  • I still feel like I'm a virgin haha.

    • but you're actually not right?

    • @hypno-trip - mentally, I am but physically, I'm not lol.

    • I feel the same way.

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  • Trust me, if you were a guy you'd keep it secret too. It's as hard for a guy to admit that as it is for a girl to say she's slept with dozens and dozens of men. Good to know there's girls like you out there but they must be a small minority. Maybe I'll do a poll and find out. Lol.

    Would it make any difference to you why a guy was a virgin? For instance, he could have tried to have sex but always got rejected. Another could be very shy. And another could be waiting for moral/religious reasons.

    • i know what im saying is easier for me to say than for everyone else to believe, but its true and its the best i can do to try to make some guys feel better. but honestly, i think that the majority of people who would have a problem with a guy who is a virgin after their teenage years are other guys. i would bet a lot of money that at least 50% of women wouldn't care or would prefer it if a guy they were into was less experienced. i really believe that the ridiculous social stigma that men HAVE to sleep with as many girls as possible as soon as they can is all because of pressure from other men. i mean, i dont really see why the reason for their virginity would make a difference to me. if i really like a guy, all that matters to me is how much i like him. the past is in the past so i dont even need to know the reason for anything that happened (or didn't happen) before i knew them

  • But what about dudes in their 30's or 40's?

    • im only 23 years old and this is why i directed my post to men around my age. to be honest, i dont really know many men older than 30 on a personal level so i dont feel like i can give any opinion on them. however if i had to guess, i would say that im sure there are some men who are slightly virgins simply because of their insecurity issues. since you're starting to get not very young anymore in your 30s and 40s, men who are still virgins at this point in life may want to consider why they are having these issues (other than insecurity.) for example, morbidly obese men or men with severe mental disorders are just 2 examples of people who may have a harder time finding a sexual relationship. if something other than simple insecurity may be the problem, they should speak to someone (a professional) who can help them.

  • Good take. :)

    Do you really think guys should tell girls they're dating and are about to go to the 'next level' with that they are virgins?

    • ABSOLUTELY. im a strong believer in the whole "make sure you care about the person you lose your virginity to" thing. but lets be realistic, i know that love is a lot harder to find than we would like it to be. so although it would be ideal to lose it to someone you are in love with, if that isn't going to happen losing it to someone you at least care about in some way is a smarter choice than to a random stranger/one night stand. so if you care about a person, hopefully you can trust them and tell them about your lack of experience. not only is this smart because it will save you from the fact that you're only going to last about 15 seconds tops (sorry lol, its almost inevitable for your first time. good news is thats how it works for everyone so if you tell her shell be ready for it/understand why its not lasting long) but it will also give her a chance to make it as good for you as possible. it will be way easier for her to take the lead the first time if she is more experienced

    • Thanks. :) Good point (though I'd be relieved to last that long lol).

  • I like this take.

  • I was almost 21 and a virgin and happy about it. My aunt lost her virginity at 48 and her husband at 50. They were both saving themselves for marriage

    • Wow.. that's a long ass time to go without having sex.

    • Ikr!!! I couldn't do it haha

  • Are you a virgin if you've never been able to get the girls you've really wanted and have settled for less just for experience? I feel like one even though I'm technically not.

  • True!
    My boyfriend is more experienced than I wanted. I'm constantly thinking about all the girls he could have had sex with. He doesn't even know how many. It really upsets me but I try to leave it in the past.

  • Being a virgin during the first part or even mid twenties is not really the problem in itself but what it says about that guys confidence and ability to attract women. If you haven't done it by the age of 25 - which is as aforementioned not a problem in and of itself - a guy is at a higher risk of not getting it done by the age of 30 either, after which a guy may appear as somewhat socially awkward if he has still not been able to "break the code". Of course, a woman may not know if he's virgin or not but some guys tend to be very insecure in bed if he hasn't done it before so virgins may not be that hard to spot and I have heard more than enough talk from women between 30-40 to know that many of them - perhaps the vast majority - won't touch an "older" virgin.

    In essence it means that it's generally beneficial to live life and get some experience. I'm not saying guys (or girls for that matter) should sleep with just anyone to get that experience but getting comfortable with your sexuality is hardly a bad idea during your twenties as it's during these vital years you'll lay the foundation for the rest of your sexual life. I know quite a few guys who followed your advice, now they're almost 40 and still haven't "broken the code", it's mostly sad that they're now at risk to spend the rest of their lives in solitude.

  • Great take! Virginity among guys does seem to be a pretty big problem here on gag

    • it really does seem to be bothering so many guys. i can't type essay length responses to all of them, so i figured i would just post this and hope they all somehow see it lol. they should know that the feeling of hopelessness that they're all describing isn't necessary since there are women out there who would not only be willing to get to know them, but they would be excited to hear that a guy they're into is a virgin.

  • I'd still like someone who maybe wasn't a man-whore but had at least had sex with a couple girls before me.

    • and thats completely fine, its all about preference. my point is that they shouldn't feel hopeless because while some girls wouldn't love the whole inexperience thing, other girls would love it.

  • HUGE turn on! :)

    • and here is proof that im not the only girl who feels this way! haha

  • That was a great take!

  • I'm not bothered about Virginity to be quite honest. As long as I lose it before 26 I'll be happy.

    Any time after than and I haven't I'll question myself.

  • Lol I'm perfectly happy being a virgin to be honest, until I get married I can devote the extra time and effort towards more valuable and worthwhile things.

  • Yeah it's def a turn on.
    Great take

  • I am a virgin 20... and I am happy about being a virgin... saving it for the right girl... the one I will marry.. and I have no disappointment regarding not being experienced... I have seen enuf to know what has to be done.. and I have met people who say that what a shame u are still a virgin infact my own cousin bro.. he says get ur self out there its a shame.. but I have my own thinking.. and society dosnt effects me.. :)..

    • If I find a virgin girl.. I would ne extremely happy

  • U kidding me, i love it

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