He loses his erection when I touch him and sometimes during sex, but comes quite quickly during sex...what's going on here?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I've known this guy for a few years and recently (since 3 months after he became single), we started spending more and more time together. Eventually, he put the moves on me and we ended up dating. He says that he is surprised by his feelings. He says he likes me so, so, so much but yet he keeps losing his erection almost every time I touch him, which makes me feel really unattractive. Yet, when we have intercourse, which is quite often and mostly at his instigation, he comes before I have chance to orgasm, every time. Though the time is increasing, it doesn't help much since he's quite bossy in bed and gets easily confused or thrown when I ask for what I want. So I haven't had an orgasm yet. Just after we got together, he started acting a bit weirdly so I told him we could just go back to being friends. He said thanks but not necessary and would change his behaviour but then continued acting strangely. At this point I told him no need to be together OR remain friends as I don't like being messed around. His response was that I'm indispensable and he can't lose me. Now his behaviour changed, and, we're spending more time alone at home with the chance to be intimate instead of rushing around doing social engagements all weekend. So, I've now got it into my head that he is only with me because he doesn't want to lose the friendship and that this is why he can't keep an erection when I move to touch him. However, if this was the case, why wouldn't he just have taken the offer I made him the first time about just being friends? Would appreciate some input as I've been single for 2 years and really don't need to be humiliating myself by trying to turn someone on who is just not into me. I'm just getting back on the horse, y'know? Other than that, me and this guy get on really well and spend all the time we can at weekends, text/talk every day, even if briefly. So wassup, dudes? Tell me how it is :)

[Realistic07]

It sounds to me almost like erectile dysfunction if he is having trouble getting it up it has probably nothing to do with you. erectile dysfunction could also lead to a point where he may get so nervous that the thought of sex with you turns him on a lot, but he is so nervous that he dose not get an erection fast because the stress of touching you and doing something wrong is effecting him. Then during the act of sex he is erect or softly erect, but due to the stress he may ejaculate prematurely. Go to Google and research Erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation.
Sometimes the symptoms are linked witch from what it sound like is whats going on with your man. If it is E.D. buy a cock pump it will help so much with his difficulty as for the premature ejaculation there are many different ways to handle that you just have to find what works. Also get him some books or send him to some web-sights that can teach him new tricks orally or buy using his fingers to get you off it will help distress the act of sex and allow him to be more exploitative with you. understand that its not your fault and its not his its just something that happens to some men. For me I haven't had those problems, but threw years of sexual research and development can understand why he is. So do your homework and I hope this helps you and him have better intercourse and a stronger relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer, I will admit it was what I wanted to hear! I'd much rather help him through ED than back off because he doesn't find me attractive ☺️

[Realistic07]

Just remember that he is going threw a stressful time as well its hard for men to except things that are out of there control that are happening to them. Its just about letting him know your there for him and for him not to worry because you understand and are willing to be patent with him. He may be worrying that you are going to leave him witch only adds to the already stressful sexual experience. So take your time and allow him to take his and things will be alright.

[Anonymous]

* Getting sexual with a friend can really screw up the friendshih, IMHO.
* How old is he?
* Does he have old, unsorted issues from his past?
* Does he feel his earlier partner treated him really unfairly?
* Is he afraid to let down his guard to you, for some reason?

As for "coming quite fast", that can be quite relative. Specially if we keep in mind that guys can climax fast and women might take time to warm up. With my partner, I can almost never ever manage to get her to climax before me through normal sex.

So we have "her" days and "my" days. On the first, I simply give up my desire to climax and focus exclusively on her... helping her by masturbating her, giving her oral etc. Or giving her a sensual massage, followed by pleasuring her, regardless of how long it takes. Also, if I want to come "naturally", it has to be within 5-7 minutes, which is simply too short a time for her to come.

I think the initial stages of building a relationship can be quite tough. Specially if we're both mature and have our own ways of thinking, doing things, etc; when we're teenagers or just out of it, our hormones take care of a lot of things!

[Asker]

He's late 20's, a little baggage but the don't we all? Previously partner he left because she wanted more commitment than he was ready for. Probably scared to let his guard down...most of us are.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response though :)

[SeraphenaAngel]

Late 20's? That's pretty young for our age range. (and yes I am in your age range) And he is kind of young for ED. Not sure what is going on-maybe he has a problem with the age gap?

[Asker]

I just turned 36, he's 28. 8 years difference. Maybe be he does have a problem with it, which is why I posed the question. But he's done all the chasing, plus I'm routinely mistaken for 29-31 so physically there's not much in it :D Also, I gave him several opportunities to opt out. I was trying to find out whether a guy in his late 20's would struggle to get a hard on at all. Most of what I heard was 'no' unless it's something psychological (confidence, emotions etc.) and that they could get it up for anything... So I'm hoping it's not my 'old aged' bod that's put him off.

[Opinion Owner]

Couldn't be anything. You needn't be apologetic about age! Sometimes, it's just the baggage we carry (from an earlier relationship or something else). For me sex was traumatic while growing up (due to the way my parents related to it). After marriage, I was too stressed with the thought of establishing my career, etc. Then the kids came along, and it was very stressful. It was only in my 40s that I started enjoying sex, and feeling confident enough that I could get it right. Ironically enough, a lady a bit older than me caused my 'sexual awakening' if you like, by her attitude, her experience, and the way she made me feel I was getting it right! So you never know... Sometimes, I too get a bit soft from a lack of stimulation. But that can be worked out by changing positions (try doggie!), changing the place you have sex in (bedroom always is boring), and maybe even ensuring you (the guy, that is) has a different set of fantasies.

[sweatgirl]

maybe, he likes you sexually, but just isn't a long laster. I have been with guys who last long and I have been with guys who don't last very long at all. the more often you go the longer he will last. in my personal opinion its quality not quanity. if you aren't getting any pleasure out of the sex maybe its time that you just remain friends and not try and have a sexual relationship with guy. maybe you should ask him to go and see a doctor who can check him out. maybe he is having some hormonal changes. if he is in your age range that could easily be the case.